C. Jane, Enjoy It: Womb For One More

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Womb For One More

What on earth am I growing in my uterus exactly?

I mean with The Chief I could cooperate with the world even though I was daily upchucking (almost all nine months). With Ever I found solace in a spiritual guide to pregnancy even in the sickness. But this pregnancy, oh boy, this one makes death seem like a viable option. This one has me waking up choosing a breakfast that will come back up easily and making tactical plans on how I will make it through the day and back into the very bed that spits me out.

I know, I know, this isn't what you come to read about on a blog called Enjoy It.

It's just that my kitchen appliances buzz too loudly, the color of the dinning room floor isn't matching the curtains and everything is wrong. EVERYTHING IS WRONG. Of course the buzzing, mismatching and wrongness didn't occur to me two months ago, but today it overwhelms me and makes me barky. And barfy. Barky and barfy both.

I feel like I am poisoned. Like someone is putting small doses of cyanide in my ice water and every time I drink it I die a little. But the ease at which I feel dehydrated is so overwhelming that I keep drinking and drinking and DYING.

And yes, the dramatics which I am displaying here are also sponsored by this pregnancy. This change of hormones has a calling card which arrives at 4:30 in the morning, 11:15am, 5:00-8:00pm (dinner has been banned in our home--don't even MENTION IT) and if I am not asleep by 9:30pm it drops by at 10:00pm--never late either.

Why am I typing this? Why am I sharing exactly? There is so much suffering in the world and I am complaining about a little pregnancy sickness?

I think it's a cry for help. Not like a stop-by-and-visit me help (because I assure I will not answer the door in my pajama-clad haziness nor will I move off the spot on the couch where I wait out my existence) but a plea for reassurance. Remind me again how humans are worth growing. Tell me about how they can turn out as lovely, Nobel-Peace-prize-winning people capable of life-saving and dream-making. Or help me remember the pink furriness of the skin on a fresh newborn. How their poop doesn't really start smelling until you introduce solids. Remind me of how much I love my own little brown-eyed creations, the very ones I wanted so badly for years. FOR THE LOVE OF PETE LIE TO ME IF YOU HAVE TO.

It all can become so intoxicating I have to stop and remember holding Ever one sunny morning just months after her birth. There was a clear feeling that came into my heart and mind, telling me I would have another baby soon. I remember mentioning the thought to Chup and mentally making a note that I should be prepared. Only now I see that it wasn't really about being prepared but being willing.

I am not cheerful, perky or prepared, but I am willing. I hope that's enough.

'Cause it's all I got.

p.s. I look forward to your aforementioned help. I am lying, I don't look forward to anything. But still help me ok?

Here's a link to the essay in my heart, a Small Sacrifice, by the great Lani B. Whitney who--as always--writes it better than I do.

290 Pieces of Opinion:

«Oldest ‹Older 1 – 200 of 290 Newer› Newest»

Rebekah said...: Dear Courtney: I have some of those lollipops left over that are supposed to help with nausea... (though they didn't do it for me...) happy to mail them your way. Of course you know there IS a light at the end of this most worthy (if upchucking) tunnel. Sorry if it's oversharing, but here's my reassurance: http://www.vimeo.com/13133966; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: About 3 yrs ago I still wanted another baby but my sister was angry & bitter because no babies were coming her way. Instead of praying for Heavenly Father to soften my husband's heart for this baby I desperately wanted I realized that my sister needed this baby more. Guess what? She now has a beautiful 7 month old daughter who nearly killed her (sis bled out) but who is perfect & soft & snuggly & smiles all the time. Was it my baby? I don't know. I do know that I don't long for a baby anymore & my sis & bil are @ peace.

Oh & don't hit me (or feel like it - lol). Just repeating what my dr when I was pregnant & dying w/ my first told me. If you get sick it really "took". This baby must have really "took"!; March 29, 2011
Jenn said...: It will be so worth it. Isn't that what you want to hear? And yet that is what you will feel, later. It's just hard to remember that feeling in the midst of your misery. Is it too much to say, "This too shall pass?" There's not much that others can say to truly comfort you, is there. Just, well, it will be so worth it.
And fyi, my husband and I referred to my pregnancies as often hostile takeovers by parasites. But dang, they became the sweetest babies!; March 29, 2011
Johanna said...: YOU precious lady are oh-so-blessed. Even through you feeling sick, tired, weary, horrible and anti the world.

If I lived near you I would totally drop off a treat, probably not an edible one but perhaps a free babysitting voucher coupled with a whole house clean and clean sheets to nestle in.

I hope you feel cheered up in your spirit as a new day dawns.

Much love; March 29, 2011
Charis said...: So sorry that you're having a rough time this go 'round!
Yes, it will absolutely be worth it. Just think back on when you were praying unceasingly for life to stir within you - even this sickness would have been welcome, no?
And in a scant few months (no matter how long it SEEMS, it won't go much longer than 9 months total, so take solace in that,) you'll have a brand new sweet, wide-eyed, warm bundle to snuggle and coo over.
On another note, peppermint tea will help settle your stomach, if you didn't know already. Don't boil the water - that heat kills the medicinal properties of the peppermint. Steep for 5-10 minutes, sweeten with a spoonful of honey, and sip.
Been known to work wonders, safe for pregnancy as well - and it may not work, but it's certainly worth a try. Even if it comes back up, it'll be minty :)
Good luck! Just said a little prayer for your comfort.; March 29, 2011
Alicen said...: All I can say is I REMEMBER! Third pregnancies are doozies. (As i'm sure fourth, fifth, et cetera are). And yes...the mismatching of colors is almost unbearable. Hang in there. IT IS WORTH IT!! (By the way, I wish I would have better documented how hard "morning sickness" was...I'd like my kids to know what I gave for them to be here, so I think it's great that you're telling it like it is). You have a lot of people rooting for you. You can do it!!!!; March 29, 2011
Mom said...: Oh it is so worth it! Twelve times worth it! There is nothing like holding that new little life in your arms and knowing that you played even the tiniest part in the making. Then all the puking and the late night trips to the potty, and even the stinky diapers are worth it. Don't ever stop because you think it might not be. I always wanted 10 kids, but these last two are so amazing! My two-year-old actually potty trained himself while I was dealing with my little one who was born a month early. It is the most important thing you can ever do! And you ARE doing it! Bless you! Hang in there...your sacrifice is no small thing. But it will be definitely be worth it.
Hugs,
Sandy
www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com; March 29, 2011
Azúcar said...: It is worth it because at some point you stop being sick and they start smiling at you.

I think.

I mean, I'm trying to remember.

They're worth it. Pretty sure.; March 29, 2011
UK Yankee said...: It is absolutely worth it. It's terrible now, but in a few months it won't even be remembered and you'll be snuggling with your newest little miracle.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Think of how a baby's breath smells....love it. So sweet, really I love it. You are running to the toilet aren't you? Sorry.

Dang I really wanted to make you feel better! Okay I will try again....I got nothin'....except maybe imaging you are cooking hamburgers for all three of your kids, and they look up and say "thanks mom". Toilet again?

Hang in there! This kid is one lucky duck, to have you for a mom! Oh I know, think about how cute the palm of a newborn is, have you ever really looked? Amazingly cute, wrinkled and squuishy, yeah think of that. Sidenote, pretty sure its a girl in there!; March 29, 2011
dallinscloset said...: I am right there with you babe...been having visions of a diva fetus throwing back the humble food offerings I give. *insert evil laugh here*
I am just getting through the day....albeit today is the last day my family will have clean underwear....just where are those psychic visiting teachers when you need them? Not that I want anyone to see my disgusting home at the moment. Atleast it is conference this weekend. Last Sunday I peed my pants while puking in the church restroom. Man those bathrooms are clean...; March 29, 2011
Kevin and Natali McKee said...: Suck on a little piece of candy cane(Mini peppermint) all throughout the day. I have on going pregnancy sickness and I discovered this with my 4th. It helps me hold things down. Sometimes I would eat half my breakfast, suck on the candy cane because I could feel it coming, hold it off, finish the breakfast and have it right there and ready to go again.; March 29, 2011
mellmo said...: Oh my goodness.... I'm sorry you don't feel good with this pregnancy. I promise your days will get better. It might not all go away during the pregnancy but once you start feeling him or her move around you will know it is all worth it! :) Praying for your sanity on the rough days... Try to stay hydrated. I think I lived off of Otter Pops during my pregnancies that and Ginger beer from Trader Joes but water down with lots of ice. But don't smell it, its too strong. It's not "beer" its just what they call it!
Sorry for your yucky days.
Hang in there...; March 29, 2011
Marie Photographie said...: You are such a brilliant writer and I adore you! I'm sorry you have been feeling like death. I don't know what to tell you except that I know it will be worth it...daydream about how he/she will sleep on your chest. I always loved that about newborns. Hugs.; March 29, 2011
Lisa said...: Cjane, look to your left. There'a a beautiful toddler. Now look at me: no kids yet. Look to your right: a handsome baby-girl. Now look back at me: still no kids. Look to your left again: a mini-chup and (probably) future rocket-pilot. Now look back at me: childless as ever. Look to your right again: an angel with bambi-eyes, waiting to break thousand hearts and probably find the cure for cancer. Now look back at me: no, I'm not barfing. But I would change places with you right now :); March 29, 2011
Gentry Gang said...: I have 5 children. All brought into this world through C-Section. Everytime I come near the end of my pregnancy, I start freaking out about getting cut open- again. Literally, cut open! So when I think about maybe adding more and getting cut open... again, I think about how our children are truly the one thing you get to take to heaven with you. And you get to go to heaven as best friends, like a little clique, because you were part of the same family. I don't know if this will help. But it's what I think about. I hope your symptoms subside soon, and be sure to save this post for your little babe, he/she doesn't know it yet, but this baby owes you!; March 29, 2011
Bass Family said...: oh my goodness i feel your pain. Of course i only have had one pregnancy, but the whole time i felt like dying or killing someone. Especially those people who claim that pregnant women "glow". those people still irk me. But remember the first time the Chief or Ever giggled at you? My little guy did that for the first time the other day. and while getting to that point will probably feel like an eternity, when it does come you will feel that maybe being pregnant wasn't so bad. in the mean time i advise lots of chocolate and long soaks in the tub.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Well, when you said you had decided to wean Ever, we all knew what it meant, and someone mentioned it in a comment, I think.; March 29, 2011
Butlers said...: "This too will pass". That's the thought that came to mind. I have 5 children and didn't get sick until my last. I mean, I had the "want to barf but can't" feelings, but not like with my daughter. I was sick the entire pregnancy. People say ginger....they say lots of things.
I say....IF the sickness is unbearable, tell your doctor and get on the strong stuff. Not the lame...give it to everyone stuff....the GOOOOD stuff. He/she will know what I am talking about. But....at the end of all of it, you will have this sweet little spirit that will make you forget all of it, except you have this blog to remind you. This sweet spirit is going to be a strong one, just like you. Respect and appreciate their will to be born. Sounds like a girl to me. xo; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Oh dear poor cjane
i feel my saliva glands working overtime reading your blog. that green around the gills feeling is never to far away for me either.
Hang in there honey. That little cherub wrapped like a burttito shall be in your arms and in you lives in just a few more bafty barky months and you shall be YOU again. !!! You CAN do it and it is soooooooooooooo worth the puke and pain x love from New Zealand; March 29, 2011
Tara said...: I have four babies. My third pregnancy was beyond awful, like 75 pounds of weight gain, bedrest, gestational diabetes, placenta previa, and edema... awful. Once that sweet baby was born I forgot it all. It was definitely worth it. Hang in there.

