The problem with being a mother is that at first you are handed a baby. A little helpless human who wants nothing more than to wrap up inside your arms, or next to your chest and feel secure. In this state of co-dependency you feel helpful because the being is so tiny and you are so in love. All the while, the chemicals in your brain trick you into believing the entity in your arms will always be in your arms. An itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny package of perfection.
Then one cheerful morning, you hear crying in the nursery. You go to pick up your little human all snugly in his handmade quilt safely tucked in the crib only to find a bigger model has replaced your littler model. A much bigger human--who doesn't need your constant barrage of hugs and cuddles, or worse, doesn't want them either. And you are bewildered how overnight (OVERNIGHT!) those minuscule feet grew so much in just a short space of existance. All the while your brain cannot register this disconcerting reconciliation.
How did that being become this? How?
Quickly you head to the photo files containing the birth of that being. There is proof that the smaller version once existed. All mummified in receiving blankets with eyes of uncertainty that will certainly be calmed by your motherhood. Checking the newborn photos against the not-newborn baby standing before you, the bewilderment returns.
How was this being once that being?
I tell you, it has been the shock of my life. And don't tell me it gets worse.
I don't want to know how those feet get bigger.
Shhh.
95 Pieces of Opinion:
aww, the chief is gorgeous! he looks so much like chup! he's going to be a heart throb!
Well, if it gets worse, then it must happen after the age of four. I don't have any experience beyond that point, but so far so good. :-) I just love your blog.
I have the dubious honor of having a brand new baby (two weeks old today) and a freshman at BYU-I. Up late worrying about the college kid. Up right now (four am) nursing the newborn. Old-school Mormon, I think they call that.
It does get worse. You are there for every day of their lives and you nurture and teach and love and then they just turn around and leave you. How can they be so inconsiderate?
We definitely weren't like they are at their age, now were we? So unfeeling and unaware of our parents?
Oh my goodness I think your little boy is the cutest baby I have ever seen.
I don't know that I would call it getting worse, just different. It's hard as they spread their wings and become more and more independent (and taller than you). It's our job to teach them what we can and then let go. But...I still do yearn for the days when nothing would do for them but laying in my arms. I will say, that even though they might not appear to need you as much as they once did, the first person they come to when they are sad or happy or confused? Is you. And then you can get all the hugs you want.
oh my Courtney you ain't seen nothin' yet teeheeeheee....but it is FULL of blessings! Each one grows your heart with happy tears! Hugs~Donna from Massachusetts
ps. this little guy is so darned cute I am feeling a bit sorry for the shoes the next little guy has to fill! Maybe good enough genes for clones!
wait to you have the second one all tiny and newborn and doll like with miniature everything and then lay eyes on your first one post birth of second one and try and fathom how overnight your first little baby has become a HUGE GIANT...I am sure they weren't this big a day or so ago...what has granma been feeding them while Ive been in hospital.
It is surreal
But then one day you will be looking back at photos of the birth of number two and big sibling will look really young, not as big and old as you remembered, and you will ponder a while on whether you expected them to be so big all of a sudden because of this size perception thing and their new big sister/brother role
Just another of the marvels of motherhood
sigh...
just you wait until he is 6'5", size 13 shoes and 16 yrs. old.
and NEVER wants to be around you anymore....
I hear ya. My daughter just turned 18 months and I can't believe how quickly she's grown up. Makes me sad. At least for you, you'll have a little one again in no time!
I don't have any children, but one day, as I listened to a dear friend talk through this same thing about her little one, I realized "Hey - OUR moms feel that way about US." That thought makes me feel so cherished, so special. I'm sure from time to time my mom wonders where the time went and how, in the blink of an eye, I went from a bundle to someone the same size as her, married and on my own.
Someone feels that way about me. And your mom does about you. Isn't that amazing?
WATCH THE TODAY SHOW!! I just watched on the East coast and these 3 sisters who were burned recieved new laser treatment to make their scars smoother and have more mobility. Was really exciting and of course I thought of NIe. Please have her look into this if she hasn't already.
Just wait until he gets two... I have to check those newborn photos every day to remind me of the sweetness that was "once" there. Some days I'm obsessed and enamored and other days I'd be willing to give him away for awhile. :)
I keep telling my baby sister who has a little one your age, "In the blink of an eye, he'll be out of high school." She says, "I blink my eyes all the time, and he's still a baby."
She doesn't believe me. Yet.
It gets worse.
It does get worse...but it is sprinkled with some really fine moments in between that will compensate.
I remember like it was Yestarday the first time after coming home from the hospital with our newborn baby girl. I was changing my 2 1/2 year old boy pamper. I felt like wow!!! he is way to big to be wearing a pamper...compare to the newborn. He felt so big...but he we always be my little Ethan... even when he gets taller them me. Your boy is so adorable...the wanting kisses and hugs will come back.
