"I want to paint the living room gold."
"We just painted it green."
"The green isn't right. I want gold."
"Gold?"
"I want the afternoon sun to come in and make the space light up like El Dorado."
____
Last weekend sent me into the loving arms of Laura (owner of the fresh boutique Dear Lizzie). In the whimsical space of her store we stood talking about motherhood.
"When you are sick and pregnant nothing is quite right." She noted.
Yes! That is it! Nothing feels quite right.
Like the green in my front room.
It should be gold.
____
I didn't have anything to wear to the Relief Society General Broadcast last night. I looked at my closet and nothing mentally fit. I could've tried some dresses on, but my mind had already decided. I didn't want to wear anything I could see.
So I put on my black stand-by dress and tried to revive it with some green accessories. I used to be cute, I swear I used to be cute.
____
After the broadcast I went to dinner with my sisters. We ate at Rooster. Rooster seems to be the only thing I can stomach. I think it is because my friends make the food, and I love them and feel love from them.
But I can't make food right now, because my love seems restricted.
____
When my friend Lani was pregnant with her fifth baby I asked her what she fed her children.
"Frozen anything."
But I knew Lani wouldn't--in her right mind--feed her children anything defrosted. Not with her admirable devotion to a natural lifestyle. I didn't know then what I know now.
I want to be Lani. If I can't be Lani I want to be as much like her as possible.
____
Back at Rooster.
"I don't go to bed with any big hopes for the future." I confessed as we ate lava cake. Except the day when Chup lets me paint the living room gold.
"Sounds like first trimester." Observed Page.
____
My mother's house is adorable. Every pillow, vase and sculpture sings a happy song.
Nothing is chirping at my house. I haven't vacuumed in weeks. I refuse to vacuum when I am gestating. I get to pick these things, right?
"Were you concerned about having a cute house when your children were little?" I asked my mother.
"No, but I always tried to have a clean house." She replied.
____
Tonight Chup and I took The Chief up the canyon to see the unveiling of autumn. I would like to use these words to describe the foliage: spectacular, breathtaking, glorious.
I asked him, "Are any negative thoughts positively useful?"
He answered, "I am going with no."
As we drive out of the canyon I noticed the gold in the sunlight. It was the perfect hue for my front room.
____
We are in the green living room tonight.
I put some flowers in an orange vase on the coffee table.
The Chief climbs on top of it and knocks it over.
Chup grabs him off.
I put the vase back up in position.
The Chief climbs back on top of the table and knocks it over again.
Chup grabs him off.
I position the vase again.
I think, what am I doing?
____
I am not right.
And that is the point. I am not right because I am not listening to what is right. Right for me, my body, my season of life.
My season is not about house decoration. It is not about glass vases on low centered tables (as lovely as it looks, and it looked lovely). I need a simple house without toddler traps. Good organization and lots of cues from nature.
A clean house.
My season is not about fashion. It is about picking a few items, showing off the best part of my body. Easy laundered shirts for the inevitable snot trails that end up on my shoulder area. Look nice, but not encumbered.
Clean clothes.
My season is not about cooking elegant meals. I do not have the heart to treat food the way it should be treated. It is okay to eat peaches, apples and toast. Pirate Booty and Lorna Doones.
Just eat something.
My season is for babies. For sleeping when my baby naps and early morning bottle swapping. For belly and breast expansion and retraction. Music in the nursery and afternoons in the backyard. A season for schedules and predictability. A quiet time, a time to be at home, a time to focus on growing and gathering.
Love this season.
(I don't want to ask my energy to do more than this, though some women can.)
Then, then, then! I will start to dream again. I will dream of the season of glass vases and vacuum lines in my carpet. The time to cultivate a more sophisticated wardrobe and mornings to stay in bed until noon. I will earn my way to a kitchen full of spices and surprises. Parties, gatherings, social outings.
First this. Then the gold living room.
177 Pieces of Opinion:
Well, I thought I wanted to paint my house green - the outside - I have a cedar house and live at the beach.
Now I want to paint it gold. Cedar AND brick. Gold. One of the hundreds of shades of gold out there.
How to choose? You can repaint a living room. A whole house, outside, with painters you are hiring? Not so much.
Very important to get it right the first time, here.
Enjoy your new gold living room. Your man will not deny you.
Just don't chop off all your hair. I always do that during the second trimester and it's never good. Especially by trimester 3.
Good luck.
And what are Lorna Doones?
My youngest is 2 and I am just now beginning to think of decorating, and cuteness and all that again.
But your season is an awesome season to be in. Enjoy it fully.
Thank you, thank you. I needed that.
So nicely put. A good reminder to enjoy this season. And congrats on baby #2!
I can totally relate...thanks for reminding me of the seasons. I think I try to do them all at the same time and then accomplish nothing. Enjoy expending all of your energy on baby-making, gestating and chasing your little one around. This season is truly once in a lifetime!
