Hair done today by my stylist Ashlee, obviously not by me.In my head resides the once-suggested motto for Sister Parkin's tenure as Relief Society General President. It is this: We Can Do Hard Things.
Not an eloquent statement, agreed, but none-the-less one that gives me courage. It seems that my life has a pattern: I choose the easiest route only to find myself on the hard road. When will I learn that not only can I do hard things, but I must do them to become an enlightened human being? And how hard is hard enough?
These thoughts are my single standard: What is hard for me? Pregnancy sickness? Insomnia? A slight case of social anxiety?
What will be hard for me? Labor pains, sleepless nights and having my heart melted to its core? Losing post-baby weight? Making choices that will be unpopular? Holding to virtues?
Can I do no-medication labor, or (someday) a home delivery, or have my children home-schooled if I feel that these things are important for my family?
Or can I let things go that aren't meant to be mine?
Can I do hard things? Like send my first born to kindergarten, or let my adolescent child be knowingly-awkward, or see my son be married to someone not equally matched?
Can I be happy in a nursing home?
And sometimes when I let these thoughts get the better of my brain, I like to imagine a whole village full of women, generations before, of differing cultures, and knowing friends (even Sister Parkin herself) with their thumbs up, enthusiastically exclaiming, "Yes, yes you can!"
But, first I'd like to know why it is so hard for me to get my hair as straight as my stylist does. Because that is by far the hardest thing of all.
Tell Me: What is hard for you? How are you doing it? Brag, if necessary.
(It's always necessary.)
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69 comments:
You are so cute it hurts!
Where to begin with the hard stuff...
It's hard to go to bed at a decent hour every night. It's hard not to fall in love so easily with a boy. It's hard to pay for my parking tickets.
It's hard to pay bills, even when you have the money, because it just seems like such a boring waste.
Blogging is hard right now.
Somehow, making decisions for the babies is not hard.
I am with you cjane. When things are tough I think of the millions of women who came before me and say to myself, "they did it, so can I". When I was pregnant and now that I have two, I have such a greater appreciation for all women in general. I took comfort in the fact that every person on the face of the earth had been born of some woman and she went though the same thing I was going through. I also, especially now that I have 2, find myself saying over and over again, how in the world did my mom do it?
Because 2 is crazy (and I am sure someone after me will say - try 3! or try 6!
Each hard step prepares you for the next hard step.
Intuitive eating is hard.
It's hard to get everything done in one day. Everynight I climb into bed thinking I could have done that better, I should have talked nicer, I could have held her longer...
I LOVE the photo of your belly. You look Great! I too strugle to get the hair straight! It must be a Clark thing?
Being a mom to Derick. He's a toughie some days, but I do it because the Lord told me to, and that has to be enough.
Oh, also I love him. :-)
My mission was hard.
Depression--it doesn't matter whose--is hard.
Watching your kids learn some things the hard way is hard.
Not avoiding hard things is hard.
How do I deal? I don't always. But time passes and you get through things and that's life.
There are several "Bonnie D-Isms" thrown around our home. "You can do hard things" is my least favorite, because that is how I ended up living in New York. My favorite is "Fair is where you go to see the pigs." I wouldn't be living in NYC if that was the only Bonnie D-Ism my husband knew.
And now, from a complete stranger (our husbands kinda worked together once a few years ago.) I am going to Carnegie Hall to see Bobby McFerrin, and Alison Krauss. I am very excited. The end.
It is hard to teach early morning seminary. It is hard to put off finishing my college education so I can work and teach early morning seminary.
To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven. or something like that.
Being a mom isn't hard. It's natural. The sleepless nights aren't hard, they're wonderful. That doesn't mean it's always easy, if it was, men could be mothers!
You'll be fine.
Life is hard. I often think I stood in the wrong line in the preexistence. I can just imagine me shouting "pick me. pick me" when they were handing out trials. Who in the heck did I think I was? I'm certainly not capable of getting through all of this.
And yet, I have found that I CAN get through it and I DO get it done. Usually with a lot of help and a lot of time on my knees.
You look amazing.
First off, you look fabulous! Love the hair! Love the belly!
As for hard things...
It's hard to not being able to plan because you are waiting on things out of your control.
It's hard being a step-mom.
It's hard to keep my house clean.
In spite of being in pain nearly all of my adult life (bone crunching/gut smashing accident), getting up, putting on a smile, carrying on like I don't hurt.....is hard.
