I am going to write this post about preparing for labor. This is not a post where I am posturing, politicizing or opining about birth options. I have long-since learned there is no merit in that. Simply put, a woman has to do what a woman has to do. Still, if these sorts of posts don't sit well with you, I understand. But will you please come back tomorrow?
With my first delivery I opted for that clever needle called an epidural. It was so powerful I spent many hours believing nothing below my torso existed. Several times I checked to make sure my legs were intact because I certainly could not feel them. At one point I hallucinated and thought I sprouted eight legs, and it seemed plausible--I was no longer in control of them anyway. I said to my sister Page, "I feel like an octopus about to give birth."
When people tell me their epidural didn't work I want to give them the cell number of the guy who inserted mine. Man, he was brilliant! When they told me it was time to push, I was completely confused because what was I supposed to push? I didn't have anything below my torso, remember? So I just made a face that looked like I was pushing. And it worked!
It really is quite remarkable. And for my efforts I received a cool little baby who--oh boy--I would turn into Octopus Mom everyday to have placed in my waiting arms again.
(In fact, some mornings I say to Chup, "Will you go and get the baby from the crib and bring him to me like I just gave birth to him?" And as every day goes by that little swaddling baby gets less cooperative about that precious game.)
So I've had that experience--and for my birth plan it was perfectly executed. I know how that delivery felt for me (great! almost like nothing!) And this time around I thought, why not try something new? Which is the blessing I get for being alive when many options are available. Plus, if I don't like the un-medicated route, I can certainly go back to the medicated. I still have the anesthesiologist's cell phone number logged into my phone. Never to part. He was soooo good. Did I mention?
So in trying to be where I need to be to give birth (with a torso), I have asked to be spiritually guided towards certain mental preparations. One of which is the acceptance of pain.
(Oh the things I do to myself for self experimentation. Goodness me.)
I believe I am beginning to understand that pain has a purpose, and if given the right to present itself, it allows for essential inherent bio-feedback. I also believe that if pain is allowed to be heard, it no longer becomes pain, but enlightenment.
(Which is all fine, but how do I remember that when the pounding of birthing cramps come knocking at my weak human frame? Is what I want to know.)
It seems I am learning that the physical pain I feel daily (the charlie horses that wake me up, the nerves being pinched at all directions at all hours, the desire to vomit every time I bend over sensations) pale in comparison to the emotional pain I feel from being human. And I wonder if the key to understanding physical pain is to first come to terms with the emotional.
Which is why perhaps, the more I pray about understanding pain for the purpose of this delivery, the more opportunities to battle emotional pain are sent my way.
The pain of unintentionally hurting feelings.
The pain of public humiliation.
The pain of having to say sorry to friends who I've neglected.
The pain of motherhood guilt.
The pain of feeling jealousy and envy.
The pain of not having enough compassion for someone who needs it.
The pain of thinking about postpartum energy and how it lacks.
The pain of wanting to make everything right for my sister and her children.
The pain of wanting to make everything right for everyone, everywhere.
To mention a few.
Even still, I believe like most Christians, that through the atonement, Jesus Christ took our on pains--emotional and physical--so we would turn to Him for comfort, for survival. Which has made me wonder, how much is pain choice? And how much is it necessary? If we allow pain to help us progress, and ultimately it becomes our teacher, does pain (as we define it) exist at all? Or is it a state of mind?
I am still pondering. It might take a lifetime. In the meantime, I am going to take a breath.
But here is this: today I went to have a check-up with my midwife. Per routine, she weighs me. This is normally done with me standing backwards on the scale so I don't have to witness the scale gradually going up, up, up (up!) to the final number. Of any emotional pain, weight/body image is certainly a top contender in my life. But today, I turned around. I (painfully) faced that number--that outlandish number--and casually shrugged at it.
So I think we're getting somewhere.
On dear c jane:
My stuff from the Fresh Nest photos
Today on c jane's Guide to Provo:
Utah is the second happiest state in the country
here is why I agree.
At My Community:
Mindy sings, I cry, You cry?
175 Pieces of Opinion:
How you choose to give birth to your precious baby is your choice. You and Chup decide, and while you bear the weight of the birth he is there to suppport. I chose to go with pain the 2nd time around after no pain with the first (I had a C-section the first time around--the numbed me up, pulled him out and stitched me up and all was good.) I loved both births equally.
I lived through them both and would have loved a dozen more but god had in mind only two babies for me.
It's now 1:11am and I can't sleep.
(Just a heads up. The worst pain is not in the labor, it's those last few pushes. Killer. Enjoy.)
Good luck!
FYI. I am up right now because today I am going in for a c-section to have my last baby this AM.
Good luck to me too.
This brought me to tears and only one word seems to sum it all up, journey. Life is amazing isn't it, a journey of sanctification!
Wow! someone else in the world thinks pain might (might!) be useful after all.
I guess I'm not THAT weird :-)
Thanks! (and good luck)
You go girl! I did that once, and it is a "I am woman, hear me roar!" moment, and it rocks! :-)
And you are SO right to get mentally prepared for the pain. It's SO very hard to do it otherwise.
After two births with an epidural, my third came too quickly. There was a moment of panic when the nurse said "we can wait until the epidural kicks in or we can have this baby in two minutes." Surprisingly to me, the pains of the actual birth were less than the contractions leading up to it. After the birth, I could walk and my recovery was a lot quicker. If we have another child I would definitely go the painful way. There is something about doing it naturally. And I will definitely agree with a previous poster about the feeling of conquering the world afterwards. Good luck with whatever you end up doing. Childbirth is a miracle any way you look at it.
I did the Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth which is loosely based on watching what animals do when they give birth. It was huge fun for both my husband and me to go to the classes once a week because we learned so much and got to spend time together as a couple... and it IS all in the mind. For the first half of labor I threw everything they had taught me out the window and just screamed in pain... and at a certian point I began to listen to my body and remember what I had learned in class and it all just clicked. Sure it still hurt like hell the rest of the way through, but the pain was totally manageable and totally worth it!
good luck!
Women were doing this LONG before we ever had choices. It is impowering to embrace child bearing in it's natural state...I did it 4 times. My last two came in a package and a C-section. The meds from the C-section were ridiculous but necessary. I felt spiritually strengthened after giving birth...like Heavenly Father and I worked together. The memories of the pain fades but that strength stays. Good luck to you!
I really love this post. I know that it was not an invitation to share birth stories but...I had a natural childbirth that taught me so much about the human experience. If you have moment CJane, you might be inspired.
http://leighvslaundry.blogspot.com/2009/04/i-found-my-monkey.html
Having not had a child of my own I shouldnt really be one to judge, but having lived for my early adult life in a country where the only pain relief you are offered during childbirth is gas and air its what I believe in. If many of my brave female friends can do it no problem, then fantastic!
My friend took a paracetemol when she was giving birth, and said she was fine. She also had a water birth at home which she said was much easier than the hospital.
I think non medicated childbirth can be very empowering, just because it allows you to see how far you can actually take your body. I've had 3 of my 4 non medicated, and they were all great experiences, getting better with each birth.
May I recommend a book? Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, by Susan McCutcheon, is a great book that really helped me get prepared. There are excercises in it for you to practice with your husband that help you learn how to properly relax all your body. I can't speak for people who say it is pain free, because mine never were, but it definitely helps you move through the worst pain when you can completely relax.
i have never given birth, and you probably already read this, but just in case, it might help you decide. hope this helps!
http://www.dooce.com/2009/07/13/labor-story-part-one
http://www.dooce.com/2009/07/27/labor-story-part-two
http://www.dooce.com/2009/08/04/labor-story-part-three
It's terribly interesting to read everyone's pain stories here. I did all that thinking about pain and what it was there for thing and it worked for five babies. When i was waiting for number 6 it all seemed too hard and I was sure I couldn't do it. Fortunately about that time we got a New Era with a mormonad in it. A picture of Jesus Christ and the words "You are never alone" I will come to you. So instead of the thinking about pain, I read the scriptures. Best birth ever. Of course, numbers 7 and 8 were different again proving that you are really the only one you have to prove here! My daughter is 39 weeks pregnant at the moment and is thinking all this through too. Good luck!
I have to say, having a supportive doctor makes all the difference. I had my first two without any medication and I felt like I could do it because my doctor was AMAZING! She had been a midwife for years and years, then became a D.O. She really helped coach me along and encouraged me when I wasn't quite sure it would all work out. It was very empowering.
It is also an immediate conversation winner. Who can top it? Your husband tells you he had a difficult day...you can respond, "Did you push out a bowling ball without pain meds? No?? Well then." Interestingly enough, it seems to become a source of pride for the men as well.
I really did feel like I could do anything, especially after having done it twice. Then I felt like I was empowered enough and had the next four babies with a lovely epidural each time. And never regretted it once.
Good luck and may the force be with you!
