Thursday, March 31, 2011

I Love Being Called Honey Pie

 
This is a thank you for everyone who took time out of the space in their day to write me a little note of pregnancy- related encouragement. From emails to comments and a couple of texts on my phone and one really, really thoughtful Darlybird visit (which included robots, sparkly things and these Japanese vintage earrings--oh my!), I do feel infinitely better. I mean, positive. There is a spark of positivity in my bones. Thank you for that. Compassion is a gorgeous concept.

There was one comment in particular that made my ego melt and humbled me properly. The comment is from Geo, a woman who is a gift to this planet in so many ways:

Honey pie, strip existence down to essentials and your will's really the only thing that's yours to offer anyway. If you're putting that on the table, then you bet it's enough. It's plenty. It's everything!

I've been thinking a lot lately about the word privilege and how it relates to working through hard situations, healing tough relationships, and conquering all sorts of troubles. It's a privilege to struggle (though I personally don't go looking for a fight) and claim the rewards when the hell parts have passed. Joy as exquisite as was the pain is a great pattern, once you finally get to that gorgeous joy end of things.

It'll be worth it. It's worth it now. I'm so happy for you that there's one more person to have the privilege of loving and knowing and raising coming to you, and so soon after Ever. You're blessing your children too by ushering another soul in. You're blessing the world. It all sounds so cheesy, but think of all the people who could thank you with all their hearts, if only they knew what (who) was coming into their lives soon.

Baby smiles. Tiny fingernails. Neck nuzzling. Fresh wrinkly skin. Yummy sweetness.


Thanks Geo. Thanks Darly. Thank everyone. I am lucky to have you all.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

What $105 Could've Bought You


At the beginning of this year I had a valiant idea. I was going to start raising funds for the cultural arts awareness in downtown Provo, specifically for our beloved Rooftop Concert Series (please come/I wish you could come) and I was going to do it holding auctions for lunches with really great Provo people on my Provo blog. Do you see where I am going here? I made a list of some of my most entertaining pals in Provo and started a calendar of monthly lunches.

The first auction? A lunch date with my own brother Christopher Clark, The resurrected Jolly Porter, himself.

As predicted there was a fury of female response. It didn't take long for the auction to get hot. To stir the pot a bit, Topher texted me and suggested he'd come to the lunch shirtless, but I wasn't aiming to make that much money on one lunch (h-h-h-h can you i-i-i-imagine?) so I let the auction run until the final day when Helen Anderson outbid the rest.

Helen Anderson. Wife, mother of four, lawyer, actress, and Provo City's Public Relations Director. She also happens to be a hero of mine. And I am not using hero modestly. I mean it.

Anyway, hosting the auction was so full of unanticipated fury and anticipation, I decided I could only handle one this year. This meant my other Provo friends were off the hook for their month. But today as we actually had the lunch I couldn't help but have remorse that we weren't going to have more. It was entertaining, enjoyable and totally worth figuring out the logistics.

Joining our festivities were Christopher's wife Lisa, Lisa's brother Christopher, and my husband Christopher, Christopher's brother in law.  Christopher is Christopher's friend and also friends to Christopher's other brother in law Christopher.

Also, Margaret, The Chief and the little pizza crust-eating devil herself, Ever Jane.

(Ever's favorite uncle is Christopher because he consistently holds her, presses his cheeks against hers and sings to her. It used to be "The Surrey with the Fringe On Top" from Oklahoma, but today it was "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley--what are you going to do? She swoons.)

And the pizza was abnormally good. As in, Slab is usually good, but today it had the curious taste of SUPER INCREDIBLE good. I like to think it was because it was pizza donated for a solid cause (and because I rarely eat things these days that pass without rejection). (Thanks Slab!)

Anyway, please don't tell the wonderful women who didn't win the lunch with Christopher, but as things turned out, Christopher didn't just lunch with Helen, he actually fed her lunch. That brother of mine, goes the distance.

 
Plus, he did it at the peril of his own marriage.
Us Clarks, we'll do anything for Provo/attention.



Thanks Helen, Topher and Slab for a swell afternoon!

P.S. speaking of PR for Provo, I really went out on a limb in my Des News column this week, it's called Hugs for Provoans. It's about the inordinate amount of excitement we've had around here lately. Jimmer anyone?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Womb For One More


What on earth am I growing in my uterus exactly?

I mean with The Chief I could cooperate with the world even though I was daily upchucking (almost all nine months). With Ever I found solace in a spiritual guide to pregnancy even in the sickness. But this pregnancy, oh boy, this one makes death seem like a viable option. This one has me waking up choosing a breakfast that will come back up easily and making tactical plans on how I will make it through the day and back into the very bed that spits me out.

I know, I know, this isn't what you come to read about on a blog called Enjoy It.

It's just that my kitchen appliances buzz too loudly, the color of the dinning room floor isn't matching the curtains and everything is wrong. EVERYTHING IS WRONG. Of course the buzzing, mismatching and wrongness didn't occur to me two months ago, but today it overwhelms me and makes me barky. And barfy. Barky and barfy both.

I feel like I am poisoned. Like someone is putting small doses of cyanide in my ice water and every time I drink it I die a little. But the ease at which I feel dehydrated is so overwhelming that I keep drinking and drinking and DYING.

And yes, the dramatics which I am displaying here are also sponsored by this pregnancy. This change of hormones has a calling card which arrives at 4:30 in the morning, 11:15am, 5:00-8:00pm (dinner has been banned in our home--don't even MENTION IT) and if I am not asleep by 9:30pm it drops by at 10:00pm--never late either.

Why am I typing this? Why am I sharing exactly? There is so much suffering in the world and I am complaining about a little pregnancy sickness?

