Last summer, while at a gallery opening I was handed a book called Mormon Women: Portraits and Conversations. It was for me to read and enjoy and maybe . . . possibly . . . if I liked it . . . mention it on my blog(?!)
When I got home, I took off my shoes and put the book in my library of books I hoped to read sometime before Armageddon. If time dripped from the sky I would catch all those minutes in a tin bucket and use them to sit and read. Until then, it will take me a quarter century to get through a book . . . if I like it. I don't read anything that doesn't flirt with me in the first paragraph.
Then I thought if I put more books in the bathroom maybe I would read faster. Bathroom breaks are priceless to a mother with a constant shadow of one-year-old proportions. I am not too embarrassed to tell Daddy I've got to take a bathroom break-- and hide away in the bathroom for twenty minutes. For all he knows I've got a pregnant system in need of patience in the restroom arena. While really I'm just relieving my bladder for thirty-nine seconds and reading for the remaining 19 minutes, twenty-one seconds.
And that is how I started reading this book.
It is a series of interviews and photographs of Mormon Women who have had remarkable lives and made incredible choices. A book about the most common women having uncommon lives. (Doesn't that explain just about everyone you know?) But it is also an answer to the question that lingers among the members of our church, as well as the non-members of our church: What is it like to be a Mormon woman?
Which was somewhat coincidental you see because I've been wrestling with this whole concept of motherhood as it pertains to being a Mormon. I had hoped to forever hide under the umbrella of being a wife and mother--two roles our church claims as next to divinity--and nothing else. I wasn't interested in being a wife, mother or friend/or a wife, mother and Primary President/or even a wife, mother and blogger (I always said I'd quit blogging when I became a mother). I didn't want anything to complicate what I could control here at home. Besides, these two roles kept be busy enough with questions and quandaries, how was I supposed to gladly add to the confusion by also taking on other relationships/causes that required attention? AND I thought, somewhere in this battle of my brain, the church would surely back me up on this idea--that wife-hood and a motherhood (or the quest to be thereof) were all that was required of a Latter Day Saint woman.*
I skipped the first interview**, then the next and the next until I found the interview of my favorite writer of all time Emma Lou Thayne. Of course so many of her thoughts expressed were translated into my heart, helping me read what I already felt. Mostly about being a wife, mother and a writer. From my interpretations of her chapter, she was saying that all three were connected. Her need to write made her a wife and a mother. Her being a wife and mother made her a writer.
She says, "I never felt like I was neglecting my family. I always said I can love you with all my heart but not with all my time, I've always felt life was a both-end thing rather than either or."
So then I was hooked.
But twenty minute installments haven't pushed me through this book nearly as fast I could hope. It takes me several days to read one interview, because I like to equally think about each life experience. The only common thread made obvious to me so far, regardless of life status--married, single, rich, poor, culture, race--is that each woman has been directed by Heavenly Father to be more. More of what they thought they could be. More of what they thought they had energy or time to be. More than what they thought life would give to them.
It is still uncomfortable for me to open up to the possibility of being more of what Heavenly Father needs me to be. My nature will always wish to live on an emotional farm, one far away from duties outside of wife and mother. (Heck, I'd also like to live on a physical farm too). But then I think about my mother who sits on the city council.
My sister in law Megan who is the PTA president.
My friend Sue who is heading up a civic board for our downtown area.
My friend Laura who runs a boutique.
My best friend Wendy who manages special education at our local middle school.
My neighbor Janna who spends part-time counseling women with severe body issues.
My aunt Judy who helps run a weekly health clinic to the uninsured.
My other sister in law Lisa who performs with a comedy troupe on weekends.
If they can do it . . .
. . . so can I?
Book: Mormon Women: Portraits & Conversations by James N. Kimball & Kent Miles
Get it: Amazon or Deseret Book
Book review: Meridian Magazine
*If you would like to hear what our church leaders have said about motherhood you are welcome to read this talk by Julie B. Beck (a talk I printed out and placed on my night stand for permanent study!)
**The first interview I skipped has been one of my favorite so far--Carol Gray from Sheffield England.
If you end up getting this book email me and let's chat?
Post-Edit:
I have really enjoyed the comments pertaining to this post. I appreciate the thoughtful discussion and despite popular opinion, I like to hear opposing views. It makes me feel like my words are at least worth feeling.
Lucy always tells me to be more bold on this blog and I have yet discovered how to be bold without losing artistic prose, but I do want to explain a little background to this post-something I should've mentioned in the drafting of it. I will try to do so boldly:
I am lazy.
(Or selfish, but let me say lazy because it sounds less depraved.)
I never, ever really believed my church would back me up on the whole being "a mother, wife only" idea because inherently we are asked to do so much more by nature of being covenant women.
Let me be more bold, we are asked to work hard as Mormon women. Hard work is hard for the lazy. I am lazy. So in my laziness, I hoped to be able to twist the ideas I was hearing from the pulpit to back up my "a mother, wife only" idea. But because this was not truth, it hounded me.
Blogging/writing for me is hard work.
I want to hide from it sometimes. I ask Heavenly Father if there is something else I can do for Him instead. He lets me know in resolute terms to keep going. Blogging/writing is my more.
Let me be more bold, I am not currently asking Heavenly Father to give me more, but to help me be open to what is already being asked. I can wish all the responsibility away, but publishing my thoughts (as uncultivated as they sometimes are) and being a wife and mother is what is being asked of my time and talents right now. Reading this book helped me to identify similar patterns in other women's lives--many of them just as skeptical as I am.
I say skeptical, but also I am lazy/selfish.
In listing the ladies in this post who are also doing more, I meant to illustrate their inspiration to me.
Let me be bold: I was not comparing myself to them, I was showing my appreciation for their willingness to heed to personal revelation. I do not endorse comparisons.
They received their calling, and I must to. So if I don't fight it, my byline looks like this:
Wife, mother and blogger/writer.
And if, on a gray day in January I pray and find out it is no longer my calling, I have to be willing to let it go.
Let me be more bold: every woman has something more to them. Even if they fight it like I do. And if they fight it like I do, they are in for a world of frustration. Like I was, before I read this book.
But I will say this, when I write posts like this and listen to other's voices and ideas. I really, really, really love blogging/writing. And it is so worth it.
So thank you.
p.s. I think Sister Beck's talk was mostly aimed at me, Mothers Who Don't Know Because They Are Lazy. If her sentiments didn't sit well with you, perhaps you are already a Mother Who Already Knows--I think that is plausible.
116 Pieces of Opinion:
I love good books! I'll email you ;-)
Oh man. I wish I had heard about this book while I was writing my thesis. It would have been perfect--mommy blogs and how they fulfill women in their roles as stay-at-home mothers. Guess I've got it for the doctorate . . .
This sounds like a book I would want to read. First off, I know nothing about Mormons but would love to learn. I've always been curious. Secondly, I would love to learn how women find the energy to become more. More than a mommy, or wife, or writer....and how do they get the self confidence to try.
You can pee for THIRTY-NINE SECONDS?! That's a really long time.
It sounds to me like reading that Emma Lou Thayne interview would make the whole book worth it. After reading your review I am intrigued.
Emma Lou Thayne's daughter is in my ward and she invited her to come speak one Sunday... Let me tell you, she is amazing.. and miraculously, my two boys behaved the entire sacrament meeting so that I could listen to what this awesome lady had to say. Thanks for mentioning her.
Now here is an LDS book that actually appeals to me! thank you for the heads up courtney, I think i'll swing by Deseret today.
I just might have to get that book! Carol Gray lives in our stake and has spoken to us before and we, as a relief society, have helped doing service projects to help her charities. Some girls from our ward have been out to Ghana to help in her orphanage and schools. I just don't know how she does what she does, especially with her own health conditions. Remarkable!!
I would love to learn how women find the energy to become more.
I can't wait to read that book. Until you decide the next area where I'm sure you'll succeed, go with this quote "I will under-committ and over-deliver". Works every time.
I actually went to the talk that the authors and interviewees put on at the SLC Library when the book first came out. Inspired by their in-the-flesh words, I devoured the book. And have since given it or recommended it to other LDS women. I love how these women all followed the Spirit, found out what they needed to do in their own lives, and then did it. Such a simple formula, but sometimes so difficult to discern and then do.
you have me wondering !!! Plus a little side note you have beautiful cuticles!
I think the idea a woman can be something in addition to mother is something lacking in our LDS culture. When I was growing up I believed my sole purpose was to become a mother and I needn't worry my pretty head about pretending to become anything else. I am a mother now and think its the most important role for me- I just wish I had better prepared myself so that it is not my only talent in life...Here is some inspiration to develop those talents and skills now as a mother!
I come upon the same conundrum. And that is why I think prayer goes hand in hand with motherhood. If you can get Heavenly Father's stamp of approval, you can feel confident in the things you take on outside of the home. If He says that it isn't a good idea, you don't have to feel bad turning something down.
We all have our strengths that define us as women and not just as mothers. If we didn't, we would lose ourselves in our role as a mother and we would end up unhappy and unfulfilled. We are women before we are mothers and the traits and talents we possess enrich our lives as we raise children.
My husband and I lived with an older lady in Salt Lake for 3 1/2 years while he went to the U.
Emma Lou Thanye brought dinner to that lady every single sunday that we lived there, without exception. She is as practice as you preach as I ever met.
Once we hit her car in the driveway (on accident of course) and her honest first reaction was laughter.
What a neat lady!