You always bring a smile to my face. You are just so real. You put into words what many of us think and feel! I met you at Stephanies hike to the Y. I think that you could wear a garbage sack and be cute. It is your spirit that makes you so adorable. I love the statement that says, "Nobody will remember what you wore or how you looked..but they will remember how you treated them." You make us all just feel good. I think you add just the right "spicey" to each season in your life. I am glad to know that even you sometimes find yourself wrapped up in a different season.
Lorna Doones are the BEST!!!!!!
I just had a baby, and most days feel pretty overwhelmed, so THANK you for that well put, very true post. I needed a reminder.
This post is quickly ranking up there as my favorite of all time.
One word just kept coming to mind as I was reading it: engaging.
That is what you and your posts are: Simply engaging.
Thank you.
~BB
I think blogger needs to employ a FAVE button like we have over on Flickr. I want to fave this post about a hundred times. If this were in a book, I would underline the whole thing, pink hi-light all the passages pertaining to seasons, and decorate the margins with star after star. Thank you for crystallizing my feelings so perfectly.
thank you so much for this!
Exactly. And beautifully put.
There's nothing like puking every day to put your life into perspective! You quickly figure out that nothing really has to be done besides cleaning the clothes, tidying the house, and eating something. And usually the house falls off the list. Hang in there!
we painted our living room a light yellow and i am still waiting to pain the one big wall gold. it will maybe never happen as we are now thinking of moving to a rambler and getting away from the stairs that i keep falling down due to meniere's disease.
i love this post, as i do all your posts, except this one seemed to mesh with me inside. it all clicked for me.
you'll get your gold room.
first, i love your blog. i was once a person who was good with words, then i had 3 kids in 4 years. now, not so much. now, i just try to get through the day have at least 1 'adult' conversation.
second, who has kids a vacuum lines too? i can't manage it, well, maybe, for about 5 minutes after i'm done vacuuming, then enter cheerios. i should know better.
lastly, i'm not sure if anything ever really fits again after having kids. well, at least not any of my clothes :)
I'm sitting here pumping milk for my newborn triplets while everyone else is sleeping. I needed this post. I'm constantly thinking of how I want to decorate our new house and what vacations I want to go on. (4 months of bedrest will do that to you.) I haven't been feeling very beautiful lately and I still don't feel like my body is mine again. I love being a mother though. I've waited so long for this, and I need to just buckle down and enjoy where I'm at right now. There will be plenty of time for other things, but my babies will not be little for long. Thanks for the reminder.
These were wise words I needed right now.. I am in 'this season' to, after just having my fourth baby girl!
Just aiming for a clean house, not a glamourous one is goal enough
I painted my hallway in the most regal shade of rich deep ruby red once. It was spectacular. I loved it and thought I could happily eat my meals and sleep in that hallway.
Then I had the bright idea of painting the moulded plaster coving under the ceiling in rich regal GOLD.
My husband went out the door to work. I paid a fortune for the gold paint and spent hours balancing on the top of a ladder pregnant and painting. Just as I finished my husbands car pulled up in the driveway.
He came in and his jaw dropped. It was hideous. It looked like someone had squirted a line of mustard on a hot dog. I am now over my need to paint anything gold.
Our new house is still pale cream. I'm waiting to feel brave again!
watched your quesadilla video the other day & now, after reading your post today, i wish i could come hang out with you & clean your house! lol but seeing as how i am in minnesota i don't think that is gonna happen :)
You know, even though my girls are 11 and 14 (almost 15 mom!) I remember the first trimester well. Your post brought back my memories and by reading it, I got a better insight as to what I was going through at that time. The decorating? I can promise you that it does come later, though perhaps not as quickly as one would like because you end up being so involved in your children's activities that you don't have a lot of spare time. But it does come. As for the morning sickness, and the food thing, it really does pass, though I remember thinking it never would. To this days, there are certain smells that have the capability of making me sick all over again.
I know how you feel about not finding anything to wear - every day I struggle with that even now that I have maternity clothes that actually fit.
Love it. Well put--I too have learned to just embrace the season. You put into words what so many of us experience as we increase in our motherhood.
I wish I was there.
I would come and vacuum your living room for you and tell you how much I simply love reading your blog. How I start every morning with a bowl of cheerios and C Jane and a prayer of thanks for charming, sensible women in the world.
Thank you. Now go lay down and put your feet up.
oh my goodness!! SO well-said. You put into words the past two years of my life and hopefully many more. Keep savoring, CJane!
Thank you. I needed that. Pregnant too and feel like I'm just surviving each day right now. Thanks for the perspective on priorities.
This was a lovely blog entry. I made me so happy - reminded me of what's really important. :)
Thank you.
