Monday, January 31, 2011

bAbbytized



When Abby moved into the neighborhood she told us she wasn't a baptized Mormon.

It was summer, and our weekly church activities for the youth were a reprieve from an onset of school-less boredom. We decided not to hound Abby about being baptized, but we invited her to our outings in case she wanted to leave the house for awhile. And Abby, twelve years old, eager for a mid-summers day thrill always showed up.

We went to the park and told stories until the grassy space created an ocean of twilight blue. We went hiking and biking, we ate cookies and ran around with the young men. Abby seemed to soak it all up, her world of newness--friends, atmosphere and adult interaction--showed in her gleamy eyes. We loved Abby like she was one of our own.

And one day at the park Abby rolled around from stomach to back and over and over again. We were talking about activities we'd like to do for the winter time. Ice skating! Sledding! Gingerbread House Making! Ideas poured out of the young women sparked by the memory of colder nights and shorter days. Then Abby stopped and rested on her stomach. Her head propped up by her planted elbows.

"How can I go to the temple?" she asked, her eyes set on picking apart a single blade of grass. "Do I need to be baptized first?"

We tried to explain the temple to Abby, but with a few short sentences in, her attention resumed back to rolling. And when we went home that evening, we left behind that conversation.

When those shorter days and colder nights came, Abby continued to come to our weekly meetings. One time, while making a green salad with toffee chunks ("Candy Bar salad" the girls named it) at my house Abby showed up a little late.

"Thanks for sending over the missionaries," she said to me, taking off her coat and joining the other girls chopping salad bits.

"I...didn't," I confessed.

"Oh, we thought it was you or Janna."

"Abby, are you meeting with the missionaries?" I asked surprised.

"Yes. I am going to get baptized."

Something was changing inside of Abby, there was a refinement. This silly twelve year old girl suddenly had a influx of clarity about her. She was changing.

We picked up Abby for church and I made attempts to be there when the missionaries taught the lessons. Her mother, already a church member, decided to be independent of Abby's choice to be baptized. "This has to be all her," she explained to me. But Abby was not alone, her siblings created a supportive team of Go Abby! The young women called and visited, making sure Abby had rides to activities and church.

And then, one cold night as I was dropping Abby off at her house, she turned to me and said,

"I am getting baptized on January 29th. I want to have a party afterward, will you make Candy Bar salad?"

Of course.

On Saturday as the sun was setting, I bundled up the children in coats and boots and loaded them on to the stroller. We made a short trek over to the market to buy lettuce, cheese and toffee bits. Back at home the children pulled off all the couch cushions, I chopped and grated and tossed. But there were bottles to re-fill and shows to start and diapers to change, and because my husband was out of town I was a one man band. When the baby sitter showed up, I was running ten minutes behind.

As fast as I could, I hauled to the church, barreled through the double doors and ran down the corridor. I left the salad on a  random table in the hallway and headed towards the baptismal font. Only, as I passed the door to the bathroom Abby was coming out, her hair in two ponytails on either side of her face, dripping wet. I had missed it.

My eyes met hers. They were all the more gleamy.

"I did it!"

Because there was no plates or salads to eat the salad with, I told Abby at the after party to take it home and enjoy it all to herself. Then I left to relieve the baby sitter. I was heavy-hearted having missed the baptism.

But at least you were there for the conversion, I told myself.

And that's the best part.

53 Pieces of Opinion:

momof8 said...

How wonderful! And I think it was great you got to see her right out of the water. She knows you love her! (But you really must share your salad recipe!)

lindsay said...

That is fantastic. But the salad?? hmmm...

Tana said...

Beautiful!

andrea said...

What an exciting time for Abby! You're so lucky to be a part of it. By the way, you should let us know what else is in that candy bar salad, yummo!

Hil said...

Such a beautiful experience. Yay for Abby!!

Doty Family said...

I got all teary!! What a sweet story. I love Young Women!!They have a sweet place in my heart. Congratulations Abby!

mamagale said...