I think it's a cry for help. Not like a stop-by-and-visit me help (because I assure I will not answer the door in my pajama-clad haziness nor will I move off the spot on the couch where I wait out my existence) but a plea for reassurance. Remind me again how humans are worth growing. Tell me about how they can turn out as lovely, Nobel-Peace-prize-winning people capable of life-saving and dream-making. Or help me remember the pink furriness of the skin on a fresh newborn. How their poop doesn't really start smelling until you introduce solids. Remind me of how much I love my own little brown-eyed creations, the very ones I wanted so badly for years. FOR THE LOVE OF PETE LIE TO ME IF YOU HAVE TO.

It all can become so intoxicating I have to stop and remember holding Ever one sunny morning just months after her birth. There was a clear feeling that came into my heart and mind, telling me I would have another baby soon. I remember mentioning the thought to Chup and mentally making a note that I should be prepared. Only now I see that it wasn't really about being prepared but being willing.

I am not cheerful, perky or prepared, but I am willing. I hope that's enough.

'Cause it's all I got.






p.s. I look forward to your aforementioned help. I am lying, I don't look forward to anything. But still help me ok?





Here's a link to the essay in my heart, a Small Sacrifice, by the great Lani B. Whitney who--as always--writes it better than I do.

.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Please Help My Friends Regan and Piper Jane


.
Last year I hooked up via internet waves
with the unstoppable Piper Jane and her mother Reagan and dad Jake. I have loved reading Reagan's blob, her sauce and her spice, and I spent the better part of last year hoping I could meet them in this real life. (I wrote about that here.)
In January my dream came true when Reagan stopped by my home on her way to visit her loveliest of Grandmas who lives up the street. I was in my very dowdy sweats which isn't an appropriate thing to be wearing when the most glamorous person you know shows up on the doorstep. But nevermind, we sat and talked for a good part of the afternoon as if dowdy and glamor were peanut butter and jelly.
Along with Reagan's fans I discovered this weekend that Piper, who has been in a child's care facility, has to be moved to another facility 146 miles away from her parents. Reagan is asking for help, suggestions or ideas on how this move could be stopped. I can't help but think how desperate I'd feel in this situation.
If you've got any sort of thoughts, please go here.
Thanks so much.

*it appears Reagan's blob is down temporarily. We'll update if we get any more info. Thanks! 
**The webmaster is working on the server on Reagan's blob. Stay tuned. 
***Good news! The site is up AND there is a happy ending! Thanks everyone!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Vlog: Best Blogging Week Ever March 21-15

Well hot dang.

This week I got to vlog with one of the biggest influences in my life, my sister Page Checketts. And added to that specialness is our wearing of the same muu muu without prior arrangement. That's a true sister, sister.

Let the fun begin...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

It's Raining Ideas

 
Today a sudden spring snowstorm hit our front lawn. It was a mad circus of fluffy flakes blowing with absolute frenzy and a chaser of bullish sunshine. The Chief and I resumed our window-watching seats (where we always sit when a storm hits) and witness the entire snow globe experience. If you read my blog much (thank you) you know, this window-gazing happens often around here. We are a happily home-bound family thanks to a baby who continues to nap bi-daily. And lately, the skies have been throwing a lot of atmospheric entertainment our way. Nothing thrills like moody weather patterns--within reason, yes.

But out of our large, busy, front window view we always witness a most disheartening occurrence: people caught in the rain, wind or snow without the aid of an umbrella. I feel so helpless watching them defenselessly guard against nature's pelting attitude. In the three years we've lived here, and taken up the art of people/weather watching, I've never seen any Gene Kelly moments. People don't just spontaneously sing in the rain like I grew up thinking they do. Actually, people getting caught in the rain are desperate people, not dancing people, MGM.

Then today I saw something that really did me in: a mother with two small children getting whipped around in the torrential snowstorm. I can't go on like this, I said to myself, watching the innocent people of this world battling an ominous sky. If people are allowed to dream big, by golly Josephat, I can dream small. And my small dream is to start a project called Umbrellas for Strangers.

Umbrellas for Strangers is a home-run charity (basically, The Chief and me) wherein we collect umbrellas in a secure, dry area of our Green Room. On a day like today, we will watch vigilantly out the window. Upon our viewing of a stranger caught without covering, we will dispatch an umbrella to the unaware stranger, thus saving our new friend from wetness, annoyance and possibly pneumonia/death. When that stranger has no more use of the umbrella, he/she can kindly return it to our doorstep (thanks is not necessary, and we don't eat treats from strangers, unless they are pre-wrapped treats, Snickers and the like).

Of course, if it's a person we know (an unStranger) we'd invite them in to wait out the storm. See? Because we know them. Hopefully they'd be people that like to tell stories or play the piano, nothing like being stuck inside for an afternoon with a bore hog. Which reminds me...


...it all depends on the success of Umbrellas for Strangers, but if things go well, I'd like to start a charity for boring people. People who find themselves in social situations without anything exciting to say, people who are equally caught unaware as the people without umbrellas but in a different sort of way. I present: Scoring for the Boring.

Wait a minute, who said I was dreaming small?
 


.

*photo above was taken during our first rainstorm together, go team Umbrellas for Strangers!

Monday, March 21, 2011

This Is My Apology



I need to apologize for my lack of internet interaction and ability to blog/vlog. I feel like apologizing because I see this space on the internet like my home in the digital world. If friends come to my blog and I don't answer the door it feels rude. At least I could put a sign up that says something like, "I feel like the contents of Will it Blend? Please try back later!"

