My mother wrote me a pressing email from St. Louis this morning:
Court,
I'm not getting your blogs unless you aren't blogging--what's up? Are you o.k? See what happens when you don't post then your mother starts worrying about you and if you are sick, alive, depressed, etc. Please blog. I love you so much!
your mom
I am suffering from blogger's block. I can't lie, it's bad this time around.
I will work on that, but in the meantime, this is for my mother.
Hey Mom!
This is a picture of me at a girls camp above Cedar City. I went to speak about "Being anchored in Christ." I told the story about going to girls camp when I was 12 and becoming really sick because I didn't acclimatize after being in Seattle (sea level) the week before. That was the same year I realized I had lice--and had spread it around the camp. We had to wash our hair in head-freezing water in the middle of the night.
Do you remember coming up to see me? Do you remember me begging you with all my homesick heart to please take me home? Do you remember refusing me? I will never get over watching your taillights lead down the dirt road that evening. I watched from the cabin's cut-out window with quite possibly the largest lump my throat has ever tried to swallow.
Thanks for not taking me home. I think it was character-building. I survived. And had you taken me home I wouldn't have had a story to tell over two hundred girls at camp twenty-one years later.
But just to be sweet, tell me it was hard for you to leave me. Tell me you stewed the entire car ride home--second guessed yourself and deliberated with Dad, thought about turning the car around. Tell me you couldn't sleep until I was happily home three days later. Tell me you cried. I want tears Mom.
And there is your post,
Court
Post-edit:
Here is what my mother wrote back to me this evening:
Thanks for the blog Courtney. I thought Mary Ellen brought you home but I think that was from the Trek and you threw up. It was something new each year. I'm sorry if after twenty years you still hate me--but I'm sure I knew you would be just fine.
I love you so
your mom
I am c jane and I miss my mother and my mind. In that order.
contact me:
cjanemail@gmail.com
73 Pieces of Opinion:
i'm glad to know that even cjane gets blogger's block.
i'd miss my mom, too, if she were in STL for 3 years!
both things should come soon, though I hope your mind doesnt only come home when your mom does!
Hey Courtney.
If you have writers block, pictures of the Chief and Ever Jane would be equally as awesome.
I think your mother is funny. I was totally thinking along the same lines as her though, that something had happened!! Ugh!
I wish I had Writers Block, instead I know what to write, I just never have the time to write it!
Blessings x
That is such a FUNNY and SWEET post all-in-one!
How I wish my mother would read my blog. She hates that I write in such a public domain. She is convinced my family will become a newspaper headline. "Blogging mum and family slain by crazy reader" Oh, I dream of the day she rings me to ask why I have not updated in a few days. Gotta go now. I've got an itchy head....
Now I'm worried and upset! I was also wondering where your blogs have been. Unblock! Please. I don't know what I'd do without your blogs.
Kath
I love that someone else got homesick on camp. I thought I was the only one. My mother didn't come to visit me. I was soooo glad. I would have gone home with her. I knew my character needed building but I also knew I couldn't have let her leave without me.
Ahh... childhood. So nice to be able to look at it from over here!
I love this post. Writers block.....please. One summer we had to move so my 3 siblings and I had to be separated between the grandparents. The older 2 with the one set, the younger 2 with the other. When mom and dad would visit on the weekends my brother and I would beg them to take us with them. Finally they did, the older two were having a grand time traveling the east coast. We lived the rest of the summer in a campground!
Hang in there, my friend. Perhaps your mind just needed a wee break, I would venture to guess caused by summer heat. It will come back in full force in no-time-flat. We'll be here when it returns...
Hi, Courtney! I'm not even your mother and I was starting to worry... Signed, Relieved!
I often appreciate what my parents did to or actually for me, when I was younger. I bet she did cry or at least have a second thought. I know I would if I had to leave one of my girls at camp after she begged to come home.
It was a good post. Keep writing when it comes to you.
I love it! Thanks for blogging. I hope your writers block takes a hike. Like a long 10 mile hike, like at YW camp.
