A couple years ago Chup stole some children's books from his parent's house. I had nothing to do with it--mind you--although he wouldn't have stolen them had I not said I wanted them.
They were in the deep recesses of the basement playroom. No one had touched them in decades and that is how Chup stacked them up and put them in our car with a clear conscience. They were children's encyclopedias from the 1950s and A Child's Garden of Verses from Robert Louis Stevenson illustrated by Gyo Fujikawa. I had a vision of putting them in a nursery someday for classic reading with a cutesie vintage touch.
Had I known stealing these delightful books so many years ago would come back to punish me, I may have reconsidered. Today, in fact, I opened up A Child's Garden of Verses for some light after-nap reading to The Chief and my world ended.
That last sentence was inspired by pregnancy hormones which whispered in my ears, "Go for the drama! Why not?"
But there I was in my room reading a poem about picture books on a wintry day with Gyo's heavenly illustration of a little girl looking out the window onto a frozen pond drizzled in snowflakes and I stopped. The combination of picture books and wintry days and a childhood with a window overlooking a pond made me sad. A whimsical sadness that broke my heart.
The Chief looked up at me and stared. Then, as if he needed more information, he moved his face closer until his nose was kissing mine. When this produced nothing, he got up and headed to the door which leads to our backyard.
I sat alone for a moment, wishing I could give my son that page, that poem in real life. Days full of books and inclement weather.
When Chup came home from work I showed him the page and read him the poem. There was some silence afterward, so finally I said something.
"Don't you want that life for our children?"
"What life?"
"That life of picture books and ponds and snowflakes?"
"Well . . ."
Chup started to say something, but my big sobbing tears interrupted him.
"Are you okay?" He asked instead.
"No!" I turned the page and showed him another wintry scene where a little boy was towing a red sled over snow-covered hills. Behind him in the distance was a cozy country home with a puffing chimney.
"Don't you want that to be The Chief?" I blubbered pointing at the page. "Don't you want that to be our house all cozy against the blowing snow?"
I wiped my nose with the back of my wrist. With my blurry eyes I could see my husband looking at me. Confused, but compassionate.
"Yes. Of course I do." He said. "What do we need to do?"
"We need lots of land. And you need to be either a farmer or independently wealthy. And a pond."
"Ok." He breathed. (Kindly taking me seriously.) "Let's start with dinner. What would you like for dinner tonight?"
"I don't know." I sobbed.
"How about curry?"
When that was decided I went to find The Chief, he was sitting on my bedroom carpet looking out to our backyard. We've been spending the afternoons outside noting the changing colors on the mountainscape next to our "pond" which is really the plastic pool.
My outburst must've been a chastisement for stealing those books years ago, because how could I want more than what I already have? I've got a view of a majestic mountain range. Right out my back door. If we traded those mountains for a farm, I'd spend the rest of my life crying to Chup,
"Don't you want those mountains back?"
Of course, that would be his punishment for stealing those books in the first place.
We deserve each other.
p.s. I still want the land, pond and mountainscape. Can a girl have it all?
Post-Edit:
Wow. Having my comments back on is life changing.
(again, going for the pregnancy-embellishmented drama, sort of)
Thanks to the commenters so far, I 've come to an understanding about why I was crying this afternoon (besides my bad karma for stealing). It is because I worry my children will never know simplicity. Not like the simplicity I've known, or the simplicity my mother knew, or the simplicity found in Stevenson's words with Fujikawa's pictures.
Unless I move them to a farm.
Or a secluded mountain hideaway.
And speaking of simplicity, are my conclusions too simplistic?
Don't answer that. Let me dream on.
The Jed Wells Headshot Project
150 Pieces of Opinion:
The wonderful thing is that you can create those memories without owning the land and the pond. The whole world is right here waiting for you to create those memories!
Life is great!
I'm excited that you turned comments back on :-) I love reading your posts every day. Thanks for letting all of us share in glimpses of your life, and congrats on your pregnancy!
I am excited that you turned your comments back on. I love reading your spunky posts.
I love Gyo Fujikawa's illustrations! I have a book left over from my childhood, that I also lovingly borrowed from my parent's house, called Sleepy Time. It is one of my favorites. My older daughter especially loved that book, and we read it with wild abandon, when she was teeny. Thanks for making me think of such a great memory!
Not sure if this is where you were going with this but I think about some of the purity from my own childhood and wonder... will my own children look back with the same sweet memories? It's such a different world, now. My just-turned-three-year-old was commanding the computer earlier this evening, downloading train clips on youtube. At his age, I was laying on the grass looking at the clouds... How do you go back to simpler times?
Lovely, beautiful thoughts! I love how we can all create such storybooks from our own unique lives!
Love vintage books and daydreaming about my kids living in the illustrations!
And I totally do the irrational hormonal crying thing...hubby has learned to deal well with it, as yours has!
I find myself yearning for a simple life for my children like that too.
What's this? Comments ON!?!
Let me know what you find out about a girl having it all...I'm currently doing my own, in depth research.
Aspen,
Exactly where I was going with it.
How do you go back? Should we? Can we? How much do you have to sacrifice to do it?
You know, just some simple questions.
And now I am going to start crying again.
Pregnancy hormones will do that to you. I think the same things. How do I create such memories my my children? Will they remember family vacations as fondly as I remember my family vacations as a child? How do I do it admist High School Musical, youtube, and Taylor Swift (the things my kids L.O.V.E.)?
If you figure it out, will you let me know, please?
I love the children's book *A Visit to William Blake's Inn*. The book's accalades of Newberry and Caldecott Honors are rightly deserved. It strikes me in the same way you just described your books. I always tear up when I read the Epilogue to my children...whether I am pregnant or not.
I feel the same way...and I'm not even pregnant. I grew up on a farm in the country; now I'm raising my kids in an apartment in Orange County. Every day I regret the fact that they have no back yard to run in. But there are some great parks, and, if you look hard enough, some very peaceful pleasant places. It takes some effort, but I want my kids to have that!
Farms are definitely overrated. Think how early you'd have to wake up just to milk the cow.
I say, stay where you are, sleep in, and enjoy those beautiful mountains. Could be worse. You could be experiencing "Fall" in Arizona. 100 degrees. No red leaves. Or crisp air. And lots of beige.
Lots, and lots, of beige.
I say your backyard looks humongoid and you should just put a pond back there and then have it all.. it could work.
