This guest post comes to us via Azucar who recently stopped working and has since become a genuine SAHM. We met via blogging nearly five years ago and have since become the kind of friends where she makes food and I eat it--in other words--the best kind of friends. She blogs at The Jet Set.
What is the difference between a stay-at-home mom and a working mom? I'm glad you asked. I've been a working mom the entire time I've been a mom, and now, having stayed at home with my kids for six weeks, I feel I'm entirely qualified to talk about what it's like being a stay-at-home mom.
If I'd been working I never would have had the chance to teach my three year old excellent manners. Why, when he spilled water on my bedside table he offered, "Iwillsuckitupifyoulike." And then he did. That's just good parenting right there, and a mark of my newfound dedication to hearth and home.
I notice that I feel a whole lot more guilty than I used to about cleaning the house. Before I was laid off, I couldn't possibly do everything, so I addressed the most horrible slime-covered surfaces, and that was that. The first two weeks at home were like a vacation, or, like shell-shock (so maybe like a vacation with in-laws?) Either way, no one does laundry on vacation, or at least I don't do laundry on vacation (or at all.) We all have a personal Waterloo, and mine is the laundry. I am defeated. It has won the war. What have we learned? No matter if you work at home, or in an office, or in a factory, there is something you will suck at. Embrace it, before it sends you to Elba.
If you find yourself suddenly at home full time, your thoughts might drift to that long list of organizing and redecorating ideas you've wanted to finish for years. Hogwash! The first thing you should try to do is to potty train your toddler. Staying at home is far more fun and fulfilling if you include a riotous game of "Saints Alive! WHAT IS THAT SMELL?"
After about a month of being at home, the kids may start yelling at you because they realize that you're not going anywhere. You are the new fish. Don't let the lifers boss you around, even if it's tempting to encourage their manipulative tendencies to ensure their future Wall Street success.
You might even learn that you can only ask Junior to pick up his PJs from the floor three times before you lose your temper. This is normal! Don't let it get you down! But yes, your child will be sent out into the world as the kind of person who can't clean up after themselves. It'll probably your fault, too. I certainly blame my mother.
I don't like to make judgments about stay-at-home moms and working moms, but I will say this: When I was a working mom, I never, not even once, woke up to see my three year old walking around with a tramp stamp courtesy of his brother. So, you know, perhaps you think you'd not be the sort of stay-at-home mom who encourages that kind of thing, and it turns out that you'd be wrong.
photo by Jennifer Hoskisson fotohok
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Awesome:
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I am c jane and my personal Waterloo is my hair.
contact me:
cjanemail@gmail.com
contact me:
cjanemail@gmail.com
58 Pieces of Opinion:
Beautifully written. I knew this jobless period would bring some great insight from the great Azucar.
And I am almost certain I am the first to comment. 4 am and pregnancy won't let me sleep.
Love it! But what's a tramp stamp?
brilliant! i'd love to be a fly on the wall around you two witty women. :)
As a fairly new SAHM (who was a WOHM/WAHM until I got canned last October) of nine kids, I will say that this post was bang on. :) It's all good, right? ...and exhausting. Great post!
Seriously Courtney, I've loved all of your guest bloggers until now. I know its your blog and all but 6 weeks of being a SAHM is barely the tip of the iceberg!
this was a lovely light post, my mum gave up work (as a big shot might i add) when she had me, her second baby in as many years, she says she's never regretted it and we all enjoy a really brilliant relationship with her, so for me i like that she doesnt work, dad does and we never see him, but i think everyone does whats right for them! brilliant post!
i often think that i'm missing things by having to be a working mother. it's funny though, i enjoy what i do at work (crazy right!?) and i do the best that i can. my daughter's daycare is close to me so we "do lunch" and have taken up "lunchtime yoga" -very interesting with a 2 year old! i want to say "there's no way we could afford to do that" but really, i am selfish because honestly we probably *could* but i'd be constantly worried that one of our cars would crap out, or that the house would need something... and i'd lose my 401k so i tell myself i need to "look out for all of us." it's funny to me that mothers generally divide themselves into 2 groups, the stay at homes, and the working moms. and they fight over it like cats and dogs! ohh,... "which one is best!" you know what i think is best? whatever works for YOU. :)
LOL, I like Azucar :)
Very funny indeed.
Hilarity!
Thanks for the laugh this morning :)
Staying at home really tests us, thats for sure. Tests for what - I'm not sure...
Oh my stars...Azucar had me in stitches. Thanks for the guest post! :)
This was good timing for me. My last day at work before joining the ranks of a SAHM is May 21. I will review this and ponder the philosophies herein regularly and often. Well, between bouts of laundry, anyway.
