The other day I ran into a woman in the park who is a c jane reader. She explained,
"I have a lot of children, but I am not as sweet as your mother." And I replied, "My mother is not sweet." I think that might've confused her and I wish I would've explained better.
My mother is not sweet. To me, sweet is a soft voice and cheerful eyes, a guile-less heart and a head that always tilts. My mother is fun. Gregarious and perky, witty and funny. She is thoughtful and passionate and always up for a good time. To illustrate: my seventeen-year-old nephew made her a Muse cd (alternative rock) and she fell so much in love with it she spent a twelve hour car ride listening to it on repeat. She loves Freddy Mercury and Hershey's chocolate.
My mother is kind. And today when I was perhaps at my snarkiest (or my worst, as she would agree) she spent the day ignoring my foul mood and acting as if I was enjoyable. (I was so not enjoyable.) My mother is smart. She long since learned to play off of my mood as if I was her best friend, which usually induces my change for better. In our relationship she is patient.
My mother is endearing. When I mentioned today that I wanted a baked refreshment, my mother drove me to the bakery. I didn't want to go inside so I waited in the car with The Chief while she did the shopping. When she was gone, I thought to myself, She is so good to me. She never gives up on me. She always hopes for the better part of me. And eventually she came out with a box of cookies dripping with orange frosting and insisted they were all for me.
I've written before my thoughts on her secret to motherhood and I don't think it has anything to do with being sweet, but everything to do with enjoyment. I mean, it isn't always a trip to the circus, she is a busy woman with her mind on a million things at once. When she has two seconds to sit on your couch and tell you how to arrange your pillows you feel honored. But we (her children) always feel her happiness to be with us, she enjoys our company and craves our love.
My mother is not sweet, but she always laughs at our jokes.
92 Pieces of Opinion:
I eat this post like chocolate. I need need to hear about matriarchs who are amazing, and how they do it, and I REALLY need to hear about ones who are not guileless. I'm not guileless. I'm not sweet. But I love my children so brightly it is blinding, and I seek all the time how to better do what I am doing, as it fits with my personality.
I told Nie- I did not have the safe upbringing you all did. I feel intimidated by people so pure, I do. I come with a past that is ugly and sore, and I am a person who is both incredibly sincere and heartfelt and also confused with dark places that left me with a long hard way up...I smoked in my twenties..I drank too much...I stayed up late and was tired all the time, which impacted my babies, but I was and am ALWAYS TRYING to do better, to be better.
I'm listening for how.
I am at a loss for words.
I want to say your mom is amazing, beautiful and inspirational. Yet I do not feel that gives it any justice.
Thank you for writing this.
I asked Nie to give your mom a hug for me today, can you give her one as well!
Thanks for writing this.
My kids probably wouldn't call me sweet either, but I would hope that one day they will have the sentiments you have for your mother. They are still little, most of them, except for the 20-year-old, so I am still waiting!
She is obviously amazing to have produced and raised such awesomeness (seriously though).
Oh my, you just write so beautifully. I read the post you linked to as well. What does it feel like to have four thousand people who feel like they know you personally? I believe it is time for a book. (Just in time for a new baby...HA!)
That post about your mother is my favorite of all your posts.
I love your mom. i don't know why but for some odd unknown reason she reminds me of me. is she an old hippie? i am an old hippie, from berkekey no less. i know spening an afternoon with cindy would be delicously fun. what a great auction iten that would be "an afternoon of lunch and fun with cindy clark". lots of money to be made on that auction item.
auctions are my mind as my husband made a mission style rocker for a gala auction last saturday night. he does such beautiful work. a true craftman he is. side tracked, sorry.
you are so blessed to have the family you have. your mom truly is a gift to you, and it's so good to read how much you love, admire, respect her. whatever she did, she did it right to raise such amazing group and you are all friends--not a sour apple in the while batch. it's all good. courtney, you are one of the best!
blessings, mari
I loved it.
Beautiful. Thank you for this post.
Sort of sounds to me like your mom is sweet.
Love that you called her smart. I just started reading your blog a week or two ago and now I'm hooked - I think it's because, like your mother, you're smart too.
My mother is not sweet, but she is pretty good. I get on with her much better now that I'm working full time and only see her for a couple of hours a day.
My mother passed away when I was 27 with still so much to learn about live.