I LOVED this. Thank you. I am sure i will think of it again, and again. Thank you.
This may be my favorite post ever.
I've never been married, or pregnant for that matter, but you make it look...well, human. Difficult, but manageable. And that's why your blog is the first thing I read every morning.
I pray for you, cjane, in these unmanageable months.
i have read your blog for over a year now, but never commented. this is a great post and one i needed. only four more weeks until i birth our 5th and i'm already feeling a little caged and overwhelmed. thank you!
This is probably my favorite of all your posts! I love how you wrote about your seasons... So true and so well written. Thanks for sharing with us.
I cried. I needed to hear your words this morning. I too, am in the first trimester and striving to remember that I am not as lame as these last few weeks are trying to prove. I will be better today.
Bravo! My house is neither cute nor clean most of the time. I am spending too much time outside enjoying my family and sunshine. Life is too short. As long as my house is warm and dry, I'm happy.
i know it doesn't help much when you don't feel cute, but trust me, you are still cute.
this is a lovely season and it passes far too quickly. i'm glad to know you are still determined to enjoy it.
(ha ha--word verification "produs"--perfect for baby season, perfect for harvest season)
i SO know what you mean!! let's enjoy our season!
I so agree. I just barely got back into that decorating stuff and my baby is two. I'm guessing that pretty soon I will be back to where you are sooner rather than later (you never know of course) because it is that season of life in my life as well.
kThank you CJ. I am 18 weeks with my second child and am still in the throws of what feels like 'the first trimester'...Thank you for reminding me that this season is about growing this little person and not about the pet hair on the carpet or reorganizing the closets.
I needed that.
You are so lovely.
You have such a way with words. Love it!
Don't make expensive decisions while hormones are in play...they never end well. If you still yearn for the gold after baby is born...then it is time (as long as you aren't in the throws of post-partum).
Yep- completely agree. I am 29 weeks pregnant w/ baby #6--- and I am desperately "trying" to love this season... but it is hard. Keep taking those naps, they will be few and far between with 2 toddlers waddling around the house! Enjoy- and go gold! Although I am an avocado green fan.
We actually painted our bedroom gold, from green, when I was in my first trimester. And I love it. I'm just starting my 3rd trimester, and I think I skipped vacuuming my entire 2nd. This post totally summed up my life right now too, probably my favorite post ever, thanks!
Thank you for this post. It is now my very favorite, for now anyway! I needed this. After 10 years of watching my seasons change, enjoying the vaccum lines and glass vases again. I am, in a couple of days, being thrust back to the season of little ones. I am going from having 2 pre-teens to adding 3 more young ones. I can't tell you how this post has helped me remember the importance of each stage in a childs life. Thank you a million times.
I also loved this...this post definitely spoke to me. Thank you!
I'm pregnant and the Roomba has been heaven sent. A robot vacuum is a pregnant gal's best friend. Trust me.
I don't vaccuum when I'm gestating either...hence why my carpet is in such sad shape.
I love this post!
wonderful thought about the seasons in life! so so so true!
Thank you! Perfect post in every way!
I think the first trimester is like living in an alternate universe for 14 weeks. I'm 21 weeks right now, and looking back to the first trimester is like looking back to a place and person I don't recognize. Thankfully, it passes - now if I could just keep my house clean. :)
I am right there with you. Sitting in a living room strewn with toys. Its going to be like this for the next few years. And I love it.
it took me 35 minutes to get dressed for the relief society broadcast. partly b/c i'm 20 weeks and partly b/c i knew i was going alone b/c my family was out of town and my friends were moping. moping. i was moping too. not about going, just about my closet. i needed my maternity clothes down. they were on the top shelf of our organizer in our incredibly UNorganized back closet. sean was outside with brennan and i had nothing to wear. i changed twice, but mainly stood there in my underclothes complaning to myself about not having my maternity clothes b/c there was surely something in there that would work. i decided on a black skirt that was a little snug and a big flowly shirt that hid all of the bumps and lines of a belly that doesn't look pregnant, just pudgy. which i'm glad for b/c 40 weeks is a long time and the longer i stay pudgy the less time i'll be unable to breath from biggness at the end. so, yes, i couldn't figure out what the wear for the broadcast either. and i was glad to go alone too in the end. i met a new friend and had some great conversation with people i would not have normally been able to visit with. imagine that!
this is a great post. It helped me put some perspective on how useless I am feeling right now as a mother.
I used to feel the way you describe. Feeling like my babies were taking everything, all my energy, all my time. I gave them all of me, even though it was overwhelming at times.
Today, my children are aged 12 and 10 - no more babies. Every day, they are growing into independent children with a mind and a life of their own.