My opinion on this subject--don't confuse taking on other roles as a way to make the most of yourself--just be your true self and the Lord will use you for His purposes.
sounds inspiring, I'll have to get it ;D
I have been reading your blog for awhile and love it - Though I am not LDS, my faith also puts great emphasis and value on being a wife and mother. I think that this is always the universal struggle (or for me a gift) that we face as mothers. I have always been a working mom, but that said, my work is my ministry and my calling on this earth ALONG WITH being a mother and wife. I love the dichotomy between either/or and both/and - I am definitely a both/and person and love that you are discovering what is great for you and that you are realizing that you have gifts to share beyond your family! Your blog and your fun sense of humor is an excellent gift that you have definitely shared with me!
I have loved Emma Lou Thanye ever since she spoke at a symposium I was lucky enough to be forced to attend. I think this is a question for many Mormon mothers (and non-mormon mothers). Just last night as I was dreading going into work this week (I only work about 10 hours a week in the office- but also take call at home 6-10 nights a month- so I was being a baby whining about hving to go in). And I thought about quitting- and my immeadiatly felt bereft. I couldn't not imagine working.
So as long as that is how I feel when I consider it I will keep plugging away. I love my patients- and the office I work in- I love my identity as provided by work. I hope that isn't too shallow but I am proud of what I do and how I got here- if I din't have this job I would not be working. But in the mean time I get to work as little as possible to keep my lisence active- but feel like my full time job is at home with the boys. My day and a half at work is my time off. My me time for the week.
I am lucky to be able to work so little- and it still be worth my time. I hope that this balance works for my kids. I am sure it will change as kids go to school and our lives evolve. And some day I may quit. But that would ruin my plan to make my husband become an LVN so he can follow me around on humanitarian missions and give shots.
You always speak straight through to my heart! I relate to you in SO many ways. Thank you for keeping up the blogging, and thank you for sharing your heart with the world this way.
Not the dreaded 'Mothers who know' talk! That talk kills me.
Every. Single. Time.
I hate the implied message that women should be making babies, staying home and ironing dresses and pressing shirts for my son and daughter to wear on Sunday (if I have to iron it, it doesn't come home with me!)
The worst part?
"Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world."
I like a tidy home incidentally because I just have that personality. But I believe husbands and fathers are excellent nurturers too. My husband enjoys cooking and is better at handling our almost three year old than I am. It is insulting to be told (by a woman no less!) that I should know my place and that I am to be a doormat to everyone else in the family. My sole job is to cook, clean and pick up after everyone else?
Arrghh!
President Gordon B. Hinckley was a lot kinder towards woman and he was a great proponate of education. In reading Julie Beck's talk the only thing I get is guilt.
Boo.
I love the idea of being "more of what Heavenly Father wants us to be." I think that what Heavenly Father wants of each of us is different, and I believe that our interests and passions outside of being a wife and mother can enrich our ability to do those two callings well.
I lived in an area where I was constantly being told I shouldn't bother educating myself (unless I wanted to be a teacher), that I should never work outside of the home....after I had my son a member even suggested to me I should stop my volunteer work (that I do from home!).
As LDS women, we shouldn't be afraid to explore ALL of what Heavenly Father desires of us. For me, it was two degrees and now I am a SAHM. Who knows what it will be over the next few years. It's not the same for everyone and that's ok. As long as we're focusing on ourselves and our families and not everyone else, we'll figure it out. :-)
(And Lexi & Holly, I agree with you.)
I love Julie Beck's talk. I am a mom, but also a wife, sister, friend, and teacher and her talk inspires me to be better in all of those areas.
I agree with rookie- we bring our traits as women into our roles as mothers and our children are blessed by our experiences.
I actually found Julie Beck's talk really liberating. I have three children and I teach early-morning classes (home right after the kids have finished breakfast) at a Big Ten university. I am always busy. Always running. And I feel guilty sometimes about having "quality time" with my children where we're folding laundry or mopping floors, because shouldn't I be doing something more meaningful? That's what I loved about Sister Beck's talk--she emphasized that those seemingly mundane things we do are not only important, but are part of creating a welcoming home environment. Plus they're things that our children should be learning too. :-)
I also want to say, for the record, that I've never felt pressure from the church to be "just" a wife and mother. Instead, I've felt encouragement to gain as much education and personal enrichment as possible (I have a graduate degree) and to use my talents to benefit those around me, not only my family (hence teaching at the university). But I also feel that while those things are important for me and for my family, they are not the MOST important. That's my family. And yes, some days are hard, and some days I think about everything that I could be doing instead, but I go forward with faith.
I think about it this way: I can impact a lot of students, briefly. For a semester, or maybe a bit longer. But I shape my children's lives and characters. Lots of people can be university professors, but my children only have one mother.
Full disclosure: I used to be LDS. I have since had my name removed because of the cultural pressure among many LDS to conform to the mores in Julie Beck's talk. I do not like to do the things she describes, like housework and mothering. That's right, I said it. Mothering. It is hard. I love my two children, ages 9 and 7, but am under no illusion that to say I love mothering will actually make me a better one. I grew up being taught in YW that being a mother is the ultimate source of happiness, and to my dismay I found that for me that was not the truth. On the contrary, it is a source of frustration and angst, and I give myself all the more credit for doing a pretty awesome job of it despite my hangups.
I also am wondering about the benefits of listing off the deeds of your friends and neighbors, as if you need to do "more" because they seemingly do. Hear this: NOTHING GOOD comes of comparing yourself to someone else (unless you are a possibly a bank robber, which in that case you could use some moral improvement); and NO ONE leads a life of perfection. Your view that someone else does "more" is a fallacy. If you feel the need to add something to your list of self-actualization items, go ahead, but don't do it because you feel that others have.
I appreciated hearing your thoughts on this - as it's subject I've struggled with lately and have thought a lot about. I often times find it extremely hard to balance being a mom, wife and professional musician. There are moments when I think all I can do is be a mom, because if not, I'll be a horrible one. And then I have other moments when I think (and know) my life's dreams and desires would be squandered into a black hole if I didn't nuture them as well. So, I sort of appreciated you relaying the quote from the book regarding having all of the love in the world, but not all of the time.
Anywho, thanks again for sharing this. (this is Jennifer, of The Lullaby Album. I usually sign comments with my music wordpress blog, but this time using my personal family blogger id).
I'm a lurker...first time commenter. I've been reading your blog for about a month and LOVE your thoughts & insights. Can we be friends? :)
This post made me especially want to comment. It was thought provoking for since this has been a new battle for me...balancing everything on my mom/wife/lds/ business owner/etc plate. I always KNEW I needed to cut out time for just me, but I think I forgot until recently. Thanks for the reminder!
PS. I L.O.V.E s'mores, too!!!
I agree with Rachael that I've never felt pressure to be "just" a wife and mother. In fact, in my midwestern ward there are more moms who do more than not: moms who work part time, moms who work full time, moms who work from home, moms who volunteer, moms who make jewelry, moms who just make time to go to the gym or whatever. I have a 7-year-old and a 2-year-old, I work part time, I'm on my town's library board, and I've never taken a bit of crap about it from anyone.
I ran into your mom and nie at the distribution center in orem a few days ago, they are positively lovely in real life as well. your family is amazing, thank you for your inspiring blogs about real life ;)
I gave you an award on my dieting blog ;)
http://adailydoseofdieting.blogspot.com/
Add this to your book list: "All God's Critters Got A Place In The Choir" by Emma Lou Thayne and Laurel Thatcher Ulrich (another amazing woman,whose face is one of those pictured on the cover of your book at the beginning of this post.) This book is a collection of essays & correspondence between these two amazing women. It really made me think. It is very uplifting and feeds your mind. Another good one to keep at your 'reading station'. I love their work, and yours too, by the way.
Your writing is a continuation of the woman you were before you married and became a mother. That is a good thing, as it is your Heavenly Father who gave you that talent in the first place. ;)
I am a loving mother and I work full time as an engineer. I think I would be lost if I did not pursue my passion to be an engineer. We donot have to compare ourselves with other women because it will always bring grief. We have to understand that we are an individual and have different potential than others in this world. God created each one of us to do different things in this world. So just being a mother and a doormat wife may not be everyones cup of tea. Yes it is an important part of our life to nurture our family but I have to say that it is equally important for my husband to be the nurturer of the family and teach our children family values and virtues.
Ever since I was little I always felt this inherent need to be more. It is such a divine idea. To be more. To become everything God wants us to be, and the fact that that it is limitless. Oh it is such a delicious idea! I have two little ladies and life is busy! I try to find inspiration everywhere and what is more inspiring than women actually out there doing it! I am excited to partake! I must say that you really are doing more. I visit your site as well as your sister's site any time you post. You always post wonderful things to think about and that inspire my soul. Love it!