I've just finished reading Paul Brand's book called Pain, the Gift Nobody Wants. Although it is a autobiographical type book of how he came to appreciate the role of pain (or lack thereof) in his leper patient's lives, it also has a couple good chapters on ways to make pain easier to cope with. It is an interesting read, and also may be of particular interest to you as you approach the birthing process. Best wishes!
I've had eight kids--three were natural, five were not. Every delivery is different, and the options are still there. I must admit, that of all these deliveries, my most spiritual was my fourth, the first non-medicated experience. And when it works the way it's supposed to, nothing is more empowering or exciting.
On the other hand, the delivery I experienced in October was supposed to be just a blissful and spiritual, but in the end, I opted for the number in the cell phone, and I could have kissed that anesthesiologist right on the mouth in front of my husband.
Either way will be great, because the peanut will be here, and that's all that matters in the end.
Except for a good birth story. That matters in circles of women . . .
I took Bradley childbirth classes with my first child when I was a young and naive BYU student. My husband and I practiced all of the breathing and relaxing, etc. My labor was long and hard and I spent the next 4 years feeling like a failure that after 12 hours of labor I asked for an epidural. My next 2 children were born without any pain medication, and it hurt like crazy. My next 3 children were born (2 minutes apart) via emergency c-section, and I was in love with the anesthesiologist by the time he came. In the end, however, any way a baby arrives is a miracle...
I love child birth! With that being said I have never had any major complications. I just like the feeling of empowerment that comes from producing a baby. YOu work so hard and then you are presented with the ultimate prize. Both of my experiences have been totally different! I had an epidural with both but wished with my second I hadn`t; it only worked on one side of my body, not comfortable! And everything was so much easier and faster the second time I could have done it on my own. Good luck! Embrace it!
Keep in mind that excruciating pain or total numbness are the extreme ends of the birth spectrum. Non-medicated birth may help you avoid unnecessary surgery and can be quite manageable. Look into Hypnobirthing -- it worked for me twice. And, after the baby is born, you are (pretty much) back to normal, the baby is alert, and you will feel an amazing high! Our bodies are truly miraculous!
I love how each experience is different. I had one with epidural, one without (came too fast), one c-section (my tangled up breech baby), and then there were two adoptions. Really loved those two as there was no pain and no recouping. I could sit back and enjoy. Well except for the 15 hr plane rides back from China. *shudder* LOL The fun is to go with the flow and see how things turn out. I always figured as long as I got a baby in the end it didn't matter much how they got here. :)
I had my first baby with meds. second no meds with a midwife and a doula and third in a birthing center in a birthing tub.
What I learned is that water is the key to pain management in labor. Before you go to the hospital, but after labor begins and starts to get painful. Get in the shower. Plug up the tub and stay. When there is enough water in the tub sit down. Drain some of the water when it gets too high. Turn off the water when you are comfortable. When the water starts to get cool, stand up and turn back on the shower. Stay there as long as you can. make yourself a huge raisin. I think I stayed for over 2 hours with baby #2. For #3 the birthing center was almost an hour away so I didn't want to wait too long, and I knew that there would be a nice big birthing tub there. I didn't actually mean to give birth in water. But by the time I was ready to push, the pain out of the water was so much greater than in I just stayed.
My advice is water. Not quite as strong as an epidural, but you might be surprised at how well it works!
Good Luck!
Best of luck to you! My baby #1 was no-drug and it was a wonderful experience (yes. painful, too.) My wish is to do it again with baby #2in the next few weeks. Here's to hoping!
You go, girl! The good news is that they all get into this world - somehow. And afterwards, it's just a story. And every mother cherishes her story(ies) and keeps them forever in her heart.
I concur--the pain has a purpose (it was a warning, not a punishment to Eve) and can teach us other types of pain, the symbolism of spiritual rebirth, and womanhood.
I have had 8 children. Some with medication and some without and I suppose you have to try it both ways to know the difference but if I were to put in my two cents worth I would go with the medication! You are not going to win any awards because of the pain and I really appreciate the special pain free moments of seeing my baby for the first time instead of feeling like I am being ripped apart like the one I went from 3 cm. to delivered in 20 min. Either way you will have a beautiful new baby to bring joy into your life. Good Luck!
What a beautiful post! So many of these experiences of motherhood (birth, nursing, guilt, pain, sacrifice) have been the most clarifying experiences of my life! I have never felt so close to the Spirit and felt like I understood so much of the Plan of Salvation and Atonement. Best wishes to you with your birth choices (Amen to choices! I did the epi first time after planning au naturale and who knows with numero dos?)
Such an interesting post. I've spend much time thinking about pain (physical pain.) It makes most sense to think about it as pain vs suffering. You can break your leg and be done & over with it mentally, or you can break your leg and then add all the mental gymnastics around it and start the "why me, I don't deserve this type of talk" and then suddenly pain turns into pain AND suffering. I think physical pain is unavoidable, but suffering is 100% within our control. Essentially I believe pain is of the body and suffering resides within the mind. Not to say that suffering doesn't exist, but to say that suffering is a choice. Under every circumstance, suffering is a choice. Just my 2 cents... i could talk about this subject a long time :)
Courtney, you are a warrior! Good luck with your journey, however it turns it. I was too afraid of the pain to attempt an epidural-less birth with my daughter...and so far I have not been blessed w/a second child. I'd like to think I will be brave enough to do without the pain meds if I get a second chance at motherhood. Good luck!
Go for it. No pain meds for my three births. You forget the pain, you really do! LOL
As someone who had three babies ala natural, I can tell you that yes, the pain is intense. But, if you can remember this one thing, then hopefully it will help you endure as it did me: As soon as that sweet little baby slides into the world, the pain ends. It's amazing - it's like magic. It's all over - no more pain...just elation. So, when it gets to that intense moment, if you can keep pushing (ahem) forward, just know that it will all end, and you get the swaddled babe as a reward!
Good luck! You'll do great.
You are a beautiful pregnant lady. And beautiful when you're not. "Try" not to allow yourself to think otherwise. What we see in magazines is not real. What we see in the mirror is. And I'll take reality with all its harshness anyday. Besides!! You're going to have another baby! YAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOO. You will be amazing and no matter what you decide you will still feel the joy of having that little bundle placed in your arms.
Courtney, thought I'd share that I went to a 10 day meditation seminar that centered on what you're speaking. It was a profound experience. Learning a non-sectarian meditation technique aimed at producing a calm and balanced mind - - one that does not overreact to events in negative ways (like anger, fear, lust, etc.). The first couple of days of the course were spent using meditation techniques like breath observation that were aimed at calming and focusing our minds. Then we plunged into the real Vipissana technique, where we were taught to systematically and objectively observe subtle sensations throughout our bodies without reacting (neither seeking the pleasant sensations nor avoiding the unpleasant ones); and to really experience the constantly changing nature of these sensations. The idea is that by learning to observe these sensations with equanimity, it will train the mind at a very deep level to avoid reacting in self-destructive ways to sensations triggered by outside events. ( Google "Vipissana" and/or "equanimity" if you are interested in more detail -- I am trying to restrain myself here! ) Anyway, I, too, am trying to experience pain in a more enlightening way. Best of Luck! Jenny
I gave birth drug-free with a midwife. Most amazing, spiritual experience - ever. Dare I say you will not regret it!
Um, u rock. I kind of internet like (underlying universal power) , like, love you. Thanks Quartz.
I had my son naturally. It was really good to labor at home, then I headed to the hospital for grand finale. My husband was all that was great and good for rubbing my lower back during every contraction for 12 straight hours.
I kept on telling myself that it was going to get worse, and before I knew it, we were on the home stretch.
At that point the pain was irrelevant. It wasn't pain anymore. The whole experience was transcendent, in a way.
After the birth I felt like amazon woman, I was on top of the world, and I felt closer to God and my son and my husband.
I used hypnobirthing. It's worth checking out.
I want to wish you good luck with the birth of your baby. I hope you are able to have a safe and happy birthday for your little one. And especially I hope you are able to find your way through the "pain". :D
I dislike the impression these conversations sometimes leave that natural birth is somehow superior and more spiritual than a medicated birth. Every birth is spiritual. I don't believe that if you've made a prayerful decision to bring your child into the world in a hospital and with an epidural that your birth experience will be any less amazing than a woman who has a child at home without medication.
God, in His wisdom and mercy, will give us the pain/experience we need in order to become the women He needs us to be. Whether that pain is in childbirth or in some other way, it is not for us to say which is superior.
Good luck to you and Chup in your decision!
P.S. I wanted to go natural with my second, but I was sure glad for the epidural when it came to pushing out my 10 lb. 10 oz. boy! And we must have had the same anesthesiologist. :-)
I've actually recalled my birthing experiences many times to remind myself how strong I really am. Meditation and moaning worked well for me and my 5 kiddos. Good luck, whatever you path you choose!
I will share with you the favorite statement of my husband, the surgeon: "Pain is your body's way of letting you know you're still alive." :) So much for bedside manner, huh? hee hee! Actually, he has a terrific bedside manner...I just think that statement is awesome.