I was sitting by myself all day Saturday, kids busy with their lives, thinking "what do I do now?"
this is not easy, I swear. you'd think I'd be dancing with joy for the freedom their independence is bringing me, but I'm not. I feel lost.
so, reading your post made me remember how demanding the pregnancy/baby/toddler time is. and appreciate that I gave it all when it was time, but now, it may be time to think about house decorating and cooking and looking cute.
thank you.
This is brilliant. Thank you.
Loved this post. Thanks.
Simply stated, simply perfect. Enjoy the season of life we are in, even if it doesn't include the perfectly placed vase. That season will come in time.
You have just expressed everything I have been feeling, especially for the last 7 months. Right now I'm in the season of wanting to cut my hair but knowing I will regret it. Instead I just ignore the dishes and the vacuuming.
Echoes my sentiments exactly right now. I go to bed at 8 every night with absolutely no hopes for the future but to not wake up before 2 am. I definitely imagined this pregnancy thing to be a lot more romantic.
your posts just alwats make me smile
This was a beautiful post. Beautifully structured, beautifully written, beautiful message. I am reminded of the Navajo poem about beauty, which has many renderings but goes something like:
In beauty I walk
There is beauty before me
There is beauty behind me
There is beauty above me
And beauty below me
With beauty may I walk
It is becoming beautiful again
It is becoming beautiful again
Thank you.
I felt "mediocre" during the baby season of my life. My house was clean-ish, the boys were half naked and dirty-ish, I was somewhat put together, but never all of me at the same time. I felt like someone else for awhile. But "you" are still there, and all of "you" will be back soon. Enjoy and embrace the "mediocrity" it only lasts a moment.
Oh I needed this post today. It was a much needed reminder! Thank you thank you!
I loved this post!
This post is so true. So true. I'm actually amazed you're able to come up with such insights while in the first trimester! I usually just grump my way through it, then "wake up" sometime around 14 weeks.
Court,
I read this last night and let it sink in as I fell asleep. Then I read it again this morning and cried for two reason. 1. I realized exactly that, that I am not right. I've been focusing on the wrong things. Trying to make everything just right and nothing ends up that way and 2. Thank you for hitting my refresh button for my heart and soul. You are my most favorite woman in the world.
P.S. You are so very cute all the time, you just might be the only one who doesn't see it.
I have to say...you put things so well. I'm in that season of my life too. A season for babies. I plan on six, and I'm pregnant with our second, so this will be my season for a while.
And, nothing seems right to me either.
Amen! Here's to the season's of life!
Well put. I've also decided that woman who seemingly have it all- are probably miserable in some aspect of their lives. So let it be my messy house as long as my kids and I get to be happy.
that was perfectly written...i completely understood every flowing word from your head to your keypad.
well put cjane.
well put.
Amen. Wish I'd figured it out by my second child!
I don't usually comment, but honestly that was one of the best posts I've read in a while... not that I don't love everything you write, but I guess this one touched a distinct spot in my heart that has been needing to be touched.
I'm in the baby phase. I quite often feel torn wanting to have a cute house, cute clothes, become an amazing cook, and throwing fabulous parties. At the same time I'm the mother of two sweet, loving, demanding, potty training babies with family far far away, and a husband working hard with long hours to provide for us all.
I recognize that right now this is where the Lord wants me to be. Now I'm just praying for a change of heart so I can not want but enjoy being here too. :-)
Thank you. I needed this today.
I have a 2.5 year old and am due in just a few weeks with our second son. A couple years ago one of my husband's friends who has two little ones emailed him about embracing this "season of life" that he is in, being a father, having to give up some of his personal hobbies while he is raising his children. That phrase - "season of life" - really resonated with me then and it has become my mantra as a mother. To embrace this period of my life when my children are so little and need me so much. As for the house and my clothes and parts of myself that get neglected, I just do my best and am happy with whatever outcome that produces. Thanks for a beautiful post.
I love this post! It is a Mormon cliche, but there is a time and season for everything. I too have a hard time looking at others who are in a different time and season and being a bit envious.
When I look at my patient, loving mother-in-law, I have to think her house was just as crazy as mine when she had 4 kids under 6.
Amen. And Amen. I need to put off the guilt I have for not having a house fit for a magazine, 5 star gourmet meals (what's wrong with using cream of chicken, anyway??), a wardrobe straight from anthropologie, and not having my hair perfectly coiffed everyday.
Thanks, girl.
Guilt's gone.
At least for today :)
Thank you for reminding me of this today. I feel exactly the same way, I just struggle to remember it from day to day.
A.MEN!
Well said, as usual.
bridge to terabithia... they have a beautiful gold wall in there home... watch the movie it's a tear jerker though!!