I am another whom the talk did not sit well with. I took offense at all the "We should be the best in the world..." I don't think I am the best homemaker in the world. BUT I know with God's help I can be the best version of myself. And on most days :-) that is enough for me. I don't iron - or mop the floors - but I do what I do - I read to my children, dance with them, art projects, cuddle and sadly laundry and dishes :-). On the days I compare myself with others my husband always says "why do you do that?" And I take heart and carry one being me. Being a Mormon or Faithful follower of Christ - does not give one the corner on BEST in the world. But it does allow you to be your best with Christ as your guide and I think that's a pretty big distinction. I enjoy your blog - and this post and am grateful for the conversation it created - you know it's a good one when I gets people talking. - Keep going - your blogging means something to me :-)
hmmm. so many thoughts, so many years of late night talks about this subject, so many wasted hours of guilting myself - which i won't stop anytime soon (because guilt is the defining emotion of motherhood). listen - if you're happy being at home and raising your kids - do it. if you're happy working full time and giving your kids your all when your off - do it. if you're happy doing a little bit of both - even better. life is about balance and focus and continuing to grow. my children learn just as much from the act of me sitting on the floor with them and playing chutes and ladders as they do from watching me pace the floor on a business call that couldn't wait until they were in bed. i am a model for their adult selves. i am not a servant, caregiver or a mere defecation disposal worker. i am a nurturing mother to two kids who know that they are loved and that i would go to the ends of the earth for them. isn't that what it's all about? and trust me, kids let you know when you're not doing your job right. mine do.
ps - lifetime lds member here - who heard every single talk and read every single new era and ensign article about my "role" as a woman...and while that "role" comes first - my "role" as a writer, business owner and community builder are just as important...and for the non-lds - trust me - we're not all barefoot and pregnant. well, that's kind of a fib - we like being barefoot and preggers...we also like being educated, well read and politically active. look at my cousins and myself who all went to BYU at the same time...one's a nurse practitioner, one's a dentist, two lawyers, one microbiologist and one has a masters in performance french horn (i know, the oddball) and i have a masters in screenwriting and own a management company...and most of us have kids and manage to squeeze in a little bit of professional development here and there. life is for living and i'm living as the spirit directs.
sorry for the verbosity and good anya to all of my fellow mothers and wives and guilt-trippers.
Dare I say it?
I take offense at the comment that women who stay home as wives and mothers full-time are doormats. Anyone who knows me knows that making such a comment to me will not only incur my wrath but also my disdain.
Why is it that those who choose to work away from home belittle those who do?
Why is it that those who choose to stay home full time look down on those who don't?
Sister Beck's talk was not meant to stir an already percolating pot. It was meant to lift, encourage, and motivate.
Some days I shine as a mom. Some days I suck. But that doesn't mean that I give up on my goals or aspirations.
Why do women do this? Why compare? Do your best. You know when you are, and so does God. Don't let the outside forces change your opinion. But do let God change it.
Doormat? I don't think so. And I refuse to let anyone convince me otherwise.
I do stay home full time. And I love it (most of the time). But I do feel like a doormat at times when cleaning the house for the third time in a day when I had it pristine. So Jen, I am not saying that you are a doormat I am saying that I feel like one and I resent that that talk says that I should be happy and inspired to want to be one too. Not comparing here- just saying what bothers me about the talk. :-)
One of the most important adult life lessons I've had to learn (and re-learn) is to work hard at whatever I choose to be. Right now I am choosing to be a full-time wife and mother, which I define as a 'homemaker' (on any official paperwork I have to fill out).
The moment I married I chose to work hard at being a great spouse. The moment I had my first child I chose to work hard at being a great mom. And by 'great' I mean one that TRIES.
I took that away from Julie Beck's talk. Just try. If you chose it, take responsibility for it. If you feel guilt over it, you probably aren't trying as hard as you can. And I feel guilt, that's one of the feelings that motivates me to be better. Guilt is good for that. The other one (feeling that motivates) is love. Another feeling I like, the spirit. Follow those feelings/inspirations and you'll probably have a thriving family.
--$0.02
Maybe being the kind of mother Sister Beck is talking about is being "more".
I suppose if one did the bare minimum worldly model of being "only a wife and mother" maybe the term "lazy" would fit. Even then, I am doubtful. But if one caught the vision of and magnified this calling the way Sister Beck describes, I cannot imagine having much time for anything else. Maybe some women can. Good for you- I mean that sincerely.
Being a "mother who knows" is the kind of woman I want to be and I have such a long way to go. As it is, I am overwhelmed. I drop into bed every night wondering if I even talked to all eight of my children that day. There is never enough time to do all the things I should be doing, much less the things I want to do. I would also like to be a good wife, visiting teacher, friend, sister, daughter, neighbor, primary teacher. I want to be as much like Christ as I can be in this lifetime. These things more than fill my plate.
Years ago I let go of the idea that I had to be something in addition to "just a wife and mother". And that is more than okay. "Being a wife and mother only" is not what the world tells us it is. There is no "only" about it because it is infinite.
I know in my heart that if I strive to be the mother that God has given me the call to be, not only will it impact generations unborn for good, but I will be sanctified. There is power there and God has given it to women.
And by the way, changing diapers is a sacred act of service and love. And that is only the beginning....
Stef, I am not sure if you are still out there, but I have been thinking about your comment as I did the dishes (which surely is on your top ten favorite things to do!)
In particular, I've been thinking about the first part of your comment (because in the second part of your comment, I am certain you misunderstood my appreciating my friends, and inspiration for their willingness to serve, not a call to comparison in anyway shape or form--I don't think I am programmed to be much of a compare/contrast kind of girl--which is why English was a tough subject and for me and why I've been considered insensitive holy cow this is getting long
I was wondering this: if you feel the way you do, why leave the church? I mean, surely there are thousands of Mormon women who feel the exact same way you do. Why not stick around and let us learn from you? Help us to be more aware in hopes that we can come to more charitable understanding about each other, or at least help the other mothers who have disdain for housework but have a testimony. Heaven knows everyone feels like an outsider at some point, we need people like you who will have the patience and compassion to navigate the rest of us through.
We are a church that recognizes personal revelation the paramount experience of our existence, which must mean we are all asked to be different. I applaud the unorthodox mothers (perhaps` like yourself) and hope to heaven above they don't leave us before we can truly benefit from their uniqueness.
In short, I need you Stef.
Jen,
You remind me of my sister who also has 8 kids. This is a discussion we have often. I want thank you for your comment because it will give me something to think about.
Perhaps I am learning that being a "wife and mother only" isn't enough because it doesn't include woman. "Woman, wife and mother" sounds better to me. And maybe being a woman includes wife and mother but also something just a little bit more? (Even if it is a friend. Some of us have hard times just being a friend. Or a church calling.)
If you come back, I'd love to hear what you feel about this because I am almost certain if you are anything like my sister there is a whole lot of woman in your lifestyle too.
I feel Sister Beck's message..that there is only a certain way to nurture and raise good kids, is incorrect.=,,,incomplete. Women have different talents and abilities with their children. Teaching children values and service is as individual as the child and Mother themselves.
I too, left the church a few years ago. I was raised in the church, served a mission, married in the temple...Taught at the MTC. etc etc. I no longer believe that the church is the one and only true church on the face of the earth. The community and social aspects were not enough to hold me there...
I appreciate your post, and your desire to be a multi-faceted, balanced, wife, mother and human being. Just remember, to every thing there is a season and we don't just disconnect ourselves from anything we are when we are doing something else. and, Mormon women aren't the only ones that have these kinds of worries and concerns.
Sometimes, it is tough being a chick in this world. Thank Heavens for girlfriends, exercise, road trips and margaritas.
Eleanor Roosevelt said. "We Live, We Learn." I guess we can always do things better, but most times, I think we do things good enough.
I know that I won't be able to formulate my thoughts but I can get enough words out to let you know that your post is a blessing. I so enjoy reading your blog and appreciate your honesty.
Hi Cjane!
I have kind of a different perspective because I'm actually not a wife or a mother. As a lifelong Mormon, that was really difficult for me in my mid-twenties, because I felt like I was failing to fulfill the roles that I was supposed to and that it wasn't totally my fault.
But as I've gotten older, it has become much easier for me to see how much God loves us and how very specific our life plans are. I think that He puts us in a life situation where we will have the most potential to learn what we need to. There have been huge learning experiences that I have had (for example, moving to Central America alone and living in the New York ghetto) that would have been very difficult for me to do had I had children at a very early age.
Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I think that we can experience self- actualization no matter what our situation is. I don't think that any of us are meant to play just one or two roles exclusively.
MOTHERS ARE BETTER MOTHERS WHEN THEY HAVE A FULFILLING LIFE AND INTERESTS OF THEIR OWN. Sorry for the caps, but I feel realy strongly about that.
I wasn't going to comment, until I read your post about "unorthodox Mormon women"--is that what you said or am I putting words in your mouth?! I live in a smaller community in Utah, actively LDS, 27, and, gasp, single. Not for a lack of trying. I think I've dated every single man in this valley. I was even supposed to get married in August and it just didn't work out.
And you know what? Sometimes its tough going to church, because everyone is trying to say the right thing, but no one knows quite how to deal with us "unorthodox" girls. But the truth is they need us, and we need them. I need the women who let me hold their babies and tell me about their good and sometimes bad marriages and let me live a little bit vicariously thru them, and then I in turn can tell them horror stories about life at a full-time job and living alone (oh the peace and quiet!) and at the end of the day we all say "Oh you have it so great!" but deep deep down we know that to pick up one end of the stick we'd have to pick up the whole stick, and when I look at my whole stick, its not too bad. In fact, its pretty darn good. And one day I'll get to be an "orthodox" mom, and cook and clean endlessly, and maybe i"ll like it and maybe i"ll hate it, but like you're learning, there are more things out there to fulfill us.
Aw, I was gonna suggest "All God's Critters" but someone beat me to it! I love Laurel Thatcher Ulrich--she is one of my heroes.
I am always amazed when I read posts or hear conversations like this, because even though I'm single and childless, I completely relate to the idea of not doing enough.
Isn't it interesting that many of the comments reflect wrestling with how to be a "more than a mom," and yet I feel completely inadequate/less than/ridiculous because I'm not a mom?