{I don't mind your complaining about pregnancy. It's the people who loooooove being pregnant that drive me crazy. Probably because I'm jealous. For me it's nine months of misery}.

People will think I'm crazy with this one, but one thing that helped me to not vomit with number three was to put chocolate chips in my nostrils. I could handle the smell of chocolate, everything else made me barf. Find something you like the smell of and shove into into your nostril. Hope that helps :).; March 29, 2011
Jerusha said...: I don't have any children so can't give you any "the joys of giving life" advice. But... both The Chief and Ever are gorgeous. So, if anything, know you are adding more beauty to the world!

Love from South Africa x; March 29, 2011
Carrot Jello said...: Oooh girrrrl! Inviting people to lie? You are just inviting trouble to your door.
Of course, you won't answer, but trouble will be there.
You know, like when you go to the store or something.
Of course, Chup probably does that.
So he'll have to deal with trouble.
Hope he carries a stick.; March 29, 2011
Bethany said...: I don't know how much an unmet friend on the other side of the ocean can reassure you, but I suspect the following things are more than capable:
- The Chief's hair. Really, I would not be capable of being in the same room as that adorable little guy without rubbing his head. (Fortunately for him, we've never been in the same room. :) )
- Ever's cheeks. She is absolutely snackable as babies go, and I'm pretty sure there's no cyanide there.
- Your husband's hugs. He looks like a world-class hugger, and there is something intoxicating in the thought of creating new life with the man who loves you most.

I'm sorry about the poisoned hormones, and of course there's no such thing as just "a little pregnancy sickness" when that sickness tells you everything is wrong. If everything has to be wrong for a little while so that your sweet baby can be all right, though... then yes, I'd say it's worth it.; March 29, 2011
Kris said...: It is so worth it. Nine months? So short. This son or daughter will be yours for eternity. Having a little baby is so lovely of course, but the best bit about a new child is how the dynamics of your family change. You know all this of course, because you come from a large family. I have 8 children. Five of them are grownups now and I love to see how they interact with each other. How they help each other. I am so glad I gave them each other! I truly believe that their lives are enhanced by having siblings at every stage of their life. If you can do that for your kids, it is a wonderful thing!; March 29, 2011
Linda said...: Oh Ceej I'm so sorry, I'm the top commenter yet I have no idea what you are going through. For baby number 1 I had about 5 minutes of morning sickness and for baby number 2 I only had a week of it. But I do know this, they are just SO WORTH the trouble; ya know?
Maybe you are having twins so that's why you are feeling extra ordinary (get it) this time around? As a twin I can assure you we are worth it too. Here's hoping you come through the tide very soon.
xxx; March 29, 2011
Kim said...: This begs the question - could it be twins?; March 29, 2011
Freckles said...: Where there's a will there's a way. Make this your mantra and hang in there....; March 29, 2011
Jess Frost said...: From one with a very empty womb, don't worry I'm sure you'll start feeling better soon. It's a miracle. I know you are feeling terrible and my comments probably won't do much to make you feel better so... I say, do whatever you need to make you feel like you can get through it - whinge, moan, complain, cry and eat whatever you can stomach. I've been told dry crackers and herbal tea is best. Hoping you are feeling much better soon! Lots of love from Australia xx; March 29, 2011
ClaireM said...: I was sitting in my office today having an anixiety attack about my job, wishing that I had the luxury of being a stay at home mum. Thanks for the reminder that life can be tough no matter what the situation. It will get better, for both of us.; March 29, 2011
The Rose Family said...: Oh my goodness, girly. You are having a rough time, no? Well, let me assure you, as one former-infertile-now-mom-of-two to another, it is worth it. And as someone who once wished I just hurry up and miscarry again so the puking would finally stop-- that moment when a real live perfect little human comes out of you-- well, that's worth the gallons of puke you've endured (and the gallons of puke you've yet to endure from said perfect little human). I'm thinking of you (even though you don't know me!) :); March 29, 2011
Lissa said...: You make babies with such kissable cheeks, ahh bliss. From a mom whose babies have very kissable cheeks also and is craving one and trying to decide if I can do it one more time:); March 29, 2011
Cheryl said...: Not fun feeling that way, I know. But, oh, the sheer joy that awaits you on the other side!; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Well.

I'm sorry that you're struggling. I really am.

But there is a part of me that wants to tell you to suck it up. That's the part of me that's going through my own struggle with infertility.

Courtney. I come here because you made it. You survived living in UTAH of all places the Holy Land of big families and fertile women. You survived 5 years of infertility and you managed to have fun while you did it. And then, THEN, you managed to have 2 beautiful babies in 3 years!

I know it's hard. I have my one, my one that might be the only one I get to have. So I'm not without sympathy, but please, please, for all of us other women out there who want babies and can't necessarily have them, please pick yourself up off the mat.

Please at least just be grateful that your body can do this and WILL do this. Please see it for the gift that it is, for if I have learned anything about infertility it's that babies come from Heavenly Father.

Please, I need you to try.; March 29, 2011
Lindsay said...: A few (9 at the most!) hard months of trial and they're yours for eternity. Hang in there!; March 29, 2011
The Alvords said...: Oh how worth it they are! Every time I hold my fresh bundle I can't wait to do it all again. I watched a woman give birth on TV the other night and turned to my husband proclaiming the excitement I felt to deliver a child again. He thought I was freaking nuts, and said so. I think Heavenly Father makes us forget the suffering we go through to get these sweet babies here, just so we will be willing to do it over, and over, and over again. Think of the soft newborn smell (wait, don't- that might make you sicker), how that child will rely solely on you for their survival, the cuddle time, nursing, wet kisses, smiles, coos, giggles, the pure and perfect love your whole being will feel for them. They are worth it!; March 29, 2011
The Renee Chronicles said...: My bestie called me once in tears stating that she had released the mustard bomb in the house with all four kids the dog two cats and 5 fish. I have nothing inspirational to offer but I will send healthy vibes through the interwebs for your well being.; March 29, 2011
Butternutsage said...: oh my goodness Courtney...I only have two children and never used birth control but, God was good and knew I could not do the sickenss think for one more nine month period. So, my advice to you is He never gives us more than we can handle! So you will come through this with yet another lovely, round, beautiful brown eyed cutie! When that bundle is in your arms for that very first time you will forget all of this, or at least remember that it was all worth it! YIKES! I am so sorry you feel so barfy right now however.....Donna from Massachusetts; March 29, 2011
lindsey.articolo said...: I cannot help you. I am 34 weeks with twins and ready to hang myself from the nearest tree.

Are you sure there's only one in there? You sound just like I did at the beginning of this one.; March 29, 2011
Alison said...: They are so worth every vomit-stretchmark-can't breath-can't sleep moment! Until they hit 9 years old. Then, not so worth it for the next 2 or 3 or 4 years. Then, worth it again!; March 29, 2011
Robin said...: I can't believe there isn't one piece of advice yet on your blog. I don't have any. But, just wanted to say that Heavenly Father loves you and knows your pain. I know you know that, but sometimes it is good to read it.

Your readers love you too and we empathize even though we can't help. Or, at least I can't. I had the same thing happen when I was pregnant. I just kept looking at the light at the end of the tunnel and as my husband would say... "this too, shall end!".; March 29, 2011
Nicole said...: bleh, I know how you feel. I am eight weeks prego right now and most days I just want to die. My poor one-year-old has probably felt pretty neglected, but some days I really just can't do anything! I just have to keep saying to myself "this too shall pass. And then you'll have a cute, cuddly baby to hold and love." So, yeah maybe it is worth all the suffering :o); March 29, 2011
Frumptastic said...: It is totally worth it, my dear. You have already made it through two treacherous pregnancies and you can totally make it through this one! Even with the puking and exhaustion, it is so worth it to experience the cuddles and coos and smiles and sweetness and that perfect baby smell!

And then they become teenagers and you're totally screwed. Kidding. Sort of. :D; March 29, 2011
jamieg said...: You will survive this time! I'm 22 weeks pregnant with twins, and this time I thought was going to die too (almost literally...in for fluids twice, etc). I grouched to my husband every night that there was a smell coming from our kitchen sink and bathroom. I couldn't even enter those rooms. I couldn't feed my 3 year old son, he grew up so much because he had to fend for himself. The vomiting didn't provide the same relief it did the last two pregnancies either. But, now I'm over the 'hump' of nausea and starting to get SO excited for these new lives we're waiting for. Newborns smell so good, they make that little noise with their mouths, they stretch their arms but when you pick them up leave their little legs hunched up. They are warm and pink. Their lips are the most beautiful things in the whole world. We play the game of brown eyes (mine...none yet) or blue eyes (both of our other kids so far). Seeing your "big kids" grow and gain confidence in their new roles as big brother and sister is amazing. Finding teeny, tiny onesies that fall out of the wash pile. Snuggling and nursing and seeing their big eyes stare at you with all the trust in the world. The feelings you're having now are temporary. The love lasts forever. YOU WILL SURVIVE, THIS TOO SHALL PASS!; March 29, 2011
Kate said...: I've never been able to get pregnant. I am so jealous that you're feeling sick while pregnant with your 3rd child. Just keep picturing that precious little baby that you'll get at the end of it all. Hugs.; March 29, 2011
Lauren said...: Oh my! That is just awful. Okay go look at Ever's little tiniest onsies. Or that cutest little poofy dress you photographed her in. Think of that wonderful newborn smell. The first giggle. The first smile, in their sleep. The first real smile. Embarrassingly loud flatulence only newborns can get away with. The way they grip your little finger for life.

You are fulfilling the measure of your creation. It's the best.; March 29, 2011
Lisa said...: Ah, my heart goes out to you. I got a bit queasy just reading this. Look forward to that moment when it's over and your freshly born babe lays in your arms. And then you know. Totally worth it. Until then, remember that this, too, is a season of it's own. Do what you can and ignore the rest.