Raising kids is hard.
Overcoming a harsh past is hard.
Some days I think I got in the wrong line too....most days, though, I KNOW I got in exactly the right one.
You're cute.
I'll tell you what's hard. Shopping for a bra that you're not going to find in a size the likes of Mrs. Victoria's Secret. THESE things are unmanageable after 3 kids!
Also, keeping semblance of order in a room that my 5 and 2 year old daughters share. My 2 year old is in the I-hoard-everything-in-a-pile stage, and it could drive ya crazy!
But I will do it! I will find a bra that fits and doesn't look like a girdle, and somehow, some way, we'll keep that room clean for longer than 5 minutes.
I CAN do hard things!
Today is going to be hard because I woke up to snow, I'm over the snow.
Last night was hard thanks to a grumpy hub.
Everyday is hard, even when it's good!!
Hard is kind of a relative thing -- what's hard for me (currently, sewing a walrus costume has me near tears) may be easy as pie for someone else. Likewise, some people handle grief better than others. But having these experiences is why we are here.
An interesting phenomenon I have noted in my life is that whenever I feel like something really hard is going on for me, I immediately learn of something much harder going on for someone else. Example: a few years ago, I was recovering from a very sad late miscarriage when I learned that a close friend's husband had left her for someone else (this was a temple marriage and she was pregnant with their second child at the time). My miscarriage was still hard, but her trial was so much worse, it totally put things in perspective for me.
Some mornings just getting out of bed and facing the day is hard for me. But I can do hard things.
p.s. straightening my hair is hard too.
Hard is definitely relative. No matter how hard or easy someone else has it, rather than compare (which in my case generally either leads to pride or woe-is-me, both obsessive) I try (emphasis on try) to focus on my own trials and how to get past them, or accept them, or whatever. Now that is hard.
It's hard for me to remember that my every action is an example to my kids. It's hard to live under that kind of pressure, because sometimes, actually most times, I am far from perfect.
But, I keep telling myself I'm not the WORST mother that ever was.
PS. you are an adorable pregnant lady. It makes me jealous.
You all are my village of "Yes, yes you can!" Thank you my friends for letting me hear your perspective.
P.S. Kelly, we are eternal cousins of joy and truth. Love you!
H*A*I flat iron. Will change your life. I got my first one YEARS ago through Stewart Frasier Salon, but you can also get them online.
Embracing the unknown is hard--doing so has taken me many a great places, but it doesn't make it any less intimidating.
it's hard for me to stay within our budget (or lack there of)
it's hard to feel guilty about working
it's not hard to enjoy every funny thing my kids to.
it's not hard to think about all the lovely things/people in my life -- and love them all.
What a lovely woman! Pregnancy becomes you my dear- it becomes you!!
What is hard for me:
-Getting up early
-Paying all those bills on time (makes me sad to see money exit my bank account, but in hopes of buying a home/car someday having good credit is worth it)
-Doing homework right away when I get home
-Eating less candy and more veggies
-Not liking the social scene of my ward
We gotta do hard things!!
Being me is becoming increasingly hard. I don't think I really know who I am. And lately it is seeming a more and more unbearable task to figure that out. I don't even know how to go about that. I am hoping that the on-going festering of these feelings will lead to the eruption that opens the flood gates for me, and things will start to fit together so I can see my picture more clearly.
It's also getting harder and harder to get up and come to work in the morning. I dislike my job. The only thing I really want to be is a housewife, and eventually mother, but that just isn't a possibility at the moment. That is sometimes woefully depressing.
And I also have trouble straightening my hair. Thanks for letting me share.
It is hard for me to figure out if I should move back west to be with my family and my aging/ailing father, or if I should live my own life and do what fiance and I need to do to get our careers going and to have a successful (debt-free) future.
My fiance's best friend was diagnosed with non-hodgkin's lymphoma at the age of 20. I always use him as my inspiration. If he could beat cancer, I can certainly do _______. I'm happy to report that at 30 he is doing well and has an adorable 1-year old.
Right now it's hard figuring out if I do indeed like someone or if I'm just too incredibly picky.
I hope you choose a non-medicated birth. I loved it and am choosing to do it again with baby #3. Very hard, but so worth it.