LOL!!! Love it. :)
Ah, haha!! LOVE it! Love the drama! You speak my language! :)
too funny! love it! i can relate on a few levels... the lice, the homesickness, and having a mom on a mission... luckily my parents are about done, and I am ready to have them home, not that they are ready to be home... it's hard to have your parents on the other side of the world!-I hope your mom gives you some tears!
i've found that whenever i get writer's block, i have to go out into the world and find something to write about. like going to the grocery store or the donut shop and just listening to everything going on around you. the last time i went to our old timey donut shop a homeless man and his little six year old daughter were having a heated debate about whether she could keep loving him now that she had just found out that he didn't like mint chip ice cream. there was something startling banal and normal and adorable about their conversation. as they sat there with their bags and dirt and weariness. it was overwhelming.
but the key to this is to go without kids. it's why we mom get writer's block...all our creativity goes into making up this amazing world for our kids and at the end of the day, we've nothing left to keep building and creating and working on the little worlds we've created for ourselves.
so, i wish you good luck. i don't normally comment, but i felt compelled as i struggle to write at times. and even when i have the time, carved out and babysitter at hand...i've found myself staring at the screen and just wanting a nap or to go to the movies by myself.
and sometimes that's exactly what you have to do to get your mojo back.
best wishes. becky.
Your mom's letter put's a lump in my throat. Oh Motherhood!
Lovely post! Got to love those moms.
I am fairly certain she was worried about you and wanted to take you home to care for you; but often the hardest part of being a mother is knowing when your child needs to stand on her own. Stepping back and letting the growth process take place is so hard! We won't always need our mothers to be there unless they have always stepped in. Our mothers, however, will always WANT to be there! That's what is so wonderful about them!
I always love your posts, CJane. What I love most is how you manage to be vulnerable, yet a tough cookie at the same time. :)
Your post was particularly appropriate. I was watching the Today Show and one of their topics was head lice. Seems the American Academy of Pediatrics believes kids with head lice should not be kept home from school. Here are the details: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/38417280/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/
Awwww this one made me cry! Hugs to you and your mom!!!
I saw that picture of you at camp and thought, now there is the way to camp with earings that match your outfit, even camping should be coordinated!! Love it. Oh, the lice and the sadness of the tail lights almost make me cry. I am glad we can all live thru our life and character building experiences life throws at us! I've missed reading your thoughts lately.
That is priceless.
'member what else happened? A little too gross to mention?
Beautiful post. We, as mothers, make such hard decisions when it comes to our children and the growth that takes place in God's arms when we know we're supposed to back off. God is so good!
I'm taking bets that she bawled her eyes out all the way home!
Blogger's block, huh? Sounds like you need some down time with some awesome French music playing loudly while dancing around with that beautiful family of yours!! Yea, that was random.....
Is there anything better than pulling the little guilt strings tht live in all Mother's back...until we're at the other end!
I'm so glad lice nenver happened when I went to camp.
:D
My daughter just went to girls camp for the first time yesterday. Im off to pick her up now...because of this post. ;-) No really, Im sure your mom felt all of that... or at least she better say she did now!
good luck with the writer's block. I am having the same problem with mine right now too.
And I miss my mom every single day, but for different reasons.
thank God for the telephone.
Oh, that feeling of 'help, I sat down to blog and I have NOTHING to say' - comforting to know that even the fab CJane suffers from it, too. That's when I just post a loads of photographs and hope nobody notices. My mum says she only ever gets my news from reading my blog (in a slightly guilt-inducing tone of voice). Anyway I seem to be writing a blog post in the comments. Shall I stick in a couple of photos, and you can just use this? Hahaha!
I thought your talk was awesome! I enjoyed your girls camp moments. My favorite was the stripling warrior story,followed closly by the lice!! Sorry agian that I made a fool of myself afterwards :). Let's just say I am a very enthusiastic Cjane fan!!! \
I'd miss my mom too. I"m sure you just need a little break. You'll bounce back, until then, kiss on your cute kids and don't worry about it!!! We'll wait patiently!
I bet it is summer. There are a lot of us with burnout/writer's block right now.
Love your story. Let us know what your mom said... I bet she was longing to take you home...I would have been!
i hate to say it cjane, but really ever since chup and the other guys joined your "team", well...this seems to happen a lot to you. your posts have seriously declined in quantity. could it be that it's funner to play with chup than write essays everyday?? :) i hate to say it, but i think you better get him back to his job! :)
Girls Camps were fun! I never had a desire to go home...never got homesick...but one year in Texas I got majorly dehydrated, went temporarily blind, fainted, and had to recuperate in the nurse's tent for a day. I've also only got sunburned three times in my life and the first time was Young Womens camp.
I don't know about tears from your mom, but you got mine.....of course, that could just be the PMS, but still...tears...they were all for you!