Sometimes I think you read my mind. I was just driving along, musing on the state of my house, and I come home to this! My previously immaculate house has pencil on the walls, ornaments out of reach, no more coffee table (too many accidents so it had to go), windows covered in fingerprints, doors that don't open, doors that don't close, bookshelves in chaos...but I have four children, so it's to be expected, isn't it? And just this morning I was saying to my husband that one day we'd have time to do all the things we'd like to do, and all we will want is our life with small children back again.
Thank you!
I've been feeling restless and frustrated lately because I try to do everything at once and long for what I don't have or can't do right now.
We all need to remember that there are seasons to life. And we'll miss each one as they pass, so we need to enjoy it fully.
(Zane's wife -- not Zane. Not that it matters)
Your mom is very wise. I loved what she said about not trying to have a cute house but a clean house when she had young kids. I would love a cute house but some days it's too hard to even have a clean house. Thanks for such amazing pearls of wisdom.
This made me cry and smile at the same time as I sit amongst the clutter of my home.
I LOVE this post. I have an active almost nine month old in a little basement suite that can never be totally uncluttered or childproofed. I am also surrounded by people who have an agenda for my mothering, telling me what I should be feeding my child, where and how he should be sleeping, and other crazy things only North American parents would think. (What nine month old needs to be independent? After all, as his adorable t-shirt says, he still lives at home.)
Anyway, thank you for this post. It reminds me that I'm in a beautiful season, a different season, and a season to be treasured because it is so very fleeting. Thank you!
Loved this post :)
really fresh and real x
i was just having a conversation with K about this very topic--focusing our energy on a few chosen taks is one way to be a much happier camper. to be honest, i feel like there is a lot of competition and pressure to be perfect in our culture. i'm glad that you share my philosophy of setting our standards a little lower!
beautiful. thank you. I really needed this today.
It is a good season...one that I have suddenly realized I have recently left behind. The next season will surprise you equally. There are still no glass vases in my life, but there are soccer games and dance recitals and budding testimonies, and toddlers turning into somebody wholly new and wonderful.
The only thing I can say is that I needed this post 7 years ago. I get it now, I only wish I had got it then.
Beautiful.
Very wise -- very wise.
enjoy the season!
it is SUCH a great one!
totally 100% cliche'
but it passes SO quickly.
my "baby" is turning 16 (and driving! and dating!) in one week.
not that i don't, um, love the "new season"--
but i sure miss someone little to snuggle with.
someone little that ADORES me.
enjoy the season~ :O)
Beautiful reminder. I will do my best to remember to live in my season now, not the seasons I would like to be in. Thanks :)
Good for you for figuring that out already!!
Thank you~ This is just what I needed to hear. I get it.
My friend Tammy P. used to invite me to relief society meetings and I LOVED them, every one of them. Her ward was awesome and we attended many fun things there. Your mentioning Relief Society brought back great memories!
CJ, this post followed by the cooking video is just why I LOVE you so much!!!
Thank you for so eloquently articulating what so many of us must feel...and for reminding me that so many of us feel it. Here's the the season of goldfish crackers and adequacy...and joy.
As women we feel like we can and should be doing everything. As a mother of 4 boys (ages 2 to 11) I find that sometimes all I can do is make sure my kids are fed (sometimes we have cold cereal for dinner) and clean. And clean is pushing it.
I loved this post - it made me remember that this is a small time in my life - and I should be enjoying it not stressing out over messy countertops and crayon marks on the walls.
I know how you feel, my first pregnancy I painted every room in my house (I'm not exaggerating) and my second pregnancy I painted just the kitchen, twice.
I also barfed the whole time, so I think it does have to do with being Sick AND pregnant. All I have to say is Hallelujah to paint and primer in one can!
the BEST description of first trimester i've ever read. i want to hug this post.
so hard to explain how nothing is...right.
and i love your conclusion. really needed to hear that, as baby-arrival looms ahead and i'm trying to figure out how to keep my sanity *and* dreams intact.
Will you really ever read this little comment in the sea of almost 100? Well, just in case, I had to say - YES. To all of it. And the more kids you have, the more you realize that it is okay if you no longer have a cute house as long as it is a place that they like and want to be.
I loved this post.
Vacuum lines in the carpet... I think I can find those hiding with my appetite. They ran off together and are having a jolly time without me.
Thank you. This is me, too. This is my season. I used to be cute, too (thank you to wedding photos that prove this) but now I am lumpy. My body is expanding and contracting, too, and doing things that, in theory, seem impossible. But this is my season and I will enjoy it, for there are many joys in it. Thanks for reminding me of that.
You have NO idea how much I needed to read this today. It hit me right where I am. Thank you so much!!
This post made me think of "Bridge to Terabithia" and how Leslie wants a gold room. I must have read that book a dozen times in my pre-teen/early teenage years. Made me smile.
Thanks for the reminder. It sounds like you got your wisdom from your mother. She sounds brilliant!
yeah i think the same things.. pregnancy gets to me too.