And I love your post-edit of "Hard work is for the lazy." It makes me feel better, because teaching high school is kicking my trash this year. Maybe there's some refining going on after all.
Only a couple of cents due here..
I have read each and every comment and have come away feeling more enlightened as to our nature.
I hate, and I don't use the word lightly, hate measuring sticks.
We do that far too much as women. Let's put ours away! :)
I want to ditto what Jen and Ricki had to say.. there is guilt for a reason, and Sister Beck, I am sure, didn't deliver that with the intent to guilt. I listened to NPR as they discussed this talk with a panel of women, they were mostly positive about the talk. They too, commented about how they dislike ironing, the bickering that takes place with a bunch of young people living in the home, but they also spoke of how it is just a reminder to be ever better at what we do.
All that we are ever asked to be is our best self. SO whether we are a stay at home mother, a teacher, or a defecation disposal worker, along with a myriad of combinations of what we women do on a day to day basis, be your best. There is no glass ceiling to that.
Our Heavenly Father has blessed us with limitless capabilities, he has blessed us with the means to accomplish all that we want to do. I know that the key is to ask, personally, what He would have us do, then faithfully, follow that guidance.
Something also needs to be said for our Priesthood holders who also counsel us, aid us in finding our way. I know my husband has spent many a late night listening to me, talking and sobbing, agonizing over what I do and don't do, what I feel is important to do.. and he supports me in EVERYTHING I choose to do.
I am saddened by the couple of comments that I have read regarding members who have chosen the path away from the Gospel.. for whatever reasons.
To me it bears further testimony of the perilous times in which we live, how easy it is to choose a different way. To where the "sifting of the wheat" is truly taking place.
Okay.. I might have put in a nickel there.
I want to thank you Courtney, for the beautiful, non-pushy way that you bear your testimony every time you post. You are an awesome example of a Latter-Day Saint woman, and I think when part two of that particular book is in production, you should be featured.
Thanks for posting this. I have been reading your blog for a while but have never commented.
This is the very reason that I have struggled being a mom. I don't like that talk at all. It's those type of teachings that caused me to be inactive and one of my biggest challenges coming back to the church.
I have a beautiful almost 18 month old (BTW, I think our babies were born on the same day) daughter. I tried to be a stay-at-home mom that ran a business on the side. I hated it. I resented my daughter for ruining my life and taking my career that I loved away from me. It wasn't until I had a MAJOR breakdown at 16 months that I decided I needed to change something. I had a serious heart to heart with my husband and finally admitted, I don't like all the day to day struggles of being a full time SAHM. I've since hired a full time nanny and a house keeper and I can't even begin to tell you the difference it has made in our home. I am a MUCH better mother. I work from home so I get to see my daughter through out the day, but I get to continue to do what I love and that does not include washing dishes, laundry, or entertaining her for 9 hours. The time we spend from 5:00 until she goes to bed is HEAVEN! I play with her, love her, end really enjoy our time together.
My friend Kristin wrote a beautiful poem that I think every woman should read, memorize and then post on their refrigerator, mirror, wall...somewhere prominent!
http://polkadotperceptions.blogspot.com/2009/08/that-girl-that-girls-so-sweet.html
We had an Enrichment last night all about celebrating women who create. And not just cute crafts, or amazing sewing projects. Some women create a warm and loving home. Some create friendships easily. Others are able to create a calm and soothing atmosphere at work. We have all been blessed with different talents, different personalities, different loves in life. That is how it is supposed to be. We all contribute to each other and make each other better women because of it.
Unfortunately, we all compare ourselves to each other. I do it. You do it. We all do. One of the speakers last night said something that stood out to me. When we compare ourselves to others, we destory our own creativity. In short, we destory the God given talents that we were blessed with. I'm working on it, but it's hard. Please read Kristin's poem!
I echo cjane's comment to Stef. We need you!
hi cjane,
i am not an LDS woman, but i am a mother who knows. i, too, was hoping for the "wife and mother only" life...i, too, am lazy. :) but as my maternity leave was coming to an end, i found myself pulled back into what i have always considered my "calling"...being a teacher of children with special needs. it fills my soul, and makes me a much better mother and wife, because there is MORE of me to give, not less. you are a wise woman to study and pray on your callings as well...blessings to you!!
Courtney, This books sounds amazing and I might have to find it on Amazon. I have been struggling with my own issues in regard to what I am about. I don't seem to know who I am or what I'm supposed to be doing anymore. My children are grown and I think we did a really good job with them--they graduated from college and they are successful in their chosen careers. I am a proud mom.
I used to have a career. Then a year ago I got sick. Septic shock and slept through December in a coma. I woke up needing to learn to walk again, along with all other kinds of motor skills I'd lost. Funny how we take our motor skills for granted. I can't work anymore. I fall down all the time. My clothes are still hangin on me and I have no backside to speak of. My hair is finally growng back in--as a woman I'd like to have hair again.
I want someone to tell me it's OK. Someone to tell me none of this matters and God is in charge and it's OK.
This sounds like a book I need to read.
I love your blog and your writing. You have such a gift and I am so thankful to you for sharing it.
--Mari
what really made me want to comment was to just say thank you for saying that you are lazy. i too am lazy by nature and am always working to overcome that to be "more."
but after reading quite a few of the other comments, i also wanted to thank you for posting about julie beck's talk. i don't remember LOVING her talk when i heard it the first time but i remember the strong feeling i got that she is truly called of god. it always makes me laugh a little bit when people make comments like "i didn't enjoy that talk. it didn't make me feel good." good thing the point of conference talks is not to make us feel good! i wish i had the quote from one of the twelve (can't remember which) that talks about how he almost always gets comments from people about his conference talks and how they "enjoyed them", but how after he gave a talk concerning problems with pornography, no one seemed to have a single comment for him!
wow, i really didn't mean to comment more than a few words. so in short, thank you for mentioning your laziness and also for mentioning sister beck's talk. i think i'm going to watch that again tonight!
Your post edit just convinced me to get my hands on this book. I am also a lazy/selfish mom, and my more is homeschooling. For whatever reason, and I'm not sure that I know that reason, it is what the Lord has asked of me. But I fight...oh do I fight! And so, I am miserable. I don't WANT this more. But alas, I have been told, and so I will do it. Now I just need to figure out how to do it well! Although, you'd think in 5 years of doing this, I'd have some idea.
Loving all of these thoughts and comments. Very compelling. I think I might already have a testimony of that book.
You should just send that book around like Stephanie sent around that little china doll. And you can send it to me first.
I just want to add. I certainly don't mean this in ANY confrontational way, but I think we should be prudent in how we speak about what our General Relief Society President teaches us. She has been called at this time for a purpose. While we might not like what she says, clearly we need to hear it. In the spirit of full disclosure, the mothers who know talk was one of my very favorites in years. It was full of truths that I needed to be reminded of.
The great news is, after re-reading the "Mothers Who Know" article, I have decided I qualify despite working full time. Here is why. 1. I do care for my home and my family to the absolute best of my ability. For me that means day to day home maintenance, making dinner, doing the laundry, and managing all of our finances. I outsource deep cleaning once a month, I admit. 2. I am not a babysitter and I am never off duty. That is true of all good moms whether or not they work...I am still a mother every second of the day. While I am not with my child all the time, I chose my child's daytime care provider with great diligence and am confident they are reinforcing the lessons he learns at home: caring for others, sharing, kindness, and gentleness. To that at home we add our love of the Lord through nightly prayer and weekly church meetings. 3. I limit the amount of media that I let into our home (my son watches no TV) and we live on a strict budget to that we can save for the future, live within our means, and donate to charity. We need two incomes to meet basic expenses because both of us have chosen public service jobs that help others beyond our immediate family, and they don't pay a lot. I feel proud that because I work, my husband isn't stuck in a high-paying job he hates.
One of the other posters was right. I truly believe we are teaching our children the kind of adults we want them to become by our own behavior. I hope and pray that my son will learn that women can contribute in many ways...as wives, as mothers, and as more.
I am a lazy mother who has had enough of being lazy. Has been searching, praying, and listening to what i can do to feel the way this talk by Julie Beck describes. An aswered prayer. Thank you so much! I feel like i can begin climbing and digging myself out of a dark hole now.
Amen, amen, and can I get an A-MEN!
Varied responses to an unfazingly complicated subject: The role of women.
I'm just grateful I was born in this day where this conversation is possible. Sister suffragete? Nope. Arranged marriages? Nope. Eight cows? Six cows? Nope, and nope.
Oh, and SCTV: Your comments gave me chills.
LOVE IT. SO true. You just inspired me.
CJane,
You have given me the best compliment! Your sister is a dear friend. I admire her so much and want to be more like her.
I would love to be in on one of those conversations!
You make a good point about including the word "woman" with "wife and mother". I think I like "daughter of God" best of all.
The world feeds women all sorts of lies. One of the biggest is that we should focus on ourselves-our wants , our desires. When Christ taught the opposite-it is only when we lose ourselves for His sake that we find ourselves. It is only when our will is swallowed up in His will that we can ever be truly happy.
It makes me sad that so many women interpret Sister Beck's talk as saying we should all be the same. Each of us is unique and likewise we each have our own unique personal mission. No two women trying to become a "woman who knows" will go about it in the same way. We each bring with us our own God-given strengths, personality, talents, weaknesses,and challenges. There are eternal truths however, and fight as we might against them they do not change.
I do believe that as women we have a duty to care for and reach out to each other. That is the area outside of motherhood that I feel a call to improve on, especially my sacred duty as a Visiting Teacher.