I love how much you love your mother. I think if my mother was still alive I'd love her that much too.
Thank you. I love both posts about your mother. I think I just found the perfect job description for myself--at least what I hope it to be. I don't want to tilt my head and be sweet like that, either, especially if it means being someone I'm not. I've just dropped off my daughter at 6:00 seminary, so I'm not feeling eloquent at the moment (or particularly sweet, either), but please know that I appreciate every word.
Okay, I keep thinking "this is my favorite post" but really this one is way, way up there. THanks so much for sharing this about your Mom. I also have 9 kids and I wonder a lot at how she did it because you are all so fantastic. I love this tip, and I do enjoy my children but I am inspired to do it more! Thanks Cjane!
wow! i don't know your mom, but now i feel as if i do. i had a mother very much like your mom. she passed away unexpectedly in march and i miss her fiercely. i wish i could ride around in the car and stop at a bakery with her. you are a lucky woman...as is your mother. so nice to see someone appreciate and love their mother so purely!
fabulous!
~ beautiful ~
That's funny you should post this, because when I watched Oprah, the words in my mind were "sweet spirit" for your mom. I thought, "that's where that entire family gets their virtue."
what an honor for your mom to have a grateful daughter like you. I wrote of you to her yesterday! LOL
It sounds like when you described your mom you were mirroring yourself, miss perky!
Donna from Massachusetts
LOVE! I'm so thankful to have your family as a good example. The women in my family don't enjoy very much....sad.... But this is a pattern I refuse to follow. Beautiful post...beautiful
Lovely post. I did think your mom looked very "sweet" in the flower headband on Oprah. (I actually had to rewind twice to look at it!) Not many women past 40, which I am, could get away with wearing such a cute headband. But she did.
I love your blog but I dislike intensely the Legos ad--it truly won't go away--I love legos but I hate their annoying ad!
Thank you for this. My mom isn't sweet, either. But she is strong and fairly patient. She is forgiving and stubborn. She is also going through a terrible time right now - but I know my mom, she will pull through. Sounds like we have mom's that are quite alike.
I loved this story of your mom (her secret of motherhood), it reminded me so much of mine. Though she passed away 7 years ago, I think of her each day and it seems I miss her more each thereafter. She was warm and embracing, and I could talk to her for hours about anything. She was my best friend. This post about your mom reminded me of that and makes me want to strive to be a mom like mine. Like yours. But in my own way. As I read about you and your family, it reminds me to cherish each moment with my own. Thank you for this! It is helping me fill the hole in my heart back up.
I just read your writing on your mother's secret. That is the EXACT way I want my two little girls to see me.
That was a great piece of writing, CJane.
This was great. The whole 'sweetness' thing is a thorn in my side. I bend over backwards trying to BE it, but it just doesn't fit me. Thank you for giving me permission to let it go, with such a beautiful portrait of your mother. All of those things you described her as, I'd MUCH rather be those things!
I wrote a post about my struggle with sweet, and I'd be so honored if you checked it out http://cranberrycorner.blogspot.com/2007/10/sugar-and-spice.html
You know, in all your spare time. You looked great on Oprah, by the way.
Does it ever weird you out that you have fans across the country that you don't know, yet feel like they know you? Cause I am a fan, and hope it's not weird. Truly.
I love this description of your mom. And I LOVE that she loves Muse & Freddie Mercury & Hershey's. I laughed out loud. She seems so much more real & less perfect than a lot of the church-y type moms I see, and that makes me feel so much better about potential motherhood. Like I don't have to be the sweet, perfect princess of a mom who never gets upset. Etc. Thanks so much for this post.
Your mom is really giggly. I just recently told your sister that I remember that. Cindy is always giggling.
i love this photo and tribute to your mother. she is a remarkable woman. xox
add GORGEOUS to the list!
Oh come on! Give us more juicy details! Like....how did she discipline ya' all, when you spilled nail polish on the carpet? Did she eva' embarrass you by kissing you in front of your friends? Tell us when she lost her temper really bad! Tell the most amazing thing you have eva' seen her do!Give us the dirt!
Kind is so much better than sweet. When I hear someone say about another, "she's so sweet", I always think it sounds like they can't think of anything better to say about them. Kind of artificial. Maybe superficial. I love the pic of your mom - she just looks so genuine. She has a look in her eyes...I want to listen to whatever she has to say.