And look, who am I kidding? I hardly ever answer my door in real life. Close family and friends know to just come in and take their chances on what they might see (and just so your imagination doesn't run away with you, I mean they might see me looking like the ghost of Marley in a muu muu nursing a keg of lemon tinted Perrier) (we're you thinking something more scandalous? shame on you.) (Though yes, that has happened before...)

At least my dear mother, who lives in a hollow in Creve Coeur, Missouri, needs an explanation for my lack of writing lately. When I don't show up here daily I get reprimanded via text, "I didn't see you on your blog today. What is going on?" Only last night she texted to tell me she didn't know how to use her question mark key, so the text went like this, "Are you okay honey! Should I be worried about you! Do you have time to call me!"

The truth is pathetic. If I get just one second--just one nano second--to sit down I fall immediately to sleep. I have Pregnancy-Induced Narcolepsy and if that isn't a medical term it just became one. It's like my body alerts my central nervous system anytime my bottom comes in contact with a surface. "She is stopping movement. Begin shut down in three, two, one..."

And it's not good for the parenting side of things. After putting Ever down for a nap, I promised The Chief I'd watch an episode of one of his "shows" and when I woke up--who knows how much time later--the organization of the playroom was compromised, my lemon tinted Perrier was missing and an infomercial was swearing that My Baby Can Read. I don't want my baby to grow more teeth, much less read. I mean, I still think it's pretty neat she sucks limes without making a squinty face. Yes, around here we're not into growing up fast. Not when mommy had a bra at ten years old...

(I should explain something really quick, along with PIN, I also have a condition called, Pregnancy Rant which is related to another condition I have called Pregnancy-Induced Nasty mood--and so far it seems quite permanent. So I have, PIN, PR and PINm all of which get me in trouble publicly, oftenly and with those whom should be getting my empathy and charity. GO GET YOUR OWN EMPATHY AND CHARITY. Sorry, it's the disease...)

Back to the story at hand, I followed the sound of The Chief's burps to where he was playing Rocket Ship with the now-empty Perrier bottle upstairs. Good on him to take advantage of the situation, but even better for not waking me up when his "show" ended. I opened another bottle and drank to my success, our success. Chief, my boy we're a match.

Oh, and speaking of me having to make public apologies, the story above wasn't even the worst incident in recent record of becoming drowsy at an inappropriate time. Just a few days ago -I can't believe I'm even going to admit this- while attending an important fund-raising meeting, and while joining a table of high-profile "game changers" as they call them, I completely

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sunday Guest Post Series: Stephanie Henderson's Empowering Women

.


Empowering women.

In my mind, that’s what it all boils down to.

Why did I decide to go to medical school? To empower myself.

Why did I decide a medical career in obstetrics and gynecology? To empower others.

It’s really that simple.

Almost.

Growing up in family that often struggled financially, I learned first-hand the stress, limitations and
adaptations that come with financial instability. I distinctly remember, as a young child, heading outside
to play in the front yard and my mother warning me not to climb in the trees because we couldn’t afford
a trip to the emergency department if I fell and got hurt.

But I know that we had it better than many, and what we lacked in income we made up in love and
encouragement. Somehow my parents generously provided opportunities for me to develop my
talents, and like everyone else in my family, I developed a voracious appetite for reading. In addition
to The Baby-sitters Club and Gary Paulson books, I somehow stumbled upon our encyclopedic family
medical guide. I remember spending hours poring over the illustrated pages, fascinated with the
intricacies of the human body.

And I think that is where it all started. It dawned on me at that young age that the human body was
interesting, that learning about it helped me learn about myself, and that with this knowledge I was
empowered to make educated decisions for myself. Further, even at that young age I knew a career in
medicine would provide me the financial stability I so earnestly craved.

But the path to a career in medicine is never easy, especially for a young Mormon girl. If not for the
desire to educate, empower, and improve my situation I am not sure I would have had the courage
to persevere in my premedical path. It’s not that I wasn’t smart enough, capable enough, or diligent
enough. It was that I was a woman pursuing a career in medicine while attending Brigham Young
University (BYU).

Nationally the number of women who apply to medical school is nearly equal to the number of men, so
a woman in medicine is not the novelty it was 65 years ago, but at BYU the number of women who apply
for medical school is still 1/10th the number of men! This is not super surprising considering Mormon
culture, but it can be daunting if you are one of those few women. Almost more isolating than my
gender, however, was the fact that I was a married co-ed. Once, in an upper level organic chemistry

class, the professor was giving a lecture on the chemical composition of diamonds and needed a
volunteer. He asked if there were any women in the class who had a wedding ring. This was a class of
approximately 300 students, again with only a few dozen women, but I was the ONLY person who raised
her hand! What!?

Alone, that’s how it often seemed. I felt so much internal and external pressure to conform to a
perceived ideal I almost didn’t allow myself to continue on my path.

Gratefully, I did continue and entered medical school as a young wife and mother (another story in
and of itself). As I began interacting with patients I realized that because I had already experienced the
barriers of poverty, prejudice, and isolation, I had an opportunity to empathize with these and many
other circumstances that influenced my patients’ attitudes, behavior, and health. I also found that I felt
a special affinity for my female patients who I understood on an even more personal level—as a woman.

I began volunteering at a women’s residential rehabilitation facility, teaching health education classes
to women learning to break the cycle of poverty and chemical abuse. Here I met women like Tanya,
a young mother suffering from the consequences of years of addictive behavior. As I met with her
each week to discuss health topics such as reproductive health, contraception, diet and exercise, and
preventative care, I was impressed with how potentially life-altering actions from a single conversation
could be and what a unique opportunity I would have as a physician to foster health education—an
education that, like for me, could empower women to make better choices for themselves and for their
children.