Thank you Cjane for that wonderful post, and the reminder that we can't be everything all of the time. I needed to hear that today, and to breathe and enjoy the season that I am in.
ha ha. what a great post. i've visited your blog a few times, and although i always enjoy reading your thoughts, i have never left a comment. this one was over the top comment worthy! congrats on this season.
Dear Courtney, your post is so wise in exploring how our many beautiful, good desires sometimes require reprioritizing - and that can feel like we're losing something or missing out on something, when in fact it is often only a delay until a future season. I appreciate how hopeful this perspective is. Some of my dear friends have been discussing this topic recently, http://mormonwomenthinking.blogspot.com/
A time for everything, right? That's what I keep telling myself for the last 20 years. My friend Cassandra Barney says, "Be where your feet are." I love that.
I could of written this post except that I'm not that eloquent!
I just had my second child 11 days ago and taking a shower seems like a huge achievement when it actually happens.
Thanks for keeping it real.
It's my season to have babies as well, and I would like to add one thing to your list. It's a season to be healthy... not a season to have a killer body, not to workout two hours a day, not to train for a marathon (maybe not even a 10k), but a season to be healthy. Daily walks with two kids in the double stroller and a semi-conscious attempt to eat healthy food will have to be enough.
Cuz frankly that's all I have time for.
I am in the same season, and that post brought peace to my soul.
Thanks so much for that post! I too am expecting (February, my 5th) and have felt the very same way. Wanting to be on top of it all and feeling depressed because I can't seem to keep the house clean or the kids fed...or to look cute! Your post somehow made me feel like it's OK to let some of these things slide. Hopefully, my season to be super mom will come next Spring :-)
Ditto with not cutting your hair. You have a pregnant brain!!!!!!
With my second baby I cut mine short one night. The next day at church..(yes, of course I did it on a Saturday night)..my friend very kindly suggested I let her help me 'even out' the back a bit! Ugh.
You are obsessing with something you can change because so much is beyond your control right now. Hang in there.
I love that you recognize the season you're in. So many of us don't hit that realization and end up being miserable. Brilliant! Thank you for the reminder.
Because I REALLY wish I had vacuum lines in my carpet too! Someday...
How could you so eloquently describe all that I could not? Thank you. When I listen to our leaders, I like to write all of my impressions...not just the ones that obviously have something to do with what they are saying. Interestingly, that side of my paper on Saturday not so eloquently said exactly what you expressed. Again, thank you.
I just finished the first trimester. You captured that feeling perfectly. And somehow your post feels like permission to let go of fashionable clothes and a stylish house for me as well. So, thanks for that.
Nurture your body, feed your soul and seek peace where you can.
Beautiful post
brackleMost of the time I ENJOY this season. The "Child" season. Somedays I LOVE this season. And somedays I just wish the children would quit getting into my stuff so I could find my deodorant and not be late for the RS Broadcast.
I have always liked what you write, but having someone else go through the first trimester with me is somewhat validating.
I haven't wanted to paint my walls...but the craziness is there.
I loved this post!
I'm loving this post. My fourth is seven months. This season is long but oh so worth it. I think the latter is overrated!
I'm the 120th comment!! wahoooo! I've never been the 120th anything. this is pretty exciting.
Enough about me, let's talk about you.. what do you think of me?
no wait, that's not right.
this was probably one of my most favorite posts. thank you for putting into words what I've been feeling in my heart for a very long time. Except that my living room is brown. :)
first the babies. Definitely.
SHOOOT!! someone just commented while I was commenting and stole the 120th comment thunder.
oh well, 121st isn't that bad.
I'm done. Sorry.
I've read you for years, but this is the first post I've commented on.
Funny how some things just bring us right out of our shells.
I want to laminate this post and stick it to my fridge, heck, the insides of the glasses I don't wear. I am always praying for more energy, but maybe what I need to pray for is patience? With patience I can appreciate this time for growing and gathering (as you say) and not fast forward through the days like a whirling mommy dervish.
I don't know you, but I love you. The way you write is so refreshing. I'm always uplifted after I read your blog, your post the other day about the pear/pairs was wonderful. I'm a mother of 4 boys and I needed that reminder of what a blessing they are. And today also, needed to remember this is a season and to enjoy it while it's here, because all too soon it will be over.....please never stop writing!
I once went to the fabric store, and walked around, sighing and caressing the golden silks, fingering the plush fabrics I longed for. When the assistant came over I wistfully explained that I wanted all these things, but that really, I needed something that you could throw up on or spill juice on. Wipe buttery popcorn fingers on.
She looked at me, longingly, and sighed, "I have these fabrics. I would take the children back in a heartbeat."
First baby was perfect, 2nd Colic heartbreak and pain 9 mo into feeling like I can breath, you said it perfect, easier said than dont but such a great goal
"Let my love like sunlight surround you and yet give you illumined freedom."