I totally hear you on the whole bloggers block thing and really needed to be ... is it "in the mood?" Or "in the zone?" After vacation, I find it hard to get right back into the writing thing.
I did that same thing with my daughter at EFY last year. She called me crying, saying that she had horrible allergies and could I please come get her. I met her at a dance they were having at the Wilkinson Center with some allergy pills, gave her a hug (several hugs since she clung to me) but said I wasn't going to take her home.
She carried on like she was three and I was leaving her at a new day care and she was worried I might never come back. (It was slightly embarrassing and caught me completely off guard!)
But I left ... I hope she feels the same way you do when she grows up!!! :)
I have had a terrible case of writers block, but mine has lasted for several months...well 8 to be exact...when my baby was born. I post here and there, mostly pictures of my kids, just to say that I posted. I miss the release that writing gives me, but I just can't seem to unstick the block.
I do believe that we got head lice at Girl's Camp during the same summer. I came home from camp, and my mother realized that I had lice. When she asked who I had shared brushes or combs with, I was perplexed because I had kept them in my own bag and not shared them with any one. But, she found very long, very dark hairs all throughout my brush, and as I had short-ish dirty blonde hair (sounds oh so cute, huh?) we knew that someone had used my brush and shared their lovely lice with me. Ughh!
Love this letter to your mom!
I remember that year at girls camp. Yes I do.
Ann Lamott's Bird by Bird has just the perfect advice for the finger-tied... and the brain empties. I'm sure you've read this book???
And as a mother I'm sure you can answer the questions you posed to your mother..of course she second guessed herself all the way home. Of course she wiped away tears and was sick at heart until you came home and let her know you survived.
Often the best things for our children are the hardest for us to do.
(Please allow us to see her response).
I'm sending you bloggy idea vibes... I hope they arrive safely.
Deer Haven... the camp of my childhood. I live in NY now and my daughter is going to camp for her first year next week!! ahhhhh! I would have left you, and I would have cried and lost sleep. I hope nothing happens for us to blog over!
I love that your mom was worried because you haven't been blogging. I was wondering what was up. I miss the daily CJane posts.
I really think you should share your experience at girls camp that year. I love girls camp stories. Pictures would be nice too. ;)
I love that your Mother did not let you come home. Just goes to show how amazing she is. She knew to teach you the greater lesson. I am sure she did worry all the way home though. I would have. I have missed you too. Glad to know nothing is wrong. And I LOVE that you spoke at Girls Camp. I was just telling my mother if their youth ever go to Utah again they have to see if they can get you to come speak. She thought I was kind of crazy telling her to get someone I just read a blog of and don't actually know. But, she would thank me later. I just know it.
And like this is what 'bloggers block' is all about? Oh, for Pete's sake...just give us anything! Don't you realize we hang on to your every word??!!!
I had a similar story with my daughter, as soon as her bunk was picked and clothes put away she decided she no longer wanted to go to camp...I insisted she try for a day or two. I was torn and not sure if I was doing the right thing. I got a postcard a few days later saying "after I dried my tears I saw a girl I knew in my cabin...we've been having the best time." I was SO happy to get that card !
That made me chuckle... :D I love your writing! If only I could make time to read them all... If only my mother could get internet and read my blogs. I have 7+ siblings... 2 parents... and a few friends; you would THINK 1 of them would read my blogs. You are blessed. Enjoy it thoroughly!!! :D
I got to enjoy your talk at girls camp. Thanks! You are amazing. It was one of the highlights of the week for me.
Andrea
I have a similar camp story from my youth. My mom also refused to pick me up and in hindsight it was the best thing she could have done.
Writer's block is the worst. I'll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way to, in the words of Theodore Roethke, " wake the happy words."
:)
My husband was the only leader at scout camp for our ward (years ago) and a boy was homesick so his parents took him home. It would be hard, but I'd totally be leaving my child there to grow. Good for your mom :)
My husband was the only leader at scout camp for our ward (years ago) and a boy was homesick so his parents took him home. It would be hard, but I'd totally be leaving my child there to grow. Good for your mom :)
Glad to see you back. I'm sure she cried. =0)
I just want to let you know that I LOVED you talk at girls camp (hmmm, I was the one that you mentioned not once but twice that I looked scary...and rightly so! The girls had a little too much fun at my expense ;-)) I think the girls and leaders got a lot out of your talk. So thank you for joining us!