Some may say that being a physician is an unimaginative or naive way to empower women, but I have
found that within my sphere of influence as a women’s health physician I will have the opportunity to
educate the uninformed or misinformed, listen to the unheard, and advocate for the disenfranchised. I
can’t imagine a more rewarding career.




 
Stephanie Henderson is a wife of one, mother of two, daughter of three, and sister of four. She
currently resides with her family in New York. She will graduate from medical school this summer and
start her residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Two Cents for What It's Worth


Last night as we put The Chief to bed, we helped him to say his bedtime prayer. Chup whispers in his little ears what to say and The Chief repeats.  Well, the last word of it, anyway.

"We're thankful for the fun we had today,"  prompted Chup.

"Daaay,"  said The Chief

"Please bless our friends and family." Chup offered.

"Fameee," The Chief repeated.

"Please bless the people in Japan,"

"Japan," The Chief prayed.  Earnestly, with his eyes squished closed and his arms folded across his chest.

And it made me think about the business of prayer.

I believe in the mysteries of God as much as I believe in the revealed truths. For every explainable action that seems to come from heaven, there are hundreds more that seem unexplainable, even unfair or unjust. Why would God allow this destruction? Why would He let children suffer? What is the point? These are some of the mysteries that make up the nature of God.

Argued philosophically and theologically since...ever, I think these questions, these mysteries have a purpose.  Exploring them, I discover the nature of God.  Who He is.  And in the process I discover my own.  Who I am.

I think the answer is found in not asking these questions about God, but turning the question internally. This destruction happened, what am I going to do? Children are suffering, how will this call me to action? Last night was a poignant moment for us, an opportunity to teach our child charity and concern for people across the world from his safe, turquoise bedroom full of rocket ships and muddy socks.

Our reactions to these actions taking place all over the world is most significant. Resiliency is part of our heritage as humans. It is in our nature to survive--not just major earthquakes, floods or tsunamis, but illness, sadness and heartbreak.

Chup had a line in a movie once.  He was playing the part of a Pastor, and a young girl in his congregation had been killed.  In the funeral scene, his character was sad, and a little angry.  He said (paraphrased:)

"I believe in God.  I believe he is real.  I also believe in Satan.  I believe he is very real.  I don't believe that God is going to shield us, and protect us from Satan every moment of every day.  That's our job.  We have to take care of each other.  Shield and protect and take care of each other."

When I turn Why is this happening? into How can I rise above this?  How can I help? the mysterious of God are no longer mysteries, but marvels.

Marrrvelllls. 





Thanks for checking in Cami & Tiffany, we'll continue our prayers--The Chief too.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Spoil Me




I don't know maybe you are like me, maybe you fancy hearing about how other people celebrate their birthdays?

In that case, want to hear about how I celebrated mine?

I thought you'd never ask.


.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Despondent




On Saturday afternoon Chup and our neighbor Cory decided it was a fine day for chopping down wild branches and unhealthy shrubbery. They worked on either side of the fence from each other until a huge pile of sticks and dried leaves amassed in Cory expansive backyard. Then they suggested we have a bonfire to burn down the pile and roast some hot dogs.

I felt terrible on Saturday. My energy sucked out of me like leaky balloon. I headed over to the lunch party with Ever in my arms and a sense of dead in my soul. I found a white plastic chair within site of the fire, but not so close that the smoke would enter my nostrils.

Ever isn't the sit-still type of baby I thought she'd be. If held, she squirms like a fish on a hook. I usually let her out of bondage because I am not the type of sit-still mom I thought I'd be either. So Ever rolled around in the mud and sand and wet grass around me (never close to the actual fire, mind you) while I sat in that chair and contemplated eating a hot dog. That sort of consumption is always worth the pre-meditated should I or should I not?

The Chief was adding fuel to the fire, throwing in skinny sticks and keeping his distance. Chup was nearby with his camera--his seventy-two pound camera of Never Miss A Family Function. The other kids were hunting down the perfect roasting stick as Cory managed the fire and smoke.

In my dreary state I checked out for a minute. I don't know where I went, maybe it was a yellow-walled beach house in Mexico, but in the minutes of my mental departure The Chief found Ever and started his usual routine of annoyance. (He likes to spank her. Why? Why?) When I came back to reality, Ever was on her stomach bearing the repeated taps of The Chief's physical attention. Then she started wailing. At that point I thought earnestly about getting up and stopping the whole ordeal, but my will wouldn't move.

Suddenly Chup was on the scene with his massive camera in one hand and a perfectly whittled spear in the other. Without his arms for proper balance, he tripped and down he went gathering Ever in his arms as he fell. He looked like a Zulu hero warrior, legs folded beneath him. The Chief thought it was brilliant and added to the excitement by jumping on Chup's back like a primate. It was a scene:

Chup on his rear, holding a spear, a camera and a screaming baby. His head folded down in his chest trying to endure the repeated tackle attempts from his excited son.

For my part, I did nothing.

The idea that I could help my husband at that moment didn't even register into the deadish gray matter in my brain. I just sat there thinking, "Wow, Chup really got himself into a predicament there."

Chup looked over a me. I looked over at him.

"Help?" he asked.

Oh right, I sluggishly left the comfort of my chair and retrieved both Ever and the camera. Instantly, Ever started wiggling out of my arms. I let her go and kept the camera only leaving my chair for a few seconds. I even took a few pictures, why not:



For the record, I am not always this lazy, just when I grow other humans inside of my body. I am several pounds of useless flesh, a class act in despondency, a No Good. For now, there isn't a large difference in behavior between me and a snail, including the trail of silvery sluggishness. I should be put in a container for the next nine months to pickle in pregnancy. Forget about me, move on.