I love this! I have been going through some emotional pain this week (because of something I unintentionally did) and through pondering and prayer I have grown so much. The Savior says that he will make weak things strong and I believe that sometimes pain plays a very important role in this process.
Good luck with your birth plan. I had three babies with pain, three without. I prefer the without.
good luck with your upcoming labor. i had epidurals for my first three, with my number one thinking "i'll tough it out" only to succumb to the needle later. but number four came oh so quick, so no epidural for me. and for sure, the actual pushing is where the pain is. my husband did not realize i had the ability to scream and neither did i until it happened. i can't say i would do it again. but that said, good luck!
My first four were all done "the pain way". It was as others have said, and empowering feeling and very spiritual. My fifth, my only boy, occurred when I was 37 and not in the mood to go through labor and delivery one more time. No pain, but still, the most euphoric feeling of having done such a sacred thing. Spiritual? Yes!
However it happens, it is a gift to be able to bring life into this world. It's lovely to have choices. Embrace yours!
My hubby is having a fit (he's worried) because I'm determined to see if I can deliver without medication. Totally aware that I'll probably chicken out and ask for the drugs but since I only get to do this whole pregnancy/childbirth thing once I want to experience as much of it as I can. I just want to see what it's all like.
Only you know what is right for YOu! and if at the time of the birth, you decide you need the meds, don't feel one bit guilty for it or let anyone make you feel that way!!!
I am afraid of hospitals , so I gave birth at home, afraid of needles and pain meds. weren't an option at home anyway. as long as you work with the pain, all is good!
good luck!!! you can DO IT! tara
I had 2 natural births and one with an epidural. Yes, giving birth with an epidural was amazingly EASY!(and I'm saying that with it working on only 1/2 of my body).
But I do have to say, there is nothing as amazing as feeling the head and shoulders of your precious baby passing through your own body as it enters into the world. Words are not adequate in describing that feeling that only a mother can know. I have always felt every mother should experience a natural birth at least once if they can.
No doubt, it is hard...it is painful...but you are strong enough!!! Angels will help you.
And for me, once I was able to push, the pain was gone.
It will be an awesome experience! Good luck.
Even though I read your blog all the time I've never commented, but I thought this time I'd add my 2 cents. =) I am getting ready to have by 5th girl in about 3 weeks. My first 3 were with an epidural and then I decided to try something new as well. Instead of trying to brave these last 2 deliveries on my own I opted to take some hypno birthing classes from an amazing lady. This time I feel like I am even more prepared and I pray daily for the truth in what she told me, that I would have a "pain free" child birth! I'm hopeful. =)
From my limited experience I can tell you that it is INTENSE but so worth it, it is a miracle and you will feel like you can do ANYTHING when you are done! Good luck to you.
Ahlena in AZ
If there's anything that gets the women folk like us talking, it's birthing, babies, and boobs. I love it!
I am so happy for you for the upcoming arrival of your little babe. Best of luck to you!
That was brilliant.
I can totally appreciate this post. I just gave birth to our 4th at the end of November, and went through this entire decision process in deciding to deliver her unmedicated, (after having previous epidurals). Turns out it was one of the most spiritually invigorating experiences of my life, and that's even with a very surprise BREECH birth.
For what it's worth, I blogged about the entire experience if your interested:
http://burpsbumpsbruisesandblessings.blogspot.com/2009/11/nitty-gritty-on-birth.html
If you're like I was approaching the delivery, I became a birthing junkie of sorts. Man, even though I just went through this I am already jealous of your upcoming experience! I'm the kind of person who emotionally salivates when I see other women who are great with child. Birth is just so awesome.
p.s. - I would highly recommend reading "Birthing From Within." It was recommended to me and made a huge difference in my experience, (in addition to the fine training that I got through hypnobirthing.) The pain-coping techniques discussed are very helpful.
That is so funny...I faced the scale yesterday at my 15 week appointment! This is my first pregnancy and I have been struggling with the medicated or nonmedicated approach to childbirth as well. I enjoyed your article and of course I will be back tomorrow!!! :)
Good luck with whatever you choose. I have had four babies and attempted to have an epidural each time. My first sounds a lot like your experience, my second wore off just in time for delivery...ouch, my third didn't work...oh my HE-- I am going to die, and my forth was perfect...just enough to take away the discomfort, and I could feel when I needed to push. I think the mental preparation is the key. I can't wait to hear about the new bundle of joy. I am so excited for you. My baby just turned one.
Don't you just love labor stories...sorry I just had to share. It never gets old.
I can't believe how much your journey mirrors mine. After two epidural births, I went the pain route with my thrid. I knew from the second that I found out I was preggo that I needed to experience the experience. It was the most wonderful few hours. I didn't take any classes and somehow, it all turned out perfect. I took the leap of faith and knew that The Lord would get me through it. The biggest help for me was to expect the pain...it ended up being less painful that I expected! I'm so happy for you! While my first two births were amazing and nothing went wrong, I will go natural for the rest of my deliveries-however many that ends up being!
Courtney, I applaud your realization on this topic. I think how a woman chooses to deliver is personal, and no one has the right to judge. I have done all three (non-medicated, c-section, and medicated) and have found that each served it's purpose. But I feel that if we do accept the pain as learning and look at the end result, it makes all pain pain with a purpose...thank you for being you!
Mental prep is of course key to deciding to deliver med-free. I have a lot of clients who say, "I'd like to try without drugs" and I think that's GREAT. But the ones who actually do it all without meds are the ones that don't just SAY it. They read books, and take classes. All the things it sounds like you're doing. :)
Of course, every labor is different, but med-free is a great goal and an AMAZING experience.
The reason why med-free is such a good goal (even if someone opts later for meds) is because it makes you an informed participant in your experience. Those who know what the choices can be, tend to have much happier birth experiences, regardless of their medication choices.
And I agree with Sarah. WATER WATER WATER. I've had two in water and one on dry-land and water is like a dream compared to dry land. WATER! You'll love it. :)
Great post. If I had read it prior to having babies, it may have given me courage to abandoned "the needle". But, I ended up having two c-sections so in the end, I got one anyway!
Good luck, I can't wait to hear about your experience. I'm sure it will be amazing and worth the price of the pain.
What an adventure! I do also believe it is a state of mind too. I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend looking into hypnobabies. It celebrates birth in a way that is so empowering and also has helped many women have very comfortable painless INTENSE births. I adore the book "Ina Mays Guide To Childbirth". It is super empowering and beautiful. I CANNOT wait to birth again!
I think it's wonderful when we can choose how to give birth and experience it the way we want.
I just wanted to say that I had an epidural with all three of my deliveries, though with the third I asked for a smaller dose (since I didn't like being paralyzed the first two times). They did what I asked, and I retained some feeling in my legs and was able to move my feet and toes a little. I was able to feel the pushing and felt more involved in the birth, and yet the actual pain was minimal. I think my anesthesiologist was a genius. I wish I could have five more babies just so I could use this doctor again. :)
Well, I think you opened up the neverending discussion of childbirth. I love to talk about it and I know all mothers do. I'm sure you'll have plenty of thoughts to go off of but I recently had an undmedicated homebirth and I would love to put in my 2 cents...beware, it's a bit long...
1. I praise you for considering and desiring a natural birth! (I don't look down to those who have epi's and sections but I'm all for natural!)
2. I believe that labor pains differ for everyone whether physically or mentally. For example, labor was much more intense than I imagined but my friend found it to be less intense.
3. I have been planning a home birth for as long as I can remember. I never considered having an epidural EVER until I was in labor (in the end I was glad it was never an option for a home birth because I didn't need it, I got through it!) So I believe that the more someone is commited to a natural birth the less likely they will give in to the epidural.
4. Immediately after the birth I thought I never wanted to do it again. But every day that passed after, my birth experience got better and better and I was truly floating on cloud 9 for weeks. I am so excited for my next birth. Which brings me to my last thought.
5. after delivery, I couldn't help but think of the scripture D&C 121:7 "My son [or daughter], peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." I have never felt so strongly of the truth! At the time it seemed like the hardest thing (and it was for me) but DEFINATELY THE MOST WORTH IT!!!
Good luck! No matter what kind of labor you have and choose, just make sure you enjoy every moment (but I'm sure you already knew that).
One more thing about hypnobabies, it seems to be hypnobirthing on steroids. It offers more tools and CD's than hypnobirthing, but is the same concept. It also incorporates some of the Bradley stuff on health during pregnancy etc. It is not just for the birth but for the pregnancy. I LOVED my pregnancy and it helped me to let go of fear and body image crap. I can't rave about it enough. I know there are a lot of hypnobabies instructors there in Utah, and you can also do the homestudy. The program is worth it's weight in gold.
Pain, boo. You, yea!