Oh my...the heartache! I have an 8 year old daughter who grew into a sassy, head bobbing, hand on her hip, big girl OVERNIGHT...I too, have consulted the photo albums to make sure that this was, in fact, my darling girl who would not let anyone else hold her but me...My arms ache for that baby she was. My body won't allow me any more babies so I live with my memories and the love of this, really big, 8 year old who is just a shadow of the baby she once was...Oh it gets so much worse...I'm sorry to say..but the love, well, that grows along with the child :)
oh, c.. isn't he adorable. i love that those eyes haven't changed one bit. i couldn't agree with you more, thank you for putting it so eloquently. i just wrote about this same subject a few days ago.
xo. and a big hug for your dad.
I have those moments everyday. It's terrible. And sad. But happy and proves we are doing our jobs as mothers at the same time.
I don't want to have to tell you, but dang it, it gets worse. Just image that little guy at almost 6 yrs old. It's weird. And totally unfair.
I was thinking the very same thing overnight as I sat trying to cradle a screaming/crying 15 month old at midnight. It's such an odd age. One minute he's opening the door to his room waiting for you to change his diaper, and the next minute he's crying every time you think about putting him down. I was telling my husband as we're passing this screaming/crying little boy back and forth that I miss the tiny baby, you now, the one who cuddled into your shirt and was content to be held. But then I think that if he were still that tiny baby, I wouldn't get to hear him babble and smile in recognition and run to me just for a hug.
There are so many great things at this early toddler stage... I'd give up the new-found temper tantrums, but I'd keep everything else.
There is nothing so Brave or Frightening as a little boy.
don't warn me. ignorance
is bliss. i don't want to be
warned. my 9 month old is
standing in his crib and
cooing "mamamamamama"
in the mornings. i can't
take it! but the chief is cute.
It is a little sad to watch them grow up and not need you as much, but it is also so much fun to have a conversation with them, play board games, go to the movies have them tell you they love you.
Michele was right, wait until you bring that new baby home, you will think the Chief is a giant!
And lets not discuss how many pair of shoes they go through. I think it's a crime for any retailer to charge more than $3.50 for children's shoes. I'm just saying. (This after I had no money for winter shoes when it briefly turned cold her and my daughter had to wear her pink cowboy boots to church...you know she was working those!)
Its difficult to watch, but I think that is one of the many reasons we have more. You think "Well if that he isnt going to be small anymore, lets just get a new one!" Then you experience the "small" again while still figuring out all the new stuff with the comparatively monster child.
Just wait til you're sitting in Sacrament meeting, listening to a missionary give his farewell talk and you look down your row of 5 boys and realize the oldest is only 2 years away from that very Sunday and you start to cry and your sweet husband cannot for the life of him figure out what is wrong with you. Whew! I'm sniffling just thinking about it.
It gets worse...and oh, so much better.
It does get worse and better at the same time. On one hand the kids grow up so quickly. My now eight-year-old wears bigger shoes than I do. The flip side is being able to really get to know your child as a person, not just a cute, cuddly bundle of joy.
While I wish time would slow down a little, nothing has brought me more joy than watching his journey from baby, to toddler, to boy, and soon to man. Every time I think I couldn't possibly love my child more, another day passes and my heart swells with an ever greater love for the person he is becoming. It is glorious.
Wait til he turns 16. You will flip out! I swear, when that happens you will feel like the years from 5 to 16 were a dream. Makes me teary just thinking of it.
Oh, and isn't it the worse irony that if you do your job as a mother properly your children LEAVE you?!
He is adorable! He is a real little man now.
And as great as it is (really!) to have them grow up, I think that's why we (mothers, parents) keep having more.
And before you know it, they're having babies of their own! Ask your mom...
I won't repeat what all of the seasoned Moms have already said, "Just you wait" etc...(even thought it is true!
Let me just say that my four grown daughters and my 14 year old son have evolved from those tiny helpless babies into amazing human beings! They are good citizens, kind and loving, and they are good, GOOD people! It swells my heart! Please...PLEASE tell me I had a little something to do with that!
I have often asked my kids to please stop growing, but they never did it.
They do get bigger! But it doesn't get worse. It gets SO much better. Don't get me wrong, it's hard to know that in less then a week your not so little baby will be 3, but it's a whole new adventure. Gosh! Now I'm crying. I can't believe my lil guy is going to be 3!!!
I am going through the same thing right now with my little man. Now at 21 months old, I look back at those baby photos and wonder where he went.
The chief is adorable by the way!
The weirdest will be after you have been changing your new baby's diaper for a day or two in the hospital and then the first time you go to change your toddler after you get back- his little bum will seem ginormous in comparison! I remember that it seemed so weird to change my oldest again after the delicate little newborn tushie-- and thinking maybe it was time to think potty training!