For the other record, at that very bonfire I had a Nutella, peanut butter s'more which was so delicious even my apathy couldn't pass it off. Why, it may have been the best thing I've ever taken to my mouth.

It was even better because someone made it for me as I resumed sitting in that chair.

There are perks.





In Utah, need furniture?
Or a chance to win $100 for your decorating needs?
Or want to see a documentary of our trip to DownEast?
Click here:


I like office chairs.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Mr. Roboto


On the morning of my birthday Chup came upstairs with a glazed look on his face.

"The earthquake hit hardest in Sendai."

Sendai was Chup's home for two years when he was a missionary, and six more months after he graduated from college. Chup dearly loves Japan. Loves the culture, loves the language, loves his friends who live there. This passion for All Things Japanese has infused our life and we eat, watch and talk of Japan regularly.

It nearly broke my heart.

Then I saw his status update on facebook:
Still waiting to hear from friends in Tohoku. Prayers for everyone in Japan.
and despite it being my birthday and all, it was a day of reverence and prayer.

Courage to our friends in Japan.

.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Hannah Mudge's Faith and feminism: my manifesto


Every year I am just one of thousands of women who descend on London for the Million Women Rise march, which protests violence against women worldwide. Photo from here.


Like many of you, I had a lot of strong feelings about Courtney's post on feminism earlier last year. I was one of the women who was straight in there, hammering out my concerns into that comment box and worrying about the implications that someone saying they don't believe in equality could have. When Courtney wrote 'equality has never done any good for me' I have to admit my heart sank. I thought about it for pretty much the rest of the day. I blogged about the problematic nature of the privileged saying that they don't believe in equality. I ended up clicking back to that blog post over and over to check how the comment thread was progressing, what my fellow C Jane readers were discussing.
I am a Christian woman and I believe in gender equality. I use the word 'feminist' to define myself and it's a word that is incredibly important to me. We all know that it's a word which has many negative connotations associated with it - connotations often promoted by the very people and systems of power that feminists have fought for an end to. And it's a complicated word, not just for those who are anti-feminist, but also for those who believe in equality but claim identities such as 'womanist' instead. Or for those who see the varying factions of the women's movement and worry that they can't work together for the common good. Just this year, for example, the 'conservative feminism' of Sarah Palin and her 'mama grizzlies' has hit a raw nerve with many a blogger, journalist and activist. The numerous articles speak for themselves.

Since that post I've actually really enjoyed Courtney's other writings on the subject. I loved what she had to say about the power and potential of women, the importance of sisterhood and the diversity of femininity in what was effectively her follow-up post (because femininity for every woman is not makeup and shoes and cupcakes and this is important). And I enjoyed her more recent post of musings on Mormon women and feminism because I really do agree that conversations on gender issues are something that is so vital - and I affirm what she said about gender roles at home. So much so, in fact, that she asked me if I'd like to write a guest post about religious women and feminism - and why the movement means a lot to some of us.

Now I only speak for myself in this post, but I know a fair few religious feminists of varying faiths. We blend our politics and our belief systems even though a lot of people don't like it. Part of the backlash against feminism and the way society sees the movement means that my fellow Christians are often more than slightly uncomfortable with my political views. Very often they think of all the old stereotypes of 'man haters' and 'women who want to destroy the family' and 'women who want to rule over men'. It's telling that 'women who want to dominate men' is such a worry, yet men receiving preferential treatment is so ingrained that many people don't care about it, even though both are quite clearly described in Genesis as a negative effect of the Fall, which skewed God's plan for men and women.

It sometimes comes as a surprise to the religious people I know when I talk to them about the fact that the majority of feminists have nothing against men and children. I don't know any feminists who look down on stay-at-home mothers or women who have large families. I don't know any who want to make men subservient and obsolete. Where's the equality in that? Again, it's a case of unpleasant old stereotypes maintaining a hold on peoples' perceptions. It's much closer to the truth to say that we simply want women to be able to exercise choice over these sorts of decisions about their lives and that women should not have to look a certain way, dress a certain way or lead a certain sort of life in order to feel validated as a female. Freedom to have a job, or not. To have five children - or no children. To do whatever they want with gender roles in their relationships and their household. All with support and respect. Many of the old stereotypes came out of the feminism of the 1960s and 70s and it's important to remember here just why the activists back then were so angry - often, they did not have those choices and the impact it had on their wellbeing was devastating. The movement has always had its flaws, but I hold the women who have gone before me and made a difference to my life today in such high esteem.

I've been blogging for two years now and have written numerous posts about my faith and my feminism and how the two come together. For me, part of this is about dispelling the myths for many of my acquaintances who exist on one side or the other; the feminists and the Christians, existing separately and suspiciously. When I started out trying to reconcile my faith with my feminism, I hit some difficult times along the way, because I knew how I felt about equality and the rights of women but I worried that my religion didn't support this. Everywhere I looked I saw conservative religious anti-feminist blogs and books about submitting to my husband's headship and arguments about whether women could take on leadership positions in the church (more often than not, the answer was "no"). I struggled for a long time because I loved God but at the same time my heart ached for women the world over who are treated as lesser beings because of their gender and denied respect, rights and fairness. I didn't feel called to lead a church or start a ministry but I wanted those women who do to have their gifts accepted as amazing and God-given rather than a sign of a 'rebellious spirit'.

