After much spiritual debate I have decided that I do have regrets. I tried living in the "I have no regrets" camp only to find out that I have no taste for their s'mores (camp analogy.) Look, I have all sorts of regrets and allowing myself to become fixated on them from time-to-time is making me a better person.
I think this all came to a conclusion when I was reading my friend Amanda's blog yesterday. She mentioned a time when I pressured her to slide on her bottom down a massive grassy hill outside of Edinburgh. Having just done it myself I stood at the bottom calling her all sorts of names until she finally gave in. I heard a sickening snapping sound when she tried to stop towards the bottom of the hill. Then she screamed. Then did I ever have a terrible regret. And it is still here, in my heart.
I think the permanency of regrets are necessary so that we don't repeat negative behavior. I have never pressured anyone to do anything since that horrible tragedy in Scotland (did I really just type that big fat lie?) Regrets should be seen as a psychological system that basic human beings require for mature cognitive functioning. Or in other words, regrets are great!
I regret conversations, haircuts, shopping expenditures, wasting time, not wasting time, getting two dogs, staying too long at social functions, eating crap, eating crap on a stick, not being with Chup in the Bahamas this weekend, spells of apathy and so much more! Lucky for me, I do find that the older I get the less regrets I gain. I credit my mental "regret cookbook" for this success. When I mix my opinion on my vegetarian lifestyle with certain members of my family I get a fat over-done regret. Or, when I answer my phone without looking at the caller id I get cellular regret. It is just that easy!
I am going to let you in on a little secret: my biggest regret. My biggest regret ever, the one that pains me to think about for more than five minutes straight is my 1994 Junior Prom Dress. Being the aspiring fashion designer that I was at sixteen (I wrote my high school's fashion column "The Dizz") I insisted on designing my own dress and having custom made. I wasn't going to fall for that brocade debacle and don't get me started on taffeta nor velvet with lace collars. I knew the disaster that they were even back then.
After many, many hours of research alone in my room listening to Counting Crows I decided on a black silk full skirt and a fitted bodice with a sizzling sweetheart neckline. For creativity purposes we shaped the sleeves with a sheer fabric, and after many fittings the dress seemed perfect. That evening my friends helped me get ready (the dress was painfully hard to get into) while I kept my eyes closed. When all was done, I took a deep breath and gazed at myself in the mirror. I looked like nothing like the vintage vixen I had hoped to be, instead more like Morticia Addams. Which would've been fine had I been a Goth. Though he never told me, my boyfriend/date hated it too. I think he would've preferred velvet and lace.
And so it is a more than a decade later I sometimes find myself perusing vintage websites looking for my lost prom dress. I haven't found it yet, though I do fancy this two toned chiffon cocktail dress from vintageous.com (featured above.) I just found it today when I was thinking about that fateful day with Amanda in Scotland. Perhaps the green is an homage to our story.
But can you image the shoes I could've worn with this dress? Oh honey, no regrets there.
November 14, 2007
On Not Regretting Regrets
Anybody else out there willing to celebrate your regrets?
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25 comments:
Non, je ne regrette rien.
Just kidding! I regret so much it's not even funny. Except it is.
I, too, regret my prom dress (sorry, saving that story for a rainy day.)
I think that if you have no regrets you're either kidding yourself (Madonna) or you're boring.
I regret the maroon leather jacket I chose as a high school graduation present, as well as the sky blue luggage set.
I regret that my mom sold off or gave away my Partridge Family lunchbox and all the rest of my cool retro stuff that is worth a fortune these days.
I regret not encouraging my kids to play/cook in the kitchen with me when they were younger because now I have to cook alone.
I don't regret that Azúcar somehow found a way to help me not regret having regrets.
I regret eating so many chocolate covered cinnamon bears last night.
my biggest regret is not finishing my degree. (and all the things i was doing when i wasn't finishing my degree)
I'm with you, compulsive writer. My mom gave away my shiny sky-blue faux silk jacket that had a huge picture of Shawn Cassidy's face air-painting across the entire back. I miss that jacket.
I mostly regret lost food opportunities.
This post cracked me up! I wore taffeta to prom in '93, and brocade in '94!
I regret not plucking my eyebrows until I was out of high school. In fact, I regret choosing friends who never told me how DESPERATELY I needed to pluck my eyebrows!!!!!
I regret being a crappy roommate when I lived with friends. When I lived with strangers I was a model roommate.