Dude, my tiny baby's feet are now 9 and REEK to high heaven!
so true. last night my husband was putting lotion on one of my 9m twin girls and when she crawled up to me afterward i was all, "lydia! your hair grew while your daddy was lubing you up!" wtf?
what a flipping amazing thing we've got going for us here . . . .
Have you read "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch? It will make you cry, it is so sweet and tender. We really do get to love them forever, even when they are big, grown men and women.
Your little boy will be catapulted into "bigness" once the new baby comes...or at least it will seem that way!
It gets worse, but...it gets so much better. They show you their humor, their compassion, their strength, and your love grows...it always grows.
As lovely as tiny infants are, I'm gonig to have to say that it gets better and better as they grow into themselves and develop their own little personalities. It's an amazing ride to take with them...
The good news for you (as my husband puts it) is that you will soon have another cute little snuggler to replace the one that has grown too fast. This is his rationale for trying to get another baby out of me as our youngest will soon turn 3- still cute, just not so little anymore.
My son is just a few weeks shy of four (he was a turkey day baby) and it does get "worse"..more hugs and kisses initiated from him but more tantrums and refusals to do what you say. There's non stop taking about rockets, the moon, Mt. Everest,etc.and then you he tells you that he's going to the moon and "You can't come!" (points to me) and "You can't come!(points to his Dad)<-this happened a few days ago :)
And yes, every so often you'll be late for an appointment because none of his shoes fit. Anyone who spots my kid in rain boots and high rise jeans will know it must have been that sort of morning :)
Hugs to the chief:)
Wait until you have the new baby! The Chief will suddenly look like a giant!
Just wait till his nine...it's really hard to remember those tiny feet!
courtney, be prepared. That bewilderment only gets larger as you see that once babe in arms be a 6'5', 300# man. I trip out every time I look at any of my adult children. Of course I am just a trippy kind of girl, and wager to guess you are of the same trippy mold. have a lovely and very trippy day. GM
I know!!! My last post was journaling how my kids are growing up soo fast too. How does this happen, & how are we supposed to deal with it!?
Love your blog & how your personality shines through!
~Kristi from WI
Why is it that they are tiny babies for what seems like only a few weeks and then they are toddlers for like 5 years? It's not fair...I guess thats why we have more babies!
My husband and I are expecting our second as well. Just today we were talking about what a miracle it is that a baby goes from a tiny cell to a toddler who announces she is going to "Help Daddy in the garage for a minute" in such an amazingly short amount of time. Exciting and heartbreaking at the same time...
I know how you feel all too well. I was just thinking how I can't believe my daughter will be 8 next month and how fast those 8 years have gone. And if the next 8 go as fast she will be driving in what will feel like a few days and I can't handle that. :-)
Oh I hear ya. It goes WAY too fast. He is so adorable, of course you know that ;)
I think because they go so quickly from newborn to sassy toddler, that is why i keep having babies! :)
oooooh but it DOES get worse! I have three girls. Fifteen, Seven and Three.
My oldest (taller than me, lovelier, smarter, godlier.. etc...) has started wanting me to reminisce with her about her babyhood.
reminisce? Ummm... I was just there!
It blows my mind, it really does. She asks me if I remember when she used to ask me to rub her back while she fell asleep. Do I REMEMBER???? Ummmm.... she asked me to do that last week, right? A blink ago. Oh the loss and the gain of it all.
He is so adorable!
Yeah, it gets ever so much worse. My 12 yr old just told me that his size mens 13's no longer fit. Wth? I just Bought those things 2 months ago!!
What an enchanting picture of the Chief!
Kids are like presents that you open slowly, over the years. They hold many surprises and things unexpected, and they're each and every one different, an entity all to themself.
You give them what you can and they do the rest!
it does get worse, especially with boys, and those teen years, they do not need the hugs, cuddles or apparently a mother at all but there are really fun, cool moments when you can sit down and talk and they can do their own laundry and go off to college and go to church on their own and share their testimonies, they are never gone from your heart just your side!
Well thank goodness we all have photos from birth to now to see them growing into such gorgeous little people... even if it is a shock!
one word for you...
Gradually
You get from one point to the other slowly and seamlessly. Wonderment as you go, and certainly when you get to the point they are almost as big as you.
I've loved every age, and my oldest is 23. I must say I love my children as adults! I did cry when I realized my 15 year old son's legs were COVERED WITH HAIR! oh horrors, I birthed a MAN!
I agree that the Chief grew up OVERNIGHT. I have thought to myself on the last few of your posts, how big he's getting andI wondered how it happened so fast!
Oh my. This post truly made me cry. We have a little bundle of joy now sporting a 12-1/2 shoe. And those sweet little tootsies carried him off to college this fall.