"I was there for the conversion" AMEN!

Sue said...

Like you, I would have felt terrible to miss Abby's baptism.

But you're right. The conversion was the main event.

=)

Cannon's said...

I was baptized as a teenager and now I'm Young Womens President. Stick with her. Your job isn't done yet. She'll need you for a very long time.

KREW said...

I remember racing 45 minute on I-15 to get to my nephew's blessing. And we just missed it. At first I felt like it was pointless since I had missed the "event," but later realized that the important thing was that it happened, not that I saw it. The important thing was that I was there to spend time with my sister anyway. And I'm pretty sure you'll be there for that first temple trip : )

Jamie said...

I love this story, I am teary. My daughter is going to be Baptized on Saturday, she has such a strong little testimony and this made me think of her. Thanks for sharing!!

Dixie Mom said...

LOVE LOVE THIS! Seriously, love this. I just love this example.
And I'm glad you witnessed both the baptism and the conversion.

Lisa said...

This story makes my heart so happy!
Beautiful.

carolee beckham said...

best feel-good story to start a monday morning. love it. thanks for sharing.

salad recipe please?

your sister said...

Man, can you write! I could feel the joy!

emilia. said...

rock on.

Kelly said...

My daughter was supposed to be baptized yesterday at church, but unfortunately my husband felt that she is not yet ready. We are protestant Christians at a non-denominational Bible church. We believe that one must be saved by faith in Jesus to be baptized, according to the Bible. I'm curious...in the LDS faith, is there an "age of accountability"? For instance, obviously a 12-yr old can make a conscious decision like that...but what about say, a 7-yr old? The reason I ask, is that this Sunday we had baptisms at our church and my 7-yr old wanted to be baptized. I know in my heart that she has accepted Christ as her Savior, but my husband felt she was too immature to make the decision herself. I just wondered what it is like for LDS?

Sarah Jane said...

I think we need the recipe for the salad!
And blessings to Abby!

tharker said...

I've been trying to put my thoughts into a comment, but I really can't come up with anything that says how I feel more than one simple word. Beautiful.

Natalie said...

Aw! I love this story!!! So wonderful! And, of course, I think I join a million readers wanting the recipe for Candy Bar Salad!

Briana said...

beautiful story - thanks for sharing. and congratulations to abby!

i've also had times like that where i've missed blessings, etc. by just minutes. it's an awful feeling! but i think you're right. :) sounds like you've made a big difference in her life. keep up the good work!

Trish said...

Kelly- In the LDS church we believe 8 is the age of accountability and do our best to prepare our children to be able to make the decision to be baptized at the age of 8. But, if I felt one of my kids wasn't ready at 8, I wouldn't insist that they be baptized just because they had reached the age of accountability.
We believe in choice, not force, (as I can tell you and your husband do) and any LDS parents who force their children to be baptized or go on missions, just because they are the right age,have a shallow understanding of the gospel we are taught, or are doing it to make themselves look good to others. I have a seven year old daughter, like you, who I'm sure would jump at the opportunity to be baptized right now if it was offered to her, but I think one more year of maturity before making a serious covenant to follow Christ couldn't hurt at all. There is still plenty I can teach her to help her be more prepared when the time comes. Hope that helps!

Rachel Teran said...

I'm not quite sure how I feel about the salad.... but the story was perfecto.

Jen said...

Oh CJane! That lucky Abby! Can I move into your neighborhood? I've tried sending my two YW age daughters to YW/YM activities and they've been completely ignored :( Breaks my heart. My hubs and I do not go to church but we would love our older children to enjoy the same youth experienced we did. The girls, unfortunately, won't give them the time of day and, sadly, the leaders aren't any better. I wish our ward was as warm and welcoming as yours :(

Michell said...

What, pray tell, is a candy bar salad? Heath Bar is my ABSOLUTE favorite candy in the whole wide world.

Allison said...