I regret having not used Google Reader until just recently.
word verification: ucow
Okay okay! I regret mostly everything I've eaten, since it seems to contribute not only to my cellulite, but my poor health as well.
Ah, prom dress regret. Does everyone have it? Mine includes a black silky-ish dress and a headband (worn not in my hair, but across my forehead) of the same material. WOW. It was cutting edge... or something like that. I look back and marvel at that choice. Not regret necessarily... wonder and awe at the lack of good fashion sense on my part.
But I embrace it--- along with the baby's breath in the french braid choice that I made at another dance. Wonder and awe, I tell you.
Oh Cjane, you may think at the bottom of that hill that I regretted knowing you, but that would be a lie. Truth be told (and I will) I don't even remember the peer pressure of that fateful day. However I do remember the shockingly loud snap of my fragile bone. I do remember your painful face of regret for the next 2 weeks. I do regret spending the last day in Scotland in the good-for-nothing infirmary. I do regret having to spend the next 2 weeks on Cerebral palsy crutches. (Thanks for not laughing at me, at least not in my face.) I do regret wussing out on the physical therapy (too hard) to fix my leg. But I don't regret you, so please don't you regret you. The blame lies on me and only me. Now I have to go hobble down the stairs to get some advil.
I regret not being in your Junior prom date group.. instead it was me, Grant, Jimmy, Anne, Lacy and Joe. Your group would have been WAY more fun!
I regret that when my best friend made a decision to get married at 17, I being 18 and much more wise (whatever!), let her know that I thought she was wrong. Who the heck was I to judge? As a result of my high and mighty belief, I hurt her, and then to make matters worse, I thought that because she was upset with me that she wouldn't want me to sit at her book anymore. I didn't come to her reception until it was 3/4 of the way through. The chair at the book was empty, and when she saw me, I realized I had hurt her yet again by not showing up. She had been expecting me.
The good part...she forgave me, and 20 years later we are still best friends.
I regret things like saying no to a guy when he asked me to dance. Or saying no to another guy when he asked me out.
I also regret eating an entire bag of Hershey's Kisses.
I wish my biggest regret was my prom dress. It is up there mind you, but not that close to the top.
Mine are too intense to share, but I agree with you.
We remember them so we won't repeat them ever again. Hopefully.
I regret not having made one last trip to the French bakery before I got back on the wagon.
I regret a lot of things. And they are all male.
But, then again, they helped me find my true love.
Better yet, they helped me RECOGNIZE my true love.
You know that saying that goes "You will never regret the things you say, only the things you left unsaid" ????
Hmmmmm, NOT true!
I agree with mayday. I totally wish my biggest regret was my prom dress.
My regrets are way to many to list here, but I can attest to the saying "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." I know it's true.
And I certanly hope that my mistakes have made me a stronger person than I was before.
Does that make any sense?
I regret my prom date. His name was Frank. But that is a story for another time.
I am just glad that time seems to fix a lot of the regrets (or at least helps them to fade a little).
I regret that I sacrificed my female plumbing in exchange for some inexplicable, despicable, gigantically and body shagginess.
Amen.
This post was hilarious (as usual) and unfortunately I have many, many regrets, including but not limited to:
*my purple moon boots (circa 1985)
*naming my dog Taffy
*drinking that fire hot cup o' chocolate and having it come out my nostrils (also 1985...not a good year)
Oh, so many regrets. Most of them revolve around not standing up for those weaker than me. Hopefully I'm making up for that now.
Since all the YW in our ward went to different high schools, we all just rotated the same "modest" prom dress.
I don't think it mattered what I wore to prom since we had a bomb threat and we all had to evacuate the hotel ballroom and then I had to find a ride home with someone else because my date was drunk.
Yep, and I hold true to the mindset that: everything happens for a reason or all part of HF's plan for me.
Regrets are okay. I learn from them, and I have made some really sh*tty mistakes in my twenty years. Sorry for the swear word!
Probably my biggest regret is: dating someone for nearly 2 years who had d/a problems that I was unable to recognize until it was too late (already in love) and as a result was emotionally exhausted at a time when I should of been out there having fun. As a result I have aged from that, but gained wisdom, too!
And I'd LOVE to meet you for ice cream and perhaps shopping? No hiking for me ; ) I'll e-mail ya when it gets closer to June : )
I also regret not having been in your prom group.
And not knowing what a prom group is.
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