Loved this post. I totally identified with the guilt over the messy house thing. My husband never notices if it is clean or dirty but I always feel bad about a sink full of dishes (though it doesn't keep me up at night, thankfully, or I wouldn't get any sleep at all).
You have always been my favorite commenter on this blog and I think you are awesome.
Fabulous writing! I couldn't stop giggling, mostly because I can relate, having been a working mom my entire motherdom. First, in an office, and now at home.
P.S. Love the line about personal Waterloos. Love it!
Just choked on my tea. Tramp stamp. Ahaahaahaahaahaahahaha!
I would love to see a little kid with a (fake) tramp stamp! Hilarious. Thank you Azucar :-)
Oh I can't wait for my son to start talking ...
You guys (Azucar, Cjane) are the absolute best.
ditto on all...have been working from home since birth. it's amazing how i was cool with it until a few months ago and i realized that baby gates and whatnot won't keep them out of my office and that the kidiots know how to run my computer better than me and find joy in opening documents and screwing with them in the form of #W&$^*&(DTSKDGFSYHK&*#T^ for like twenty pages and then saving said changes. sucks. but i wouldn't change it for the world. well, i'd get an office with a door and a deadbolt - and the rest i wouldn't change.
Hi Azucar!
I'm not sure if you remember lil ole' me, but you came over to my blog to say nice things and talk about (all good) your glorious friend, CJane in one of those moments where the hate bloggers misunderstood and attacked her (about religion...this time) and I was all, "Seriously? Simmer down everyone."
You are fantabulous, my friend and I see you most definitely have a handle on this whole stay at home thing.
My achilles heel is, by far, my laundry, but there are many, many other sore housekeeping and mothering spots right up there with that dag-blasted laundry.
Keep on rocking those kiddie tramp stamps. I'll be seeing you in the blogs as I ignore my laundry.
I love your blog cjane, you write so well and are so funny... and I hopped over to The Jet Set, and she's just as funny! Thanks for allowing us in to your lives... I look forward to it every day.
I read about your parents in the church news. How exciting! Whan are you going to blog about their new call?
possibly one of the best posts ever and the last line could be applied to most aspects of life...
"perhaps you think you'd not be the sort .......it turns out that you'd be wrong
Love. it.
Karin, I appreciate the call out on only six weeks, but I think it makes the post even more powerful...six weeks that's all it took to feel what I feel at nine years, she was spot on!
If it is only a temporary tramp stamp, then he just hasn't found the sharpies. That's my motto, you know!
added to last comment, saying that it only took six weeks is not me trying to say I'm a stronger sahm than acuzar, just that you don't have to have oodles of time invested to experience and comment...and six weeks can be much longer than it seems :)
I got pregnant again just so that I had a valid excuse for only cleaning the nastiest of surfaces. I hate it when people actually expect my house to be clean. Yeah right!
And laundry... yes, Waterloo.
Great post and well said. My husband is away for work, (gets home tonight) I have exactly 7 hours to do 2 weeks worth of laundry.... It's not pretty. Can't wait til the squirts are old enough to fold cloths!
'Staying at home is far more fun and fulfilling if you include a riotous game of "Saints Alive! WHAT IS THAT SMELL?"'
Oh, my. This is my game this week. I'm finally getting over my cold...I think the stink is in the sink. It better be, 'cause I've already thrown everything in the fridge away.
Thanks so much for the funny post! I am a working mom and will admit that I could never, ever stay home. The laudry alone would kill me on the first day! Thanks again for the funny post!
my personal waterloo is the floor. white textured tile!! what were those previous owners thinking???
Oh ah-THOO-car. Lovely little guest post here. My personal Waterloo(s): dishes, not eating before bed, and biting my tongue. I get sent straight to Elba everytime. But I hear it's nice there this time of year so whatever.
Six weeks and you're an expert? Wow.
The difference between a SAHM and others isn't the work--it's the pay scale. :)
Too funny! Yep, being a SAHM is no vacation! I guess my biggest adjustment to being home with kids is finding fulfillment and validation in my work from different places than when working away from home. Love the last line....
Great timing on this post! I'm currently reading a book called Mommy Wars - It's a collection of 26-ish essays written by mom's about their conflicts and perceptions and working, staying at home, everything in between, and the judgment mom's face from each other. It's been an interesting and quick read so far!
Oh no! I loved this. Wow, that chica has got some serious voice on her.
Love it!