I had an emergency C-section with my first, then 2 vaginal deliveries, and then 2 more C-sections (because of complications.) I wish I could do them all vaginally. I did both of the vaginal births without an epidural, but mostly it was because I am so wishy-washy and scared of needles. I'd say, "I don't know." every time they asked if I wanted an epidrual, and in the end it was too late. And I survived! And I feel I am better for it. Sure, that was some intense pain, but it was indeed pain with a purpose. It was glorious to be done, to hold that precious baby, and to know that I did it! And that I did it the good old-fashioned way. In a way I felt a certain connection with my pioneer ancestors. Except that I will never know what it's like to give birth in a tent in the cold, pouring rain. But it was still way beyond worth it to me. So I say, go for it! You'll probably be glad you did.
I loved this post...I feel so honored to have you share your inner thoughts and fears.
Giving birth is so personal, intimate and such a blessing from God. It's absolutely amazing that we have the privilege to create a life...a privelege & a blessing whether it's done with an epideral or not!
(Our first 2 boys no epideral, our 4th girl an epideral!)
I'm so excited for you! Thank you for this beautiful post. I had my first three babies with epidurals in the hospital, and while I have nothing against that method, with my fourth birth I knew I wanted something different. Instead of a doctor, I went to a midwife and gave birth at a birthing center. I chose the hypnobabies method of childbirth. It was completely amazing. There is just something so empowering about giving birth meds-free. It was such a moving, and spiritual experience for me. If I ever have any more children, I will do it this way again! Good luck!
I love this post, it is so true on all accounts.
My first I also had an epidural, my second I chose to go natural. It was an amazing experience to have my son totally natural, I felt so empowered and more womanly than ever. It was also so spirtual to me, I can't explain.
So Amazing - good luck to you!
You will do wonderfully!
I just love you CJAne! You are so good at putting into words how I feel.
Someone already may have mentioned this, but reading the hypnobirthing book really helped me get through natural childbirth.
My first two babies were natural and my third I wanted to be natural but I was on pitocin for many hours since my water broke and I was not progressing. The pitocin became so unbearable that in the last hour I had an epidural. Looking back I think I really needed that to relax.
It is true that as women we compare any physical pain we feel to childbirth (especially the unmedicated kind). And there is a sense of "if I can do that, I can do anything!"
I saw someone else who did hypnobirthing, that is what I did with my 2nd as well.
It really helped, if you were interested I know there are classes as well as books on it.
Love this post! I have been thinking a lot about emotional pain lately and can totally relate to all of the things you mentioned. The thing that is important to me in childbirth is that a woman be flexible and not be so hard on herself if things do not go as she planned. The important thing is not how the baby got there but that they are there. Best of luck to you Courtney!
And my story, because we love to share. With my first I was convinced I was going to do it naturally all the way but then I ended up with the epidural and I was smiling and laughing through delivery (making those pushing faces really worked!). The second came so fast that I did not have a choice and it was a great experience as well. I was convinced again that the third would be med-free as well because it was going to be just like the second. Wrong! It was just like the first.
You are the most adorable bun-in-the-oven momma I've ever seen. How can numbers phase you?
I too fell in love with my anesthesiologist. His name is Jerry...*sigh*. I was completely numb from the my belly to the tips of my toes and couldn't feel squat when it came time to push. This, as you know, is good and bad ;) I do remember my husband and my sister laughing hysterically at me when Jerry came in because of the things I was saying to him (which I can't even remember). Whatever drug they gave to me before the epidural left me feeling pretty loopy!
I've had two children without pain meds, and one with. I have to say - even though it is hard - it is such a neat experience to go naturally!
I took a hypnobirthing class - and it was fantastic, and a lifesaver!!!
The hardest part is the dilating - once you can push it actually starts to feel good (in a weird/hard) kind of way!
You'll do great! I hope your birth is an amazing experience!
I have actually given birth or been the coach at over ten births and each one is totally different. They ALL were natural, because that is the only choice at our hospital! I've known women in the Coast Guard who are stationed here for two or three years that choose NOT to have babies here because there are no epidurals. So, you are lucky you can choose. I could do the whole labor thing, and pushing was the BEST part (I'm a good pusher...)but it's the BACK labor that hurts. Good luck - you know we'll all be praying for you! L in Alaska
I had my first while medicated, and I too had a perfect epidural. It was wonderful. But I had never wanted it. I wanted to naturally birth my baby. Second time around I had my chance. I prepared like I'd failed to with #1. I learned breathing techniques and built up my confidence. When the time came for #2 to arrive I breathed and worked with my body. My labor was much shorter than it had been the first time around. But it was also difficult. Had it taken any longer I would have ended up with medication. But I am so glad that I did not. Natural birthing is incredible and empowering.
3rd time around and I'm taking the natural birth idea even farther. This June I will have my first home birth.
I wish you luck and send my prayers that your birth will go smoothly, and how you want it. I want to remind you to be strong when you're at the end and you don't think you can take it, you can. Your body was made to do this.
This post was so beautifully written. I had never considered what you mentioned about the savior taking our pains, emotional and physical. Your question "how much pain is choice?" is ringing in my head. I think you're on to something big.
I'm very interested to hear your post-natural-childbirth missive. I've gone that route twice and have decided firmly against a third go... and will be medicated.
Best of luck to you! It's not so bad, really. (neveragain.neveragain.neveragain)
I've been a silent lover of your blog for several months now. I just had my third babe three weeks ago, though, so I'm feelin' the need to share my childbirth thoughts.
I heart natural childbirth! I just had my third babe a few weeks ago - my second unmedicated birth. It's not easy, but it is empowering and I love it. I didn't do a ton of preparation aside from prayer and telling myself I could totally do it. I also had a nurse tell me with my first natural childbirth to embrace the pain and not to brace myself against it - that was key for me. Let the pain come because with it comes the progress your babe needs to enter the world. I also think that natural childbirth gives you a greater understanding of the Atonement. I get REALLY quiet and go to a place in my mind where nobody else - except the Savior -can come. And come He does. It's really beautiful. My Grandma can't understand why anyone these days would opt out of the medication. :)
And to give you an idea of the level of empowerment - I ran my first half and full marathons less than a year after I gave birth to my daughter...and I didn't like running much.
Congratulations on bringing another little person into the world - however he/she comes!
Jane I had a midwife deliver my baby boy 4 months ago... one of the best decisions I ever made! Here is a HUGE tip... Take the Bradly Method classes you will be soooooo glad you did. It totally prepares you for natural childbirth like no other can and makes it a wonderful/positive experience!! Trust me look into it!!! :)
you are well on your way!
birth pain is good pain. oh! did i just say that? yes. it is good pain. remember that.
love, lindsay
Ok, I just have to add something. Yes, it was amazing and wonderful to go natural. After I birthed my first, I remember thinking "I could do ANYTHING now!" However, I don't think that going natural makes you a better person or that you're somehow giving your baby less of a perfect begining by being medicated. Our bodies certainly are made for this process, and we can ALL do it, if that's what we choose. It's wonderful that we get to choose.
I had my first child all natural (not by choice, I won't start with that) I knew that I could do it natural but I didn't want to and when I realized that it was going to happen I had the thought in my head, " people have and still do this in the wilderness, in the dirt even. I can do this. It won't kill me. I'm tough like my dad." I did it and I was so proud of what I had done.
Baby #2 came 11 months ago tomorrow and the labor pains were totally different. All the pain was in my back. It was horrible. No amount of positive thinking was helping that. I was so thankful for the needle.
Good luck. I think that every one should give the natural a try. There is truly something special about it.
I never had such deep thoughts about pain, but I enjoyed hearing your take it. I think that pain is a teacher of sorts. You're right about that. I chose not to have the miracle needle during both of my labors...I'm a big fat chicken when it comes to needles; however, if I were to do it again, I may just opt for becoming a numb woman.
-FringeGirl
I agree a thousand times over. very well put. pain has a purpose. the birth of my daughter without meds was an important defining moment in my life. i draw upon the strength that I exhibited that day to help me get through other difficult things. nicely written thoughts.
Way to go jane :)
may I recommend a CD you can listen to while falling asleep? it helped me get more certain about not taking medications and give birth naturally.
My father in law -who used to deliver babies at home- gave it to me and it worked like magic with my first delivery and still I listen to it for my second delivery -on the way!-
it's "Calm Birth". Trust me, it'll give you power!
You should hire a doula. The best money I ever ever spent. I've had a c-section, then had a vbac with my middle daughter. It was a good pain, and an amazing exerience. You can do it! I'm now a doula myself although I'm enjoying that last few months of my little ones babyhood before I get back to work.
I loved this.
Being afraid of pain gives it so much power. This was exactly what I needed to hear today. So thanks for that.
Yes, it is a pain in the...
I've had two births without any meds. It was hard, but I never gave myself the option to take anything, and I never even thought about it during labor. Also, I was at home, so that helped with the whole "no option" thing.