You live in Utah, chica. Which means you CAN have it all. My in laws have a farm in Emmett, ID. The mountain view is certainly not as majestic as Provo's, but it's still quite beautiful out in those parts. It can be a slogan: "Come to the West- where you can have mountains AND a pond!"
In all seriousness, I think I understand what you mean. If you strive to build the kind of life the Savior would have you build for your family, your children will grow up and remember their childhood with the same colors you remember yours. I think it's just how we grow up. When the Chief and your new sweet bun in the oven get to be our age, our times now will probably feel like simpler times anyway. Catch my drift?
Wheeeee ! Comments are back on !
You are right, that IS a lovely image, and any one could see how wonderful it would be to have such a simple life.....but. And yet. Times they are a-changing. You have such a lovely life in your retro-chic house with your darling husband and beautiful boy.
I say, take them (and who ever else you have in there !) on a lovely mid-winter journey to a cottage on a snow covered lake for a week. You will appreciate it more, I'll betcha, then if it was there all day every day. Besdies, you'd always worry about the kids and the pond, you know.
You have the makings of recreating my childhood... what with your many siblings who have produced doting cousins for your two precious ones.
When I think of winter, I think of the sledding hill with my cousins... trapsing around the ravine on Grandma's farm with all the cousins... and being ever so impressed with my teenage 'grown up' cousins when I was just a clumsy 6 year old.
All you have to do is get The Chief and (I'm assuming...) Princess - with their cousins and find some nature.
Idyllic just happens from there.
Oh wow.
I kind of wish I hadn't read that post. Don't get me wrong--it's amazing as usual, but now I can't stop thinking of the Missouri farmhouse I grew up in.
The creaky floorboards, the massive wrap-around porch and its porch swing, summer tar bubbles on the road in the front, catching fireflies (or lightning bugs as we called them then) in jars, smelling (and tasting) the honeysuckle and the raspberries in the back yard.
It seems unbelievably picture(book)esque now that I'm thinking back on it. Too perfect.
But that was my childhood--or, at least, the memory I have of it now.
And now my girls are growing up in a suburb. In a miniscule back yard. In a box.
Sigh.
When you and Chup find your farmhouse, do you mind if Holly and I settle in across the pond?
I have been known to daydream on a frequent basis of a big farmhouse with a wraparound porch, where we sit in the evening and read , instead of kids fighting over computer.
~Where the garden is as big as the entire lot my house sits on now. ~Where the kids can play in the fields and groves of trees behind our house all day and I don't have to worry.
~Where they can run a mile or two down the road to where it meets the ocean. Basically, I dream of Anne Shirley's life for myself and my family. Truly, the simple, most wholesome life.
Instead I have numerous neighborhood children happily running in and out all day with my own kids, reading with legs draped over couches instead of on front porches, riding bikes and making up games on the trampoline.
I have children who know how to do chores, who hardly ever watch t.v. and I make a decent homemade bread. It's really all in how you word it, view it, embrace it.
So I realized I could stop pining away for the simple, dream life, and I began to enjoy the life I have. Which can be as simple, or complicated as I make it.
Of course, if that other life, the one with the wildflowers bending in the breeze and teaching my daughters to knit on the porch swing, ever comes my way, I'll grab it for sure. But for now, I am content.
Loved this post, so much. Thank you.
Oh Courtney, I think you ask so much of yourself (and your life) most of the time.
I moved to the country, to the simple life (in Ireland) 1,5 years ago. And, just like you said you would cry about missing the mountains in your backyard, I miss my way-more-complicated city life sometimes.
It is good to have something to dream about, but count your blessings and enjoy what you have.
I undersand. You just want what you want. I agree with your blogger friend from Ireland, get somesort of pond in your backyard. You would miss the hustle and bustle of the city . . . I am glad the comments are on. I enjoy your blog.
I just want to say I love your posts *still* and I am so happy you have your comments back on. I get what you are saying and there's nothing wrong with wanting everything for your children. I hope the hormones straighten out soon.... :)
Awww, pregnancy hormones are raging then?!
I'm so pleased your comments are back :o)
I yearn daily for a more simplistic way of life. It seems that it will only happen if I dig my heels in and try to create the "simple" life...which I think defeats the purpose? This day and age does not cooperate with simple life.
Beautiful post! As always you make us think and want to be better or live better. Thank you!
I agree with Sammi- Hormones.
I adore you and your husband from afar.
If you hear where they're growing all the Chup-like men, won't you help a brother out?
I know exactly how you feel. My sister-in-law and I often talk about how we want to move to the mountains (which are really hills compared to the western mountains I grew up with), raise chickens, grow vegetables, and let our children run wild outdoors.
Or...
Even better, I want them to grow up in Anne's Ingelside, roaming in Rainbow Valley.
I'm all about children living perfect lives through old kids' books. Thanks for giving Fuji the shout out! Just brilliant.
Ingleside. Can't believe I misspelled that when it is the name of my blog.
i think you can inspire your children to appreciate simplicity, in spite of a not-so simple world around them. and in that case, i think it makes that appreciation that much better.
When my boys were about 3, we'd turn on "Little Bear" in the late afternoon for a little quiet time. That was my image. I'd say to my husband, "Why can't we live in the woods in Canada in a little cottage full of quilts and tea cups and a beautiful hearth. And I could do some hand-sewing while you clean your pocket watch and the boys could play with wooden trains on the braided rug on the floor?" (Insert blank stare and crickets chirping)
Your Chief will have his storybook childhood- I'm sure of it. Just imagine the colors you'll put on those pages. It will be beautiful.
Just commenting because I CAN!!!
And because I love to read you and wanted to tell you so!
You ROCK!
Hope the hormones level out. Been there, done that... and is was rough.
Congrats on the new bun in the oven!!!
Karrie in IN
You are blessed your husband is awesome, mine would have NEVER said that, he would have just given me that ARE YOU NUTS look and carried on... which would have brought on more tears!
I love your husbands answer...perfect.
I am so excited to finally be able to leave you a comment! I've been following your blog for a while now, and I love reading your thoughts! Today I especially identify. I, too, am sometimes caught off guard by the bittersweet nostalgia and longing that I feel for these beautiful, ideal snapshots of life. Sometimes it happens when I look at old pictures, or when I am reading someone's inspiring blog, or when I am watching one of those movies that pull your heartstrings... For some reason a picture of a little girl reading by a big window always does it to me. Oh how I long for a windowseat...