Oh, I could go on and on, but I won't.
It is scary commenting on your blog, especially on such a highly emotional issue.
Don't stop blogging...ever...please!
Bold is beautiful!
I have to admit I was one of those women who kind of cringed when I read this talk. I have since learned to appreciate it, but that doesn't mean I don't still get the guilt factor kicking in whenever I review it.
None of us are perfect, and some of the talents each of us have been blessed with seem more visible than the ones of others, but that doesn't make them any less valid.
For example, I am a terrible housekeeper. I have come to realize this is something I will never be good at, and it is not for a lack of trying. I like to believe that having a house of order as we read about in the scriptures does not mean having an immaculate, organized home. (Some are great at this, and there is nothing wrong with being the best you can at this if it is your strength). I believe it is being able to recognize your true priorities and not being distracted by things that are not important.
There are lots of things in that talk I do pretty well at, most of the time. There are other parts that I really have to work on, and probably always will. But I am trying. I think that matters. I am so grateful that my Father in Heaven knows my strengths and weaknesses, and His is the only measuring stick I need to be concerned with.
I love reading your blog cause I know I'm always going to smile and most days, laugh out loud = )
I'm a devoted follower of Jesus Christ but not a Mormon. I'm curious about your church's stance on this:
With so much emphasis on being a wife and mother, how are infertile women "handled"?
Like, are childless couples encouraged, urged, stressed to adopt? Can a Mormon woman be fulfilled as just a wife and not a mother? Do the elders/teachers teach that a childless woman NEEDS to adopt a child and be a mother to fulfill her calling or God's will or whatever you want to call it?
Thanks for any info you can provide...and please keep blogging!!
p.s. I had to leave a comment because the word verification is "entice" and it's the first time I've ever gotten a REAL word! It enticed me to comment = )
I have struggled with this, too, for different reasons.
Growing up I was given the "only be a wife and a mother" idea by my father (not because of religion, but because of his generational conditioning). And now, unfortunately, I'm getting a bit of that from my husband as well.
But the problem (not really a problem...) is the deep desire and urge I feel to create, to do something more that doesn't necessarily involve my children or my husband, to express deep feelings within myself, to know that I am an individual, with worth just on my very own. For years and years I have felt guilty about wanting that. I felt like I was being selfish for wanting to do/be something "away" from my family (ok, I often still feel guilty about that).
So your post feels like encouragement to me, to pursue my other talents/interests/loves in addition to be whole-hearted in my family, not in spite of them.
P.S. I do not find guilt helpful. It just makes me want to curl up in bed and eat chocolate covered cinnamon bears all day long. :)
I enjoy reading your blog and always appreciate a good discussion on spiritual and religious topics. I feel that each of our spiritual journeys is a very personal one.
I enjoyed my time in the church and I cherished my mission and acknowledge all the wonderful people and leaders who gave so much to me.
I find it interesting, and honestly, am taken aback when people categorize my leaving the church to such a simple assumption as "separating the wheat from the tares"....
It is assumed that when we leave, we desire to sin, or have been offended in some way. Let me share, that I still have the spirit, and feel happiness, much as I did before.
As A latter day saint, we were taught that there was only one way to be happy and one path to God, As I grew older, it just did not feel that way for me. For some of you, you seem to say "good Riddance...."
but we are all here on our own path, and learning the lessons we need to learn. I would also say, that if you really want the world to see you as Christian, please, be careful how you treat those who leave. Most of us leave, with love and no regrets. We are not anti, or Apostates. We just decided to follow a different path. I am not on the path of the Gospel, but I can dissent, and doubt and sin and grow. I participate in life, and my gender, or color, or sexuality, or age, does not disqualify me in receiving God's love or inspiration.
I am a mother too. It changed my life forever. I learned what love really was, and all there is to life, the blood, the sweat, the exhaustion- the joy- is wound so tightly together that I dare not separate it out...it was most times, gut wrenching, ah, but it was bliss. Of course, I could look back and see how I could have done things differently, but I am at peace, because I lived life and loved with such purpose.
I can't say that I know what is after this life-but I do not fear death or loss of my earthly associations. We all know what we know and love how we love.
Yes, Bliss and Gratitude.
Cjane, this is a wonderful post. Thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts on the subject and for opening up a forum for so many women to share their stories, experiences, and perspectives. It is enlightening and empowering to read everyone's comments.
Last Summer Sister Beck came to talk to the female faculty at BYU before our year of teaching began.
One woman asked her how we are supposed to deal with being working women within the church, seeing as how we have so much education among many women who never went to college. Basically how can we be respected among the stay at home moms at church?
I was astounded with the question, as it seemed to me the woman who posed it somehow looked down on those who had a different path to take in life, and viewed her PhD as more important than other lifetime pursuits, such as motherhood, and further felt she was lacking respect from those around her because of her professional pursuits.
Sister Beck answered this question with the following idea.
We need to see value in the lives of the women around us; in our neighborhoods, wards, communities, and stakes. We need to respect these women for all that they do and contribute to society in and out of the home. Less comparison of education levels, or employment status, and more recognition of the common ties we share as women, sisters, mothers, and hopefully friends.
I loved that answer, and while her talk that you posted may seem stinging to some, or hard to hear for others, I believe that from that small meeting at BYU Sister Beck really doesn't want to guilt us, but rather to encourage us to help those in our homes be the best they can, however we can.
Thank you!
C Jane... I love hearing when you talk about your faith. I do not always understand it but I try my best, thank you for sharing this with us.
I've really enjoyed reading all the comments on this post as well as the post itself! As a few people have mentioned, I think the equation of wives/stay-at-home mothers with 'doormats' is wrong. I like the comment about 'woman, wife and mother' as I think this is really important. At the church is used to attend I felt massive pressure on me to be a mother and homemaker over everything else (a job, hobbies, for example) and felt it was quite damaging. I go to a different church now where this is not the case and it's so refreshing for women to be celebrated for everything and encouraged with ALL their gifts and callings.
Thank you so much for this post. It is very timely for me as I have just begun to struggle with the sense that I want more. I'm a convert to the church (baptized a week into my freshman year of college) and I struggled for the first five years of being a stay-at-home mom. The last three have been a time of tremendous growth as I've really relaxed into the role and, above all else, realized that it holds the potential for endless progression. But. I've reached a point now where, while far from the perfect mother, I feel like I've crested a mountain and have been coasting down the other side for a while. I told this to my husband and he said, "GREAT! Let's hang out in the valley for a while and just enjoy it!!" My response was that the valley is nice for a little while, but then it becomes suffocating. You can't see anything from down in the valley. All the good views are from the peaks. So I promised him that I don't want to drag the entire family up another mountain of having another child or going back to school or work full time, but I would really like a small mountain of my own to climb up, all by myself. Like maybe one class, or some volunteer work or something. He has little mountains in his life- school, athletic pursuits, and I would really like one of my own. It sounds like you are looking for the same thing...I wish you well!
Hi cjane,
Thanks for your comment!
In answer to your question of "Why not stay?", I couldn't stay because staying didn't feel right to me. In my unique situation, I have come away with a stronger sense of purpose and worth than before. And, heck, there's nothing more I love than giving my opinion whether in or out of the church!
But even though I can't stay, I feel like I visit often by reading your blog every day.
Keep up the thought provoking posts. We're listening.
I have printed this post and want to take it to my neighbor and friend, Emma Lou Thayne. She would love reading your thoughts... hope you don't mind.
I want to read this book. I am in Mexico right now, overlooking the sea of Cortez and wishing I had this book to read, right now.
I am a simple woman. Not very educated. I am a wife and stay at home mother (except when I am traveling...guilt? no way!) I am a lifelong member of the LDS church and although we are encouraged to raise and nurture children, I have never felt "pressure" to be "just" a wife and mother. Rather, I have felt inspired to try harder all the time to be a little better.
I think that is what Sister Beck's talk was about. Trying harder. What is so wrong with that? Isn't that what life is all about?
Some days I don't try as hard as I should to be the best me I can be, so when a talk like "Mothers Who Know" comes along, I grasp on to it and soak it up because it contains so much excellent advice.
I have a lot to learn about being the best I can be, about accepting all kinds of women and understanding the different roles we women can play. We need discussions like this, and we need to love and support each other more.
As soon as I am home, I will be searching for that book.
So, I just read all those comments. Very interesting and enlightening. I have learned so much from my sisters in the church and out of the church. I was a SAHM and loved every bit of it. There were those days when I was bored and wanted more so I went to college, I picked up part time jobs, I started an at home business. I tried to make the most of my situation. Now I'm divorced and I work full-time. (C Jane, we were aquaintances in Utah, our husbands acted together, that was a fun time) I'm not always happy to be working away from my children. It hurts me everyday to take my baby to a sitter. But I do it because I have to. Just like so many other women. I try and teach my children that we learn from all our experiences. I LOVE every bit of being a mother and dream of the day when I can stay home with my children. It may never happen again. And that's fine. I'm learning to make the most of this life. From reading all the comments I have learned that we are all very similar no matter what our background. There have been times when I compare myself to other women and I know other women compare themselves to me. It amazes me that they would think I have something better than them. But I look at their lives and what they have and sometimes I want that. It is a vicious cycle:)
Thank you, C Jane, for the platform to speak and learn from others.
These talks are meant to encourage us to be better on an individual level. For some it may be to turn off the TV or computer more often or let some housework go so you can play with your kids. For another it may be to go to bed with the kitchen clean at night or sitting together as a family for dinner. President Hinckley always talked about rising a little higher, being a little better, standing a little taller. Trying to be perfect, even according to our own standards, all at once will certainly leave a bad taste for perfection in anyone's mouth.