So what changed? Well, I heard some life-changing talks by some amazing women at a conference I attended. I joined a church which takes an egalitarian approach to gender. I completed a theology course about men and women in the Bible, learning a great deal along the way. I had a lot of talks with my husband and I came away feeling more affirmed, more at peace, more secure. I'd once felt that I had to fit into a restrictive little box in order to be a Christian woman, one which didn't have room for my gifts and my personality. This was no longer the case. A couple of months ago I presented a short talk on a favourite Bible verse to a group of young adults at my church - and that verse was one which affirms the equality of all in the eyes of God - no matter what their background, race and gender.

But despite this, I still feel there is great need for feminism - and the work done by feminists - in our world. I know that at the heart of God's plan in creation and the message of Jesus, men and women are equal partners and all able to exercise their gifts. But Jesus's teachings were first put into practice in a patriarchal society and patriarchal societies have twisted God's truths for centuries in order to maintain the rule of men. We see this in teachings of the early church which blamed women for all sin and branded them disgusting and unholy. We see this today when some religious groups teach that women should not attend college or have a job, or can only hear God through their father or husband.

Both inside and outside church communities we see the effect that misogyny has on society. Domestic violence, sexual abuse, workplace discrimination, lack of access to education, female infanticide, rape as a weapon of war, women bearing the brunt of poverty. It's easy for some to exist inside their middle-class, privileged bubbles and think "Things are good here. My husband loves and respects me; I got an education, I have a decent job. Feminism's achieved its aims. What more do we need?"

Except it hasn't achieved its aims and it hasn't gone far enough. We're only really somewhere near the beginning. Aims achieved for those who were already fortunate, while everyone else has a long way to go - and yes, this applies to women in the church. I am not just a blogger but also an activist and this has really brought it home. I see this when I attend Reclaim the Night marches, which demonstrate against rape and assault and unsafe streets. I see this when I attend the annual Million Women Rise march in London, which raises awareness of worldwide violence against women. I see it when I attend conferences and listen to the horrendous experiences of my sisters who have yet to experience what equality is. They're not content with the hand life has dealt them so far and neither am I because I believe God is full of anger for injustice, for abuse and for the broken. He loves His children but this does not excuse the acts of abuse, control and violence perpetrated by men of God - against women and children of God.

As a woman of faith feminism is also important to me because it affirms that women are created very differently, with different strengths, interests and outlooks on life. I do feel that some religious teachings can make women feel as if they're in a very restricted little box, one where there's only room for women who look and act a certain way. Those who don't 'fit the mold' are sometimes subject to condemnation, particularly by more conservative or extremist groups. And it's not just women who fall victim to this. Restrictive teachings on gender roles hurt men too - and every time I think about this I'm reminded of the well-known poem by Nancy R Smith, entitled 'For Every Woman'. It ends:

"For every woman who takes a step toward her own liberation, there is a man who finds the way to freedom has been made a little easier."

For me this is a really important part of my feminism and I know it is for many other religious women - men and women able to live just as God has made them, not having to adhere to certain gender stereotypes and perform certain 'roles' in life in order to live out God's plan for them. Feminism serves an important purpose in showing that the man who wants to be a stay-at-home dad, the woman who is happy to be single and the girl who loves sports and spaceships over pink and princesses should be free to be the person they were created to be. Courtney has touched on this in a few posts, if I remember rightly, both through talking about her own life and about life in general.

That's why it's important to me and to many other women who call themselves feminists, that conversations and activism surrounding gender issues have a place in religion. To me it's okay if not every woman wants to be an activist or read the books or lobby politicians. But it is important for all of us to build each other up rather than bring each other down, support diversity rather than fear it and believe that being on an equal footing - socially, spiritually, politically and economically - is our right. Jesus believed in equality but sadly, His followers don't always follow His example. His heart was for the last, the least and the lost - and to me that includes women who are still, over two thousand years later, being treated as lesser beings because they were born female.



Hannah Mudge is a 26-year-old woman living in the east of England. She is a practising Christian, a blogger and an activist passionate about feminism, left-wing politics and critiquing the media. Hannah trained as a newspaper journalist and worked as a reporter for a while but now works in publishing. She has been married to Luke, who is actually her high school boyfriend, since 2007. In what little spare time she has, she enjoys reading, cooking, running, learning new things, travel and procrastinating online. You can read her blog, We Mixed Our Drinks or follow her as @boudledidge on Twitter.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Best Blogging Week Ever March 7-11

.
Don't watch unless you like major announcements.


 

Links:

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Love on the Rocks



I buy all my muu-muus at second-hand stores (can you believe people are donating these delights? Donating by the dozens! Their loss, our gain!). If you want to amass a vibrant collection like mine, all you have to do is start looking. With a wish and a solemn prayer, you too can have muu-muus of all sizes and colors. Like maroon, for example.



Muu muu shots taken by the living doll,
your friend and mine, Haley Ann Warner
in St. George Utah



p.s. I am helping get the word out about a camp for teenagers that teaches hard work and service called the Birch Creek Service Ranch. My efforts are somewhat selfish because I want to keep it around for my children. Read about it here.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Aliens Can Be Such A Nuisance



Yesterday I was the mother to a rocket ship captain. We rode through space on two green couch cushions. Occasionally we'd stop on some extra-terrestrial orbiting moon and the captain would kindly employ the lunar-landers. But only before he'd make me wear a space helmet (the gold shiny pillows off the red couch, perched on top of my head) before touching down. He's a thoughtful-and-safe guy, that captain.

He took me to Mars, which was bigger in real life as it turns out. It looked like a pizza without any toppings and produced a vibrating, ringing noise in its outer atmosphere. Then we flew back home and the captain asked me to put him to bed. Captains need their rest and after all I am his mommy.

He slept for .02 seconds, because you can't be bothered with REM when you're trying to save the galaxy.