Anyways, I love your blog. Thanks for writing!
First I want to say, "Yay, comments are turned back on!".
And second, snow is only fun for a minute. If you could chose your day and the amount of snow,etc it would be more fun but trust me it does get old real fast. :-)
I love how Chup was all serious about what steps to make that happen. So sweet and funny the first step was dinner.
Firm believer that a girl can have it all! But please allow me to make you feel better, being in the blowing snow on a sled is not fun! The Cheif is not missing out.
My favorite part about this whole story (besides the fact that Chup took you seriously) :) was that the Chief went out on his own and was enjoying the scenery from your backyard. He is a cutie pie. :)
Oh darling, simplicity is a choice not just a product of where you live. Even those on the farm know a life completely opposite of the one in your dreams. Stuff and distractions just gets in the way of the simple life, which I believe, can still be enjoyed.
Might I add that it was fun to make a comment:)
Lovely to have comments back on!
I think it's possible to have the simplicity you seek in a town, in a city, or in the countryside. It's a state of mind, really. I like my children to stay young and be children, so they play in the garden and pick blackberries in the woods and watch the farmer harvesting the fields, but at the same time we live 20 minutes from a city where we can go to Borders, grab a coffee from Starbucks and then go bowling, skiing or to the cinema. They watch tv, play on computers, and do things we didn't do when we were children, but I think they still have a pretty lovely childhood. I always think your life, and the lovely time you have with your extended family, looks like lots of fun. And that's what children remember when they grow up - love, and having fun.
I've been following your blog for quite some time now and am so happy that you turned your comments back on. Thank you for this sweet, thought provoking post. I currently don't have any children, but this is on the discussion table for my husband and I. As we discuss it I wonder/stress over the same things you brought up - how do I give them the best childhood I can, full of endless happy memories? How do I teach them to recognize the simple things in life, when I myself seem to constantly get caught up in the little things in life? Will they love the mountains and outdoors the way I do, even if we choose to remain in the flat wonderland that is Texas? I love your thoughts and the comments from other readers. Thank you for posting this and please keep them coming. Your witty posts make my morning.
It is great to see that your comments are on. I have been wanting to comment for a long time simply to say that I love reading your blog!
I could just faint that you mentioned this wonderful book. Who even knows about it? A Child's Garden of Verses was our favorite growing up (I'm 40). My Mom read it to us everyday. Foreign Children and Time to Rise are etched into my memory. The other day, I was glowing with happiness that my little Cozette actually ate a tomato with melted cheese sandwich for lunch. She hardly eats a thing. When I told my Mom, she started reciting Foreign Children to me. Seriously!!
I think you owe me a penny today!
i love that photo of the chief. you can--and will--find simplicity and the simple life sprawled on the sofa in your living room, gathered at your dining room table, and in your own backyard. (you live in the perfect spot for that) and in and around those of your wonderful family.
oh, and those trips to idaho. last time i drove through idaho i was struck by the diverseness of its beauty.
if you stop to look and listen for it, it you will find it.
cw
Ahhh... I want it all too! Your quote on your blog says "we write to taste life twice, once in the moment and in retrospection"
That is what books are for... so you can experience things again... or dream of experiencing things.
Enjoy your fall weather... we are still waiting for some cooler days here in WV!
Glad your comments are back on.
Hope the pregnancy is getting better...
I can completely relate to what you wrote, maybe it's because I am also pregnant and have a toddler. : )
I yearn for more simplistic times and life. I grew up on a farm in a small town and cherish those lazy, peaceful days. Now, I live in a suburb in a townhouse without any land. I wish my son could have the lazy summer days playing in the sprinklers on the lawn. There is so much I wish for, but I am learning what is important is the love we share and the memories we are creating. : )
Thanks for turning your comments back on -- it's so great to be able to discuss your posts. The other day I posted on my blog about my "grateful list." I have a list of all of the things I am grateful for, and when I am sad or angry, I turn to that list, and it quickly reminds me that I already have way more than I will ever need or could hope for. Make your grateful list, and you will see that you don't really need that pond one bit! :o)
I have the simple farm life and it's not so simple! I worry constantly about our well going dry, rattlesnakes biting my kids, wildfire destroying our house etc. Although I think it is a better life for my kids they often wish they lived closer to their friends and school! I think it all works out though and our kids will all have good childhood memories if we help them make them.
I'm very excited to be commenting on cjane's blog!! I admit to chuckling a little while picturing Chup's face :O> Congrats again! Oh, and I have the Stevenson book, patiently waiting for "someday". When I read them when I was little I wanted the life in the poems, so I understand where you are coming from!
I know you don't know me at all...I just wanted to tell you that I lurk on your blog faithfully and I think your writing is amazing...and your outlook.
That's all...as you were...☺
Oh, wait...I forgot to tell you...
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
Okay, as you were...
Gyo Fujikawa is one of my favorite illustrators....I am one of those overly nostalgic folks who can't let go of their childhood. Just WAIT until you discover Eloise Wilkin. You may wet your pants. Baby's Birthday is one of my favorites. Every birthday I try to find balloons that look like that...no luck.
p.s. My daughter saw the Chief's picture and said, "I thought that baby was a mountain." Ummm...don't ask me.
Wow, comments back on. This might just change my life too.
On our farm we have a pond, you can come and visit it anytime to get your farm/pond fix.
But I think you are exactly right about wishing for the mountains back. Brandon and I always say to each other, "I wish we lived closer to the mountains."
The grass is ALWAYS greener, ya know?
I might be echoing some others here but this is my take: I live on a farm and life is far from simplistic....though I want it to be so very much. We have a pond, but unless you invest in copper sulfate, the algae is awful. I love our crop fields, but in the summer I hardly see my Andy, as he's on tractors literally sun up to sun down. It is a LOT of work, but rewarding too. And for the record we have no neighbors, they're all at least a couple football fields away. A big concern of mine is how my future kids will ever know trick-or-treating. Oh well. I hope someday my kids will remember their dad on the tractor and their mother in the kitchen...that is my vision of storybook life, with a farm twist.
I'm so excited for you and your new little one! And look at it this way...your children will have a storybook childhood, because you're writing it! I would give anything to live near mountains...I guess the grass is always greener, right?
Best wishes from PA!
Yea for comments!! It helps connect me with your posts. ( I am too lazy to go to facebook, etc...)