Just letting Kelly know that in the LDS church, the age of accountability is 8 years old. Children younger than that and people with mental handicaps (downs syndrom, autism, etc) are considered innocent and saved through the grace of the attonement of Jesus Christ. So, if a baby dies, they still go straight to heaven. Sometime those with mental disabilities show a strong desire to be baptised and they are most certainly allowed to do so, but it is not considered necsisary for their salvation. A 7 year old would need to wait until her 8th birthday to be baptised. If the parents of the child, or the child themselves does not feel that they are ready at the age of 8, they can wait until the time where they do feel ready.

Hope that answers your question. :)

Anonymous said...

I grew up in an LDS family in Utah, but am no longer practicing. My husband is not a member. We both love Utah and most of my family is there. Neither of us are anti-mormon but have no desire to be Mormons or to raise our daughter in the Church. He has said he might want to move to Utah some day, but I have big concerns. I have to be honest this post kind of solidified those concerns for me. I know my daughter would be seen as an outsider, and if she wasn't being actively proselytized to, it would be done subtly. I hate that this girl is being see as changing and maturing because of the church and no other reason, like maybe she has a wonderfully supportive family or more likely, she's growing up. It makes me sad for non-members who live in Utah and for my own little family that would always be looked at as a project.

I truly know that most mormons proselytize because they have the best intentions. I also know that most would be very uncomfortable if the moved to an area that was mostly another religion and those members were looking to convert their children.

ck said...

Jen - So frustrating. I know the church is much more than our individual members, but I still feel like apologizing.

There's a house right down the street from us for sale. ;)

medschoolmama said...

aw that just makes my heart happy!

La Yen said...

You have NO idea how hard it is for me to not make a fake anonymous comment about candy bar salad. I may stroke out from the restraint.

Tori said...

What a sweet story. Thanks for sharing.

Now how bout sharing that recipe? :)

Dave and Natalie said...

my heart broke for you when I read this...and when I read the comment abt. jen's daughters being ignored :( I hate missing big things...but I love that you saw her in her drippy ponytails :)

Jen | Our Happy Family said...

love this story! you're right, the conversion is a huge thing to be a part of :)

Salad recipe??

Lolee said...

To the last anonymous,

I totally get what you are saying and have been "projected" many times by fellow members or even my own family. (I am a member, but the projects were more like "don't you want to get married? not watch rated R? go to homemaking?" etc)

It can kind of grate on your nerves and smacks a little of self righteous pride.

That having been said, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have young mens and young women's available to the at risk kids I work with here in the rural south.

Not enough kids today have positive peer groups like YM or YW that encourage (or even pressure) them to make safe and careful decisions.

Where I live, kids gain peer and even community acceptance through gang membership, drug addiction, and becoming dependent on the system.

In Utah, kids gain peer acceptance and even community approval through joining the church, living the standards (or pretending to), etc.

In the final equation (and I know there a million shades of gray I am overlooking here..just talking about this one girl and the kids I specifically work with)

I feel a lot worse for the kids I work with, than I do for Abby.

KarenOjai said...

Dang it! I was caught tearing up at work when I was reading this post! So sweet! I love it being a part of someone's transformation with the gospel! You touched me again with your writing!

Jen said...

The salad in the opening photo isn't the point of this entry, but man, I can't stop thinking about how delicious it looks.

CareTaking Daughter said...

She is so blessed to have you in her life. My question ofr you is, When I am baptized will you make the salad?

--Mari

Sarah said...

Courtney-- Did you ever think when you were serving your mission that one day you would be sharing the gospel via the internet????

Your words paint such a beautiful picture of the conversion of a young woman choosing for herself to change her life for the better. Thanks for sharing this sweet testimony and thanks for giving me the courage to share more of myself and my testimony via my blog.

Kelly said...

Thanks so much to Trish and Allison for answering my question! :) And yes, we believe in the innocence aspect as well. Thanks again for answering my question. I do think it will depend greatly on maturity, but a few months ago she told me "Mommy, I prayed last night and asked Jesus into my heart." It was sincere and it was real, I know it. As soon as she is mature and ready, I will be so proud to see her baptized!