Radindranath Tagore 'Fireflies'
This saying feels like Gold maybe put it up on your wall:)
Let me add: a season for hiring a house cleaning professional. I found out during my last pregnancy (because of strict bedrest) that it is not very expensive to get someone to scrub bathrooms, wash floors, and vacuum once a week.
I've probably missed the whole point here, but I say, "Go for the Gold!!"
It will bring you such joy.
xox
Oh my gosh, Woman. You said it all. You said it all just how I've always felt it and couldn't say it.
The link below is an 8-year-old Anna Quindlen tribute to the late Katharine Graham, publisher of the Washington Post, that struck me as oddly relevant to your most recent post. What she wrote about "dreams deferred" and how, as women, there are seasons to our lives, seemed to correspond to your current situation. It gives me powerful hope and I hope it does the same for you.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/78851/page/1
Ohhh how I loved this post. Just what I needed to hear. Thank you.
I love reading you--or rather, reading your writing and hearing your voice in my head. Even though I have never actually heard your audible voice, your writing is so full of your voice that is unmistakable. And this may be my favorite post so far. I am a writer too--at least I like to think of myself as one--and I aspire to be like you.
I'm pregnant too and have a one year old. Thank you! THANK YOU! I needed to hear this and realize it's okay to sacrifice cuteness for child-friendliness.
I have said it before and I will say it again, I love your blog. I feel just as you feel. My house, my body, my sleep all belong to my baby. Someday they will belong to me again but for now they are his.
I used to think that too, until I realized that by the time my younger kids are grown up I'll have grandkids. So pretty much I'm stuck with a kid friendly house for the rest of my life! I guess that's what life's all about though, right?
You have such a beautiful gift for writing. I always leave your blogs ready to write on my own, because reading words of a good writer feeds my own imagination. Thank you.
Hi, I just started reading your blog a month or so ago after hearing about it from a group of friends for over a year. Well now, I GET IT! Your posts always make me smile, but today, it made me want to cry. In the best way. I am 11 weeks pregnant and incredibly nauseous all the time. Thanks for the heartfelt post. You mean I'm not the only one struggling?!! Ha. But its easy to think so sometimes. Thanks for reminding me of the important stuff. Growing babies is hard work, but sooo worth it :)
God bless you both.
I remember being in that season not long ago...my mother-in-law said "Aimee has let herself go." :p
We are replacing our carpet with hardwood. No more carpet lines soon but no more randomly placed splatters of stains from leaky sippy cups (or diapers).
My favorite place to shop is still Targets clearance rack. No huge commitment means, the new stains that will still fall on my shirt are okay. And you can always dress up a pair of jeans and a black T-shirt. ; )
I don't think I've let myself go?!
this was what I needed today! with having six kids in the last 11 years, hopefully a season of better fashion will happen soon!
Paint it gold! I painted mine in Benjamin Moore Golden Honey, but I warn you, once you do the rest of the house will seem blah. Now I'm bugging my husband to paint the rest of the house. It just glows like the sun and it makes me smile...second trimester or not.
Good luck!
Amen.
I loved this post.
Thanks!
Beautiful!
It just happened that one time during one of my 'seasons' (beautiful by the way) my husband asked me what I really wanted and I told him - vaccuum - a moment of clarity that has brought me so much joy.. On Saturday he was out of town and I was sitting at his computer and a reminder popped up to "Vaccuum" - i fell in love all over again!
My sentiments EXACTLY!!! I'm also in my 1st trimester and am running to the bathroom more than I'd like...I LOVE your blog and think you're incredible! Thanks for sharing!
amen.
i, too, am in this season. a 6 month old and a baby on the way... they will be 11 months apart.
beautifully put, my friend, beautifully put.
i often say to myself when life is getting over the top... this is a SEASON and i try to enjoy it. sometimes that is all you can actually do.
oh and hello, i dont believe we have ever officially met. and you have so many fans, the chances of us actually connecting are scanty, but at any rate i keep reading and enjoying.
oh sister, i thought you looked hot at the rs conference.
you always look hot, even wrapped up in a brown furry blanket.
i love you, i do.
This entire post was brilliant. Amen. Amen and Amen.
You SOOOOOOO make my day - every day. Thank you for your excellent posts.
This rings so true for so many of us moms of young children. The key seems to be contented patience.
And, my family room is gold, and I've been wanting to paint it green. Go figure.
So well put. I feel more at peace after reading that post. I have been well flustered at juggling too many bits of life that I think I should be doing but really it is about the sprogs for the moment....and I am good with that....After I finish painting that one last closet :)
First, I love, love love, your blog. I am so glad I stumbled upon it!