You can put a pond in your back yard. We had one that we made in our back yard and our yard was a regular size yard. It was 4 ft deep. It had fish in it and ran all winter. It was beautiful and brought in ducks, a snake, a huge hawk and birds and dragonflies. Definitely worth the work. The grands would even get to go fishing in it.
dude. my life is back.
oh you dear sweet pregnant woman! lol i know just how you feel...i grew up in alaska and now live in minnesota...i miss my mountains SO bad, i miss the air, the mystique of being an alaskan in alaska...but i have lived here now for 10 years & if i went back i would miss the storms on the prairie, hot dark summer nights and the famous minnesota nice. your chief will have what you want him to have because what you really want to give him is an appriciation for simplicity...and you can get that with any view!
Thanks for the opportunity to comment again.
Big hugs from one mama to another.
You can give your son the simplicity simply by reading him that poem...
oh and "hurrah!" for comments!!!!!!!!!! :)
What is simplicity really? I didn't grow up on a farm or with a mountain view. But I had a wonderful childhood where my mom and I shared a snack and talked about my day when I got home from school. Where my mom sang me "Little Purple Pansies" every night when she tucked me in. Where my dad let me "help" him work on cars. Where I made blanket-and-pillow nests in my closet and read books by flashlight in the middle of the day. Where I was allowed to have rabbits and keep them, even when the unexpectedly reproduced. I felt loved and safe.
So now I sing "Little Purple Pansies" to my children. And we share snacks and talk about the day when they come home. And they help Dad with his projects. And we build them nests. And I hope, hope, hope they know how much we love them.
It seems that what you really want--and what all mothers want--is for The Chief and TBA to look back at their childhood and have memories of you and Chup and love. And that can happen--will happen, no matter where you are or how much space you have or whether or not you have a window to read by and snowflakes to watch.
I know. I read Stevenson as a child too.
I heart you.
I've cried the same tears, wishing for my children a farm to learn the value of "work" on. Why a farm? I don't know. I think even I don't know the value of "work" because I grew up in the east bench area of Salt Lake City.
Books like Little Britches and Little House On The Prairie make me weep those tears of longing for a different life...
Grass is always greener, too. We live in an apartment with our 3 kids and I long for a yard. Any sort of yard. But, I have enviable stuff in my life too... I think. Having it all sounds great. Is it a "someday" thing that's okay to hope for? Or a "joy in the journey" thing that we could be happy with what we have?
As for idyllic childhood, I think that childhood can still by idyllic even in the worst circumstances. Children just have that in them, and you're fostering it even with your recent viewing of public television :) so all is not lost!
Wahoo! Comments are back on! I promise I will not abuse it.
Let me guess- BlogHer got on your case about comments being on? They do that.
Did you know I am pregnant? I haven't quite gotten to the weeping moments yet, but I will. In the meantime, I will continue to fill my belly with tacos from Azteca and try and feel better.
i grew up with a little bit of everything thrown into the mix and became very worldly at a very young age...but there was one blissful decade - that first decade of my life - that was mostly spent in the country...riding on tractors, feeding calves at with the stars above us, bonfires, days spent reading in the patch of sunlight on the old shag carpet and having to make my way across the room as the sun went across the sky. but, i think you and many others are right...we crave simplicity. and while we are feeling the heaving chaos of the world around us and what it takes to keep a household running now-a-days...we tend to think our children will simply get thrown into the mix of it all and possibly develop hypertension and nervous disorders by the age of ten...they won't. they'll just keep playing in the blow up pool in the backyard and drinking out of the house and sticking raisins up their noses. we may be worrying, pacing, dealing with stuff all the while...but them - they're just growing up. they're simple by nature.
i didn't mean to write a full essay on this, but it's a topic i've mulled over a bit for a number of years. still, if someone were to give me a million dollars tomorrow - you can sure as heck bet that i'd pack us all up and move to a grassy hillside and build a white farmhouse with a wrap around porch and swinging benches and deep windowseats and shelves full of my favorite books...and maybe a calf or two. sigh.
Hey Courtney, I think you ROCK, seriously I love reading your blog. K, so my friends and I are doing a little bake/creft/garage sale Friday the 18th from 10-7:30 at Rock Canyon Park, anyway if you want to come or tell any of your friends that would be Amazing. I would love to say we have a great cause, and we do sort of, we are trying to clear out our houses and save a little money for a girl's trip (we call it mommy sanity). Sorry if this sounds crazy but I just thought if you knew about it, it might mean people might actually come:) Anyway, keep doin' what your doin and thanks for your blog. - Jessica Martin
I long for that simplicity too. I drive around this farming community near where we currently live and dream of a white house sitting on 3 acres with horses and goats and cows and chickens and a huge treehouse where the kids can read and my children running and laughing and NEVER watching tv.
Then my husband reminds me that we can barely take care of all the children we have and the house we live in much less farm animals too. And I land with a hard thump in reality.
Still, I long for the idea of it all.
I just dream for a yard (period).A place where my children can play outside the walls of our paved patio. A place without cigarette smoke billowing into our condo from the sweet neighbor and without the sound of her son heaving up some phlegm from his smoker lungs to expound onto the sidewalk where my children will walk to say hello to her dog "Pepper." And as I write this, a Mother somewhere wishes that she at least had a paved patio, complete with a garage sale plastic kitchen set, hand me down teeter totter and a gas grill without a gas can that her bishop gave to her.
I need to be happy that I have a home...and that all 3 kids are small enough to fit in the one room so that we can have a "play room"..and that we can afford our mortgage and student loan payments. BUT I STILL WANT A YARD. I'd trade an extra bathroom for one!
I'm glad to see an option for comments again (aside from the frog forum thing! (I never really got that working for me) Please continue with the comments as another option - there are several times I've wanted to comment, but just can't make that other deal work for me to understand it!
that's the thing about this time of year. it's so introspective. and retrospective. and extrospective, although i don't think that's a real word. add pregnancy hormones to it (i'm right there with you) and fall just makes me a mess :)
i was lucky enough to grow up on land, with a forest and a lake, just miles from the ocean. catching frogs and camping out in our playhouse in the summer. boat rides and fishing. quiet winter walks.
and sometimes i worry that my own daughter, since we live in a city, won't have enough of that and she will miss out on some of the best things in life. even as i give her all of the things that i wished i would have had growing up in the country (i sooo did wish). the grass is always greener... it's just our responsibility to find a good balance somewhere in the middle.
i am thinking your children's memories of growing up in your home will be perfect memories. and they will feel all the love of a mom and dad who cherish their children.