I spent seven weeks raising two littles from my bed in the last trimester with my third. At the time -agony. Looking back - sweet memories of days when I had everything I needed right with me in that small room. And now that they are all scattered over the country, there are days when I would almost - ALMOST! - do it again just to have those moments back.; March 29, 2011
Kelli said...: Could you be having twins?? Because you described exactly how I felt when pregnant with our twins. It was completely different than my other single pregnancies and it was MISERABLE. I so understand.

But yes, it is all worth it. Even now, in the midst of newborn sleeplessness with baby #4, I can assure you it is completely and totally worth it. Nothing compares to that tiny, pink, yummy smelling little person that wholly depends on you. Nothing.

And maybe... twins? :); March 29, 2011
Today's Gift said...: They are worth it because some people can't have them so enjoy them while you can.; March 29, 2011
Rose said...: I'm so sorry you are having a hard pregnancy. I had my fourth child at 39 years of age...he'll be two this November. Fortunately, I've had the pleasure of having easy pregnancies. First two were vaginal, and the last two were by C-section. Although I wasn't very pukey, I had major sciatica. It was terrible. The older you get, the harder it is on your body to bring children into this world. In the end, it's totally worth it!!

I have a friend named Casey. She suffered from Hyperemesis gravidarum with her first child. It was so severe that she overdosed on prescription medication when she was seven months into her pregnancy. She has opened up many doors with her depression and her overdose to many throughout the world. Almost six years later, she is now expecting her second daughter in April. Her morning sickness isn't as severe and she is a trooper! If she made it through that, you can make it through your third pregnancy.

If you want to read about Casey, her URL is Mooshinindy.com

I wish you the very best in your pregnancy. Just try to do things that will get your mind off of it.

P.S. Although I had bad sciatica, I still went to the temple twice a week when I lived in Salt Lake. I now live in New Jersey and wish I could attend more than once a month! I'll tell you it took my mind off the pain real fast!

Take good care and thank you for the link on the story of babies in Segullah. I love their magazine. I can't wait to read more.; March 29, 2011
Lisa - The WagonMaster said...: Here's a reminder from someone who wants to be married...but isn't. Would love to have children....but can't. Is living her life as a family of one, when she'd prefer a family of 18. Okay, maybe not 18, but still...one? Bah.

Anyway, a reminder to you that you want this! You 've always wanted a family! Remember how you begged and pled to have a baby? Now's your turn! Enjoy it! For all those who can't and want to, but mostly for yourself and Chup.

Before long, you'll be trying to eat that little babe smothered in garlic and onions.; March 29, 2011
Caroline of Salsa Pie said...: Oh Cjane- I hope the nausea subsides soon! I remember that feeling all to well.
It always helped me to not only think about the snuggly beautiful baby growing inside me, but also of all the UNTOLD potential in the human life inside me. Another life, another person, another future. It's amazing, really.

Sending love in your direction. xo; March 29, 2011
Beth said...: Dear C Jane,
I too suffer from what I like to call pre-partum depression. I get insanely sick, everything seems gloomy, basically I want to curl up in bed and die.
Yet I have 4 children very close together. Am I a glutton for punishment? Maybe. I think it is because they bring something to my life that is like nothing else. They are amazing. My last pregnancy was the worst. I would throw up apprx 12 times a day for 6 months. I had to get an IV. But Little V is just heaven. I tell her she was worth every throw up. And it is true. Good luck! It seems like it last forever but you'll soon be cursing during labor!; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: I think this might help. I wrote it not long ago, and it seems to apply to you today.; March 29, 2011
Rebecca said...: Sounds like twins to me!; March 29, 2011
vanessa said...: This pregnancy has been hello jello (it's ok to curse when you say it like that) and I find myself saying these things to myself all the time. Then I go try to find a family or friend's baby to cuddle. It helps a bit. But I just think that (any day now...please any day now) she will come out, I will hold her. And I will remember. And hello jello it has been a long long wait.

It was nice to see you at UV Magazine, you look beautiful even though I know you don't feel well.; March 29, 2011
MommyMert said...: Baby number 3 was the hardest for me... the fog settled in and it was hard to see the light in anything. She is 6 months old now, and I am not lying... ALL WORTH IT! The smell of her skin, the cooing at 4 am, all of it lovely. Be tough! You are doing something amazing!; March 29, 2011
Emma Jo said...: One word. Zofran. It makes it possible for me to exist when I am pregnant.
Also, it IS worth it. But you totally already know all that.; March 29, 2011
carblemarble said...: Remember the heart ache of thinking you may never get to experience the joy of being a mother. Then remember the absolute joy of finding that it was FINALLY your turn. Lastly, remember the moments of snuggling your newborn, the feel of their soft skin, gazing into their eyes knowing that they know who you are, the first time they smile, grab your finger, laugh, tell you they love you... Remember to forget the pain and know that it is worth it.

This is how I survived.; March 29, 2011
homa said...: With my two daughters, I had morning sicknes for four months. With my son, nine. My husband would come home and I would hand him our first-born as I headed to bed. I was afraid my daughter would never be potty-trained as all she seemed to see me do was throw up into the commode. Pregnancy and I did not go well together. However I had very easy deliveries and feel deeply in love with each child. Even now 33 years after my first child, I can still recall being swept away by that love. All the good things of a new baby await you.; March 29, 2011
Amy said...: The moment when they're out of your belly and you finally want to eat. Cheeseburger and milkshake. When they run into your arms and yell "HIIIIII!" when they become toddlers. When they are the only ones on the planet who think you are the most beautiful, perfect, funny, snuggly person on the planet ever in existence. Until they turn into teenagers, of course.; March 29, 2011
Amanda said...: Courtney Jane! YOU CAN DO THIS! (*cartwheel, cheer, clap, clap*) Despite what your body is telling you right now, it WAS designed to do just this! Focus on meeting that sweet new little face, on all of that energy that is being sucked from you to be so nobly used to GROW that sweet little one. And rest. And bide your time. I know your Chup is taking good care of you. This to shall pass.; March 29, 2011
Shauntel said...: I am pregnant with my second, and although the first wasn't a party, this one started out - and continued for months - miserably. I was just as you describe. I felt horrible, and I hated it.

At a mid pregnancy doctor's visit, she noticed my weight was increasing too quickly. She suggested eliminating sweet treats (practically torture at first) and amping up the protein in my life. She also suggested switching to brown foods (rice, bread, etc.) and lots of veggies and fruit.

I did it, and I'm a new woman quite literally. I'm not a mean, crazy, throwing up pregnant lady. I'm just normal and happy and actually able to function on a daily basis.

I don't know if it's the new food, but I'll take it. And suddenly the prospect of having additional children is okay (whereas before I was pretty sure two was it).

Good luck!

P.S. Remember that feeling when their eyes first find yours? :); March 29, 2011
Mom said...: Oh, you dear, dear girl! I'm not really your Mom but I'm not savvy enough to change my identity (could I be a superhero in disguise?) You never know! IT IS DEFINITELY ALL WORTH IT!!! Here as I sit with 6 + 2 coming in a few months grandchildren, looking back on five pregnancies and the absolute uckiness you are now experiencing, wishing I had remembered every minute more vividly (well, maybe not EVERY minute) but you get my drift. And I am not lying nor embellishing. You are doing a great, GREAT thing and your children will call you blessed. Patty Smith (My greatest joy is that I know my children walk in truth); March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: He never said it would be easy...He only said it would be worth it. :o); March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: They're so worth it! The little grunts, the smiles in their sleep, the wanting so desperately to please this little stranger and make them love you half as much as you love them (and they will!). Hang in there CJane! By the way I had a premonition, I feel it's a boy. The Chief needs a brother I say. Grow that little seed well, he or she will thank you with soft skin and gummy smiles!; March 29, 2011
Heidi said...: I won't lie - as you already know, pregnancy is so, so hard. The physical toll can just wear down all of your emotional reserves and leave you unable to cope with things that in the past wouldn't even give you pause. I've had crazy, stressful, complicated, high risk pregnancies (plus the general fun of relentless vomiting that first trimester, and migraines!) I've spent months of my life on bedrest trying to keep babies in when they wanted to come too early (and one did decide to burst forth upon the world 17 weeks premature.) And yet when they are here, and warm and squishy and sweet and finally safely in your arms? That moment makes all of the trials worth it. But you already know that, too. :)

My sweet littlest is almost 6 months old and it makes my heart ache to see how fast the time has flown. The pregnancy itself felt eternal, the time since has gone too quickly. She's our 6th baby, and each pregnancy has continued to knock me down with the miracle of it all. (Well, and the morning sickness knocked me down, too!)

Hang in there!!!; March 29, 2011
HeidiAnn said...: Willingness is all you need :) One day, this will just be a story you tell this child about how Mommy was crazy sick when she was carrying you, and you won't be living through it anymore. I have about 6 1/2 weeks left in my pregnancy. I fully relate to the hormonal inner-rebellion (mutiny?) that surfaces and invades your mind, your life and your family. You're a champ-growing a human takes strength and courage. So, so much love to you!; March 29, 2011
Madeleine said...: Toutes mes pensées sont avec toi. I really feel for you. I was very nausious in all four pregnancies, increasingly so, it seemed. I just tried to hang in there. It did seem less bad when I did stay minimally active during the day. A friend read that nausea during pregnancy might be caused by blood sugar droping more easily. It did make sense to me so I tried to eat tiny bits throughout the day to keep my sugar levels up. I also tried to get out and get fresh air and exercise everyday, even when I felt to tired to even get out of bed. I just tried to silence the voice in my head telling me I was too tired, too sick, too pregnant, and had faith. And I always felt better after a walk, or after cycling, or after swimming. Nothing super exhausting.

Of course, once my babies came into the world, it all seemed worth it... But, gee, I really wish it were easier! And I sure am not doing it again!

Hang in there!; March 29, 2011
McEngland like the McCountry said...: It does get better but when you're in the throws of first trimester misery it does, indeed, feel like it will last FOREVER and that you'll never ever feel good again. When you reach week 16 you'll look back and think "Gosh, that didn't last too long". Then, when you feel that tiny first flutter, the good reality will set in.

Here's what helped me with the barfy. Sipping ice cold purple grape juice over LOTS of ice (you can add a splash of club soda to make it a fancy mock-tail). Lots of salads and watery fruits and veggies (like cucumber and watermelon) and the like.

I'm praying it gets better for you.; March 29, 2011
Wendy said...: Yes...OH so worth it!!! My little advice to probably add with the hundreds you will get today is to go back and look at some of your infertility posts. That would help me for sure. Hang in there. I will definitely say a prayer for you today.; March 29, 2011
Steph said...: the first smile, the sleepy snuggling for the first few weeks of life, the little sleep-squeaks, the first time you lock eyes, how people become almost reverent around them, tiny toes, skinny folded up legs, yawns, hiccups, sighs, newborn sized diapers, and knowing that they are yours forever.