After a few successful missions, I had to tell the captain to return me to my mothership (the kitchen) which was messy because we had aliens over for pancakes that morning. There was star goo (pancake batter) all over the place and someone had to wipe it up before it hatched an intergalactic species on the countertops. I just hate it when that happens.

After the captain retired from his post, and the kitchen was humming with saucer-washer sounds, we sat on the couch and watched the rain out our front window. Our view was busy with passerbys, people moving in the rain. We counted the umbrellas and called out colors,

"Blue 'rella!"

"Green 'rella!"

"Red 'rella!"

which was a fun game until the retired captain and I disagreed on what constitutes a true purple.

"Purple umbrella!"

"No Mom. Pink 'rella!"

Whatever.

(It's true: captains are headstrong.)

After dinner there was a shark in our living room. It chased me around trying to bite my rear end. I outwitted the beast when I turned on some jazz and the shark transformed into a dashing dancing partner. By the time he was ready for bed, and we had read his favorite Halloween book about the bat and the pumpkin, he was back to being a little boy, and I was his mom.

It didn't take long before he was out, which is good because unlike the rocket ship captain, this boy needed his sleep (and so did his mommy).

Monday, March 7, 2011

An Inventory

One angel baby.
One man-child.
(Sorry about the scary eyes . . .)
One man.

This is my birthday week. I'm taking this opportunity to post pictures of me in my muu-muu collection. Thanks for indulging me. You only turn 34 once...so I've heard.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sunday Guest Post Series: Mormon Guy's In Our Own Way

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12).

It's true. Every day I hear stories of abuse, suicide, depression, infidelity, addiction, and indescribable suffering, each writer pleading for help for themselves or someone they love. With each word I feel a bond to their lives, and my heart begins to ache. Their voices haunt my dreams and fill my waking hours, and slowly I prepare for battle, hoping that I can do something to help them in their fight.

But this is no normal encounter. We fight with demons. I live among abuse, suicidal depression, addiction, suffering... and I am a survivor. I am a faithful Mormon, even though the world tells me anything but being openly gay is a lie. I am a warrior because, amid the turmoil of battle, I find peace and happiness... and because I share my story with others and help them write their own.

My online name is Mormon Guy. I'm just a normal guy, living a somewhat normal life. I graduated from college and have passions, dreams, and hopes like everyone else, and I'm a faithful Mormon. But I'm also attracted to other guys, and I know what it's like to be depressed, abused, alone, and on the edge of despair. Over the last few months I've felt inspired to share my story, my heartaches and successes, and I try my best to prayerfully respond to emails asking for advice. And, somehow, everything works together. Somehow, it makes a difference.

In my case, the war with demons stands on the brink of despair and endless misery. The stakes are high in each battle; when we triumph, it is amazing. When we lose, I find myself sobbing as I read letters from men and women I love explaining their rationale for physical or spiritual suicide. But most battles aren't fought on the brink of despair, with demons who hold endless misery in their grasp. Most battles are fought somewhere on the everyday plains of life, next to or nearby the path that leads us back to God. There, we fight masked demons whose only desire is to derail us from our goals. Distraction, dejection, self-deprecation, and idleness... demons hidden behind faces of benign utility, sowing almost indistinguishable tares among the wheat of our endeavors.

As we each travel the path of eternity, we face our own demons. But we are also called to stand in our place and do our part to help others fight. And, for that, God has given us a sword and a shield – weapons to help us counter the unique demons we face. To each is given a gift... that all may be profited thereby. Each of us has a unique God-given ability to touch the lives of others in our own way. Courtney (CJane) has a talent for finding and creating beauty in the objects of everyday life. I write about my relationship with God and how He lifts me in adversity. You have a gift as well. You are teachers, parents, doctors, and electricians... each with different talents, skills, and experiences in life... each able to touch and inspire those around you to come closer to God.

This is our calling in life – what gives us true meaning and the source to true happiness – using the things we have and the knowledge we hold to do our part in the world. Maybe it means living in Africa and making small woven mats for dozens of years to provide for a family. Maybe it means living in America and working every day to live the American dream. No matter who we are, we are called to lift where we stand – to embrace the reality of who we are and where we stand in the war of happiness and misery. And as find our place and stand, we will see success.

There is nothing greater than to see a brother or sister gain the strength to vanquish their demons. To read their success stories of healed marriages, renewed faith, saved lives... and to know that you were there. That God believed in you enough to let you fight on their behalf. He is our Captain, and He will make us great. And so I invite you to turn to God, wherever you are and no matter how long it has been. Identify your gift – how you can make a difference in the battlefield on your own terms, then ask Him for strength, wisdom, and faith to fight your own battles, and courage to fight for those you love. Together we can make it. Together we are strong. Together, we fight with demons, and we will be victorious... each in our own way.




(Gay) Mormon Guy is a stalwart member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He's also attracted to men. Which means that life is extra rough. You can read his blog here.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Vlog: Best Blogging Week Ever Feb 28- March 4

.
This vlog is extra inside jokey if you were one of the many people who let me know I left off an important 's' in the word "assess" on my blog this week. Of all the words to misspell, "assess" is extra special. It makes a donkey out of you and me . . . wait, is that how it goes?

But there are many words that sound funny misspelled, it appears...




I'd say it's time for a Muu Muu March shot, just to...you know...tickle your weekend.

 Muu Muu March photo by J. Hack


Oh yes, do you live in Idaho or Washington State? Yes? (Raise your hand!) You will want to know about these concerts coming to you this weekend:
Boise
Burbank, Wa
Spokane


Have fun!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

March!