Kristin
I hate girls camp!
thank goodness for writers block...it is nature's way of telling us to give it a break...once you do WITHOUT GUILT I might add you'll come back fresh and FRESH as new!
you are fresh you know(wink)...just post unadulterated non scripted NO TEXT pics!
Good luck with your writers block!
What happened to Chups photo of the week? ....it might help the void a bit!
Dear C Jane,
A while ago I lived in Seattle, and then one day I moved to Flagstaff, AZ, at 7,000 feet. It took me 5 months not to pant going up the stairs. Plus that nausea. ewe.
~TM
Girlfriend- everyone loses their mind sometimes. I heard in passing recently that "research" has proven a woman loses 3% of her brain size by the end of pregnancy, and I thought- No WONDER I go crazy every time.
You'll post when it's right for you. I love it when you do, but when you don't, I know you're doing what's right for your family, so NOT posting is a statement to me- an example even.
Good luck.
I would have NEVER made a week at camp! Good to have you back, I too missed you.
Writers block? Ask your readers what they want to know about you and yours?
Oh, camp. Yes, I went. Once. Never again. We didn't get lice. Instead the entire camp (but me) got horrific food poisoning and girls were throwing up all around me. I had to run to the nurse's office in the middle of the night, pitch black, and almost scared myself to death when a bear (actually, a deer) came out of the bushes. Thank goodness my mom didn't come see me because I would've just climbed into the trunk...I was SOOOO homesick! Your blog made me laugh so hard, CJane! "I want tears, Mom." lol!! I LOVE your mom!! Hope she's doing okay. I know the mission life for the Pres. wives are a lot of work!! Oh- and I agree w/ the other poster. Pics of Ever Jane and the Chief are fine with me if you have writer's block! Or..you could just write your mom another funny letter :)
My most embarrassing episode of my life happened on my third year of camp. I worked so hard to be the "Best Cabin Girl" that year. Then it was time to vote and there was an unwritten rule to NEVER vote for yourself and I did because I wanted it sooo bad! Imagine my shame when all the votes came out for me. Argh! I learned a hard lesson about self doubt and insecurity that year! But it did make for a great story from then on! LOL!
I was starting to worry too! It's a Mom thing. :-)
PS - Please let us know what your mom says.
I never comment..but I had to this time, I'm just so glad you have bloggers block, that means I'm not alone and if C Jane gets it..well then dang it I can get it too:)
Of course you have bloggers block! You have a newborn and a toddler demanding attention--and 3 million other projects going on. I would have life block if I were in your position.
I was just thinking about my camp-associated character building experiences today. All I can say is amen.
Just reading the word lice is making my head itch.
Your mother's nonchalant reply back was the best way to end my day! :)
awwwww.....so sweet from your MOM!!!! honey....you don't have Blogger's Block.....your words flow like honey!
The best part of this is your mom saying "well, I thought something else actually happened, but OK". Haha! My grown up darlings tell me stories all the time about things that I did or did not do that they remember as clear as a bell, and I'll be all like "Really? I did that? I think you made that up." To them it was MOMENTOUS... to me - a very, very busy mom - it was just a MOMENT.
But, I tell them, someday they will make their own babies and once you do that you start making your own choices and your babies will start cataloguing them as good or bad and you will someday say "I think you're making that up". It's the natural order.
P.S. I think you could post your grocery list and it would be entertaining to read. You're a stitch.
My Muse went on a potty-break and forgot to come back to work.
Stupid muse.
Your Mom's response is awesome!
i don't know why, but this is my fave post. it made me cry. guess girls camp and moms are on my mind!
Wow, there it is, and there you are, at my girl's camp. I was there! And I loved your talk! Now I'm in Mesa, AZ, totally missing the cool weather we enjoyed up on the mountain. Thanks for your amazing talk on humility. I'm so glad they had you come, and now I've discovered your blog for the first time! Yay!
Love this post! My son is away for 2 weeks on a scout backpacking trip. It's excruciating for me not to have some kind of communication with him. I have panic attacks at night not knowing what has happened with that day. You would think this is my 1st child...um, no my 5th! I wonder if I were in you mother's situation if I would have scooped you up and taken you with home with me. It would have been a hard choice for me. But I've learned that she was right. AND luckily for us, so have you! Thank you for this wonderful post.
Sissy G. picked up lice at school once. I was sicked out.
Somehow I had missed on that jewel of childhood experience. Which is probably a good thing...it wouldn't have gone over well in my Mom's in-our-home beauty shop.
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