Megs said...

i definitely had tears in my eyes by the end of this post. thank you so much for sharing.

Anonymous said...

"We loved Abby like one of our own".
Like you were all cats and she was an adopted dog?
Was yours some elite club and you salvaged the poor girl?
I'm sorry but that said more than you know to the less than naive.
Be careful with the unspoken message.

Anonymous said...

I guess I'm the only one that was slightly confused? I thought it was a flashback and CJane was a fellow teenager along with Abby. So when it got to the part of CJane caring for her kids, I was so confused! I got straightened out by reading the comments :)

Amy said...

I think it is important to remember that it is less about who we bring into the church, and more about who we drive away from it daily with our careless actions, choices, words and judgements.

Our only job is to love others.
Period.
Until EVERYONE in the world learns that, regardless of...anything, fancy stories are just white noise.

PS: I most definitely include myself in that EVERYONE.

Silvia said...

Anonymous,
I can totally understand your concern to be looked at as a project but many Christians do this not just LDS members. For some reason Christians feel the need to convert Christians to their specific denomination whatever it may be. In the Bible it does not say we will inherit the kingdom of Heaven if we're Mormon or Catholic or non-denominational. I am Catholic and my sisters made the switch to a non-denominational church some years ago.Their church sends missionaries into Mexico trying to convert Catholics (who of course already believe in Jesus Christ) to "Christians". I think Abby's story is beautiful, not because she was baptized in the LDS church but because she had a personal experience with our Heavenly Father and that changes us no matter the denomination of Christianity we may be. Kudos to you CJane for being there for Abby because she clearly saw something in you that she was missing in her own life! We need more examples for our girls as to what women of God look like :)

Laura said...

Beautiful! Recipe pah-lease!!!

Johanna said...

That was a beautiful post - and a beautiful ending - because really, the conversion was the miracle part and you were there to witness. There's nothing like being involved in the miracle of conversion!

Sammi said...

That's a beautiful thing to happen. I remember being baptised I was about 14, my family are not Christian at all and my sister is so I went to her church and after a while I got baptised, with a group of girls, on a beach. It was the most awesome day. Hearing other people's baptism stories always makes me happy.

Anonymous said...

ohmygosh anonymous. i know exactly what you mean. i have two kittens and we got them a puppy and it was the darndest cutest sweetest thing you ever saw. cjane is thrice as adorable. (methinks she'd love the word thrice.) wheeeeeeee! i can totally hear chup's robot voice saying "be care ful with the un spoken message". that's what you meant, right?

Halli Matheny said...

Pretty please post your salad recipe! I'd love to try it as it sounds delicious! Pretty, pretty please?

Halli Matheny said...

Please post your salad recipe. I'd love to try it as it looks delicious! Pretty, pretty please?

Ru said...

To the anonymous worried about non-member kids being projects:

I grew up LDS in Utah but somehow still wound up mostly friends with the non-LDS kids, and I know that they sometimes felt like "projects" in our community. But at the same time, it does go both ways. This story happened to be about Abby learning from the girls around her, but I'm sure those girls also learned a lot from Abby, just like I learned from my friends and they learned from me. (Roundabout way of saying, I wouldn't be too worried about moving to Utah if that's your primary concern.)

To anonymous concerned about the line, "loved her like one of our own.":

It's a common phrase, and it usually refers to loving someone as if they were family. I doubt the reference was intended to imply, "loved her like she was already Mormon," which seems to be the concern.

(Not usually a commenter, but I guess there's a first time for everything.) :)

Jess said...

Its so great that you were able to be her neighbor, and then just letting her go at her own pace. Talking and inviting her to activities.
When I was her age, my best friends mom would invite me to church and yws and then with the sisters for dinner. Then finally after a few months I started taking the discussions. All because of an adult who invited me to dine and play.

Anonymous said...

recipe please it sounds sooo good