Keep it up - you're almost there (I actually have no idea how far along you are)!; March 29, 2011
Ummi said...: Hi cjane..all the way from Brunei (the other side of the world) and just want you to remember that if u stress on everything around u,the baby may also be stressed and arnd here,ppl had always said 'how u act,think,say,eat,drink,etc,the baby will build everything into its/her/his personality'. Eg. My mom loved eating steak when she was pregnant with my brother n up till now,that's the 1st dish he would eat even if u put a gazillion different dishes on the table. But myb this is just a superstitious thing. However,u could think abt it when ur bored looking through ur window. tkcr sweetie..; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: I guess this means you won't be going to Africa? pooh. pun intended.

miso soup. that always does the trick for nausea. :); March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Just read this. When you're feeling down, read it again.; March 29, 2011
Elisabeth said...: I really, really feel for you and sympathize deeply with you. I do remember laying on the couch for a few weeks last time wishing I was dead. I remember being so sick and exhausted on Christmas day I couldn't eat anything and had to go collapse for 3 hours. I remember feeling like there was literally lead in my bones and I couldn't get up if it was a matter of life and death. For me though, the worst is the last month or two since I get ridiculously huge and am in constant pain because of my hugeness! And then I will say that afterwards is usually not much of a picnic for me either since I tend to have huge babies. Let's face it- it's just hard! BUT it has been worth it although don't ask me to repeat that on one of my teenager's more obnoxious days!!
I hope it gets better soon. It is worth it- but that doesn't make it any easier! Hopefully it will end sooner this time. Your kids are so adorable and three is a great number!; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: wow being pregnant sounds horrible! Have you ever considered adoption?; March 29, 2011
Chrissy Jo said...: What you just described sounds soooooo familiar to me. With all three of my pregnancies I felt like death to some extent practically the entire time. Yet after each one came out I couldn't IMAGINE life without them. My husband and I thought for sure that number three would be the last, but as I cuddled that precious little angel baby in my arms just minutes after she was born I KNEW that she was not the last one. That doesn't mean I'm hopping on board that sickness train any time soon, but I know there will be another one and I will likely feel like death for 9 months all over again... but it's worth it. Those tiny humans are oh so worth it.

I pray you feel better soon, my friend. (Is it weird that I call you "my friend"? You don't know me, but I feel like we've been hanging out on a regular basis for the last three years. What can I say? I love your blog.); March 29, 2011
As Lovers Go said...: I know it can be hard to feel grateful in times of sickness but please, feel it! I want more babies and have nothing but a sad empty womb.; March 29, 2011
Nellie said...: Ohh, congratulations and wishing you a pregnancy that changes from barfiness to happiness. I remember being there and especially the personality change - oh boy I was very vocal about everything which when I'm not pregnant very rarely comes out. :)

Try lemonheads candy (or any type of lemon tart candy) to ward off the nausea.; March 29, 2011
marnee said...: This is the opportunity for Chup (although he appears, by every account, to be incredible already) to show you, once again how appreciative he is for you. Allow the waiting on hand, and foot (and nemesis basin) to roll on uninterrupted. One day, you will be well again and waiting on them all.

Think of Chup as being Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility, feverishly waiting for something to do for you while you are suffering. Give him an occupation, lest he go mad (because one of you in the house - in that state- is enough).

That's all I've got.
Unless you watch Asian drama, where they raise their fist and say, "fighting" (to give themselves courage).; March 29, 2011
jadell said...: this too shall pass. You are a strong and capable woman who loves being a mother. From one momma to another, you CAN DO THIS.; March 29, 2011
April said...: Ugh!! Perfect description of that awfulness that is morning (liars) sickness! I really thought I almost passed away with my last one. Between the all day hurling, iv's from dehydration, and migrains without medication, it was really easy to forget that it was worth it. But I can tell you that my little man is now 5 weeks old, and it really truly was worth every miserable second. Even though he is a colicky mess, and keeps me up alllll night long, I think I will do it again one day. God had a plan. Truly. How did he bless/curse us with this forgetfulness of procreating? Honestly!; March 29, 2011
2busy said...: Your pregnant, your pregnant! When did that happen? I must have missed something. It'll pass, and soon you will be holding that precious babe in your arms. Hang in there and congratulations!; March 29, 2011
sherrie said...: I'm so glad I'm not you...because I HAVE BEEN YOU. Four times. Four times?! Only because nothing in my life as ever been so worth every sacrifice. You're being refined - even as you sit on that couch. I'M SURE. And it stinks (literally - like barf).; March 29, 2011
Jenny said...: Growing people super hard work!! I think early pregnancy especially sucks with small children under-foot. Maybe it's nature's way of shouting "you're gonna have to carve out time for this new little one, better start making childcare plans now aka send the kids Daddy for that!" I cannot imagine how physically mentally challenging it is to do this so soon after your last baby. You must feel so drained. Hang in there Mama!; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: I think your post about Piper Jane crashed Reagan's blob :( If you have a way to contact her, please tell her that Albany is constantly graded one of America's "Most Liveable Cities". They'd be okay up here in the North!; March 29, 2011
Erin L said...: One of the most wonderful thing about pregnancy is that it ends. And with the end you get a chubby little pink thing that you can squish.; March 29, 2011
Jarom & Corinne said...: This is the first time I have left a comment on your blog, love it by the way. The only thing that would make the nasuesness go away for me was the sea sick wrist bands that people wear on cruses. You can buy them at Walgreens or even walmart. I wore them 24/7. Hope that helps and if not just remember my favorite saying "This to shall pass" haha, that probably not a comfort but its true!!!; March 29, 2011
Beth said...: The little humans are definitely worth it!!!! I love how honest you are!!

I certainly hope you get to feeling better soon and can enjoy the time before you are outnumbered by the little people!!!!; March 29, 2011
Sweetest Of All said...: I found out in the middle of last year, that I would not be able to have more children.

Except their had been a dream in my mind, of a little girl named Harley just waiting for a space in our family.

She haunts me now. Many things haunt me now.

But were it possible, I'd go through nine months of sheer hell just to smell her sweet little fuzzy head wrapped in my longing arms. I would suffer food to be passed hopefully in and helplessly out, for two hundred and seventy days to watch her toddling steps for the first time. I'd even do it to hear snarky 'no mama' when she takes her independence sixteen years too soon.

And even though none of what I could say will make your haze go away, you have to just tell yourself that you are in it. And no matter how it tempts your sanity, when you are out...you are out. It will be less easy to remember when a new crazy (three kids) takes over. New crazy is always more interesting than the old crazy. And having difficult dreams is always better than putting away dreams with difficulty.

Hang on CJane.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: You poor, sweet woman, Oh, how I have been where you are now. Remember the first time you speak to a newborn and how they still and lean toward your voice. Remember how beautiful it is when they first say "mama," and how you are all the "mama" they ever need. Think of how much you love your siblings and that you are creating another person your children will cherish. I will send hope that the barfy dissipates quickly. Take care!
Maureen; March 29, 2011
Sarah said...: I really thought I would not survive the first 20 weeks of my third pregnancy. But I made it, and am just far enough now that the worst of the misery is fading and I am feeling like there will be an actual baby at the end of all of this.

So the most I can offer is empathy; it was definitely day-to-day survival for four months or so, and everyone around me suffered (but no one as much as I did, I am convinced!!) It helped a little bit to just tell myself that certain things could not be dealt with in my condition, and ignore them as best I could. I know pregnancy is not an "illness", but it can impair you in the same way that a serious illness would, so cut yourself some slack.; March 29, 2011
lynette said...: you're right, willingness is what it takes. or, at least that might be all you have to give right now.

i've walked in your shoes (for nine LONG months--three times over) and it isn't fun. in fact, it's sheer torture at times. i'm sorry you are suffering.

during my last pregnancy i was attacked by an anonymous commenter for being ungrateful and maybe they were right. maybe i was being whiny. and maybe complaining made me a weak person. but for me, immense gratitude didn't emerge from my heart until that tiny baby emerged from my body.

and willingness is what got me there.

sending you my kindest thoughts and hopes for a speedy & less nauseous pregnancy.

p.s. is it just me, or is this post going to generate some awesome comments for your dramatic reading during your best blogging week vlog? i can't wait!; March 29, 2011
Reynolds Family said...: None of my pregnancies were easy. I was on IV's with my first because Zofran was not approved for pregnancy until my second. I'm not sure what provoked me to have 5 children, but I made it through somehow. My Fifth did me in. I passed 7 kidney stones and threw up so much that I didn't gain any weight(and yes, I looked at that as a positive bonus) but the second he was born, it was all worth it, as it always is. He is a gem. Has slept through the night since day one, takes 3-4 hour naps daily and is probably the most darling thing I've ever seen in my entire life. And I've seen a lot of things. Hang in there-let your house go to pot and the tv babysit your littles. It will all be over soon and back to a new normal before you know it.; March 29, 2011
Jenni Coberly said...: Being willing is the MOST important. It's great that you have that!! We are told it will never be easy...but it's always worth it. Hang in there. The smell of a newborn...there's nothing like it.; March 29, 2011
the hatch batch said...: Pregnancy is rough. I can only say that I envy you, even in your "so sick I want to die" situation, having just recently lost a pregnancy myself. What makes it all worth it for me are the sweet things that happen all around me like finding paper my oldest had written to her little brother saying that she 'rilly luvs him' and 'your my best bruther' or moments when that sweet little boy wraps his arms around my neck and sings 'You are My Sunshine' while gazing adoringly at me. Most magical of all is remembering the sweet moment right after birth when they lay my babies on me and I get to meet them face to face for the first time. Magic. I cry every single time.; March 29, 2011
the hatch batch said...: Also, my midwife gave me a bucket-load of alcohol wipes to help deal with my nausea. Rip one open, take a sniff, and it's like a reset button, all the nausea goes away. Don't know why it works, just glad it does!; March 29, 2011
Steve said...: All that I can say is "Lucky Charms" cereal. It comes up easier!:); March 29, 2011
Becca said...: I just had a baby three weeks ago. It was a difficult pregnancy throughout the whole time. I had to convince myself that I would be myself again. And now I am! And I have a beautiful baby. My favorite is the way he moves, slow yet uncontrolled. I promise you, you will return to yourself and YOU will be YOU again.; March 29, 2011
kiks said...: my morning sickness was wretched!! screw the pops and ginger ale & crackers. I couldn't even hold down water. with all 5 of my pregnancies i swore i'd NEVER be pregnany again. a lot of good that did. :) anyway, im sorta holistic and i think you NEED to try acupuncture. the results were outrageous. i thought i had miscarried cause i felt so well. here in OC it runs $60 a session and it took me 2 sessions per week. most chicks only need it once a week. i think ur a 2 a weeker. good luck!; March 29, 2011
Thelma said...: I'm so sorry you feel awful. I had forgotten about it until I read this post but my oldest was a cheeky one year old when I was pregnant with my second. He'd follow me around and make pretend throw up noises in the toilet as a way to imitate (mock?) me. I'm telling you this because I'd FORGOTTEN. It does get better. They're now 14 and 12 and while they still mock me at times, they're a lot more witty and entertaining about it now.; March 29, 2011
Audrey said...: The third has been the hardest for me so far! I'm 38 weeks and now am in that fun anticipation period.