I also admire your public admiration for her. I'm sure she's thrilled!!
By the way - how were the cookies?
You know what? I think that just now I have learned to appreciate my mother for who she is. Some how it didn’t click that well before.
Most will say that my mom has a VERY strong personality. I would easily compare it to a bulldozer, really....BUT she has never left me standing alone. She loves her kids (3 of us) madly. She will do ANYTHING for us. I know that for sure because she has done it over and over again. She is not the kind that hugs all the time or kisses you spontaneously, but she will clear the path for us to walk. I remember when I was growing up I would be so upset that she was so strict and tuff with me. I understand a lot of it now. I probably will be different in some ways with my own kids, but I understand and appreciate her for what she has done.
Thanks for making me realize that sweetness (as we think of it generally) is not a necessary quality in an amazing mom. I am sure I will have a better relationship with her now that it is all clear :)
Plus, the woman can seriously rock a cute headband! Loved the one she wore on Oprah!
I loved this post! (And I loved seeing you guys and hearing your voices on Oprah this week.) But, to know that your mom also loves Freddy Mercury.... that made me smile so big! Which is also what happens when I listen to that man sing...
So glad you have a mom that means so much to you. Moms are a wonderful thing!!!
She sounds like my Mom. She is thoughtful and kind, but isn't your typical "grandmother" with the white hair and baked goods on the counter all the time :) Give me hope that I can be a good Mom to my kiddos.
What I love is that your nephew made her the Muse CD! Most 17 yr. old kids wouldn't think to make their grandmas such an item. :)
I've often wondered if my kids were going without because I'm not really a sweet person either. Nice, no. Kind, yes. I struggle with faking my feelings (terrible actress) so I'm not very sweet. I am very witty, funny and basically up-beat. I hope my kids appreciate this.
Thanks for the post today. I really jive with your mom and what she's all about.
Wonderful to read this . . . I have to admit I'm more than a little curious about your Mom. Also, I happen to think she is very attractive. Notice I didn't say 'cute'. Attractive.
I wish I knew her.
And you know I love her glasses. They are "spicy."
smart
witty
endearing
enjoyable
thoughtful
I guess it depends how you see "sweet" :)
Nice post~
Well said! Very well said. Any mother would want their daughter to say just that.
Ok, the fact that your Mom likes Muse just made my day!!
I loved this post and the article about your mother's secret. My own mother passed away a few months before I had my first baby, so I am always looking around for women who can teach me about being a mother (because somehow I wasn't paying too much attention when I was being raised). Thank you for sharing your wonderful mother and her wisdom with all of us.
I am just wondering, between you and your sisters, who is the one that the most like your mother?
I love this post. Your mom sounds really cool. My mom ignores my moods as well. She's always telling me to open my blinds and let the sunshine in, go out and breathe the fresh air, and look up at the beauty of the mountains. She would do anything for anyone, including me. Thanks for sharing more about her. :)
I'm not a sweet mother, either. Thank you for the reassurance that that is to be celebrated. It's amazing how mom's can get past all of the facade and know us to our very core. Thank you again for this post...really struck a chord with me this morning.
really good post -- so good infact that you ought to go out right now and buy her a box of something 'sweet'! (all just for her!)
that all sounds pretty sweet to me. You are very fortunate to have such a sweet... or whatever you call her mother :-)
Our bishop spoke at our YW in Excellence program on Wednesday, and he emphasized to the girls that men (boys) love strong women. Not strong in the sense of "I've got bigger muscles than you", but strong because they know who they are. They love and serve others, and they never give up on those they love. They have a firm testimony of Jesus Christ, and want to serve him. He encouraged them to become strong women, and I loved every word that he spoke to those girls.
It's easy to see why you Clark women are so strong, your mother is the epitomy of a strong woman.
Thank you for sharing your Mother's secrets. Seeing how your siblings and you turned out, it's obvious your Mom had it going on. Too often we as mothers totally give up what we love, so that the kids are happy. But it sure seems like you guys turned out to be happy, joyful (and believe me, I don't call many people 'joyful') people and your Mom still enjoyed what *she* liked.
Awesome!
Your mom is awesome. You're so lucky! :-)
Thanks for the post today - absolutely delicious.