Perhaps those who interpreted Sister Beck's talk as telling women to be doormats should read other talks by her and other women in the church about the powerful influence women have for good in the community as well as with their families.
Once again, for some women these talks may motivate them to volunteer at their children's school. For someone else it may be to run for a governmental office. :)
C Jane, I love to look at other women for examples of doing good too. Doesn't mean I'm going to go out and do exactly what they are doing or feel bad because I'm not doing what they are doing, but I will think about what I can do to contribute like they have.
I needed to read this today. I'll keep going if you will! Thank you for the beautiful spirit you brought to my heart.
Thanks for stirring up this conversation CJ and for everyone else who put their 2 bits in. It is a conversation I have in my head quite frequently and its nice to hear other voices. I grew up in the LDS church and wanted to be a mom more than anything else because I believed that that was the most important thing I could do. And I still believe this but I want to point out even though God says his "greatest creation and work" is his children, he doesn't farm out the creation of worlds. I think God has as many interests as all of us combined. Gratefully I've been given the opportunity to be a mother. However, there are many differences between what I envisioned motherhood to be as compared to what it has been in real life. Like so many other things in life, until you experience them you don't understand or really appreciate it. Motherhood has brought me greater joy and frustration than I ever imagined and will continue to I'm sure. And I too have struggled with feelings that I want to do more than just be a Mom. I loved Laurel Ulrich's book, A Midwife's Tale because it was to me about this woman who yearned to be more than just a wife/mother and how she did that even in a society/culture with far fewer options than I have. I could identify with her yearning. It is not that I think that doing more is a bad thing, it is just hard to know how to fit it in. Being a mother can be all-consuming, but I don't think that it should be. I don't think our children or ourselves are best served when this is the case. But it is a matter of balance which I have a hard time finding.
I'm glad there are so many different ways of being a great Mom. I think there should be a distinction made between motherhood and homemaking tasks also. I do not believe they are synonomous. I think there are great mothers who don't like to houseclean or do laundry or who don't do it like the cover of magazines and then there are mothers who do keep their homes looking like a magazine cover and I don't know that they are such great mothers.
What is the definition of a great mother? A great woman? I'm still trying to figure that out. I think there are some in the LDS church whose definition is too narrow and then there are some who are more broadminded and then there are some who obviously look down on "just mothers" which is just as narrow minded as the first perspective. My mother-in-law at first glance appears to be just a SAHM. But if you look further she was an excellent pianist/organist and accompanied many organizations over the years, and she also was an excellent seamstress who made prom dresses for money and I could go on but won't. That her creative talents and interests were developed and served in a home setting doesn't make her any better or worse than someone whose talents take them outside the home like a news reporter or teacher.
I'm sorry this is so long, it is a topic that I think a lot about and would love to discuss at length and like you CJane, learn about in a "social" way. I love the diverse social examples I have of women around me and that I get to read about on blogs such as yours!
I had to comment because I feel different than a lot of people who have commented already. I have worked outside of the home, before I was a mom. I was good at it. I was a great student and enjoyed it. Now as a mother, I am not so great. I have a hard time with the housework. I love the cooking, but sometimes the tending to little ones who whine gets on my nerves. I know that I could get a babysitter and work and be fabulous. I feel that this time in my life is to learn to be a good mother. I want to be better at housekeeping. This season in my life is not easy, but I am learning as much as if I were in school or working. I am learning to love being a mom and wife and caring for my family.
Thank you cjane for the great discussions that you create. I love your blog and look forward to your next posts. You give me courage to be a better mother.
I cringed during this talk a few times and remembered why being LDS is difficult as a woman. I confess I'm a mother who does not Know and probably never will. And I'm not going to pursue the expectation. I know and trust myself, and I know I do what I can.
Sometimes the standard is set so high and so perfectly it becomes too much.
Not everyone that hears this talk is wired the same way or has the same life experiences, so the response to a talk like this is different for everyone.
I loved hearing what everyone had to say. This is why I stay in the church, because women of faith are interesting people, there is always someone you can find to commiserate with when you don't agree. I like having a vehicle to drive my spirituality. And at the same time I understand and respect the decision to leave. Sometimes being LDS for some is filled with too much anxiety and leaving balances things out and then it's easier to concentrate on what really matters in life- family, loving others etc.
i had to add a post script to this rather lengthy and interesting discussion. my husband just came into my office and noticed the length of the comments and said, "wow, what did you write that got so many comments?!" and i laughed and went "HAH!" and told him about your original post and how cool it is to see these lengthy reactions...because this is something we've all talked about and anguished over for sooooo long. anyhoo he came back with the coolest comment. he said that we should be copying all of these and keeping them for our daughters...i thought that was pretty cool. especially in seeing how age brings sanity inducing amnesia - i live next to my mom-in-law who frequently displays this phenomenon with comments like, "wow, i don't remember my breast ever hurting during breastfeeding." or "it's strange how your kids fight. i don't remember my boys every fighting." (of course her ninety year old mother is usually standing right behind her and rolling her eyes and whispering to me that indeed her boobies hurt and indeed her children beat the crud out of eachother and yes her farts do smell as well. that last part was just to make me feel better. anyhoo...rambling over. i just thought i'd throw it out there. it'd be a pretty neat thing for our girls to look over in a few years when they get on the roller coaster of life themselves. anyhoo - night. bb
I voted for the first time in my weekly reader in kindergarten. By the fourth grade I stayed up to watch the primaries in the 1984 presidential election. I used to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag in my room in the morning. I had planned on campaigning for president in the year 2012 when I would finally be 35. By the time I was 14 I had my life's plans all laid out but began to think about my role as a mother. Lawyer, Senator and President would not leave me much time for my children. I was about to receive my patriarchal blessing and I approached the Lord about my dilemma. I told him what my plans were but I realized those might not be his plans for my life. I committed to do what he asked me to do, but he would have to tell me in my blessing, otherwise I would pursue the course I had set.
My blessing said that I would be a teacher and trainer of those around me, but most importantly, I would be a teacher and trainer of my own children. As I promised, I dedicated my life to pursue this course.
I was in law school when I met my husband. I finished school, passed the bar and got pregnant with my first child. Motherhood has not proved to be easy. It is aggravating at times, depressing at times, lonely at times. It is also wonderful at times, fulfilling at times and is the ride of my life.
When I look back, I think that four kids is easier than one. I have fallen into the role. Poop doesn't bother me, I keep a towel on the kitchen floor at all times to wipe up all future spills, I embrace dirt. I love that I have purposefully chosen to be a mother when I could be something else. I love that I can give my children all of my love and all of my time. Motherhood is the something "more".
Don't get me wrong, I yelled at my kids tonight and we all ate cold cereal for dinner... but ... this process of learning is more rewarding than priesthood responsibility (I think anyway) and more challenging than work. I just about have a break down every 3 or 4 days BUT IT STILL I S GREAT. I just keep trying. It is enough. Find some hobbies and service but know that those things that you think are "more" are not as great as what is right in front of you.
Courtney-
I must say that after meeting you and your darling sisters, not to mention your amazing mother, I can most certainly say that you ladies are not just mothers. You are wonderful and strong women, who make a difference in our world. You are women who are raising beautiful, funny, and intelligent children, and I think we could do with a few more Clark women raising babies!
Someone should follow the beautiful Laura Jarman around for a day and witness not only her talent for running a business, but also her talent for raising great kids as well.
I've been in a place where I knew it was the right thing to do to me "more". A teacher and a mother. I loved it! Recently I have been asked to be "more" by changing my title to full-time mother. It has been a bit of an identity crisis to say the least. I will admit that I always have "if I go back" lingering in the back of my mind. But the bottom line is that this is what I am to do right now. Motherhood. It is a pretty sweet deal and it won't always be as in demand as it is now (in my life).
That was the right choice for me, it was not always the right choice, but it is now. I am content with that..for now. :)
I may be the .1% of your readership that is neither Morman nor a mother, but the idea that anyone wouldn't try to be the best and the most that they could be (be they man, woman, teenager, or even an old granny) is astounding to me!
The idea that women have specific roles they should fulfill is alien to me, since as a Catholic, the church urges everyone to answer the call to our vocation, never really pushing particular vocations on us.
Maybe I'm just too young and optimistic, but I plan to be an officer in the United States Navy, a bestselling writer, a third degree black belt, an awesome wife, and in a few years, an amazing mother. Why not set goals as high as you can imagine? Anything less is a waste of time.
I'm late to the party, but since my amazing sister, Jen (mom of 8), commented on here, I thought I'd throw my two cents in.
Jen is a wonderful sister, daughter and friend. She is one of the most magnificent women I know. She exemplifies to me what a true homemaker is. Homemaking is not just about cooking and cleaning and I don't think that is what Sister Beck was trying to imply. Homemaking is about reading your children stories, encouraging them in their talents, teaching them, playing with them, fostering good relationships, having a great relationship with your spouse, having the Spirit with you, following it and helping your children to recognize it. Being a homemaker is everything. Think about this -- God, who is all powerful and all knowing, prefers to be known as father above all other titles. To me, mother is a word that describes every good thing we can be as women -- intelligent, compassionate, service-oriented, witty, healthy, fun-loving, selfless, hard-working, thrifty, etc. Motherhood to me is an ideal that I can only hope to achieve in the next life. But what a wonderful opportunity we've been given to learn here.