I find it so interesting that you yearn for a different, more idealistic world for your children, because the reason I love your blog is that's how your life appears to me - ideal.
Oh my goodness, you just made my day! I mean by turning the comments back on. You also made me slightly nostalgic (I am also pregnant) and I long for a country life, with the mountains, of course. It wouldn't be perfect without my mountains.
Just last night I was lamenting to my husband that I wished we lived back in the day when children and husbands stayed home and worked on the farm. Life was simple no hurry here and there with afternoons filled with homework and no time to play. I am grateful for modern medicine but maybe there is a way to recreate some part of the olden way of life.
I'm glad you turned the comments back on btw!
Let me just say that I know where you're coming from. I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant and, while my meltdowns have been far in between, I have definitely had them. My poor husband!
I completely relate to these feelings of longing for the simple pleasures of life and family, especially for the sake of my children. Pregnant or not, it's a constant yearning in my heart, and even seeing the photograph of the picture in the book on your blog does me in. My kids have learned to love a cozy day inside with books and cookies and music and movies. And we live in L.A. where we don't even get that snow! (How I miss winter!)
That's the secret, I guess: create cozy.
I am soooo GLAD you have your comments back on, Courtney! I wouldn't have even noticed that probably if you hadn't mentioned it lol! Just love your blog!
No punishments for gathering old books I hope. I love all that simplicity too. I still imagine myself on Milly Molly Mandy's farm and walking through Hundred Acre Wood with Pooh, Piglet and Christopher Robin. Of course, I never really was there. I just read the books. That's what the Chief can do too. He doesn't need to have the pond etc as long as he has the books he can "be" there.
thanks for turning on the comments! i can't believe anyone would ever even leave a rude comment! anyways i enjoyed this post because i am the same way. it would be so nice to give our children a simple life. we'll have to do that the best we can in the places where we currently are! it's all about family.
I look at your life and cry for its simplicity.
First, let me say I think you are wonderful, and you have an incredible talent for articulating experience and emotion. I've followed your blog for a little more than a year and I'm hooked. Thanks for turning the comments on so I have a chance to tell you!
I, too, long for a simpler life. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I have a similar reaction to many of your posts. I long for the life you appear to have: a loving relationship with a kind, devoted husband, a gorgeous, happy son (plus 1!) and the opportunity to tend to him all day and night, a fun, happy home and oodles of family within walking distance. To me, that life appears so pure and simple. Now, I'm sure it's not the idyllic picture that has been constructed in my head. My point is that I often fall into the trap of wanting what I haven't got. I am very blessed in many ways, and I often struggle to focus on those things rather than the romanticized ideas of happier (simpler) lives. I think we're all susceptible to it, pregnancy hormones or not!
I admire your ability to describe most everything (including morning sickness:)) with humor and love, and to share your faith and testimony so freely. You're an example to me.
Can't y'all just go and hang out on Lucy's farm for a bit?
Seriously though, I know what you mean. I shared my childhood between the farmland of Norway and the coasts of Cornwall, and grew up being able to identify plants and predict weather from the colour of the sky. I didn't wear shoes for most of the summer and my brother and I would roam free for hours without anyone supervising us at all. And even though this sounds very old timey-ish, I'm not even 30 yet!
Now I find myself wondering if I'll ever let our future kids ride their bikes alone in the streets of suburban Utah. Sigh.
My Mother grew up on a farm with a pond and land and mountains in the distance, but truthfully, while the setting was idyllic, it was a hard life. Her mother spent her days catching and then plucking and cleaning a chicken for dinner, cleaning out the barn, feeding the animals, washing the clothes with a washboard on the porch and hanging them to dry, handmaking loaves and loaves of bread for her large family, worrying over illnesses for which there were no medicines, sewing and mending the family's clothes....and on and on....you get the picture. Since my grandmother couldn't do all that and watch the children too, my mom was left to run free on the farm totally unsupervised...and almost drowned in that pond.
Storybooks are just that.......stories -- fantasy, an idyllic view of a situation - with rose colored glasses on, so to speak. I think my grandmother would say that we, today, have the "simple life" filled with dishwashers and washing machines, 24 hour pharmacies, and grocery delivery service!
I think what most of us are really feeling is that lack of interaction with nature that our "modern" life dictates. There is a wonderful book by Richard Louv called "Last Child in the Woods" which talks about the importance of getting our children out into nature and filling their need for that simple interaction with their natural surroundings - something that is sorely missing for today's children.
You don't need to live there, on the farm, to do that -- you are blessed with a beautiful state with lots and lots of nature right outside the city limits. Make a weekly trek to that nature and let The Chief explore and play to his heart's content, and I promise, your yearning for a simpler life will be answered (and you can still have your washing machine too).
Keep writing CJane - your posts brighten my days!
Don't you know I long for a home in the country too? It seems to be something deep within me pulling me to the great outdoors where simplicity and beauty await. AND I love Robert Louis Stevenson. My girls are memorizing his poetry this year and I practically burst with gladness when they recite a poem for me.
I LOVE that you have comments....it's so fun. Why did you ever get rid of them?
I have had those same thoughts and I am not even pregnant. Simplicity is (ironically) very complicated to find these days. All I want is some land where I can explore with my kids and let them run and run and get dirty and not have to worry about anything but dirt, exploring, and running! That is what my millenium will be.
Kids only remember the simple stuff... all the other stuff is confusing so they seam to discard it.
I look back at the time that was my childhood and remember simplicity, my mother - on the other hand - remembers great stress during that time.
Your kids will have simplicity, you just might not see it at the same time they do. :)
I feel that way when I watch Little House on the Prairie. I want the simple family life with my husband home all day working the farm and my girls keeping me company all day long. Till I remember I like running water and toilets and showers and chinese food!
This is in response to the
How we Got Pregnant Post:
How is it you decided to just give up? Did you still hope that every Heavenly promise of children would eventually happen? Did you ever have days where you had given it to the Lord, and you still desperately wanted children? I wanted to have 6 in 6 years, and we have been blessed with two, (one through adoption) I need to give up too. Just not sure what you recommend for giving up!