Good for you for recognizing the beauty in your mom.
All too often, we forget to tell them. I wish I had told me mom how much I appreciated her contagious joy, love, enthusiasm, kindness and fun!
Oh - and, the Lego ad doesn't bother me one bit!
Reading your amazing writing, I don't even see the ads (plus, if it helps pay for college...)
Thanks!
I'm with Maggie May! This post is like chocolate. I love how you painted such a vibrant picture of your mom, and in doing so - also painted a picture of my own,and of most of the women I admire in my life. I loved the link as well.
What a perfect post. This is something I tried to tell my own mom last Mother's Day. I think she got the idea but it was not worded nearly as well as yours.
I think I need to go call my Mom and tell her what a lucky lady I am for having her be near me. Thanks for the great writing and sharing!
What ever your mom is, I want to be described like that. And I want to be able to put it in words as well as you. Sweeeet!
This is an awesome post. Seriously. I hope to have the kind of relationship you and your siblings seem to have with your mom with my little girl. Your mom rocks! And so do you...
i love this post to pieces.
it really reminds me of how i'd describe my own mom.
and hope it's how my own kiddos will describe me one day.
because i'm never going to be described as 'sweet', but am realizing that's not all that matters.
thanks, as always.
I think perhaps too many daughters spend their time looking for the faults in their mothers. It is easier to place the blame for your own short-comings on the one woman who tried her hardest to be the best she could for you. Thank you for stearing me towards repenting for maybe not seeing just how completly lucky and truely blessed I was to have a good mother who just may not be perfect, but certainly better than me. :)
I love that your mother is "not sweet" - because neither am I and neither is my mother. Sometimes - I think that's seen as a character flaw so thanks for showing us all the wonderful traits your mother does have!
Really?? A Hershey Chocolate fan?!! I live close to Hershey, PA and highly recommend that the Clark family take a trip there some day. I just know your mom would LOVE Hershey Park and Chocolate World! :)
sounds like my mom...aren't we lucky?
Oh my goodness, I am crying over here. What a beautiful essay about your mom.
I enjoy your blog and you have a gift for writing...which is why I keep coming back.
But I just want to throw out an idea at you. Have you ever thought that maybe your Mom is much more than what you have "defined" her as, in being your mother? Yes, she is your mother..but she is neighbour,sister, wife, friend and many other things to people in her community..and maybe to some, she is SWEET. Although that may not be your definition of her as your mother....maybe she can be
other things that you don't see? Possibly?
I love my mother. She is one of my best friends. She is 60 and I am 41 and I could talk to her all day about life and stuff. I love it when I see other people in the community and they tell me what my mother is to them. And I let them. I don't have to define my mother in my own terms and definitions.She is many things to many people and I am grateful for everything that she is and has to offer.
Keep up the great writing!
I LOVE it. And hope my children speak so kindly, with so many words, of me when they are older. :)
your mother is beautiful. I don't know if it's the lighting or the happiness and closeness of your family, but reading your blog (and others) makes me wish I'd been born into an LDS family. I mean that in a very good way.
Now that's EXACTLY what a mom is supposed to be like...
I so enjoyed reading that. Thank you. Best post ever.
You know you just sent Muse a couple thousand new new fans right? The fact that you Mom likes them tells me a lot about her, not to mention all of the wonderful things that she does for you.
I pray I can be that "sweet" when my children are grown!
I'm thinking that since she has so many children, nieces, grandchildren, etc. all around she won't notice if someone else wants to adopt her...? Cause really, she is stellar. And this from thousands of miles--I can't even imagine your luck. Good mothers really do change the world. I am trying my best to be one.
Also: you have her eyes, I think. One of my daughters has mine and it kills me dead. In the best way.
Love this post! And your essay. Thank you!
I've always thought the SAME thing on SWEET. I would never describe myself as sweet, but dang it I'm nice. :) For me it is the same thing between Katie and Kate...I'm a Kate...not a Katie.
I had the extreme good fortune to sit by your mom at an opening night at Communal. (I am really not as cool as that sentence makes me sound.) She is one fun lady! I was so glad to have the chance to tell her in person how much I am inspired by her daughters - her family. Her response was precious and gracious. Her life's greatest work is something to be proud of. I hope my girls turn out half so well. I need some more lessons from your mom. Do you think she'd meet me for dinner again sometime?