I say this as a woman who has worked outside the home for eight and half years. Most of my children have never had the experience of having a stay-at-home mom. I know that working outside the home is expected of me by my Heavenly Father and it is currently part of my role as a mom. But nothing I do outside my home could ever fill me with as much pure joy as the time I spend with my family. And nothing I do outside the home makes me as aggravated, frustrated, overwhelmed, and tired. But that's all part of the beautiful role that we've been given.
I am by nature so lazy and so selfish that it is absolutely ridiculous. I am trying to be a disciple of Christ, who is the complete opposite of those two things. I appreciate being a mother for so many reasons, but none more so than the fact that motherhood compels you to shed your laziness and selfishness. I have a lot more shedding to do, but I am so glad I have my children to push me to be more like my Savior.
Sorry for rambling. And I feel like I should have started with, "long-time reader, first-time commenter."
To angela, two comments ago:
From a mother and a mormon, and in the past - a college basketball player, a high school math teacher, a volleyball coach, a traveling software teacher, and a part-time from home software programmer:
I think you're missing the point of this post. Obviously it must be tough for you to relate because you ARE young. These mothers DO try their best, but the results are not always the best, not because they are not trying, but because being a mother IS the hardest job out there. Oh and good luck on all your goals. You will find that life doesn't always work the way you have imagined, not to be negative, but just do the best you can with what God hands you.
Courtney, I love this quote and I am glad that you feel good about what you are doing with your writing. :) Thanks for the example...
"To you women of today, who are old or young, may I suggest that you write, that you keep journals, that you express your thoughts on paper. Writing is a great discipline. It is a tremendous education effort. It will assist you in various ways, and you will bless the lives of many-now and in the years to come, as you put on paper some of your experiences and some of your musings."
President Gordon B. Hinckley
oh i'd love this book! And i love hearing your thoughts. I think it is totally your more. (i'm lazy too :) )
Jen,
I would like you to be in on that conversation too because we talk about you all the time. You are one of those women we talk about and admire.
I like daughter of God too.
I also want to clarify that the more I am talking about refers to selfless giving. Not the more does nothing for anyone else. Like the women in this book, more has become another way a woman can give to society and connect with others to heal and help.
I should've made that more apparent in my post. Next time I will.
Sounds like a great book. This is the first time I've commented on your blog. You are a very talented writer!
You are AWESOME! I love your blog. You are so down to earth and real. We need more women in the world like you! Keep it going!
I wasn't going to comment, but I really feel I need to. I have a Mother who was not very good at being one. Verbally and emotionally abusive, occasionally physically so, never really "kept" a home, never really cooked, or did much of anything(my Dad was in medical school and gone all the time but later saw the writing on the wall) anyway, I was and still am SO jealous of friends who had stay at home mom's who were actually good at, or at least tried their hardest. So jealous I would cry. What I would have given to have my Mom have a yummy dinner on the table consistently, try and have a smile on her face, and show up emotionally. Instead she made us feel like we were annoying, and made her life hard because she would tell us. She just wanted to shop and pretty much be left alone. Being a SAHM IS important. Even the day to day laundry matters. Trust me! My Mom never got up with us before school, ever. We had cereal. EVERY morning. I could go on, but I won't. I just want to point out that while women complain about feeling like there is more they could be doing, just being there for your children matters more than anything. I too, have days where I feel like I want more, but then I quickly realize that to my child I am everything, and that is my more.
I have to remind myself that there are seasons to life, and right now mothering 2 kids under 2 is my season. I can do the things for me (like school or working as a nurse, etc.) when they are older. Do I need hobbies and outlets? YES! And I have them, but they are my "side notes" if you will. I try every day to be what I didn't have.
I have such a strong testimony and conviction that being a homemaker and wife and making the effort are the most important things on the planet. There are so many things screaming at us in the world that tell us we are cheating ourselves if we are "just Moms", but who are we really cheating?
Does that mean we can't develop our talents, be of service and gratify others because we are just Mothers? NO! Is it hard? Yep! I have had to learn to cook, serve others, and be a good homemaker on my own. I had no good example until I was about 20. I want my boys to have what I never did and I give it my all every day for them. Do I wish some days that I was at my job I used to love? Yeah, but it's fleeting. I know the other end of it, and it sucks. Wow this is long and ranting. Sorry! Anyway, LOVE that talk! It refreshes my spirit and gives me the motivation I need. Thank you for that!
P.S. Just wanted to say I love your blog, and have never commented. I think what you are doing is awesome. I've certainly been inspired! And just in case my sister reads this, I learned how to be a better Mother from my Dad (go figure) who is amazing and we don't want to discount him in having a hand in helping us through the wanting and wishing. :)
I always wonder why some of my Mormon friends-- who are otherwise so open-minded, tolerant, and independen-- so accepting of being placed in a subservient role to their husbands. Why is it ok that your husband can have multiple wives in the Celestial Kingdom? Doesn't that feel disrespectful to your relationship? Does it bother you that you cannot know your husband's temple name but you must tell him yours? It's up to him to call you, and he can choose not to. This seems horribly sexist to me. Why is this ok?
Don't kid yourself, being MOM is THE most important job in the world. We make lives brighter, smarter, funnier, less scary, and loving. We are role models and the only person in the world who can kiss an owie and make it all better. All the other talents we possess are just a bonus.
Hugs!
Honestly, I think the PERSON (not just mother/father/Mormon/employee) that doesn't strive to do more isn't really living.
This evening, I cooked the most marvelous pork chops my family have ever had.
TOMORROW, I will wash the dishes from tonight's dinner. I'll read a Thanksgiving book to my son. I'll say thank you to my daughter. I'll fold the clothes and put them away.
I'll be MORE patient when my husband is a pain in the rump, and I'll be MORE aware of how I drive him crazy too.
"More" is subjective. To me, I wasn't offended by Sister Beck's talk, because even SHE could be doing "more." And she would surely say so if we asked her.
You may be MORE at this than I am, I may be MORE at that than you are, she may be MORE at that other thing than either of us are put together. But it doesn't make any of us LESS.
If we were all the same, and did the same things every day for our entire lifetime without ever striving to be MORE, what would really be the point of living? But again, it's subjective. Your more is not mine, and doesn't have to be. You can't be MORE at everything, and the phrase quality over quantity is true. We all have unique facets of ourselves that other people look up to, while we're secretly looking up to them.
Not a single one of us is better than the other, so no MORE guilt, and more knowing that you're loved and loving. It's fine to want more, but you have to know that there is endless value in what you are now.
I do not think we should compare ourselves to others. We each are so different and are at different places in our lives. And whether or not someone is doing "more" than others is not easy to say. I too, myself included, know many people who have jobs and are very active their respective communities. But sometimes that comes at a price. And sometimes it doesn't. I know people who balance motherhood and their professions and civic positions well. I know others who have no time for their families, but you wouldn't know it until you spent significant time with them.
You should be so grateful that you actually have the choice!! You have the time to maintain this blog and discuss these issues with so many people. You have the choice to stay home or not. Some people do not have this choice and must work or take care of someone. Forget about blogging or discussing. So enjoy your choices!!! And do what is best for you and your family.
The thing we should do is work on our relationship with our Father in Heaven and be true to ourselves. Not what anyone else is thinking or doing.
I have also worked "outside of the home" as a mother. Sometimes it has been necessary, sometimes it has been by choice. I have also stayed home 100%. In all these situations, I have found happiness and contentment because it was right for what was going on at the time.
YOUR HAVE INSPIRED ME! It took me six years to adopt our first baby and seven to get pregnant through IVF. I am just ending my first trimester and it has been a difficult road. Many times it has been hard to stay positive even though a know a miracle is growing inside of me, something I have longed for and prayed for for years. Motherhood is the hardest work one will ever do it is so selfless and requires such love, patience and sacrifice. We are truely clothing the naked, feeding the hungry and providing for those in need. What a blessing.
I realize that I'm late in joining this conversation, but I have a few thoughts to throw in.
I think sometimes LDS women get the idea that becoming a wife and a mother means that one needs to lose one's individuality. This is contrary to the teachings of the scriptures and modern-day prophets. Being a good wife/mother can be enhanced by bringing in our interests, hobbies, skills, etc. that don't necessarily involve housework. Sometimes we may need to reprioritize, but it doesn't mean that we have to, or should, lose part of ourselves.
Also, it makes me sad to hear that people were offended by Sister Beck's talk. Her talk did not tell us to dedicate ourselves to ironing or dishes but to work to better ourselves in all aspects of our lives. I think any talk by any general authority tells us to do the same. I think there have been many "Fathers Who Know" talks given over the years under different titles that haven't garnered the criticism that Sister Beck's talk did.
P.S. CJane, we were in your ward in Provo until we moved back in August. I just recently found your blog, and I love it!
Can't read all the comments but I'm with Lexie and other Beck dissenters.
I hated that talk. For two reasons.
1. The line, "LDS women should be the best homemakers in the world." followed by what that means.
Because, dude, it takes ALL DAY-- ALL FRICKING DAY-- to be on top of the laundry, the dishes, the tidiness, the cooking, the cleaning, etc. All day. If I'm to do it all as well as I'd like it done (without being obsessive compulsive and perfectionistic) it would take me all day. And that's what my life would be. And my kids would be better off because they lived in a home that was always company-ready than if I say... went to university?
It's illogical.
And it would all work if it weren't for the 2nd thing that bugs me.