Also, where did you get your darling shirt? I am in dire need of cute preggy clothes. Mine are super out dated.
this made me think a little.
hard things:
raising teenagers right now. so much they have to deal with. everyday.
the death of both of my parents. (I need them still. see 1st hard thing)
my sweet hubby's depression. breaks my heart.
as I list these I know that the hard things have made me stronger spiritually and more compassionate. both things I've desired all my life.
so. hard things=good things
you are adorable preggers.
I think your hair is VERY cute.
It's hard to have to go back to work after being home for two and a half years. It's hard to know you have to do it to get by. It too is hard for me to let things go that aren't mine. It's hard to know that it's not yet spring. It's hard to let life give what it decides to give sometimes. It's hard to be patient.
Is that enough?
That is the motto of my good friend's little brother, who faces many challenges in life.
"But that's hard!"
"... But you can do hard things."
"I CAN do hard things!"
I love it. He tells other people they can do hard things, too.
It's hard for me to swallow today, and I'm barely doing it. It feels like a have a golf ball stuck in my throat. But dang, you look so adorable in that picture.
Chi flat iron and a 360 degree view of my head--that's how my stylist does it. And I can never replicate it on my own.
Working from home is hard--so many distractions and other obligations.
Going to bed on time is hard, only because I make it hard.
Figuring out just what each kid needs (and doing it!) is hard.
Right now it’s hard going to work every morning to an office of hateful and spite fill women, knowing I can’t just quit and stay home.
In-fertility and no money for adoption is really hard.
Trying to maintain long distance friendships is currently hard on me too.
I have no magic spell to make any of life easier. I simply decide each morning that I will try to not let any of it get to me and I will focus my energy on trying to be positive. I try very hard to remember that no one & nothing owns my feelings but myself and I would rather be happy so I’m gonna be happy at all costs.
That does in no way mean that I don’t have days where I’m snippy and eat my body weight in chocolate chip cookies, but it’s a good start as far as I’m concerned.
its hard dealing with a miscarriage this week, and watching my husband handle it so differently than me. Your blog is something I needed to hear today. Because I can do hard things!!! We all can, we do them everyday.
it's hard to be married to a man who decides to make chocolate chip cookies just when you've finished a 4 mile run (and also, you have no self-control when it comes to chocolate chip cookies).
it's hard to have a graduate degree and be a stay-at-home mom.
it's hard to watch your husband get his doctorate while you're a stay-at-home mom.
but it's not hard to be grateful that you CAN stay home with your children, and that you have a husband who will watch them in the morning while you sneak off to teach early-morning classes at the university so you can then come home and be a stay-at-home mom the rest of the day.
My soul appreciates you all.
Sarah, I am sorry about the miscarriage. Loves to you and your husband.
36 comments? are you kidding me!
you look fabulous. i didn't know you were planning on a medication free birth. good for you! my first pregnancy ended up in an unfortunate emergency c-section at 31 weeks, but my second was just the way i hoped it would be. no drugs and a WONDERFUL experience. let me know if you'd ever like to talk about it! i'm happy to share any words of wisdom i may have after going through it. . . and i'm planning on doing it again this time around too!
only my stylist can get my hair as straight as i like it as well. which is why i've stopped fighting it and just wear it the way it CLEARLY wants to be worn-- curly!
A CHI iron, some Matrix Gold Heat spray on each slub of hair before you run it thru the iron is a total necessity for flattening, but there isn't anything better than a shampoo and style by your stylist.
Hard for me, currently, is not giggling or making excuses or explanations when my daughter raises her hand for EVERY BLASTED question asked during the YW lesson. I am in Beehives with her and it is extremely challenging to keep my pie hole shut.
It is hard have a newborn in our house and have myself and the other 3 kids wake up with pink eye.
What is that oft quoted quote?
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but our capacity to DO has increased."
That was my Mom's favorite, and it's true.
Go for the unmedicated birth....it rocks! I mean, it rocks your world with pain, for the moment, but afterward, the feeling of "I did it!" is just amazing.
You can do it!
I've done it twice, and wouldn't have it any other way.
As far as hard things....hmmm, lots of those.
-Dealing with anxiety
-Juggling responsibilities
-Being a good wife and mother
-Losing my best grandma this week. That's hard. One of the hardest.
I really love that quote, I can do hard things.....I found myself repeating that just a day or so ago. I find strength in it.
Your post was inspiring, so thank you.