@devon spec Everyone forgets that there's the in-betweeners like me, the work at home moms. We get all the criticism the SAHMs get and all the criticisms the working moms get! Best and worst of both worlds, I say, and a good compromise for those of us who really can't afford to be SAHMs since we're also living frugally, living small, and living simple.
HAHAHA - Azucar and Cjane - two peas in a pod!
Loved it!
As a part-time WAHM of 11 years, I'm just wondering, who did your laundry while you were working? Is there just way more now that your kids are in your home all day? I'm slightly confused. Please enlighten.
been both. can relate fully to this post. love it! SAHM now... and love that too :)
Oh, that's hilariuos! I'm making my hubby read this when he gets home. Thanks for the post.
PS I'd rather do laundry than just about anything else. It's the only chore that is mostly done by a machine - all I have to do is take it out, divide it amongst my 4 kids, and say, "put away your laundry." I only have to put away mine and hubby's.
This post is so funny! Loved it.
6 weeks as a SAHM? Naw, you just got a taste! Cute post though!!
I love Azucar and her writing and her intelligent (often way over my head) sense of humor. Good thing I faintly remember Waterloo from high school history so I actually knew to what she was referring...for once. Thanks for a much-needed laugh!
I love this post. I'm a working mom and I've been a SAHM mom. both are equally hard and I still don't want to do the dishes.
I so loved reading this. I was a working Mom, but I had a job that allowed me the freedom to take off for my kids whenever I needed to or wanted too, and my summers were completely off. I loved my summers--for the first two weeks I would sleep in and debrief working LOL.
I had a husband in a Ph.d program so I needed to work so we could actually enjoy life and eat too. But oh how I loved just being with my children.
--Mari
so this is REALLY wierd.. because I wrote a post about my working mom/stay at home mom situation last week. I love her take on the situation! The radio mind waves must be at work:)
I laughed the entire way through this! Good stuff!
p.s.let me just say I'm a recent follower of Azucar's blog--more hilarious writing is to be found over there.
This was AWESOME! I was also shell-shocked when I decided to quit work and stay home with the kids. I don't regret it, though. I've been a SAHM for over a year, and I still don't have a clean house. :)
A snappy and smart post from Azucar, as always!
When I was a "working mom" (just half-time; afternoons/evenings) I wished and wished for the day I could resign. I felt I had no social life, no time to get anything done, work was always on my mind and I took much of it home to work on late at night.
When I finally did quit, it didn't take a week before I started wishing I had an excuse to leave my kids with a babysitter every other day at 4 p.m. Those late afternoons/early evenings can be beastly. When I see those "5-Hour Energy" commercials I think about how the afternoon used to feel like when I worked in an office...it's just as hard to be a productive mom in the late afternoon as it is to be a productive employee.
My husband and I trade stories about our day as I'm sure most SAHMs do with their working husbands. The other day as my husband left at 7 a.m., the kids had been up for a half an hour and whining the entire time--not a good omen for the day. While he waved goodbye to our screaming, fighting kids I reminded him to enjoy the silence. Then later that night when he mentioned it I tempered my report of the emotionally charged day with, "But I guess I do get to spend the day with 2 of the people I love most in the world." And he said, "Yep, that's where your job trumps mine any day of the week."
Having been on the other end (sort of) I think they're both hard. (SAHM, WOHM) And at 4 p.m., I think the end I'm not on will always seem appealing.
Excellent! Laughed all the way through it. I will have to check out Azucar's blog now. Good stuff!
thank you
What a great picture and honest post. I, however, just blogged about how laundry is my favorite household chore ... if I got to be a stay at home mom, that is probably the one thing that I would be on top of.
Too many other countless things I would not be ... yes, staying home with toddlers is HARD!
I heart you, Jet Set.
LOVE IT!
LOVE IT!!
LOVE IT!!!
THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!
I'm constantly discouraged at my moments of defeat at being a SAHM and it's an unbelievable relief when someone else admits to their own trials. It's amazing how much comfort there is in knowing that you're not the only one going through these things... even if there's no solution... just knowing you're not alone helps so much. THANK YOU!!!
okay zook, I think we all need a what I wore post for all the days you stay home -- HA HA! I remember those days you posted your outfits and I was thinking, man... I really need to change out of this t-shirt that has spit up all over it.
this was hilarious.
have to say that i have been on both sides of the coin- and the jury is still out on which one is easier to transition into. i feel like it took a good year to get used to staying at home, but now that i am back to work it's now the end of the school year and i still don't feel like i've transitioned yet. good luck to you and embrace every moment :D
great post!
i think some people read the first few lines and then stopped. Really people - read sarcasm much?
Azucar - so funny! Good luck with that Waterloo and potty training before your SAHM-ness is done.
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