The best tip someone gave me before the birth was not to try any "birth math" in your head. Don't try to calculate how much time you have left until the end, based on previous labors, how long a book or a doctor says you should take, etc. Instead, take each contracting one at a time. Get through it, then enjoy the brief break until the next one. Do that until it is over. It sounds overly simple, but that's how my mind was able to cope. God made your body to be able to give birth, and the "high" you get at the end is like nothing else you'll ever experience!
With my first baby I went with the epidural, the second was an emergency c-section, for the third, I flirted with the idea of natural, but left my options open.
I began preparing for the possibility by listening to music that soothed me during the first trimester when I was sick and always uncomfortable, to get my mind and body used to that medium for easing my discomfort. When the time came, the contractions became more intense than I ever could have imagined, and I told my husband to forget whatever I had said, I was crazy! I was most thankful, however, when at a 9, that my most awesome anesthesiologist was there. I was also thankful for the Priesthood blessing given to me before we left our home at 3:30 am that directed me to put my way aside and let myself be guided for what was best for me and my baby. She came face up at 8 pounds 14 ounces. I was more than happy that I was numb, really numb for that delivery.
I have also had similar thoughts when it comes to the atonement, and when I made a comment in Sunday School referring to Alma 7:11 & 12, and relating it to labor and those contractions, I had a brother in my class laugh.
I am glad that I am not the only one who thought of the atonement in this regard.
i don't know how you ever find the time to read all these comments! (but you know i'm adding mine...)
one birth so far with the HypnoBirthing method. loved it.
i say: study and mind prep (RELAXATION & meditation) are key. and empowering yourself with education.
water is so nice! half my labor was in a jetted tub and i felt like i was having the spa treatment birth.
also, i read one other hypnobirthing mom who said the pushing wasn't the hardest and that was my experience too.
it really is INCREDIBLE how much our mind influences our physical bodies (for better or worse)!
we're hoping for a birth at home this next time around. it's so inspiring to read everyone's positive thoughts and stories on birth!
thanks for giving us all the opportunity to gush about birth!
p.s. okay, here's the link to my daughter's birthing story for those interested: http://l1zb3n.blogspot.com/2009/06/turtle.html
I never knew these existed with my first two...but did you know you can receive an epidural without the numbing medication?? On my third...I asked that they not give me so much numbing stuff and she said...we don't have to give you any. We can just use a little something to take the edge off. It was amazing. Not the pain...no that wasn't amazing...but the fact that "some of the sharp, killing pain was gone but I still had all the sensation. It made pushing so much easier!! And, yes, I even got to experience that "ring of fire" as that big ole' baby comes through that little opening ;)! Talk about burn baby!! Just a thought! But I have no opinion on the matter!! wink wink
All that being said. Great thoughts!! Pain is necessary. Our family has done most of it's "growing" in "painful" times!!
http://www.mothering.com/pregnancy-birth/language-birth
I recently came across this article on mothering.com. I love how she described pain in child birth and found it to be fairly accurate of my own experiences with home birth. Maybe it will be of some comfort or provide a little insight for you.
I'm sure you already have a wealth of knowledge about home birth with Page & Stephanie to talk to, but I've found Mothering to be a great resource for so many aspects of pregnancy & delivery.
Wishing you the every best birth experience!
My first birth was like the Chief's ... complete with epidural and wondering how I am supposed to push if I can't feel my legs ... my second birth, I opted to go the same way, but unfortunately, I didn't have your miracle man and the TWO epidurals I had didn't work. However, while I wished I had the drugs while it was happening, in hindsight I am so glad that it worked out that way. It was SUCH a different experience. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
It's definitely a personal choice, and don't let anyone try to sway you one way or another! God Bless you during these last weeks, and may you have a safe and swift labor and delivery!
Good luck!!!
Just an opinion, but I love how all these posts are full of natural births and how empowering and natural/feminine it makes women feel. I can tell you that an emergency c-section made me feel pretty empowering. The fact that I lived through 36 hours of back labor, never once feeling what a "traditional" contraction is always described as, just constant back spasms rolling from top to bottom and side to side. I loved my epidural, but not my birthing nurse. And my OB is a wonderful woman who informed me that I will never have a natural birth. If we didn't live in the medically advanced times that we do, I would never have gotten pregnant naturally (endometriosis) and I would have probably died in a natural childbirth (uterus and pelvis in no way line up, either just me, or me and my son would have not made it.)
So Bravo to being able to make a choice. Bravo to facing a pain that you can recognize. Bravo to all the women who give birth. In the end, everything we go through brings a life into this world to be loved.
Wow, insightful. I like your depth and ability to stay curious. I've never had kids (I'm 21 :))... and I know it's all probably worth it... but the pain just seems so unbearable. It kinda scares me. Oh well, I'm sure I'll get over it one day... and be glad I did. It's true that with God, all things are possible. :) Great post! Good luck!!
A midwife is a good option. I told my dr. no epidural on #2 & he rolled his eyes & said "We'll see"...fully expecting me to go for the epidural in the end. Which I wasn't totally opposed to. I didn't know if I could do it or not?? But I figured if our parents/grandparents did it with no other option, I could do it too. And I did. It doesn't really matter if you choose an epidural or not, but it just gives you a different experience.
That said...if I had've had an epidural that worked like yours on the 1st one, I prob would always go that route! Mine didn't work, so that is why I opted natural & the recovery was much easier.
Good luck...whatever you do! You will get a precious baby out of it no matter what you choose!!
I had one epidural (given without checking me first, as soon as it was in and I still felt the same they checked and said "oh! it's time to push!"), one natural/Bradley, and one adoption! The last one was by far the easiest delivery, although I still got a headache :o)
Courtney, I truly wish you the best of luck and all of God's blessings with this beautiful miracle! There is absolutely nothing more amazing then the plan God had when he created us, and in turn let us create and deliver these blessings! I am so excited for you!
During childbirth classes I took with my son we watched the most moving and amazing movie. It is called Of Nature and Birth. I was moved to tears while viewing it and during my labor I often referred to the mantra sung in the song "I am opening myself in sweet surrender to the beautiful baby in my womb." If you can get your hands on this DVD, I highly recommend it. http://www.midwiferytoday.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=MT&Product_Code=HH-NB&Category_Code=VT
You should do what you think is best! Of course you know that. But don't forget it!
As someone who has given birth both ways, the unmedicated way was an experience that changed me forever. And your post brought back so many of those feelings. Thank you. I did not plan to do it that way, but as timing would have it, that is just what happened. And I am happy and thankful that it did.
Also, compared to my other deliveries with epidurals, everything happened so much faster, so my recovery was that much faster! It was amazing and I hope I can do that again someday, but plan for it.
Whatever you decide, I wish you health and happiness. You will know best.
I once heard a doctor say that he didn't like the term "natural birth" to describe the process. "Because," said he, "it is just as natural to want to do what you can to ease pain." So whether your method is with an epidural, pain relievers, via c-section, hypnotized, at home, or in a hospital it is ALL natural, it is ALL empowering, and it is ALL God given and truly remarkable.
Have fun c jane. I think its awesome that you're going to try natural. I did with my first two and ended up with epidurals at 9cm due to complications. Never again. I've programed that phone number in my phone! :) Good luck.
Delurking to share. Whatever happens will end in a wonderful baby, but if you want to try and go pain free make sure you line up lots of support. Midwife sounds awesome, I'm sure Chup is a great coach. Maybe a sister or mom? I had 3-4 folks each time and it was great. My husband was just focused on my immediate needs (back rubbing), the other folks are there to support you and to distract you when you weaken (shower? go for a walk? go pee?) because then you just keep moving forward and then it's pushing time (which for me hurt way less then transition). I've only done it the pain way (1 at hospital, 1 at home) but I did tell my husband during labor last time that if we did it again I want an epidural...now of course 4 months later I've forgotten that :)
Good luck!
"Birthing From Within"
Great book, in case you haven't heard of it. Loving it so far. I am preparing for number three at the end of March. First two did both without meds, both very different, both very special. Really looking forward to this one...even looking forward to the pain, because I too have been wondering about the purpose of it. Wondering what I can learn from this experience instead of just "getting through it" to get to the baby part.
Eh, just wing it.
Oh what a lovely post. It felt like a relief when you listed all those emotional pains. I always wished I would have tried to have one of my babies with a midwife and without an epidural. I'm all done having babies but if I ever did have another I just might try the pain way. Not sure why.
It is your decision what to do, but I have to tell you mine. I have 3 babies (so precious! I wish I could have more!). The first 2 I had "naturally" with no pain medication. The third I had a spinal. For me, the medicated birth was BY FAR better, because it left me comfortable physically to be able to bond with my precious baby after the birth. Without medication I was writhing in my cocoon of pain and bonding had to wait.
My first was an epidural and second was natural, but not by choice. I was just too late. And I can say that for me, it would never have happened that way if I had had a choice in the slightest. This is not pain. This is beyond pain. You can handle it, and you can do it, but I wouldn't even classify it in the same category as pain.