It's hard to break a blogging addiction (blogging=escape from mommy responsibilities). Seriously hard. But it feels so good!
It's hard not to have the time to keep in touch with all those you love (like you, for example!)
You are beautiful. That hair! That baby bump! Just beautiful.
Ya know whats hard for me? (Admitting this to a stranger... scary!) Not having fear. Pres. Hinckley always told us to hope and to have hope in the future, but I watch the news and hear about stuff and I just get afraid that I won't teach my kids what they need to know before they leave me. I'm afraid I'll fail, I'm afraid they'll make mistakes that they can't take back, I'm afraid the world will tell them they aren't good enough...Someone said fear is the absence of faith, so maybe faith is what's hard for me, but if thats true, thats scary, because I've always lumped myself with the faithFUL.
Hardest thing I've done today, though... clip the crazy heavy duty hanger off daughters new jellies from Old Navy's baby sale!
ha! really loved this post. I am always telling my husband that getting your hair cut is almost as much about the styling afterwards as it is about the cut. I've got thick wavy hair and an expensive (I mean good) flat iron is the only thing that helps.
It is hard to lose weight post 2 kids. I really hate to limit my sugar and carb intake!
Court- you look great! I am so excited for you. I fell like I cannot get through this next 2-3 weeks until my baby comes- I am going absolutely crazy with the itching this time and trying to take care of 2 toddlers! Good luck with your delivery! Hope everything goes great. Car
What's hard for me?
1. Realizing that I'm teaching my daughters not just by my words, but also by my actions. (I'm so very, very far from being the perfect mom.)
2. Being far away from my mom. (I miss her so much, and I wish she lived closer.)
3. Being patient with my 4-year-old. (I have no idea why she thought it was okay to go in and climb in the crib with my sleeping 1-year-old. I just don't understand her logic.)
4. Not being bitter towards the Scouting program. (My husband has been in scouts our whole marriage. It really takes a lot of time away from the family. We didn't go on a "family vacation" last year because all his time off was used for scouting trips.)
5. It's hard for me to realize that one day, I'll have to send my kids off to college, or maybe off on missions. Sometimes it seems that day will never come, and some days it seems that day can't come fast enough.
Chup, thanks for the picture of Cjane's baby belly.
Cjane, yes, yes you can!
having an unpopular opinion can be hard...but it's not for me. i hope you enjoy any drugs you feel like taking during your labor.
cute!!!
thanks for not doing the crotch grab! ;-)
You look like a fashion model - seriously. You wear pregnancy very well!
What is hard for me:
It is hard for me to see others suffer through things that I have not experienced.
It is hard to deal with bullies and mean people.
It is hard to put dreams on hold that may remain on hold forever.
I will stop there.
How I deal with these:
I make really good soup and drop it off, unexpected, for people that I know are somehow struggling or suffering. It makes me feel a little better about not being able to relate to their trials.
I still do not know how to deal with bullies and mean people.
I find new dreams that work for now, and that is enough to keep me happy.
waking up to a world that is always happy when I am not feeling that way! How do I get through it! I force my self to face the world with the reward that my bed will be there for me at the end of the day! Sad I know but Its what I do!
I am so glasd you are asking the deep questions cjane!
I want to know too why I can't get my hair as straight as the stylist! I just whacked off my hair and today was my first day to style myself. All she used was a blow dryer and I used a blowdryer and an iron and still it isn't as straight. When you get an answer to this universal mystery please let me in on the answer.
Cute hair by the way!
And you look so dang cute in that picture. You make pregnant look hot!
I have to laugh because having done hair in California I always heard people say, I can't get it as straight as you can. It is hard to do it yourself. Different angle, tension, everything involved is different. If everyone could do their own hair, there really wouldn't be a need for stylists. Looks great.
As for what is hard. I find it ironic for myself that when in the middle of something I think "This is the hardest thing, I don't want to do this, etc" Then looking back after I am out of it and it the middle of another challenge I would take the last challenge over the present one any day only because I know then outcome to the last one as opposed to the present one.
I have a hard time not knowing the outcome. =( I have a hard time feeling SO passionate about something and others not getting it.
If someone else ever tells you what you are going through isn't hard then that's rediculous. All that matters is it is your opinion. You think it is therefore it is. ;)
Cute, cute, CUTE pic - everything about it.