I miss him so much.
just bought my 10 year old son a size 8.5 in MENS shoes! Seriously seems like yesterday he was the Chiefs size with white blonde hair. But I really enjoy him every much at 10 as I did at 2...every age is amazing and fun! All you can do is savor every minute!
so well put!
Courtney he is just a doll! Enjoy him each and every day-his life is a gift!
Oh, yes, (sorry) it gets worse! My oldest is now towering above me at full grown man stature, and can pick me up and swing me around. He is only a Sophomore in High School.
Fleeting, I tell you.
It is sad isn't it?! I was just saying to my husband after next year my daughter will be in MIDDLE SCHOOL and it seems just yesterday we were potty training. It goes by way too fast, enjoy it ALL!!!!!
tara
Oh, it only gets better, different but better. There is nothing better than a sloppy kiss from a 2 year old or the first time a 4 year old reads a word all by himself. There are thousands of "nothing better than...."s headed your way. Don't miss them.
just wait until you hear his voice blessing the sacrament!!!!!!!!!!!! if you are anything like me you'll cry, and it won't be the pretty cry either.
All I will say is that Chief is so cute at both of these ages. :) My 10 year old son is still my buddy and I hope he always will be. :)
It is truly amazing how fast they grow! Don't blink, because all of a sudden he will be 17.
yep...it goes by way too fast! and well, i have been told that boys really reach a stage (sooner than girls) around 3-4 yrs. where they are too "manly" for mommy to give them those big hugs and kisses...so sad!
He is sure a cutie.
It doesn't get worse, it only gets better and better and better, forever. I still love to just look at my children. I love seeing them together talking, laughing, contemplating, doing whatever. I love them so much. Mine are 26-29 now, and still my babies. Oh how I love them.
--Mari
It just gets better and better.
totally.
My son is 22 and can grow a full beard and has the beginnings of a receding hairline. but he still has his same smile and baby skin and soft nose. and he still loves a hug from his mom and once in a while, he lets me rustle my hands in his hair. but he's 6 feet, so I've gotta reach UP now.
My little man is the chief's age and is absolutely adorable, but always wild. Tonight he fell asleep in my arms, staring quietly up at me as I sang him christmas lullabys. For those few minutes I watched him and it was like I had my baby back. There's just something about a sleeping child...I thought I was holding an angel. Here's to those moments!
Sob - a thousand times over. I can't bear to think about such things with my five day old babe asleep on my chest.
I often go back to old pictures of my kids and wonder what happened. They were babies just a second ago. It may be one of the hardest things about being a mother, seeing them grow and them not needing you as much. Great post!
That boy is one of the most handsome little humans I've ever seen!
Not only do the feet get bigger, they get stinkier!
Amen Sister.
i was always amazed when i had a newborn and changed a little tiny bum, and then changed the older siblings big bum. makes you realize they were that small too.
It gets better and worse all at the same time! For me, I love it when my babies get bigger and more independent.
Time flies when you're having children!
You're right. It DOES happen over night! Enjoy the moment.
It happens so fast. My little guy who was a premie at birth is now and 11 year old young man! 11! He wears an XL and wears men's size shoes.
I blinked and that tiny little guy was gone.
You should have warned us to STOP READING if we are pregnant. Or at work. Or at work and pregnant.
Now I'm crying at work, which is not a good combo.
Great post. It's hard to believe the little one I'm carrying right now will be as big as my 19 month old in as much as a blink of an eye.
- Danielle
It goes WAY too fast!!
Every day I think... How can I make this SLOW DOWN!
??
If you find the answer, let me know. PLEASE.
Your right, it does happen overnight.
Your boy is so darn cut!
It is God's little trick on us mama's...make them all sweet and adorable so we fall completely head over heels in love with them...so don't kill them when they are older. Yes His was of making sure the species survives!
Kim...mom of 5 who knows whereby she speaks.
Just wait until he's taller than you- that's happened to me twice so far! And it will happen 3 more times!! All I have to tell you is enjoy it because it will go by so fast you won't believe it and before you know it he'll be a towering over you 16 year old hs junior with a deep voice and peach fuzz and you will start counting- oh my gosh, he'll leave for college in 2 years- oh my gosh, he'll leave on his MISSION in 3 years!! How did this happen? How on earth did this HAPPEN!
Because my 16 year old was a tiny little baby in the hospital just yesterday too, and I honestly can't figure out how on earth this happened!
You know, they grow to be taller than you, and they get to a point where think they are smarter than you are -- and then it's really over!
All kidding aside, I have enjoyed each year of being a mother more than the previous year -- It just keeps getting better. And I have enjoyed 14 of those years to date!
Bigger- and they'll STINK!
I just brought home a new baby, it gets worse, trust me. Try changing smallest bum ever, then changing what you thought was the smallest bum ever... It's a rude awakening!
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