Also, siblings! My children are a little older than yours (just 6 months or so) and they are just beginning the GREAT sibling friendship. I'm so excited to add another to the mix.

You can do it!; March 29, 2011
Anne said...: I know it sounds hokey, but find someone who can muscle test you and figure out where you are out of balance. I have a friend who was violently ill for her pregnancies until she was muscle tested and found that her liver was out of balance. She started drinking lemon water and using lemon essential oils and has been able to maintain control ever since! I am a skeptic about these kinds of things, but am slowly becoming a believer!; March 29, 2011
Aim said...: I totally know how you feel, I'm 10 weeks pregnant and you described exactly how I feel. This baby is my 5th and it was a big surprise. I was going to be done at 4. I have been having a hard time being excited about this baby but I am willing. I'm hoping that I can get feeling better and then get excited about this baby. I have no words of advice or any miracle cures on how you can feel better. All I can give you is my sympathy because I know what you are going through because I am going through it right now too.; March 29, 2011
Katrissa said...: Courtney, I LOVE reading your blog--you make me laugh, ponder, relate, etc.--though I'm usually a lurker. However, as I languish here on the couch growing baby #5 (and reading blogs because I can't get up and deal with the 1, 3, 5, and 7 year olds who are wreaking havoc!), your words helped me realize I AM NOT ALONE IN MY MISERY! :) It is all worth it, of course - and the misery will be totally forgotten when we hold our sweet newborns. But MAN OH MAN is it rough in the meantime! Remind yourself that nothing worth having is easy, and this is the best thing to have - a new life! As I suffer I keep telling the Lord that I am doing this because I love HIM - growing this little person because HE has asked me to, and vomiting endlessly because He is asking this of me right now. Hang in there - you're in my prayers!; March 29, 2011
Dorean Pope Photography said...: I am right there with you. Baby #3 on the way and the sickest I've ever been. So I commiserate with you from my couch. To make matters worse, my three year old has chosen the last month to test her independence and become an unrecognizable terror. Makes me doubt my parenting abilities (when I gather the strength to think of anything other than my misery). Haha. So no encouragement here, but I feel your pain!; March 29, 2011
Carrie said...: Don't tell my first two children, but the third took the cake for me. I love her unlike I did my first two. She is the perfect baby. She's softer, sweeter, lovelier than anything I have ever experienced. My heart could burst from love for this baby. I've described this to my mom, she agreed, the third was the best (I was her third.. :). Hang in there, so you can know what we know about angel babies coming third.; March 29, 2011
Ummi fan said...: Ummi = brilliant; March 29, 2011
Danae said...: My third pregnancy was also by far the worst of my five. No real reason I know of. I was sick, sick, sick, I hurt, I was moody...by the last few weeks, my husband had to give me almost daily blessings, because I just didn't feel like I was going to make it! But, you WILL make it-- it can't last forever, and then you will have a story to tell that little sweetheart about how much you wanted them here and what you were willing to go through to get them. Good luck-- hope you get feeling better soon!; March 29, 2011
Shari said...: I don't particularly like having newborns (jee thanks for that huh?) but one time that I do enjoy them is that 11pm hour of the night when I'm sitting in the chair nursing...just me and the baby, finally...alone. I love their smell, I love picking the lint out from between their pudgy toes.

So that's something fun to look forward to.

You freaking rock by the way!

(Loved the paragraph about the cyanide ice water. PERFECT description.); March 29, 2011
AmyJane said...: My third pregnancy was THE WORST thing that ever happened ever in a million years. But the baby? She is an angel sent straight from heaven to make me happy every day. And be so, so good and peaceful and happy and calming. Hold on!; March 29, 2011
Laura said...: Oh, it's definitely worth it. Though I know that the first few months make you wonder. But then those months will be gone and you'll have little baby kicks to look forward to, and then the birth, and then the look of wonder in The Chief and Ever's eyes when they see the new little life brought in to your home. And the look in their eyes and their sense of responsibility and protection for their new little sibling will definitely be worth it. Sorry for your illness but so happy for your addition.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: COURTNEY!!! HA!! I LOVED your blog this fine morning!!! It was just two days ago that I sent a text to my mom. It went like this, "Help me c the light!" She didn't get it. But then I read your post today and the light I did see!!! I'm pregnant with my second and I too am sickely by to much noise, sights, thoughts, on and on. I too, needed help remembering that this IS all worth it!!! You are funny and helpful all at the same time!!! Happy day to you!!!; March 29, 2011
Chris said...: My sixth baby was a surprise (albeit a great one) and I was willing, but I wasn't happy about it. In my unhappy, sick state I bought a book called "Pregnancy Sucks" and I enjoyed it. A lot. It'll give you some much needed laughs about what you're going through.

Good luck! My baby is now 6 and I don't know what we would do without her. It was all definitely worth it.; March 29, 2011
Kelley said...: A few months of complete and utter misery is totally worth the lifetime of happiness :); March 29, 2011
Jill said...: New baby smell. Soft baby skin. The first time they hold your finger. Their first smile. The first time you KNOW they recognize you. Baby blankets. Clean onesies. Teeny, tiny diapers. Baby socks....

Say you live to be 90. This is pregnancy number 3 which means 27 months of sickness. Is 27 months of feeling ill worth it out of 1080 months of living? I think yes. It's a small amount of time that goes quickly! All too quickly.

Hang in there!; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Just remember how blessed you are. There are some women like myself who long to experience pregnancy and the joy of having their own children. Enjoy the journey, even when it is barky and barfy. :); March 29, 2011
Molly said...: Aw, hon! I had a zofran pump in place with my daughter, and also took tigan and two acid blockers. I was 13 pounds lighter the day she was born than I was the day I found out I was preggo. It sucks, and remember that suffering is relative - you don't have to feel bad about it because other people also have suffering.

I recommend some Zofran. And possibly a massage. At the very least, a warm bath and a cloth over your face with a drop of mint or sweet orange oil on it - whichever doesn't make you want to urp. xoxoxo; March 29, 2011
Carolee Beckham said...: I honestly can't say that I have experienced all the wonderful reasons why welcoming babies into a home is such a blessing and so fun. I'm only 22 weeks pregnant with my first. But I can say that despite the discomforts which I've experienced thus far, I've learned to focus on the little happy moments that make this journey unforgettable. And I've learned to just push through the moments that I'd rather forget. There's been plenty of barfy moments, plenty of ultimate hunger with no appetite, plenty of other things that, if written, would only be just more preaching to the choir. To see what I've done that has made this growth fun check out: http://blog.caroleebeckham.com/search/label/pregnancy%20update

And keep on smiling. Do you have a full-pregnancy worth of yucky moments? Or will they pass come 2nd and 3rd trimesters?; March 29, 2011
Gail said...: The only thing I can say is, I have been where you are. It was the worst. It did end, but it seemed like it never would (in my case it did not end until the births.) And, I am really glad I had two sets of twins so I only had to go through it 3 times for 5 children. Babies are always worth it!!! Hang in there.; March 29, 2011
Kari said...: I wouldn't normally pull this one out, but you asked for it, and it always sets my friends right.

You could be like me, unable to make your own babies, completely reliant on those in less than favorable situations to decide to give their babies to you. You could be at the mercy of condescending social workers and manipulative birthmothers and state-to-state laws as you run the gauntlet of adoption, waiting years for "the one" to come, preparing your dossier to impress and padding your bank account for rising fees, uncovered medical procedures and expensive unseen x-factors. You could first pass through several heartbreaks--hopes raised and dashed, opportunities promised and withheld, babies handed to you and then taken away. You could wonder, when that baby is finally placed in your arms, if he was properly cared for in his first nine-months or if he was subjected to any and all manner of abuse via smoking or alcohol or hunger or violence and the like. You could wait for months to see if that baby in your arm would in truth be granted to you and allowed to come with you to the temple, or if through legal recourse he would be returned to his first mother.

There is a set time-line for you and your baby. You get to carry him around and be his first and only mother. And when that soft, pink baby emerges from your caring, life-giving body, he will belong to you without doubt. And you want that. You do.

Love you, Miss Courtney. Congratulations on your new muffin and all the best to the Kendrick clan.; March 29, 2011
Kari said...: "Only now I see that it wasn't really about being prepared but being willing.
I am not cheerful, perky or prepared, but I am willing. I hope that's enough."

Just for the record, this spoke to me this morning. In a separate context. Thank you for that.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: I haven't read all the comments so I am sorry if this has already been said. If you feel WAY dehydrated please look into getting IV fluids. I too had all those symptoms of pregnancy with all four of my babies and IV fluids helped so much! It lessened the nausea(for a short time but such a relief) and helped clear my fuzzy head. It was the worst to crave and need water so badly only to throw it up! Pregnancy is so very trying and the greatest blessing. You will get through it! IV fluids, IV fluids, IV fluids!

Jolynn; March 29, 2011
Andrea said...: Well, I guess I'm a wuss, but I say just give in to it. Let yourself feel horrible. It can't last forever. With my second pregnancy, I prayed every day (with the other two, it was only every other day) that I would die (and that was WITH the heavy-duty crazy medicines that I was prescribed), so I'm not much for bucking-up. I felt like there was no way I would survive (and I think my Dr even had his doubts), but I did. And sometimes, THAT is all that matters.

But I would not wish that feeling on anyone, and so I say, good luck!; March 29, 2011
Geo said...: Honey pie, strip existence down to essentials and your will's really the only thing that's yours to offer anyway. If you're putting that on the table, then you bet it's enough. It's plenty. It's everything!

I've been thinking a lot lately about the word privilege and how it relates to working through hard situations, healing tough relationships, and conquering all sorts of troubles. It's a privilege to struggle (though I personally don't go looking for a fight) and claim the rewards when the hell parts have passed. Joy as exquisite as was the pain is a great pattern, once you finally get to that gorgeous joy end of things.