As a mom of two boys (one is almost 17 and the other is 11.5) I have learned this much...It all goes by quick so enjoy every minute of it. This (motherhood) is the good stuff. Every stage they go through is an adventure, from learning to walk to learning to drive. When they were little, I used to fuss over my HOUSE, wanting things just so. Now my focus is to make HOME a place they always want to come home to, no matter how old they get.
April from Jacksonville FL
PS: try Humble Gold from Sherwinn Williams. It is really beautiful. If you don't have a SW out there Home Depot or Lowes can make it up for you (cheaper too!) I can pass on the color code if need be.
First the babies!!!
Great post - random thoughts from a mom, because that's how our days go, right? Esp when you are pregnant! Hope you get that gold paint color you want! Paint can always be painted over again when you get another whim!
I'm sitting here in my extremely messy house crying over this beautiful blog post. Baby #4 born in January, my oldest just turned 6, has put me over the edge in my ability to keep my house clean or have any sort of life of my own. We also moved into a new house 2 months ago and I have been feeling so guilty about the bare walls and the disaster of an unpacked basement. I NEEDED this reminder of what is important, this time will be gone in a blink of an eye!
Cjane, This was elegant writing today. Thank you for your beautiful words of wisdom. They were light and seemed to be just for me . Thank You!!
I am sitting here over our reheated take out pizza for dinner feeling like a failure because I didn't do a darn thing today except for play and teach and sing and love on my two babies all day. Now, I know that this is my time to enjoy every second of everyday god gives me and my family here on this earth. who cares if my home is decorated with flowers and vases or transformers and tutus. I prefer the later anyway.
Perfect!
Thanks for this post. I am an interior designer so I am engulfed in the land of lavish and beautiful things that I can buy for my clients and not for me. Recently we have decided to move from our small condo to a house and I have been losing sleep and waisting hours on craigslist.(for the perfect entertainment center and platform bed) This reminds me that although I want a pretty house with pretty things I don't need them. I need to keep a clean home and a happy environment for my beloved son. Thanks for the perspective!
Thanks for posting this. I have two very young children and have been tormented by wanting to keep my home decorated before we had children. It is impossible! I need to remember that there is a season for everything and right now my season is to just play with my children, nap with them, squeeze them and enjoy the messes they like to make.
Tonight I will just be happy to go to bed knowing that my house is clean. It might not be in architectural digest- but it is clean !
you're flippin brilliant. Just love this. Want to tattoo it on my body and read it all day long.
thank you.
your brilliance shines like gold.
Thank you so much for this. It spoke right to my heart.
I feel like a credit card (financial service? ... I can't remember) commercial. "I am so there."
I love this.
What I wouldn't give to be in that season again.
There is a time and a season for everything. Yes indeed. And plus, green is like the best color ever! So, don't worry.
When I see fit women, skipping off to the gym, after eating a whole grain/organic breakfast, in their clean car, leaving from their clean and cute house, I just tell myself. That will be me someday. But not today.
For today we have gymnastics, and a cut and paste school project, and black bananas that need to be baked into banana bread, and a baby to feed(every three hours) and Halloween costumes to think about.
And I know, know, know that when this messy, chaotic life is gone I WILL miss it.
My living room is gold. Jealous?
So is my bedroom. I love it!
I too am pregnant, and due just a day before you. After reading this post I'm inspired to go clean my bathrooms right now.
i love this post. someday we'll all have cute perfectly decorated houses, right? for now, we've got toys in every corner, no coffee tables since they're just right for jumping and easy mac and cheese dinners now and again. sounds good to me. i'm already thinking my kids are growing too fast and before i know it they'll all be way too big. good luck with the pregnancy.
amen.
Remember when they painted the room gold in Bridge to Terabithia and watched the sun come in?
Been considering a gold living room, myself. And thanks for this - as a pregnant lady (a sick one), your observations mean a lot. I feel a little better about feeding my child a diet of Golden Grahams and organic Chicken Nuggets.
Love that. I needed that. And I thought of it again the other day while I was vacuuming (I'm not gestating).
Wow! Thanks so much for that! I will be coming back to read this when I start feeling (like I did right before I read your post) like I am not perfectly happy with how my house is decorated and how I don't have anything to wear.
You said this so perfectly! Thank you!
So, I am not a faithful reader (I just don't have the time, or yours would be the top of my list. It is on all my sisters' and friends'.) But I happened to be reading tonight and every post poked the nerves I have been feeling lately. Thanks for your witty, insightful, faith promoting, just-what-I-needed-to-hear-words.
Oh, I love you. I am all teary over this post.
Oh I love it...
Much needed thoughts for this day...er.. um.. SEASON!
Love this. I just had baby girl #5. I cried a couple of times since then because everything seems a mess. My house, my clothes, my car. Who cares. My children are not a mess...they are lovely.
Thank you for the reminder.
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