When my epidural didn't work right the one phrase I remember as being most helpful was when a nurse said to, "push the pain away." For some reason realizing that there was something I could do in the situation focused my mind and body. So I guess there must be something to the bio feedback idea.
I think the key is an open mind. Anything can happen, you don't have control over the entire process. I'm a labor and delivery nurse, and I feel sad when people feel like they've failed when they choose different options for pain management, as if somehow they won't measure up now, or they've disappointed their family. A healthy mom and a healthy baby in the end is hardly a failure. The journey is the journey, but the real prize is your baby!
Like you, I had an epideral with my first baby. I chose to have my next two without an epideral and if I ever have a fourth, I want to have it at home. I prefer the "natural" to the "epideral" and recovered way faster as well. I had a doula with my 2nd child which made a HUGE difference. The worst part is when the baby is crowning, you feel a horrible burning sensation but with my last baby, I learned a great trick...the nurse kept a constant flow of very warm water (basically by wringing out a washcloth over and over) on my, you know what, and that completely took the burn away. I now understand why people like having babies in the tub. Good luck! You can totally do this! I am a complete wimp and have a very low pain tolerance and I did it. It's really helped my confidence when I've had to have painful medical stuff done (i.e. shots). I just think to myself, "I had two babies naturally, I can do this!" It's worth it and so cool to feel everything. Seriously.
It is completely your choice!! I had three un-medicated births and can not imagine myself giving birth any other way (one of those births was an unplanned home birth)!! Good luck to you - can't wait to "meet" the new little one!
I have tasted both ways of giving birth, and of course, pain is useful, you push and you know that you're pushing, and that helps, although, i-t-h-u-r-t-s ... Epidural is weird, you're there feeling nothing, and then you're so right, how do I push, With what? Houston we have a problem there!
After tasting both, I prefer pain, it's safer for the baby ...
Anyway, you'll do it great barefeet girl!
I had considered going natural, but the complications took the choice away from me--and that was more than okay--really I'd opened myself up to whatever needed to happen. Mostly what I learned is disappointment in the birth experience generally stems from unmet expectations. So, don't get too set on one scenario and allow whatever path this baby leads you down to be the right one. On another note, does Topher have a blog? I went to school with him and used to read his Jolly Porter blog, but I can't find it anymore.
Cjane this is timely for me. I just posted the Birth Story of my daughter Lola Moon, born in a tub naturally, and I think you'd like to read it.
xo
You are the only other person in the world I have heard say (like myself) that your epidural was soooo good you had to just make push faces but it worked!
I recognize this post is about more than just the pain of childbirth, but that part will take more time to process and ponder before I have an insightful comment.
I just wanted to add my two cents recommending the unmedicated approach. I've done it 4 times (and one c-section at 36 weeks because of complications). Each birth was a different experience and each taught me something new about myself. One was, dare I say it, practically pain free. I recommend the Mongan method of hypnobirthing and make sure you AND your support person are prepared.
Regardless of all that, I just wish you a healthy birth and baby--however things play out. (And good luck getting through all these comments :-)
go for it, courtney! i love your words about experiencing life and pain. i would really love to experience labor without the drugs. perhaps you will inspire me to endure the pain with my next baby. thank you for always inspiring...and making me laugh, too.
I love you cjane! And I will give birth in May-- not sure how this time, but I am so proud of you for going natural. Pain is necessary. And the emotional is the hardest. It'll hurt way worse when our teenagers lie to us, right? RIGHT? :)
I wanted an epidural for my fourth cause I have tried it all!!
i have had an emergency caesar, next with just gas and an episotomy, third all natural no interveentions (but she took the longest!) but the fourth decided to come in all up from first contraction to birth in under 2 hours!
so I never got that epi!! I wanted to so I could say I have tried ALL birth methods!!
The pain is pretty rough!! GOOD LUCK!!! Don't be afraid to speed dial your buddy!
Courtney,
I have also had the 'absolutely numb' experience. It isn't as good as an epidural that is only half way there. I like to feel something and know when to push etc.
I think you may be interested in reading Heather Armstrong's experience with her last delivery. (Have you heard of dooce.com?) I found it most interesting. Too bad I am through having children or I might try it. She is pretty convincing. Here is a link to part one of her story (in three parts- you can find the rest I am sure).
http://www.dooce.com/2009/07/13/labor-story-part-one
Be forewarned though, her language can be dicey.
Good luck- whatever you choose to do!
Kelly
good luck w/ the pain! I went natural (not really by my choice, lol!) and it really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Every push just pushed the pain away. Amazing!
This is my first time to post a comment on your site. Thank you your blog!
I am mom of two with one on the way (due in April) I am also a Doula.
Every birth experience is so different & it really has so much to do with fear, support & acceptance. I think you are going about it in a wonderful way. Fear makes everything more intense, we tense up, we anticipate... support gives us the shoulder to cry on, the ability to trust that we are safe & we can relax, acceptance gives us the courage to face our fears, trust that God designed our beautiful womanly bodies to birth our babies on our own, knowledge that we are strong enough to endure what He gives us and in the end we will be blessed. The euphoria you feel from an unmedicated birth is very intense & if it could be bottled everyone would be hooked. I say this NOT to take away from a birth that needed medication, thankful it is there & is VERY needed at times!! There is a difference though.
I am not sure when you are due but i would really recommend hiring a doula. Our role is to support you just as much as to support your husband & to help him support you as well. Men are 'fix it' creatures & when they hear their gorgeous wife say "I can't do this anymore" drugs will 'fix' that. As a doula I hear, I need more support, either emotionally, physically, or spiritually....
Good luck to you!
My DD recently had her 4th child. Due to positioning issues with each and the fact they always have a hard time properly placing her epidural, she decided she didn't want to be tied down in bed and would try to go it w/o meds and see if she could avoid fun stuff like vacuums (not for the floor, for the baby head) and intentionally broken collar bones. She was induced and I coached her w/no special training except that I love her and wanted to see her through it (oh and I've been through it myself, of course! LOL!) and she did it and now she's my hero. And, this baby literally almost pushed herself out so no vacuuming or broken bones this time!
Whatever happens, good luck to you and the safe arrival of your little one!
loved this. love you. and i wish you well. i will be thinking happy thoughts for you however it turns out.
Go for it - whatever happens, you won't regret trying. I had two planned unmedicated births, and they were perfect. It was painful, but it was beautiful pain. No more babies for me, so I'll send my remaining calming vibes your way when the time comes.
Good luck... what ever you choose is right for you. My first baby i had the epidural... complications after... scared me to much to ever have another epidural so that was my focus to have 3 non medicated births. i love all the births equally but i felt such incredible strength naturally... up walking, starving... i felt like i could do anything,
Sending you best for what a healthy delivery,
xo,
LuLu
Amen, sistuh! Loved the needle (and that blessed anesthesiologist), but loved giving birth in my bed at home even more. We won't talk about that hour before the birth where I called myself a lot of names for choosing not to be nearer that lovely needle...
REMEMBER, PAIN IS NOT SUFFERING.
When I think of the atonement, I think of both pain and suffering. If your labor pain isn't suffering but something healthy and normal for a miracle to comeforth, then face it head on.
My first two babies were born with midwives. One in a hospital, one at home. Both unmedicated. Course my home birth triumphs! I am expecting my third in just 12 weeks and cannot be MORE THRILLED for another unmedicated homebirth. I want to feel that high after the baby is delivered. The rush of going from incredible pain to unmeasureable joy!
If you can, get the book "Birth Skills" available on Amazon for sure. It was heaven sent. Some things in it seemed crazy but they worked!!! You won't need any medication, you won't need anything but your mind and your incredible body! Tune into yourself, embrace the healthy pain, and find the birth goddess in yourself!
CONGRATS!
P.S. Some people (tiffster) find the pushing to be harder than enduring the contractions, remember labor is DIFFERENT for everyone. Pushing for me was easier than getting through the contractions.
And yes, recovery has been great with both. But again, especially true with my homebirth.
Vicky is right when she says, the pain will be forgotten, the feeling of strength and power will remain forever! Something everywoman needs.
I definitely agree that pain-management is very personal. For me, why hurt more than you have to? There are no medals for going through the most pain. If you can take the edge off, why not? For those who go completely unmedicated, that's great if that's what they want...I really can't stand the women who wear it like a badge of bravery though.