2. There was no disclaimer that I heard. There was no message of, "I know it's hard. It's harder for some more than others for various reasons like [examples cited]. And it may not be your season to be the best homemaker right now. Your season right now might be for recovery from childhood trauma (hello), for spirituality, for being a good friend, etc ad nauseum.
I really thought the talk had a self-righteous tone. She did not sound loving like President Hinckley would have.
So many talks that are hard to swallow would go sooooo far if they just added maybe two sentences of compassion and encouragement for those who feel hit in the gut by said talk. TWO SENTENCES! Why is that so hard, Beck?! Geez!
*/rant*
Steph,
Very good questions. I had a huge issue with them when I first joined the church.
1. Multiple wives. As I understand it, it's an issue of practicality. Women are more righteous than men, generally and there will be more of them in the CK.
It totally doesn't bother me anymore. As I've grown older, more confident, more close to my husband, I've become less jealous. It's possible to love more than one person and our love then will be so much more pure and less ego/need driven than it is here. I can honestly say that even if my husband loved another woman NOW, it wouldn't kill me, as long as he loved me too. I'd be empathetic and interested in hearing more and I'd respect his heart.
I know. Sounds crazy or like I'm lying. But I'm not. I just love myself that much that I don't need him to love only me for me to feel happy and have self worth.
Sharing his time would bug me, though. When I think of him off on other planets with his other wives or whatever, that bugs me. But oh well. Just because it doesn't make sense now, doesn't mean it won't then.
2. Not knowing his name. Ya, that bugs me slightly. Seems weird to me, but again, it will probably make sense one day. Also, it's a pretty small thing. If I don't care all that much now, imagine how much less I'll care then!
3. Choosing not to call you forward to the CK? Mere formality, the whole thing. If you're worthy, he'll call you. Christ's opinion will trump my husband's, I'm sure. And if he's worthy to be there, he'll be the kind of person who will judge righteously.
Steph, you should be IMPRESSED, if anything, that these women like me are still LDS when things like this make us say "Hmmm...." It's because we really do have testimonies. Maybe for some women, especially perhaps women raised in the church, it's out of fear. For me, it's because I truly, adamantly know that it's the truth. I've tried to talk myself out of it many times out of convenience, but I find it impossible to deny.
So, I go to church in my heels and skirt when I'd rather wear pants and I roll my eyes at the seeming nonsensicalness of that, and I bow my head and pray with my heart and take in inspired teachings and I leave with a little less ego and a little more love in my heart.
I love God. I know he knows a lot more than I do. I KNOW he loves me and that he's never going to want me to be unhappy and that he's never going to force me into anything.
You can't choose religion based on what makes the most logical sense. We all have our own opinions and experiences that make us want one principle and not other. Religion is not design-your-own Nike shoes.
Either it's true or it isn't and the stuff you don't understand, you gotta put your ego aside and suck it up and focus on that which fills your spirit and makes you the kind of person who people can tell is Mormon just by the light in your eyes and the expression on your face. I've had strangers ask me what ward I'm in when I've had zero outward identifying traces of Mormonism. And I've done the same with others. In fact, I have a photo collection of strangers I've figured out were LDS for no reason other than I could JUST TELL.
The church is true. I know it is. And I say this in the name of Jesus Christ. AMEN! ;-)
And sometimes the call IS for them to occur at the same time.
We hear this sentiment a lot: Maybe now is not the time. We can't have or do everything at once.
You never hear people say, "Embrace both philosophies in the same moment. Sometimes two ideas can coexist." Do we never hear that because it's not true? Or do we assume it's not true because we never hear it? Because a different sound byte has become so pervasive we accept it as a universal truth for every person.
Even God's universal truths are not for every person at every time. Not because they're not true, but because people are so monumentally unique and flawed. The more you get down to the minutia of the gospel, the more you'll find people not living it and that being okay, because the minutia that makes up individuals varies so much, sometimes tragically.
Maybe now IS the time. Maybe we can do two things at once. Or even three. If only because we're so flawed that we can't do only one or we'll jump out of a window.
In the meantime, we make the best choices we can and they may not be ideal for everyone but they may be ideal for the flawed individual.
We need to be sensitive enough to the Lord's voice that we can hear the answer that's unique to us and not what other people tell us we're going to hear because we're sensitive to the Lord's voice.
We need to be careful when we talk about "we" to not assume that what was inspired for "me" is inspired for "we".
I support and understand your desire to do more. Recently I had some interaction with Sister Dalton (LDS General Young Women President). Even though she didn't counsel specifically about being a wife/mother/homemaker I went away wanting to do more, to be better. I think this is one of the fruits of the Holy Ghost - to be inspired to strive even when it is hard. Isn't this the ultimate in hope?!!
This post and it's resulting comments have probably been hard for you - it is still a good conversation to have. The band The Fray says, "Sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same."
Hi CJane,
I'm a new reader here. Maybe I need to read Sis. Beck's talk again, but when I heard the phrase about having the best homes in the world, I didn't think as in perfectly clean and organized, but the most loving, enriching, educating, etc. Our homes should be a place that our children love to be and let's face it - people don't love living in chaos and it leads to contention. I doubt anyone would agree with, "LDS women should run homes that look like the city dump."
I think her message is that there is real value in creating a wonderful home. I know too many women who want to stay home or do stay home and their husbands think they aren't contributing to the family unless they are bringing in money. A happy home is way more valuable than money.
It's hard to deliver a message in a way that pleases everyone, but I was happy to hear it emphasized that what a stay at home mom does has a major impact on society. I also have an admiration for women who work outside of the home, but I would hope that if it were to the detriment of their children, they would sacrifice and stay home if at all possible.
Wonderful blog you have. Thank you for sharing. :)
Hi CJane,
I'm a new reader here. Maybe I need to read Sis. Beck's talk again, but when I heard the phrase about having the best homes in the world, I didn't think as in perfectly clean and organized, but the most loving, enriching, educating, etc. Our homes should be a place that our children love to be and let's face it - people don't love living in chaos and it leads to contention. I doubt anyone would agree with, "LDS women should run homes that look like the city dump."
I think her message is that there is real value in creating a wonderful home. I know too many women who want to stay home or do stay home and their husbands think they aren't contributing to the family unless they are bringing in money. A happy home is way more valuable than money.
It's hard to deliver a message in a way that pleases everyone, but I was happy to hear it emphasized that what a stay at home mom does has a major impact on society. I also have an admiration for women who work outside of the home, but I would hope that if it were to the detriment of their children, they would sacrifice and stay home if at all possible.
Wonderful blog you have. Thank you for sharing. :)
New reader here too... I enjoyed this post and the comments that ensued! I am impressed at how many wonderful women there are out there.
I will try to condense my many thoughts on this subject:
Satan is doing his VERY best to break us down, hate ourselves, regret our choices, become offended, neglect our families, and help us offend the Holy Ghost (so that we can no longer receive that personal revolation we so desperatley need).
We as woman we judge our selves harshly... much too harshly. (again, thanks Satan)
I am a SAHM and have often thought to myself... 'Being at home with my kids means nothing if I waste away my time with them!" (also being a 'lazy' mom) I realized that I need to be trying my hardest every moment I am with them (and apologize for the moments when I am not acting as the Lord would have me act) Being a mother is one of the MOST challenging experices I have EVER undertaken... but I am trying (somedays more than others) and THAT'S what matter most!
I don't think it's about working/not working, clean house/dirty house, so much as it is trying your very hardest, being the BEST mother you can be, and leaving the self-critism out of it.
It's one thing to see the need to make a personal change (whatever that may be) but to berate, compare, or beat ourselves up for not being the 'perfect' person we imagined we should be (or imagine that others think we should be), is GIVING Satan power, and that we can NOT afford to do.
Heavenly Father simply wants us to reach our potential and he's constantly trying to inspire us to reach a little higher and try a little harder (in all facets of womanhood).
Thanks for sharing your thoughts CJane!! I enjoy your thoughts!
OK, I am trying to seperate what you said in the post from some of the comments. But really, if you meet the pre-eminent pediatric cardiologist in the country, and she tells you that she has chosen not to have a husband and family so that she can focus all of her time and energy to saving lives, do we roll our eyes, and think, "Please, doesn't she know that we are called to do MORE?"
That is how I feel about this.
I am trying to really do my best as a wife and mother, and yes, to do that it does take almost my all. What is left, as a mormon woman, goes to things like Visiting Teaching, and my calling, and trying to those the way that the Lord would have me do. That is MORE!
I also hear the siren call of other things ... but I think of a friend of mine, who, the day after her youngest got her drivers licence went off and applied for a Masters program. She had done her best, and for her, that was the time to do something else. It is hard to imagine, when I look at my youngest (11 months old) how fast time has gone. But I know that carries into the future too, that before I know it they will be gone. And guess what? I will still have energy and opinions (probably better ones) and causes I feel passionately about. Thank goodness there is a 'time and season' for it all!
Trish here:
Thanks CJ for the original post. It presented us with an opportunity to hear from many voices, and I love a good discussion on a difficult topic.
Amen to women who want more. Whatever that "more" is for them. Amen to striving and growing, amen to pushing the lazy out of ourselves, by diving into any effort we deem worthy of our attention.
Amen to our collective goodness and love. What a refreshing hour I've spent reading through these comments.
Thanks everyone. Thank you CJ.
While I am not Mormon I do have a faith system and what I love about your blog and your posts is that you express your faith and how it impacts your everyday life. We don't all have to have the same belief system to find inspiration from one another on how to live out our own understandings. Thank you for striving to be faithful to your own call CJane. :)
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