For me, my three pregnancies are by far the hardest thing I've ever done. Not only physically, but BECAUSE they are physically hard, it emotionally exhausts me - to a scary point.
Hard for me is having miscarriages and not getting a baby when you want one. You know all about that and have been an example to me.
Here is another thing that is hard: not being able to respond to everyone who has commented today.
Just please know that it has been very enlightening to me to hear about your hards and your solutions.
And that I am not alone with the hard-ly ever perfectly straightened hair.
If it was easy, everybody would be doing it.
Okay, I just popped over to your blog from Amanda's blog...I tend to blog stalk when i can't sleep.
I enjoyed reading these comments on a night when my life is feeling increasingly hard. My husband has cancer, making life harder than I had hoped for. But reading these comments has lifted my spirits. It makes me realize that everyone is going through something, not just us. I hope you don't mind me stalking you, I'm not too crazy.
Hayley, you can beat cancer, yes you can!
Thanks for stopping by. We'll keep your husband in our prayers.
the hard stuff for me is having faith. when i had my first baby i struggled with my faith. i doubted that my Heavenly Father could love this baby as much as I did. it scared me that he might not be looking out for her so i tried to protect her in a way only He can. finding out i was pregnant when she was four months old was a blessing... it made me realize i could not (physically, spiritually, emotionally) try to protect two kids from everything. i had to let it go and have faith that He loves them even more than i do and he is looking out for them in a way that i can't. when i find myself worrying about things that are out of my control (recently it is one of my kids getting spinal meningitis... since i don't even know how to spell it i probably shouldn't worry about it) i have to draw upon my new found faith and trust that He is looking out for all of us.
jhzevwpHello friend of Bobby's....
Bill and I love your blog (column)...it's the first thing we check when we're at a computer, any computer. sorry Brooke.(and tessie, luke, chloe , aaron & harry)
Heck, we even dumped Dave Barry, which is easy since we don't get the newspaper anymore.and Rick Reily (we cancelled SI )even Anna Quinlen.
i would like to see you and Dennis Miller debate.
or just discuss.
from a loyal fan member
Cherin
whooops
sorry i entered that secret security code in the WRONG Place.........on previous comment.
messed up the whole "Bobby thing....."
from, the uneducated in commenting fan
Cotter, that was brilliant. I felt it. Wishing health to your family.
Cherin, how nice to get a message from the mother of the world's finest. I turn the admiration back to you and your fine husband. I will continue writing as a way of saying thanks for raising my friend. And, also, Blogger's commenting circus is confusing even for the most-experienced.
Thanks for reading. Dave Barry be damned.
Not being able to get over my miscarriage is hard.
What is hard for me?
Overcoming the 'natural man' a la Mosiah. I definitely don't want to be 'an enemy to God', however I fear that often I am!
Chin up young person!
Love
Leslie J
On home schooling...you can do it! Yes, you can!
If that is what Heavenly Father has in store for you know this: the hardest part of homeschooling will be what other people will think. You just have to push out what society expects and have a clear vision of what it is God wants for your children.
I don't think that you are going to have to worry too much about what your friends will think however. You are so well loved that you will probably become the poster mommy for home schooling.
Hoping all the best for you!
-Page's friend
BTW- you look smokin. I don't just throw that kind of compliment around when I am referring to pregnant women. I don't because even if I don't mean it, a pregnany woman will lap it up immediately because pregnancy isn't neccesarily the sexiest time of their lives. But after much consideration, I have decided to bestow this compliment on you. And I truly mean it. Ya look hot.
Hard for me was getting my master's in one year. If I'd of known how hard it was going to be, I'd of never done it. Good thing I didn't know.
This is true for every hard thing.
Hard for me today? Is trying to figure out how to deal with hurt caused by someone else's thoughtlessness and trying to work and raise 6 kids when hubby is away more than here.
Maybe I can do hard things... if I have to... I guess. :)
PS. Go for the drugs! Life is hard enough. My last delivery was pain-free. I was able to focus on the spirit and the wonder of it all the entire time. Such a beautiful thing.
I can't get over how cutely pregnant you are. I keep coming back to look at this darling picture!
Having to be induced for every baby when all of your friends go into labor 4 days early and have six hour labors is hard (I cried in the middle of everyone). Especially when you're the only one that wanted to have a natural labor anyway. But they're worth it. And loving them is easy. Congratulations on yours!
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