I have a couple of old Gyo Fujikawa books that are beyond repair but I refuse to get rid of them. Love love the post :)
I grew up in a small beautiful town, played in the creek behind a friends house, rode my bike all over town and lived a simple small town life. I even rode to school on a sled pulled by a four wheeler on those snowy mornings. And I loved it. Last December I moved myself and my 2 year old son home. I want him to grow up in a small town. I understand how you feel. And I have to sacrifice some things for myself to give that to him, but it is worth it!!!
courtney, read the book, "Last Child in the Woods" it will make you see the importance of kids being outside exploring.
Holy Comments!!! I am new to your blog and all I can say is that if my blog got this many comments, I would be one happy woman.
I am a city girl who has always yearned for the rural life. I have been begging for a cow for years, just so I could milk it and give my children fresh, warm, un-pasturized goodness with their oatmeal every morning. However, my mother, who milked a cow for many many years while she was a teenager, clued me in. Turns out, cows have to be milked twice a day or they will dry up. And that would rule out vacations and sleeping in. Not so keen on cows anymore.
Yeah!!!! Comments are back on. Although I don't have any children, I long for the simple life for them as well. I think that's why I've been so drawn to homemade toys. It seems so much simpler and funner to have handmade items than expensive video games.
I love not having a tv. I love not having electronics for my children. My kiddos learn to play with each other. Play make believe. Read books. Make tents. Chase butterflies. Teach their dogs tricks.
Wendy
Mommy to 7. 9 and under.
I grew up in a farm setting, way out in the country and I don't feel that I ever knew that simplicity you speak of either. So don't worry about it. Just keep doing what you're doing--being a wonderful mom and a great writer! Thanks for turning your comments back on, this is my first chance to ever respond to one of your posts!
I laughed so hard at your description of the compassionate but confused husband, wondering how to best handle his wife's tears. I've had that exact moment many, many times through our pregnancies. My husband learned to hug me really tight and just nod in agreement. The wise man also learned it was not a good idea to ask, "Is this just because you are pregnant?" and he was great about not letting me make any life altering choices while in the throes of the hormonal & emotional upheaval. I can laugh about it now. :)
Congratulations on your little one on the way!
This lust for all things simplistic will only get worse as they (the children) get older...as more of the complications of life you'd like to avoid your child being exposed to invades your sweet home, you will have incredible urges to buy 100 acres of desolate farmland and look at picture books all day. Just a warning.
Comments! Hooray!!!
Pregnancy hormone induced crying is sooo much fun. Especially for our husbands ;)
I'd love the "simple" life. I'm glad you have these comments... Your friends hubby in 'PBS Cure', that picture... looks like a younger pre-divorce Brad Pitt. I was confused when the name read Aaron, I was sure that was Brad.
NO! Your conclusions are NOT too simplistic. I feel the same tug. I grew up in the country. Nothing picturesque, mind you, but plenty of wide-open pastureland with barns to explore. Space for running and playing ball with Daddy and flying kites. Then I married a city boy, who moved me to the city. I really enjoyed the city. Until. Until I had children. These city walls are closing in all around me! The neighbor's light that keeps me awake at night - you really ought not to be able to see your shadow in your kitchen at midnight. The constant hum of traffic nearby. It's all just maddening. I need a little more elbow room. I want my kids to know and be able to take pleasure in solitude. Quiet. The kind of quiet you can only hear in the country. And I want a front porch. A big, welcoming, peaceful front porch like Grandmama had next door. A front porch from which we can all sit and watch the storms roll in and wonder at the lightning flashing in the distance. No. Not too simplistic. My soul is resonating with your prose today. Thank you for writing it! (And thanks for turning the comments back on!!)
The simpliciy is all in your heart. I live in a city/beach community and would love the "country" too but my hubby LOVES the ocean, so i have my garden, my fruit trees crammed in the smallish backyard, don't overschedule the kids - they've been making lemonade with our neighbors for the past 3 days after school, and I often ride my bike around town. I am at peace with my simple life - it doesn't matter where you live it's how you live. Love you posts. Immensely.
Why hello, I missed you. I have actually never commented on your blog before. But I have been reading it for over a year now. I was married on Aug 16, 2008- I think that's why it hits home, your family. And plus the fact that we live in the same town and when you mention places by name, I can totally connect with that and you. You are such a good writer, I envy that. Keep it up!
P.S. I'm grateful for your family.
I feel the exact same way about old picture books, the innocence of childhood and such. But I couldn't help as I read your post think that I though you had that living in Utah. You mention the mountains, the snow, and changing leaves, the air feeling crisp in the morning. Believe me I wish I had what you had, I live in Arizona were 99 is a cool down, and we can't wait for the temps to drop into the 70's at night, (finally here) but when I see the green where you live and know you have more than 1 and half seasons, I'm jealous. So I guess my point is be happy because you get to see the changing seasons. I love Autumn. But my kids don't get to experience it here, I'm originally from Cali, so I remember cooler days and warm not sizzling summer months. Man, I as I type this it's really making me want to move. But my baby daughter was born with a congenital heart defect which is the #1 heart defect by the way. And now everything is more complicated, insurance (losing it) she needs open heart surgery again, being close to goods children's hospital with a good pediatric program. Do you have a good children's hospital's in Utah near Provo? Well sorry for this long post, but just wanted to say hi, and congrats on your pregnancy! Feel free to visit me/us (my blog) once in a while.
Yeah! Glad you have comments back on too! I think we all secretly want a simplistic life for our children, but as they saying goes, the grass is always greener. I think my mom had that simplistic life growing up, but she always compares it to how easy we all have it now. She used to have to get up at the crack of dawn to pick tobacco in the summer and all that good stuff. I grew up in the country, in a small town, simple life. I couldn't wait to get out and see everything that was out there. Simple to you is a farm, simple to me is a vanilla ice-cream cone. It's all about perspective.
wow, its nice to be able to comment! your post like always was amazing, i cant believe how many comments you got, except i sorta can, the most i have got is two, to be honest no one ever comments, must be loosing my touch! but i just wanted to say how fabulous this post was, i love the way you word things, and i am moving to provo, im 15 at the moment so....give me a few years and i will see you there, i cant get over the view of the mountains in your garden, what a beautiful place to raise a child, or two!
My husband & I were just talking about that the other night. I wish my children could have the simple times we shared. I miss that....
Now I may cry.
Very excited you have turned your comments back on!!!
Congrats to you, Chup and the Chief....
I love this. You make such a great point. It's so sad that things can't be simple.