It'll be worth it. It's worth it now. I'm so happy for you that there's one more person to have the privilege of loving and knowing and raising coming to you, and so soon after Ever. You're blessing your children too by ushering another soul in. You're blessing the world. It all sounds so cheesy, but think of all the people who could thank you with all their hearts, if only they knew what (who) was coming into their lives soon.

Baby smiles. Tiny fingernails. Neck nuzzling. Fresh wrinkly skin. Yummy sweetness.; March 29, 2011
Allysha said...: In my book, being willing goes a long, long way. Even though you may still feel crappy. I hate morning sickness, which we know is a misnomer. it's all the time sickness. And, oh my, babies are so worth it. We have five and I'm not sure if we're done, but I'm like you, willing, if that is the plan.
Carry on, sister! D&C 64:33. Sometimes the "small things" is pretending that dinner does not exist.; March 29, 2011
Cheryl said...: Today I woke up in a very GRUMPY mood. Did not want to get up and face the day but the kiddos were awake and needed their Mom. My grouchy mood lasted until my 11 month old woke up. I went in to get him and he grabbed my face and gave me a slobbery open mouthed kiss. I started eating his neck and he gave me the BEST baby belly laugh ever. I had a very difficult pregnancy bringing him into this world (not nausea,but bleeding and pre-eclampsia which led to his 7 week premature birth)...it was worth every miserable/scary moment!; March 29, 2011
Parkside View said...: It wasn't until my fourth pregnancy that someone shared this golden nugget with me:

1/2 tablet of Unisom and a B6 vitamin every evening.

It worked wonders for me, so perhaps it's worth a try.; March 29, 2011
JourneyBeyondSurvival said...: Okay. Delete me block me, do whatever. I've read a few comments that make me want to scream. I know they are coming from an honest place. I'm putting myself out there because it needs to be said, and I swore I would ALWAYS put it out there if I heard the possibility someone else suffering from it.

I suffered through three antenatal depressions. The first time I tried to get help for it, I was told to go take a hike. They thought I was faking. So, I sucked it up. It then took the form of horrible excruciating nausea which got me very little support except from my darling husband.

Yes. You can blow me off if you wish. But if the soul sucking blackness is becoming inexplicable and consuming please give it a name. Don't let people tell you that everyone is depressed while experiencing morning sickness. Don't let the people desperately wanting a child berate you for not being grateful.

THAT is insane. You are a good mom. YOu are a wonderful wife. You are a fantastic blogger. Please. Consider a therapist/medication/all of the above. It robs your entire life to have you mentally circling the toilet on top of growing a [bloodsucking parasitic] beautiful baby.

last of all, email me at journey.beyond.survival at gmail.com and I will never say a word. I promise. You can just dump and dump and dump. If there's nothing else you can do, please reach out to someone.; March 29, 2011
Lisa said...: An odd suggestion. Recently, I suffered from toxic mold poisoning. The only thing that made the nausea go away was laughter. No joke. It had some form of physiologically mechanism that turned it off. I had my friends email me..and tell me funny stories...(through emails/Face book)...I would read them from my horizontal position. I've been an RN for 21 years...I've never heard of this. I have heard of all kinds of methods..but never this. I discovered it one day...when I was particularly sick...I read something funny...BAM...it went away. Worth a shot. (PS..I am sure you know by now...nausea=good strong pregnancy adhering); March 29, 2011
Lisa said...: You are wonderful! In your honesty and vulnerability, and oh, I just relate, relate, relate! I am due any day with Cherub #5 and am, in fact, typing this from my prone, bedrest state. But, I appreciate you painting the picture of this human-growing process. Pregnancy is the ultimate dichotomy. It is a love/hate relationship. It is terrible and miraculous. Pregnancy and birth can really be like the shadow of the valley of death (is that how it goes?) We birth the souls, and we exclaim, "Yes! I want to do it again!!!" and then we cry for 3 months...

At the end of your post, this scripture came to mind: Doctrine & Covenants 64:34...and, no, I will not make you look it up because that prospect will make you cry. I know. I remember the "Don't make me do anything above the ordinary. And, the ordinary? I don't want to do that either." So, here it is: "Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days." (And, also, I hope the thought of eating the good of the land doesn't make you ill, but you get what I'm saying.)

Your offering and sacrifice does not go unnoticed by the Lord. Though the sacrifice can be painful, excruciating, terrifying, mind-altering, and exhausting, soon enough (but not really soon enough) you will birth another fuzzy, pink baby and as you nuzzle and nurse, you will whisper to your husband, "Honey, I want another one."

And that, my friend, is the miracle.; March 29, 2011
ray-ray says said...: Being pregnant sucks.

And it's nice to know that it sucks for other people, too.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Unisom tablets. 1/2 tab at night awith B6 and 1/2 tab midmorning with B6. Ask your Dr. Mine okayed it and said it is commonly used in pregnancy for nausea and safe. It saved me. Made me a bit drowsy but better than nausea anyday and my body adjusted to drowsiness.
Also zofran is presecribed--my frined took it for uncontrollable nausea and vomiting.
I know many women don't wont to take anything. I admire that I just couldn't do it, I couldn't function and I was a mess with my other kids. I hope you feel better soon. Maybe after the end of the first trimester?; March 29, 2011
marian said...: It is worth it, and I'm so impressed you make it until 9:30 pm , I was in bed at 7:30 last night (12 weeks along with #6 - fun to be had by all).

As my mother in law says, "It came to pass, not to stay"; March 29, 2011
Christine said...: 9 months is such a small part of our eternal existence, and we get so few opportunities to bring life into the world. It's not an everyday occurrence. We are blessed to be able to experience it those few times. Just keep remembering the sweet little moments (and the big ones too) and how powerful and amazing it is to give birth. Remember that you are performing a vital work for a precious child of God, and think of all the loveliness that a child brings to your life.

And keep on praying. We aren't given trials to just be taken out of them when we feel the pain that they bring. We're given trials to learn and grow and be ready for something better to come. Hold on for that "better." You can wait it out. Keep that spot on the couch. It will be ok.

Love to you today. I can't wait to hear more of this child's story.; March 29, 2011
Lori said...: ZOFRAN sister!!! And Pyridox. That stuff, I swore it didn't work and then finally, FINALLY, a nurse told me I had to take it a good week or two before I would see any change. Not a drastic change, but a slightly more bearable, "I can do this" kind of change. ONe that kept the throwing up at bay and helped me at least make it through the day without laying listlessly waiting for death to arrive. Take it faithfully, that little concoction of pyridox. And do get it made up and don't make your own mix....for some reason (and this is verified by the pharmacist) pyridox works better than the homemade variety. Trust me and try this??? From one sicky to another... hang in there! And willing is right...oh I want those babies..but the 9 months of misery? No thanks! XOXOXO YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: This probably isn't the kind of help you were looking for, but here's what I've got:

I have a beautiful, talented, smart, kind, sister in her 30s who, for some major unknown reason is still single. She would love nothing more in the world than to be a mother. She would trade all her career and monetary success for the chance to be a mom. But since she's LDS and not married it isn't even an option for her.

As awful as being pregnant can be, at least it was an option for you.; March 29, 2011
The Atomic Mom said...: Please go to your OBGYN and get some Zofran...it will make all of it better....please, please!; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Tus oraciones de años anteriores fueron escuchadas por tres, te podria decir que eres una mujer tres veces bendecida y tu sabes mucho mas, por que tienes un esposo maravilloso y una gran familia y TU eres una mujer de admirar.
No es facil y te entiendo pero mucho ANIMO, despues de la lluvia sale el SOL.
Con cariño,
JOHANNA DIAZ- Bogotá Colombia.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: As many others have said, Hang in there. Just keep trying and taking it one day at a time. And one day you won't be sick anymore. That will be a glorious day. :)

I also know the wonderful Lani B. Whitney. I love that woman. Thanks for posting her link. It is a beautiful essay.; March 29, 2011
Jen said...: This post reminds me of one I wrote not too long ago. Not sure why exactly, but I feel like I should share anyway.

http://nothingcomesofnothing.blogspot.com/2011/01/this-svithe-is-not-about-fasting.html; March 29, 2011
Alyssa said...: I am 26 weeks and the only advice I can give you is that when your energy slowly returns your life will feel 85 times better. I am still sick, but feel more like myself and that makes all the difference. The hardest part for me has been the feeling of my body betraying me. This is what my body was created for, so why does it fight against it?; March 29, 2011
Maggie May said...: What helped me most was:

1 Sour candy
2 Eating protein every half hour

Hang in there sweetie.; March 29, 2011
Marie Says Yes said...: you can spew all over us and that is A-OK. pregnancy is hard. you already know it will be worth it, so how about ... you are a champion.
sound good? great!; March 29, 2011
Priscila ° said...: I'm 21 years old, the middle child in my family. My younger sister gave my mom the most trouble during her pregnancy, the only C-section out of us 3. But I can safely say, my little sister is one of the most special people in my life. I fully believe she came to our family to bind us together for eternity. And I'm confident that your third baby will do the same for your family. It's just what they do. :); March 29, 2011
Jocelyn said...: Look in your children's eyes. That should be reason enough.; March 29, 2011
Moozoo said...: Try Preggie Pop Drops. You can buy them at Motherhood Maternity. I purchased these for my DIL. Also have you doctor prescribe Zofran for you for the nausea.; March 29, 2011
Gerb said...: I know this is just one comment in a sea of hundreds, but I had to add my words of hope. In a blink that amazing little person in your womb will be a newborn in your arms, then a fascinated toddler. And in no time at all he/she will have developed into an awesome teenager. (Teenagers get such a bad rap! I mostly love them. I think you're going to rock as a mom of teenagers.)

Hang in there!; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: You are doing enough. Waiting it out is a feat in itself... One you should celebrate and be content with. That is what all trials are...teachers. What you have to give IS enough. Your willingness to give place to another little spirit is huge in the Eternal picture.
When I was pregnant and my husband came home and 'casually' asked what I did that day he always got the same answer, "I was making a baby!"
After several babies in too few years you get the picture.
I have never regretted my choice of priorities.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: You're wonderful, Courtney. And you have every right to complain about your misery, despise what you're going through, and sort of wonder if it's really worth it. Heck, I think complaining about pregnancy is therapeutic.
I can honestly say I can empathize. Deeply. My third pregnancy was horrible, but then I had to go and get pregnant a fourth time. There were countless complications and it left behind lasting damage/consequences which I will likely be dealing with for the rest of my life on a daily basis. But it also left behind a much desired, perfect, baby daughter who now guffaws great belly laughs fit for a giant, has a soft little head that smells like what I imagine heaven to smell like, and babbles happily to her pacifier before popping it in her mouth. As much torture as it was and as many problems as it left behind, I would do it again for her. And again. And again. And of course you would do it for yours.
What a bunch of self-sacrificing suckers we women are!; March 29, 2011
Chatty Natty said...: Here's my advice:
Suck it up - you are not alone:)
I'm just glad I'm in the last leg of this marathon and not the first!