I do think we have a lot of control of our pain in our heads. Managing pain is a mental game, if you learn how to play, you can handle anything. I studied the Bradley method and one thing that I was able to draw from that was convincing myself that what I was feeling during labor was not pain - but pressure. While i was in labor I kept telling myself that, and amazingly, it seemed to dramatically change my experience and I was able to go through the whole labor without feeling like I needed medication. You can do it!
i loved this post - because i have been there! i gave birth to my first in a hospital with an epidural and chose to give birth to my second (7 weeks ago) at home with a midwife, obviously unmedicated.
for me, the second experience - feeling the pain, is what left me feeling incredibly empowered and transformed. my epidural was great, yes - i didn't feel a thing physically, but i also didn't leave feeling empowered like i did after having my baby naturally.
props to you! it will be an amazing experience if you remember that pain is good - it brings your baby! mental preparation is all i can suggest...that is what helped me the most! and honestly (though i know it's different for every woman), for me, it was only the last 20-30 minutes that were super intense/borderline "unbearable" but incredible. you can do it!
i have a birth blog, if you're interested - it's just started up and i haven't posted a ton on it yet but i'd love if you took a look! maybe something on there can help you in your preparation!
birthwithconfidence.blogspot.com
Awwww. I loved this post. The birth story AND the christian pain analogy included. I am LDS- that touched my heart. Thanks for it.
As for labor- i went with the epidural 3 times. I tried natural with my 2nd and wasn't strong enough. LOL. I'm going with an epi again for our 4th.
Just a thought and additional perspective: I chose to have our 3rd and last baby with no pain medication and I was quite anxious leading up to the birth. A dear friend (who has 7 children) shared some insight just before I delivered. She suggested that during the delivery, I think of the pain and suffering Jesus Christ experienced on our behalf and thank Him for it.
I must say it was my saving grace in the delivery. And of course my husband praying in my ear and just loving me through it all. Every bit of pain gets you closer to seeing your baby...and we feel just a fraction of what Christ felt on the cross.
Hope that's not too heavy but wanted to share since it was such an asset to me. By the way, I felt the best after that delivery. Not only did I feel empowered but my recovery was much quicker.
God Bless you and your family through this awesome event!
YES! au naturale!
Oh Courtney. I love you.
Thanks so much for such a great post!
And my husband, when I told him I was tearing in half while pushing our daughter (child #2, both done sans meds), he actually believed me. Later he said "it's one thing when some regular person says it, but when your wife, THE DOCTOR (which I am) says it, you believe it!" heh.
I'm a labor and delivery nurse at a pretty easy-going hospital. Yes, we do epidurals, yes we do water births.... What I always try to keep in mind is that it's not my labor (do whatever works for you!) and that we're all in it for a healthy baby or babies... And I try to remind my patients of that last fact- sometimes people get so wound up in the "birth plan" that they forget the result of it all...
Goos luck in whatever you choose to do, and can't wait to see pictures of your new bundle of joy!
Hey Ceej,
Just a little thought. I was thinking about something my MIL told me years ago when I was pregnant and dealing with leg cramps in the night. She said keep a big cold metal spoon in your room and put it on the cramp or on the bottom of your foot when you wake up with the cramp. I can't remember what way but try both and see what it is. But it would totally work. I would holler to my hubby to grab the spoon and it would instantly work its way out. I think it is one of those old homeremidies.
Love ya!
Hypnobirthing. The best choice I ever made. For me personally it worked wonders. I loved it, my husband loved it. No pain, just pressure. Look into it.
Did epidural w/ 1st, Bradley method unmedicated with 2nd, Hypnobirthing with 3rd and 4th, and epidural again with 5th. Loved every birth - no RIGHT way, just all different and all learning experiences. I do think all women should prepare for pain - makes it so much more tolerable. You never know what is going to happen - and it is empowering to know you can do that!!!
Natural birth is the most empowering experience I have ever had! Before my first, I thought going natural meant I had to be tough through the pain. I was mistaken. I've had three pain-free births. And not one epidural. I think that we do ourselves a disservice by believing that we are physically and mentally not strong enough to birth as God made us. As a mother and a childbirth educator, I believe so strongly that "labor pain" is mental. How I wish that more women had the desire to discover their true power through natural birth! Check out Grantly Dick-Read's "Childbirth Without Fear" for some TRULY enlightening reading.
The remedy to get rid of the Charlie Horse in your calf is to point your foot upwards and it will immediately go away! Good Luck!
i gave birth at home with no meds to my # one (and only) baby boy. it was tough. it was long. it hurt. a lot.
but it's fine. more than fine, wonderful! i had a beautiful baby with my love and my mom by my side. i even said at one moment, "i want to go to the hospital" but (even in the foggy minded state) realized i couldn't escape anything. i would still be in labor, even if i left. and i did learn from the pain... i think one of my lessons was to trust my fiance. that he could support me- physically and emotionally.
best of luck to you.
i gave birth at home with no meds to my # one (and only) baby boy. it was tough. it was long. it hurt. a lot.
but it's fine. more than fine, wonderful! i had a beautiful baby with my love and my mom by my side. i even said at one moment, "i want to go to the hospital" but (even in the foggy minded state) realized i couldn't escape anything. i would still be in labor, even if i left. and i did learn from the pain... i think one of my lessons was to trust my fiance. that he could support me- physically and emotionally.
best of luck to you.
As another commenter mentioned... Water is your friend.
Trust your ability.
One more thing that I want to say is something that a few people have said, but it is so true.
After the birth of both my children I turned to my hubs aka superman and we Hi-fived and then I followed that with a "boo-yah!"
It felt REALLY good.
Okay.. one more thing.
I have very challenging pregnancy's and I have said before, I would rather give birth everyday for 9 months (okay really 10months) rather than be pregnant for 1 day.- a bit dramatic, but after that baby is in you arms and you just accomplished the "impossible" it feels like you can do anything!
Fantastic post!
You are all out of your minds.
I had my last baby with no medication, infact no doctor either (he was somewhere speeding on the freeway, but that's another story). Til the day I die, I will never forget the pain, nor the great triumph I felt in delivering that baby. It's been 20 months, and I still gloat about it. We women can do anything, it was really through that childbirth alone I realized I could. That- and the stunned look on my husband's face - priceless. :)
Courtney GOOD FOR YOU!! Now to be prepared take the BRADLEY classes. I promise you will be so glad you did. Totally prepares you for the big day of going natural.
Brook
I'm glad that somebody else mentioned Paul Brand. He was actually my Aunt's (who isn't really my aunt) father and was such a kind man. He wrote a book called "The Gift of Pain" that you man enjoy reading, especially after a post like this.
You do what you think is right. Be sure to keep an open mind that the drugs are there to help. Dont feel you have failed if you end up asking for them.
Kudos to you for being willing to go natural...I did epidural first 2 and only drugs the 2nd one. It was HELL. Only cause I have never had a contraction in my stomach, only my back. I know, "WHAT, you have never had a stomach contraction, only back???" Well, I have never FELT one in the front as my back feels like it's splitting in half so if I actually DID have one, I would not have known. I really hope that for YOU, you have the labor YOU want. THAT is what matters.
Good for you, listening to your body, Mama. I had 1 c-section and 3 homebirths, wouldn't have had it any other way.
You're right about the pain, it is important to help us know what is going on with our bodies.
Labor hurts, but it is nothing you can't handle. You know that, you have sister's who have had homebirths. You will be a birthing goddess, I just know it :)
By the way, the word verification is funkee...I thought you'd like that :)
I've had two babies at home. Most people think I'm nuts but I believe that natural childbirth is woman's rite of passage. Robert Frost summed it up best, "The best way out is always through."
You will feel like Superwoman after...just wait and see!
P.S. Hypnobabies works wonders
I don't know if you read all these comments, there are so many of them, but if i may offer up a very simple experience of mine?
I have three lovely daughters, all of whom arrived without an epidural, i'm not trying to be an advocate for any decision other than your own, but in the delivery room my husband gave me a little blessing, during which a quote came so clearly into my mind (maybe you will recognize it?) something along the lines of it being better to pass through sorrow and pain so that we may know the joy (obviously it's been a little too long since i've heard those lines spoken... it's hard to make make the trip when you're nursing a baby :D)
Anyway, making a long story even longer, If it is your decision to go sans-epidural i'd just like to offer up my testimony that it's one hundred percent worth it. The endorphin rush you get is amazing. I've never felt so completely powerful in my entire life. it's amazing
but no pressure... :D
I had four unmedicated births (one was with an epidural that didn't work)and I remember each time thinking or saying something afterward like "I'm so glad that's over" or "I'm never doing that again." But then I'd forget about the pain and do it again. If I were to do it over, I wouldn't change a thing, but I can also see why someone would. It would be nice to be comfortable and relaxed when holding the baby for the first time, instead of feeling like you just got hit by a truck.
Oh, by the way, it really helps to vocalize. Make lots of noise. It's fun.
And hypnobirthing can help, too.
Ah, what a post. I cried (because I'm a crier like that and because I have a sick baby and am an emotional wreck right now). I wish you many many blessings with your labor. I am one of those whose epidural wore off when I began pushing. I kept asking "WHY ISN"T THIS WORKING?!@$!@%" But I'd do it all over again to have this sweet baby of mine. :)
i want to know who your anesthesiologist was.
i have no choice but to give birth via c-section. i've had two and am planning for a 3rd. but, i had an epidural and then a spinal, both went horribly wrong.
this sounds crazy, but i'm actually scheduling consult appointments with anesthesiologists here in provo.
will you please share a name with me? pretty please?