We all grew up in a crazy, busy world. we did not have that kind of simplicity either. Butour wonderful mothers gave us an appreiciation for that kind of life. I just hope that I can pass that on to my children as well. The wonders of life that once was.
I am so glad comments are on!
I always wish my kids could live in a place with the 4 seasons (Arizona only has hot and not so hot). But then if I lived there I would probabaly wish I were back home again and close to family.
I love old picture books like that!
We are chasing simplicity too and are heavily considering moving to Guatemala to get it! We just found a lot that is a 5 minute walk from the beach for 25k. We are still mulling over leaving America. Ocean breeze/great waves for surfing/hammocks/stars/chickens/gardens/working as a family/home schooling our kids are huge dreams. We shall see.
Oh Courtney,
I live on a farm. My husband is a farmer. A few posts back I was lamenting the giant rats, huge spiders, and excess of flies that surround me. I wanted the pretty grass in town, because it's greener right?
I have to relearn on a daily basis sometimes to bloom where I'm planted. But if you're up for a trade....I'm game.
Ummm...you're definitely pregnant.
Courtney, can you find me in all this madness of over 100 comments? I wanted to tell you I married a farm kid, who you need to meet, we plan on owning a farm, you can come over whenever you want.
I just blame the Japanese.
dreams come in degrees don't they?? my ultimate dream is the pond and all....my dream in the middle is what you view from your back door. i want it all too. ;)
Oh, did that sweet, sweet illustration of Gyo Fujikawa's take me back. She was my favorite artist when I was a little girl, and I spent hours drawing pictures in the style of her illustrations with the hope that I could some day be an artist just like her. I still love looking at her work, it reminds me of childhood. Maybe what we really long for is the innocence of those days, and the wonder we had when we went outside and explored our surroundings, or got lost in a good book. When I was young, I longed to be Laura Ingalls Wilder and live in the woods (by a pond) but in truth, was her life simpler? I doubt it. I'm sure if she could open a book and look at my life, she would long for an oven, an indoor toilet that flushed, and a bar of soap that she didn't have to make herself. Now, what I long for most are the mountains of Utah, and crisp Autumn air. It brings a tear to my eye just thinking about all those Aspen trees changing color, and I'm not even pregnant. Is the grass in Utah greener? In my opinion, yes (unless it's fall, then it's brown). Where's my penny?
SO glad your comments are on!
Ahhhh...wonderful post, and I feel like you're describing exactly what I strive for on a daily basis...a simple life. In fact, just yesterday I was talking about this to the owner of a small hobby farm that was gracious enough to allow my daughter's preschool class to come over for a field trip to tour their farm...to pick apples from their small orchard, to taste honey from the honeycombs that their bees created, to pick the flowers that lined their white picket fence.
I want my daughters to FEEL life...to be appreciative of the small, simple things. Is this a possible for us to achieve this endeavor in such a busy world that has provided us with technology that has blessed us with so much? I absolutely think so...but it'll take more effort from us parents. :)
There is always more out there. Once you had all of that you'd want a bigger pond, perhaps a lake and the list goes on and on... This reminds me of the commandment to be in the world but not of it. I think our example to our children will really set the tone for whether their lives will have the essence of simplicity. I couldn't wait to explore the rest of the world when I moved from my parent's country home and now I dream of that life for my children. So many amazing memories! I am determined to help them experience them too! Love your blog! I love your raw nature!
it would be a bit of a challenge to have comments when you have 120 to read (now 121).
but maybe that's not really a problem since you have 3,705 FB friends. sometimes it's just hard to be so popular.
*please read this comment with an appropriate dose of sarcasm.
That picture of the Chief is beautiful.
I feel you girlie! I completely agree. I really do long for the simple life. Kids running around on our acres and acres of property. Catching poly wogs in the creek behind the house. I can keep dreaming...
(I actually inherited my dads old (OLD OLD OLD) series of story books. I live-ity love-ity love them SOOOO much. Enjoy.
Sigh....I grew up on a farm in no-where Minnesota (literally)where I was one of the "boys" building forts in the woods, sloshing through the muddy fields, riding my horse with abandon, swinging from the hayloft, playing kickball, baseball and tag on our many acres, making homemade goodies and canning from the garden with mom, and thumbing through my most beloved possession (that were my mother's) - all of the Little House on the Prairie books which took me to another world. It was magical.
Fast forward 25+ years and I am an overworked, stressed and tired working mom who has strict "schedules" to get anything done...going to the store only once a week, doing laundry only on Saturdays, carting the girls to and from daycare where other people teach them, going to dance, running book fairs, having playdates, birthday parties, remembering to make my first grader LUNCH everyday, checking emails nonstop and worrying about the next best concepts at work. You name it, I do it all. I loooooong for the simpler days and moving out to the country and being a stay at home mom. I would love for my children to experience what I had as a child growing and would love a simpler life. You don't really appreciate it until your much much older and experience the "rat race" of living in the city.
Like I said...*sigh*
I have a book of Fairy Tales illustrated by Gyo Fujikawa as well...kept from my childhood. My favorite photos were of the bearded dragon and the Princess and the Pea. Beautiful colors and simplicity. You can find simplicity right where you are - you just have to practice. So glad to have comments back!
I guess I should have helped clean the basement. And I guess I should have lost my desire to not steal things.
There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting it all for your children. That's what any wonderful mother would do. And you are.
When you first turned your comments off, I was bummed. Now that they're back on, I think I liked them off. I like commenting, but I feel like one of a million (or 127 today). And how many comments can a girl really handle? I think my max is 33 and I was in heaven. Maybe you're in the Celestial Kingdom? Or maybe you're tired of reading comments. I don't know. Either way I love you and your blog and The Chief and the fact that we're pregnant together! Wahoo!
Alas the past is just that the past. When I was a kid we slept outside in a tent without fear of someone kidnapping us...these days you have to lock your doors in broad day light. We can't go backwards but we can do what we can to make the future brighter for our children. You have a lovely view from your back door...perhaps if the climate could sustain them, how about a koi pond in one of the corners of the back yard...or a water feature of some sort. Many hugs & many more blessings!
yay for comments!
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Who knows if you will ever read this piled under the hundreds of comments BUT--------
Gyo Fujikawa is my FAVORITE!
Seriously, we are REALLY best friends now. I used her "Oh What a Busy Day" for a book report three times in a row until the teacher sent a note home to my mom saying I couldn't use that book anymore.