Pregnant at 34 is harder and different and i've been doing my fair share of complaining (we all do). But I just learned that my sil that is one month behind me will carry her baby full-term but once born, the baby will die born from anencephaly. I can't imagine.

I will puke my brains out and hurt a million times over because I'm not in her shoes. Sometimes it's all about perspective.; March 29, 2011
Veronica C. said...: Dear Courtney,

Yesterday my little Darcy was fussing on the carpet surrounded by colorful, tempting toys. I stooped down to hold her, and her crying stopped suddenly with a single "Mum!" Then she padded at my cheeks with chubby little hands.

Oh, and she's going to save the world someday, with your newest little one on the way as her partner in...uh...world saving! Lots of love and prayers sent your way.

Veronica; March 29, 2011
Barbara said...: Poisoned. That is exactly the word for it. I feel poisoned too for the whole nine. Toxic, and dying a little each day.

This to me is the most potent analogy of pregnancy: "This is my body, given for you." I woman with a hard pregnancy is bery close to Christ in her sacrifice.

You don't know it, or feel it, of course, because you are busy barfing. But the fruits of labor will come. The race will be won. Another precious eternal soul is in your care, to love and worship God with your family forever.

Good job, you! Now get back into bed.; March 29, 2011
RoaringS said...: Definitely try sea bands. They are elastic wrist bands with a plastic knob that you place just between the tendons on the inside of your wrist - two finger widths from your wrist crease.
I'm 9 weeks pregnant and they are saving my life. It's the only solution I've found that works. I wear them to bed every night and the next day is sooo much better.; March 29, 2011
Robin said...: With each pregnancy my sickness got worse and worse. It's hard to be so sick and not SICK. Life will go on. It will get better. It's worth it. The nightmare is the living in the midst of the sickness. Have mercy on yourself. Feel better.; March 29, 2011
Karon said...: I think I understand how you feel. I wanted to die when I was pregnant with my third. I was so sick physically, but also in a really bad place mentally and emotionally. I'm thankful for the experience because I understand a little more what other women have gone through and I know how tough it can be. My precious third child actually just crawled over and smiled at me and seeing her adorable grin just makes me melt. She is such a joy! She was definitely worth the misery. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Also, I loved this: "Only now I see that it wasn't really about being prepared but being willing. I am not cheerful, perky or prepared, but I am willing. I hope that's enough." I'd never thought about it that way, but I love it. It makes me feel better about the laundry that went undone, the meals that went uncooked and the horribly messy house. I wasn't prepared, but that's okay . . .

You are such a wonderful writer. Thank you for sharing yourself with us even during your misery. Your three children are so lucky to have you as a mom!; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Courtney--I can't believe I'm reading this today. You have echoed every single emotion I am currently feeling. I'm 2 months along with my third too. Nothing stays down. Energy? Gone. Lust for life? Say what?!? Death couldn't really be that much worse, could it???

We'll get through it. We women always do. Hearty stock, we are. After all, there's a reason God has chosen US to handle all of this in the first place!

I TOTALLY feel ya, sister. Let's both hang tight.

HUGS; March 29, 2011
Jaime said...: Phenegren. I had to be on it with both of my pregnancies. I was so sick with my first one that I lost 10 lbs. in one month.

Only one downside to it is that it can make you a little sleepy. But sleepy was better to me than being sick 24/7.

Chin up. :); March 29, 2011
~Lisa said...: Lucky you to be pregnant! I want to have a little one so bad and am fighting infertility. Try to remember when you couldn't get pregnant and you'll be so happy to know that you're pregnant now and already have two kids. :) I know you can do it!!! Just make sure you keep some extra nutella around, just in case-lol. Hugs to you!; March 29, 2011
mattie said...: oh man...i know how you feel. it is hard, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise or make you feel stupid for complaining because that is what you are feeling right now. you know it does end, but i understand that it is hard to see the forest through the trees when you are pregnant!; March 29, 2011
Fresh Hell, Texas said...: You are growing both a new life and your own future; a mother of three.

I had a barky and barfy pregnancy too, after years of infertility (that I did not enjoy...I'm not that good of a person!) I kept myself sane by asking myself one question over and over, "Would you rather be not pregnant and feel great or pregnant and feel like this?" Somehow, it gave me the strength I needed...at least for awhile.

I have my one miracle child but, oh, the resources it took to get to him and then the decade afterward of never conceiving again...my son is in college and I feel mostly content with my life but sometimes those babies that never came make my heart ache. A lot.; March 29, 2011
Jan said...: Oh goodness, so sorry to hear that someone else in this world is sick, too! I am suffering the same self inflicted hardship for the 4th time and wonder daily why I volunteered for all of this, again. All of your emotions and feelings are very justified and sometimes it just feels good to say what you feel but don't really mean!! Modern medicine is miraculous and with Zofran I can at least avoid throwing up all day but I am still constantly shoveling food in my stomach and have no energy or desire to get up and do anything. Maybe at least eliminating that from your list of woes will help? Give it a shot. Other than that, you know the drill. Most days are bad and some are a little better. But it does get better in the end, I promise. :) Hang in there and stay hydrated. :); March 29, 2011
Ashley said...: Remember those mother's days with empty arms? The new babies in the ward that came in droves and you smiled and congratulated the mothers while forcing your fingernails into your palms so they don't see your hurt and frustration at your own situation? then finally, you got that sweet infant in your arms, the smell, the touch, the feelings? That's why. Enjoy every moment of the pain and yuck and dying knowing that you are part of a miracle in co-creating with our God in bringing one of his special spirits to this earth to be loved and cared for and taught our gospel. That ability to be pregnant is a miracle. Enjoy all of it's pains for those of us who can't. Hugs to you children. You are a wonderful woman trusted by God to raise some of his children in the gospel.; March 29, 2011
Janet said...: Well, I am currently in New York with my "firstborn in the Wymount" aka Laura where she has her fourth child, a daughter just 8 days old. And I can say for sure it's worth it! She's sweet and adorable and we all love her.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: I remember when you were consumed with NOT being pregnant and the woes of infertility. Now, hearing you say that death is almost paramount to your THIRD pregnancy, is disappointing to say the least. For those of us who have looked to you as an example of facing the adversity of infertility, this is quite alienating. The irony is that alienation is what brought me here in the first place. But now this is just one more place I don't fit in because I can't get pregnant.
Hope you feel better. I'll pray for you and all of your children and family. Will you pray for me?; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Thank you from the rest of us that don't "feel amazing" and run marathons while pregnant. I SO identify to you right now as I'm at 12 weeks, on 3 different meds and STILL sick. To those telling her to suck it up....shut it. Here's to hoping that the nastiness will alleviate for you! Cheers!; March 29, 2011
Sarah Kate said...: It's 'that girl' , from the dreams. It's kind of... You?! I'm scared and happy. Can't quite imagine your spinny thoughts xx yAy! Indeed, yay!; March 29, 2011
Happy Mom said...: My last pregnancy was the pregnancy from Hades (I can't even type H E double toothpicks!). Although guilt ridden because of it, I simply couldn't help wondering silently, could it really be worth THIS? I didn't dare wonder it aloud, that would have felt evil!!

When they placed that beautiful babe in my arms (after THE longest labor of my life -- you'd think #6 would just pop out!), there was an overwhelming feeling of relief, 'cuz it was so palpably all consumingly obvious that she was worth every stinkin' minute of it!

Your's will be too! Hang in there you beautiful babe!; March 29, 2011
Sarah Kate said...: Yeah, na. I really like Carrot Jello. Yum. :) Seriously, serve it up.; March 29, 2011
Leandra said...: If it makes you feel any better- you're post describes my pregnancy exactly. Sometimes when I was pregnant I just needed to hear that life sucked for other people too and I wasn't the only one out there who didn't run 10 miles and feel great everyday of their pregnancy. I definitely didn't have a glow either. I was mostly grey the entire time.

But it will be oh so worth it when he or she is here. I remember, seriously, feeling instantly better the moment I had her. It was like an alien had been living in me and my body hated it. Hated it. So just remember it will end. It has to. And then you'll be so glad with this little babe.; March 29, 2011
Hobbie said...: I don't have any great feel good words for you, but I just wanted to say Thanks for being honest about how crappy your feeling:) I am also early in my 3rd pregnancy, super sick/tired with a toddler(1 yr.) to take care of , so it is nice to feel someone, somewhere is knowing how I feel.
Am I the only one who feels guilty when I just can't get to the dishes today or I turn on Yo Gabba Gabba on to keep my little one entertained while I lay on the couch drinking ginger ale???
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks again for putting it out there that it is not always easy growing another human being......sometimes I think people just don't understand, that we don't want to complain but we could use some empathy:) hope you feel better today, at least.; March 29, 2011
: ) Paula said...: There there, Courtney. It'll be all right.

(I hope you don't assume I meant to type, "Better you than me!!!!")

Phing!; March 29, 2011
Daisha said...: I've always been in awe about how something that is supposed to be so natural as bearing children can be so incedibly hard- from infertility to miscarriage to all-day-sickness or a myriad of other symptoms. I always just try to remember that this is Heavenly Father's plan and he knows and loves us the best. I always learn something new about myslef and H.F. with each pregnancy. I try not to ask "why?" so often but it sure is hard as you hang over the toilet or barf bowl all day!

I'm rooting for ya Courtney. Your reward of a sweet and cuddly baby will be in your arms before you know it!

Mom of 4, soon to be 5!; March 29, 2011
Krissy said...: both of my pregnancies i was constantly sick for months and months, never ending! I feel your pain! I tried everything, teas, bracelets, ginger junk, whatever people suggested. But I just had to live with the puke pains with no end in site, and the weird thing is once the baby is born I always forgot about it and figured to have another! :); March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Well, there is no going back now. All you can do is get through it. Plus, you have the cutest kids in the world. Somewhere, way, way, way, way, way, down the road it will all be worth it, or so I'm told. :/ Hang in there.; March 29, 2011
Jenny said...: I don't care what people say about the beauty of life stirring inside them or the lovely spiritual experience of birth. Pregnancy is a bitter physical hell of which childbirth is the very pit.
The kids, however, are marvelous. As long as they're behaving of course.; March 29, 2011
Jenny said...: p.s. half a Unisom and a vitamin B6; March 29, 2011
Sarah, Abbey, and Clara said...: I know I'm not going to be much help here, as I am pregnant as well. There are times during my daily routine that the thought pops into my head that this baby is going to be the end of me, LITERALLY. Like you, I have 2 wonderfully healthy children, and so I know there is a light at the end of this long, dark, torturous tunnel. Alas, if it helps any.....any at all....I feel your pain, and I understand it.; March 29, 2011
Laini Marie said...: I'll admit that I'm lazy and didn't want to wade through all the comments, so if it's been mentioned before I'll just reiterate. ZOFRAN!!! Ask your doctor about it and believe me you will be wanting to hunt down the maker of it and kiss her(I say her because only a she could be so brilliant ;)) and kiss her square on the mouth!; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: C. Jane, I love you...but you know better than this. Are you really comparing pregnancy to cyanide and dying? And to all the commenters who feel okay "validating" these feelings and adding their own really ungrateful woes ("I prayed I would die every day" - seriously?), shame on all of you.