2peasinmypod@gmail.com
I discovered your blog through someone else. Did you go to school to write or does it come naturally? I love the way you phrase things. My little humble corner is here http://acquiringbalance.blogspot.com/. Although it sounds like you are quite the busy woman!
I had an epidural for my first too and my last two were au naturale. I had a doula http://nearerstillnearer.squarespace.com/- this amazing lady- who made all the difference in the world. The first time- sharing the experience with someone else was a leap but it is one I would do over and over. I can honestly say I loved my last birth.( Maybe not the first natural one so much:) But the third one after reading many books on the raw beauty of childbirth prepared my mentality for empowerment. It was not a piece of cake but so worth the prep and mentorship. I am still inspired when i look back. It was a great way to end my childbearing days. Now as my youngest faces preschool I am relieved and sad that it took a blink...and now I am here. I wish you the least amount of pain and when it does come may it bring with it raw strength, insightful beauty, and empowered encouragement!
Love your gift for telling a story:) So refreshing. I have 3 precious little ones and for the last one I took a "Hypnobirthing" class and it worked SO WELL for me. Basically it's intensive practicing of relaxation (it doesn't come easily to us!) that allows you to feel "in control" of the pain. Some people say they didn't have any at all. This was not my experience, but I felt able to deal with it in an amazing way. (And I figured learning how to relax is good for me no matter what!) Godspeed either way, my friend!
Delurking here... I have no idea how you'll ever get through all of these comments!
I am going to agree with several comments already posted and suggest WATER. When I got into the big birthing tub while in labor, it was so relaxing I was actually able to take a nap before pushing. Also, have you read Ina Mae Gaskin? I found her books to be very helpful and reassuring about my body and my baby's ability to work together in birth.
I had my third without any medication. Just a warning: it hurts.
I have lots of feelings about that birth experience and the way I feel it has tied me to the child.
Next time you are in my neck of the woods, we should get together and talk about it.
Susan
i thought about you a lot today. For the first time, my blog has been criticized by someone I know. Not directly, but rather, she is going behind my back discussing it negatively with others. And it hurts. And it makes me want to go private. But I've thought about you, and all the negative comments you've received, and the perseverence you've had to press forward in the blogosphere, and how grateful I am because you didn't give up. I love reading your blog. I love your insight and your humor and your honesty about life. So, I'm following in your footsteps, and I won't quit or go private, but rather, continue on doing something I love. Thanks for being an inspiration to me and for using one of your God-given talents to improve the lives of others! You're amazing!
I love your thoughts. And about that body image thing, I'm glad you brought it up. Talking about it makes it seem like not such a big deal, doesn't it? It makes the pain a little smaller.
What a great way of looking at pain. You're inspiring me as I ponder for my next pregnancy trying to go natural. I was forced to have an epidural because of problems with my son during labor. I think they guy who did it was texting his girlfriend during the whole thing. It literally felt like my spine was being crushed and I was pretty sure I would be paralyzed after the whole thing. And it did nothing what so ever. Then I had to have a spinal block when I was rushed for a c-section.
My baby lived, which may not have happened if I went through labor (his heart rate was dropping to almost nothing during each contraction), so it was all worth it.
But I have to tell you, I have always felt kind of robbed of the experience of childbirth. I was planning on an epidural, but after text-in-poke doctor I never will have one again (unless of course my baby is at risk and I need to get to surgery).
Thanks for this post. You're truly an inspiration.
I tried no epi with #4, since I had never had a very good one before. I was unprepared, and didn't have a coach. I found the experience completely doable, because it was short. But the pain took all the joy out of the process for me (half an epidural is very different than none, I learned). I didn't even want to hold the baby for like ten minutes afterward, I was in such shock. I'm due again next month. I'll probly do the drugs. Good luck to you.
Something to add. Rent
"The Business of Being Born."
Sure, it strongly encourages natural birth but it raises a lot of points that I think many women have never known.
I just gave birth LAST WEEK to a beautiful little girl, Violet Mae, she's number 5 for me and I choose to do it naturally. It was soooo painful but also sooooo awesome! It's amazing how our bodies were created to do such miraculous things and I have a new appreciation for my body. I had no idea my uterus was so smart! Good luck to you and I think you are awesome!
www.6smarks.blogspot.com
Thanks, CJ, for sharing those thoughts about pain and enlightenment. I've been having a slow-release epiphany the last couple weeks and your words fit well into the picture of understanding that's beginning to form in my head. xoxo
I've had four babies--one epidural (ugh), one natural (blessed, blessed, blessed), two c-sections (now, if we want to talk pain . . .). I recognize that it is everyone's choice and all, but if you want someone to support your natural decision, I'm here for you. I loved it. I loved being so in the moment, so much a part of what was going on. I also loved the incredibly short recovery time!
I went natural with my first (and only so far). My advice would be, if you're really interested in doing it, PREPARE. I took a class called Birth Works and did prenatal yoga, and both really helped me to know what to expect (in terms of pain, progression, possible interventions and how to prevent them, etc.) and how to deal with it. They keys for me were breath, sound, and movement: slow, steady breathing; low noises (not high-pitched frantic ones); and moving around to deal with the pain. I also had a doula, and she helped talk me through what ended up being a really fast, three-weeks early labor. Pushing felt great! And it was absolutely empowering - I was so proud of myself for making it through and I felt so great afterward. Barely any recovery, and just a total emotional high for days after. Good luck and congratulations from a lurker!
Though more than a day late and dollar short, I just wanted to say that I loved this post. What thoughtful, intent words that I know I will think about for a long time to come- thank you for sharing!
WOW! I wish I had your anesthesiologist!
Just remember, you don't get a parade either way...so do it as you see best. If you go the epi. route next time be sure to tell them to go way light...and maybe avoid the i.v. drugs so your mind is really present.
Anyway, I think the thing to remember is...you will survive, drugs or no drugs...and no matter how you do it you will have done something marvelous.
My first 2 babies I had with an Epidural, then baby #3 came too fast and we didn't have time. I was truly terrified!!! I must say that I am so grateful that The Lord allowed me to give birth without medication b/c while it was intense it was the best experience ever! For baby #4 we went with a midwife and did it totally natural (at the hospital, of course). Again it was a Fabulous experience that I wouldn't ever trade!
This is such a fascinating topic! During my second pregnancy, I became engrossed in not only the subject of pain, but it's correlation with birth.
I was fascinated with the account of the Lord speaking to Adam and Eve in the verses in Genesis (and Moses).
It really stood out to me that God told Eve, "In sorrow that shalt bring forth children"... Then, in the next verse, he tells Adam, "cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life"...
I have read those verses, COUNTLESS times, my entire life. Why had it not stood out to me before, that Adam AND Eve were warned of sorrow (suffering, pain, travail) to come??! The exact same word is used by God as he counseled his two children. Not just to Eve in respect to bringing children into the world, but to Adam in obtaining food for his family. It opened up a whole new world of understanding and topic of study to me.
Two books that I enjoyed while delving into the subject matter (and have since become two of my favorites!) are Birthing From Within and Eve and the Choice Made in Eden (specifically, the chapter on this subject of pain and childbirth).
I'll warn you that Birthing From Within is definitely "earthy, birthy". But if you're exploring pain and child birth...well...I think that's par for the course. The first half is full of journal writing, meditation and painting/drawing exercises to that really explore the topic of pain and other issues.
I am currently expecting baby #3 (unmedicated birth #2) this April.
Does that make us birthing buddies? ;)
P.S. My word verification is "torksent" ..you know...like "stork sent" only with more force and rotation... heehee
Wow! I am one of the few who have experienced both an epidural and a natural birth by my own choice! Cause in my experience most people have the natural birth by accident! Anyways, I had my 3rd child au natural and I wouldn't have done it any other way because I learned several things... 1. I am a lot stronger then I think I am 2. Our bodies are AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! 3. Recovery after having a baby naturally is SO! MUCH! BETTER! 4. When all is said and done you get the natural high of your life! Its euphoric! So there's my 2 cents! You do what is right for you but you'll never regret it!
One more thought...not sure if you read Dooce or not (may not be your style..), but her story of her last birth is awesome! Check it out!
your choice but I had the no pain the fist time, and had an amazing mid wife and felt my body be amazing and do all that it can to bring my 2nd 9lb baby to this earth, I am so happy I stuck to the plan, I kept telling my hubby, please I need the pain drugs and he just kept looking into my eyes tellimg me he knew I could do it and he was so proud of me. I am glad in my life time I let the nature of my body work for me, mind over matter and a great DR and Midwife for them I could not have lived with out. Never stop moving, use the ball dance in chups arms. Have a beauitful birth of your choice
You may want to check out the book Birthing From Within by Pam England and Rob Horowitz. Some of their suggestions helped me work through and actually enjoy birthing. With both of our girls I was able to have all natural water births...two of the best experiences in my life! I still get insanely jelous when one of my friends goes into labor.
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