So then I used her "Mother Goose"
I bought a copy of Oh What a Busy Day off Amazon for my children. It isn't in print anymore. It is a brilliant, brilliant piece of work. That lady is in the ranks of Norman Rockwell for me.
This is a little ironic...when I find myself needing to appreciate or just wishing for simple beauty I read your posts! Thank you!
Can I tell you? Chup is an angel!!! Hold on tight to that patient and loving man!!!
And congrats on expecting!!!
Best of blessings!
i am so happy you have turned your comments back on. it's simply way that makes me feel like i am communicating to you, and you know who i am.
memories. how i loved and still love creating memories with my children. my children gre up in a very urban city, berkeley. to give them thre feel of the great outdoors we had a summer cabin in northwestern montana--a cabin on the lake surrounded by mountains and all sort of wildlife. i beleive we did have it all.
--blessings, mari
I know for me, I always have that nagging inside wondering if I have given my kids enough or too much. Moving from CO to NC was hard. God wanted us here, we know that, but my kids all long for that simpler life, quieter....they all way they're moving back when they grow up. Yea! I'll have a place to stay when I visit. CJane, you're a wonderful mom for shedding tears in the snow in September. God Bless!
"We write to taste life twice, once in the moment and in retrospection." Our future is born of these tastings...
I just volunteered at a Children's home in Africa this summer. The home was atop a mountain, overlooking a river. There was no TV, no radio, no cell phones, barely internet.
I came home to the same feeling you are having now. I had the EXACT same reaction -- move to a farm, grow our own food, be outside all the time.
But then I remember the museums that I'd miss. And the concerts that my hubby loves so much. And the Preschool field trips to Cold Stone Creamery.
We want what's best for our kids. We want EVERYTHING that's best for our kids. I think that's a normal feeling for those who are pregnant and those who are not. :)
Breathe girl. The simplicity will come from discovering what you have that you love, not by spinning your brain about all the 'could be's. Take a lesson from that sweet baby- he loves his vaccuum. You'll both want to remember how wonderful his childhood WAS, not how perfect it might have been. With two great parents accentuating the positive, he'll always find joy, not just when you're there to provide it. Be confident Courtney!
I just realized I had all of that growing up!! I grew up with cows,a few pigs, squirrels,chipmunks, ducks, chickens, cats, sheep,crows, all kinds of dogs from hound dogs to Irish Setters, a collie of course! No horses because my dad was allergic to them and I am allergic to all animals now! We had a hill to climb with more hills to climb after climbing up the first one and 3 ponds! Ponds can be dangerous too as I found out at 19 when my sister-in-law almost got sucked into a mining hole under water soOOOOoo YOU have plenty of time for a pond, maybe after the wee ones are more grown up and by that time a pond won't be as important! Maybe! I still would like a small pond! After all that rambling we both did, that pic of the Chief looking out the door and pointing made me chuckle! HE is soOOOOOOOoo cute and Chup, the Chief and your wee one, YOU and your family is more than enough!!Trips to a pond and the mountains could be FUN! Happy Week-end!
scroll, scroll, scroll, awe there it is...the end of comments!
Glad you are doing them again! I just wanted to say that I love Gyo. When I started my ECE degree I ran across a book of his and the illustrations flooded my memories of a book I had when I was growing up. I was then able to find that book and many, many others of his over the years. I've been dying for years to capture his illustrations on the wall of our playroom!
I've given up my dream of a simple life for my two girls (15 & 6).
I wanted it so badly years ago and knew that the only way to get it was to indeed move to the country and homeschool. I grew up in the country and although it was good in many ways, I was discontent much of the time and yearned for the city.
Now I just go day to day and pray to God that my kids will be okay.
I understand *exactly* what you mean.
When I was pregnant with Finn I threw a perfectly good ice cream cone out the window at a stop light in a fit of pregnant rage, and then started bawling. Wes stared at me in shock. Then I felt much better, but lonely for my ice cream cone. Point being: Isn't it interesting how we revert back to childhood while growing a child? I am with you about the farm. I vacillate between wanting urban, museum-going, art-appreciating children, and needing Wes to leave Hollywood this instance and become a farmer. We'll live next door to you, apparently.
typically late on the draw, leaving a comment no one will see, i tell you that this post encapsulated 99% of my mental difficulties. well put cjane. been there and am there quite often.
Pond, mountains, land... check out mapleton.. I happen to know that a piece of land just like that will be up for sale soon.
Exactly what has been buzzing through my head for the past few months. Not just eating organically, but LIVING organically, as the good Lord intended. But it is true, it doesn't matter so much where you live (i live in a 3rd floor apartment in salt lake, out of neccesity) but HOW you live.
The land next to us is for sale. I can see all of Utah County's mountains from my back porch.
My grandmother read to us from A Child's Garden of Verses every time we went to visit her.
My grandmother is 89, and my 35 yr old brother recites Bed In Summer to her every year on her birthday, and every time he visits her.
You can live a simple life anywhere. But the hum of chaos... a mess in the kitchen (compliments of non-toddler-proof cabinets), laundry waiting, 100 places you need to be, and the cookie covered face of a poopy baby...it's better than simplicity anyway, because then you can truly appreciate the day you spend reading books in your jammies and eating popcorn for dinner. (but please don't eat popcorn ...it sucks to throw it up.)
your post made me giggle. funny pregnancy hormones. it's not a coincidence that those sweet poems aren't illustrated with saggy diapered kids running wildly while pregnant mommy is on the couch willing nap/night time to come. but this is the reality of everyone's, well, reality. your kid may not have a pond in his back yard, but will probably have memories of building forts underneath the bushes - or something equally (in HIS memory) special. we moms over think stuff.
I know how you feel.
I grew up in a small country town, with cows and horses and farms all around our house. We played on the road and swam in the river, I ate veggies picked straight from my parent's garden and rode my bike to school. And now I live in Sydney. My fiance is Australian Born Chinese and doesn't want to leave the city. I think he thinks if he's not living surrounded by a crush of strangers and stinking traffic he wont know if he's alive. After all, his ancestral heart beats to Hong Kong time.
But I've worked out that's what holidays are for. Our children can still enjoy my childhood life, if only for a week or two at a time. Enjoy the sunshine and simplicity I loved. In the meantime, my heart will still be sore for it sometimes.
Post a Comment