I am not asking you to be perky or pretend that you feel wonderful. I am even okay with complaining because pregnancy really is hard - but what I have read is NOT okay. It's not. What I am asking is that you think before you type and before you say really, really naive and selfish things.

I was gifted to become pregnant for the first time several years ago. I was thrilled but did not feel very good. On a particularly bad day I made the naive, never had anything go wrong in a pregnancy, comment, "I don't even want this baby." Guess what? A couple weeks before my due date I went in for an appt. No heartbeat. Then I proceeded to give birth to a baby I knew was dead. I would puke for the rest of my life just to hold my dead infant in my arms just one more time. That is my reality. And almost a decade later, I haven't been able to get pregnant again.

I can tell you this, C. Jane. As bad as you feel right now, I can promise you ingratitude fosters nothing but misery and, heaven forbid things don't go as you have planned, guilt beyond anything you can imagine. Recognize that you are SO blessed and find solace in people that don't wallow in your misery, but that encourage you and remind you of the privilege it is to be pregnant. How could you have forgotten? You know it's worth it - and take it from a mother who went through all you're going through and did not get the reward of a "fresh newborn." It was still worth every single puking second.

If my story doesn't help, maybe Nie Nie can give you a call and give you her own dose of reality. You asked for it...and while I think what you wanted was the commiseration that you got so much of in these comments, perhaps what you NEED is a reality check.; March 29, 2011
The Pisarzewicz Family said...: Ok, I'm so incredibly behind that I JUST found out you're expecting #3 and had to scroll back to find the announcement. I, too, am expecting our third and this pregnancy has knocked me on my butt. First trimester SUCKED with severe nausea (though little vomiting this time around). As for nausea I firmly believe that nothing works except for the prescription drugs. As for my energy level, it did get a little better though I still have a hard time motivating myself. Now in my 3rd trimester my complaints have shifted and I hobble around like a 95-year old. Welcome to the club!; March 29, 2011
Bossy said...: Last year my best friend was pregnant with her fourth and angry. She didn't want to be pregnant. Her baby was still a baby and the last thing she wanted was another. And I was furious. She would call me with days like yours. And I couldn't imagine how she couldn't appreciate the miracle. And then her doctor diagnosed her with pre-partum depression. And the light went on.

I can't imagine what you are going through right now. The physical strain, the emotional blahs. I know you are struggling and everyday functioning seems impossible right now. So give yourself a break. Take a week off and lay on the couch. Don't worry about things and just let your body focus on that baby.

Kira; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Even if it is called "Enjoy It" we still enjoy listening to your human-ness. It would be so boring if you put up a wall and we didn't really know you or what you were going through! I hope that today at least goes quickly! There's supposed to be really nice weather coming up-another something to look forward to! Good luck-you are not alone!; March 29, 2011
Kristen said...: I wasn't going to comment, seeing as you probably aren't up for reading this many comments anyway, but if you make it this far, I have some advice: vitamin water.

I had my daughter last April and was as sick as humanly possible when I was pregnant with her (read, IV, zofran pump in my leg, losing 18 lbs in 2 weeks and a CONSTANT need to spit). It was the worst time of my life. I BEGGED for death so the pain would stop. Anyway, I was told by the home health people that water is very hard on a stomach and to drink vitamin water. I HATE the stuff, but I lived on it for at least 3 months before I could hold anything else down.

Good luck. From a mom who endured the worst of times to welcome a beautiful daughter after 3 beautiful sons, it is worth it and when this baby is born, you will realize that you'd endure it all again. They are that precious.; March 29, 2011
AngstyJen said...: I had hyperemesis with my first (and so far only) pregnancy. My doctor told me that my illness meant my daughter was "firmly implanted." I took comfort from that, but golly, the constant nausea and vomiting are so hard to take.

One piece of advice: paint your toenails cute so you have something pretty to look at when you're heaving over the toilet. My prayers are with you.; March 29, 2011
Cheryl said...: Wow Anonymous...pretty harsh. I have a friend who throws up 10-15 times a day withher pregnanciesand is ABSOLUTELY miserable. She lays on her couch with her vomit bowl and wants to die. She has said if she ever gets cancer she won't do chemo because she would rather diethan feel like that again.

We can't really judge until we walk in someones shoes. I think Courtney was just asking for some friendly validation that the misery is worth it. Let's err on the side of compassion not judgement.; March 29, 2011
Ashlee said...: Oh no! I am so sorry! I TOTALLY know how you feel, darn it! I remember telling my husband just a few months ago that I wanted to die and life would never be good again. It's crazy how you know that your thoughts are irrational, and yet it doesn't really matter! I knew food would taste good again, but I couldn't make myself feel it. I just wanted to wallow in bed constantly. Thank Heavens for a sweet husband. I am now sitting pretty in the 3rd trimester and cannot WAIT to hold my little one. A newborn! YAY! There is nothing in the WHOLE WORLD like a newborn! I plan on dressing mine all in white and snuggling and snuggling and snuggling. Our babymoon is going to be fantastic, and SO, SO worth all the sickness. The chubby cheeks, the just-after-bath smell, the complete and total innocence of a spirit straight from Heaven to your home! Oh CJane... hang in there! I'm sorry you are sick, but it IS worth it! And you WILL feel better again!

Loves- Ashlee; March 29, 2011
jes said...: ok, so...people that have never been this kind of *morning sick* don't get it. i, however, GET IT.

you are strong.
you are brave.
you are beautiful.
you are going to feel GREAT again, soon. :))
promise.; March 29, 2011
Allison Johnson said...: Someday, all your hard work and upchucking, and cleaning, and cooking, and blood, sweat, and tears will pay off. My mantra when I feel like I can't be "mom" anymore...It will all be worth it when I have grandkids!; March 29, 2011
the emily said...: My third pregnancy was a killer. Granted, my next kid was 3 years old during my first trimester, so it probably wasn't nearly as hard as it must be for you with the Chief and Ever. But still, the third was HARD. That sweet baby is worth it but sister, I feel your pain.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: You may have to suffer for nine months, but you will have your child forever. It seems more fair in that light. I hope you feel better soon. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, a Priesthood blessing always makes me feel better. I hear ginger can help too, there's also the prescription Zofran. Also, if you are taking other prescriptions- there are some medicines you might take normally that can really bother the stomach during pregnancy (they don't when you're not pregnant). Sometimes an antacid can help with the nausea.
Good luck, it will be so worth it!; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: I find some of these comments to be rather horrifying. Cjane, just because you know the pain of infertility doesn't mean you have to suck it up and suffer through this in silence. I am 16 weeks a long and for the first time ever, the morning sickness eased up in the second trimester! I couldn't believe it. But during the worst of it, I kept reminding myself of what my mother told me when she was dying of cancer and in the middle of chemotherapy: "Oh my god. I'll never forget the morning sickness I had with you. It was awful." Knowing that my mom was, at that moment, not exactly feeling wonderful, yet could still remember the horror of morning sickness, really soothed me somehow. Like hey, maybe I'm not exaggerating here, maybe this whole-sensory-aversion to LIFE is actually kind of tough to deal with. No matter what, it'll be over when the baby comes - but my fingers are crossed that you have relief coming in just a few short weeks.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: I am sorry to the anonymous poster who is struggling with infertility but I agree your comments are very harsh. I don't think women should deny what they are feeling. Tha kind of denial keeps things like depression, anxiety, and other issues many struggle with in the closet. I read somewhere that higher percentage of women who have struggled with infertility and then went on to get pregnant and give birth struggle with postpartum depression. The article went on to explain that part this is attributed to the fact that these women feel so terrible about themselves for not be completely happy with motherhood that it compounds the depression. They think they have no right to feel badbecause they finally were able to become pregnant.
It is clear that Stephanie loves her children, her family, deeply appreciates the fact that she is able to have children but that does not mean she has to deny the difficult time she is experiencing.
Instead of reading the post and thinking you don't belong here maybe you should read it and think about how complex and difficult the journey is even if ultimately rewarding.; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: Are you sure there is only one in there? Just wondering, because I was really nauseated when I was pregnant with twins. Hang in there! (p.s. --it was worth it!); March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: I love reading your blog-and can totally sympathize-both with dealing with infertility and with crazy-sick pregnancy! When I was pregnant with my daughter those barfy days turned into a feeding tube (along with many hospital visits). Soooo not cute or "glowey". In fact, when I escaped out late one night to "see the world"(ok, wal-mart) someone actually ran into a pole while staring at me and my not-so-cute-ness. One of the greatest moments EVER! Maybe not inspirational, but funny, and I think you can appreciate funny. You are tough. Try to laugh. It has helped me through it all!; March 29, 2011
Natalie said...: I had NO IDEA you were expecting again! SHAME ON ME for not being more earnest in my reading! I'm so sorry you're not feeling well. It's the Curse of Eve: "pain in childbearing"... CLEARLY it's not just during childbirth. :/ I hope you're better soon. Maybe bookmark this post for yourself for whenever you feel the urge to get pregnant again. I had to do that. It didn't work. {HAHA!} Gingersnaps helped me not be nauseated. Ginger is supposed to settle your stomach. Also, when I was pregnant I always kept in mind my best friend who was (and still is) struggling with infertility. It made it much easier for me to deal with all the awful stuff that comes with pregnancy. Prayer too! My husband caught me huddled in the shower praying lots. haha! I really do hope you're better soon. I am so jealous. Chartreuse with envy... but I don't think my body will let me have anymore. ;(; March 29, 2011
Anonymous said...: You complain all you want to. Pregnancy sickness is the worst - not to saay that the end result isn't worth it because it definitely is, but doesn't take away from being sick morning till night. I had it for 7 months and it was miserable. Hope it goes away from you soon!!!!; March 29, 2011
Jen said...: Just keep repeating "Eye on the Prize!" "Eye on the Prize". I'd say throw in a few curse words, but I'm SURE you don't DO that...; March 29, 2011
Christine said...: Maybe you're having twins?!? Double the babies - double the sickness!; March 29, 2011