I don't know, but I would classify all that she does as pretty darn sweet!!!!! I would say she is pretty AWESOME!!!! YOu are so blessed!
tara
I love this part in The Art of Self-Centeredness in Motherhood
"My mom didn’t sign us up for every lesson, team or passing whim. She didn’t want to spend her life drifting here and there in our suburban. When we expressed real interest in a particular past time she saw to it that we had the training we needed, but it was never obsessive."
I am that way and it's always worried me, b/c so many mothers are, it sometimes second guess my thoughts on it. Hearing other (successful) mom's do the same validates it for me. :)
I love this post. this is the kind of mother I want to be. I want to enjoy my children (well, child at this point). My mom rarely enjoyed me, and she only seems to enjoy me now when I can be the catalyst for her to get attention from her friends. (Such is the perk of having a daughter living in another country with a major birth injury.) I have moods like you described too. If only my mom would enjoy me despite them and bring me cookies dripping with icing (preferably chocolate), she would see her enjoyment factor increase exponentially.
I wish your mom could somehow replicate herself so we could all have moms like her. You are blessed.
I love your blog and this post about your mother. I've only been blogging for several months and was going to quit until I started reading your blog. I can tell through your writing how much you enjoy blogging and enjoy reading your experiences about life in general.
I love that your mom digs Freddy Mercury. Sweet, IMHO, is not an appropriate adjective for human beings. My spaniel is sweet, but the genius of Freddy Mercury is lost on her.
My mom wasn't "traditionally" but she was always there for us no matter what. I think you are quite blessed to have the mom you, and I enjoyed this post very much. :)
This post makes me very happy. I am more this kind of mother than the kind I see around me and I worry that I have no business raising children. However, I think you turned out pretty amazing - so I'm feeling pretty good right now. Thanks.
My mother is kind. And today when I was perhaps at my snarkiest (or my worst, as she would agree) she spent the day ignoring my foul mood and acting as if I was enjoyable. (I was so not enjoyable.) My mother is smart. She long since learned to play off of my mood as if I was her best friend, which usually induces my change for better. In our relationship she is patient.
---love that . . . i will tuck those words away in my heart. :)
Yes, but you've all got *sweet* Utah voices, which surprised me, for sure. In the spirit kingdom, voices like yours will be soothing the weak and nurturing the lonely, while voices like mine will be bringing down mountains and raising brimstone. Sigh, alas...
Do you say 'alwezs'? I bet you do, you sweet but salty Cjane.
Nothing is better than a post about mothers/motherhood. Thank you for this. Enjoyed every word.
Okay, in this post your really nailed. You could have been discribing my mother, who by the way, would never want to be described as sweet.
humm okay... soo.. I don't have T.V. (I know, I know - what is wrong with me?) and I missed the whole Oprah thing!!!! ARG! Do you know where I can go to on line to watch it? I hear it was GREAT!
Thanks!
cat ~
See, that is so fundamental. I clicked on your link to read about your mother's secret and smiled to myself. The hardest thing is actually to do exactly what she did. So often you come upon the "self-sacrificing" saintly mother type and people think, "wow, that's such a difficult way to live". I think it's much more difficult to retain yourself within the circle of mother-children-wife-husband and come out the other end blemish-free. Kudos to the person who can be that mother and wife while retaining qualities belonging solely to herself. She will be the mother whose children can proudly acclaim, "I know who my mom really is a person".
"She is so good to me. She never gives up on me. She always hopes for the better part of me."
man, i so needed to read this post this week. having a mother that is like a mother/best friend/etc, sometimes it keeps me in a childlike moodiness at times, and she is so patient, and somehow that makes me feel inadequate and not the best daughter in the world....i sometimes leave feeling like i should be better. anyway, this post and what you thought while you waited in the car, just struck a chord. anyway, thanks. :)
That is so sweet and beautiful! I adore my mom too!
I like this and I understand. My mother is also not what I would call sweet, but she's amazing and funny and my personal favorite.
One of my favorite posts. I hope one day my daughter will have those types of sentiments for me.
I love her! She's the kind of mom I want to be.
Fun is where it's at, baby!
I may have quoted this in my RS lesson today. Just may have.
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