I am a March baby. I came into the world in the month that straddles winter and spring, a tempestuous or hopeful month, depending on the current weather patterns. March is a free spirited month always blowing, kicking up old winter's dust, pushing out the gray in favor of blue. It's a month of uncertainty. It fits me.

I turn 34 this month. I feel a bit like celebrating the whole month long. Why not? I have a few dinners planned, a couple hikes with The Chief and I begged Fictionist to come do a house concert in the Green Room. (I am not sure how they relented seeing how they are in a fierce competition to be on the cover of Rolling Stone.)

Most of all, I wanted to do something good this month. Make a difference. Raise some awareness. I had this grand idea about calling this Muu Muu March wherein I would post a picture of me wearing a masterpiece from my vast Muu Muu collection. The idea being, people would be so desperate for me to end posting those pictures they'd happily donate money to a good cause. But I can only humiliate myself so much, you know?

(Watch closely this month, you will probably see a few muu-muu pictures pop up now and again, a girl can't help herself. The concept is too great.)

Then, a brilliant idea from Kirk Richards, a friend of mine and a favorite artist. Kirk is doing a Mother & Child series with 14 ornate frames. The idea is to have all 14 creations done by March 31st. At that point, we (as in you and me!) will get to choose which Mother & Child should go to print (cards and prints) for Mother's Day. Before the project started, I got to choose a charitable cause which will be the recipient of fifty percent of all proceeds from sale. I chose Camp Kesem, a camp for children whose parents have or had cancer. Not only do I love the idea behind Camp Kesem, but I thought it fit well the Mother & Child theme.

To start things off, Chup and I went to Kirk's house to see him paint the inaugural painting. I asked him just under fourteen million questions, from Glen Beck's surprising purchase of an original to the spiritual side of being an artist. Then, in one of the biggest surprises of my recent life I saw the face of the mother in the painting reveal herself to me. I am telling you, it was like watching a live birth. So beautiful. Fortunately we caught the whole process on video:


If you would like to watch Kirk's project come to life and help us raise awareness and funds for Camp Kesem, we'd love to invite you to Kirk's Fine Art Blog here.

Art, music, hiking, dinner and service. I think it's going to be a wonderful month.

Welcome you, March.




Photo of March by brilliant Jed Wells.
We're on Facebook here for some behind the scenes of this month's photo...

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Janna Dean, Eating Disorder Awareness

For several years (and many different scale weights) I've been seeking to heal myself of body image discrepancies. I have found a higher source in my friend and neighbor Janna Dean. Her thoughts are radically different from Yahoo's Front Page news sources on Losing Weight and Being Healthy. But in listening to her ideas I have come a long way. Janna will be writing monthly posts for me this year, we hope to help others who might have the same challenges. Enjoy! -C. Jane


The body holds meaning. When we probe beneath the surface of our obsession with weight we will find a woman obsessed with her body is expressing a serious concern about the state of her soul.” (Kim Chernin, author of The Hungry Self: Women, Eating and Identity and The Obsession: Reflections on the Tyranny of Slenderness)

Last week was National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Did you know that in the United States, as many as 10 million females and 1 million males suffer from anorexia or bulimia? Approximately 15 million more struggle with binge eating disorder. There are likely many, many more than this but it is hard to get an accurate picture of an addiction that is widely regarded as “normal,” and even (horrifyingly) “admirable.”

And how many others are teetering on the edge, struggling with what I refer to as “disordered eating?” These are people who may not have fallen off the edge into a full-fledged eating disorder but nonetheless are constantly drained by days filled with food rules, calorie counting, body hatred, and self degradation.

Our culture is infused with unrealistic expectations and incredible distortions that lead to all sorts of damaging beliefs about ourselves and others. Our understanding of what is healthy and desirable unfortunately can reward eating disorders with a sense of awe, glorification, and many, many misconceptions.

Misconception: Eating disorders are about food, weight and appearance.

Truth: While eating disorders often start with a preoccupation of weight and appearance they are much more complex. Eating disorders are about the loss of self-esteem, constant self-criticism, and painful, unrelenting perfectionism.

Misconception: If someone is eating “normally” or looks normal or overweight, he or she must not have a serious eating disorder.

Truth: You don’t have to look emaciated to have an eating disorder. In fact, 70% of people with bulimia are of average or above average weight. Eating disorders are very serious illnesses that can lead to permanent health problems and death. Size or weight is not a reliable indicator of seriousness.

Misconception: Eating disorders are just a normal, teenage girl phase.

Truth: Eating disorders are not normal and not a phase. They afflict women and men of all ages, sizes, and shapes. Left untreated eating disorders can quickly spiral out of control.

Misconception: People with an eating disorder just need self control—“just eat” or “stop throwing up.”

Truth: Eating disorders are addictions. Just like other addictions, eating disorders lead people to destroy themselves physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. Telling an alcoholic to stop drinking will do nothing to help the addiction. Likewise, implying that someone with an eating disorder simply needs to “eat” or “stop” will do nothing but add shame and feelings of failure to the addict’s already low self-esteem.

Misconception: Eating disorders are incurable.

Truth: Eating disorders are difficult to treat and recovery does take a long time. But full recovery is absolutely possible.

If you or someone you love is struggling, there are things you can do to begin the process of healing.

  1. Gently confront that person alone and offer evidence and observations that express your concern.
  2. Don’t make comments about appearances or bodies. No matter how well intentioned you may be these types of comments are never helpful. Find other, more substantial things to focus on.
  3. Don’t give advice about weight loss, appearance, or exercise.
  4. Don’t sensationalize the eating disorder. Keep talk away from weight, food, exercise and talk about the real, underlying struggles.
  5. Educate yourself, ask questions and listen.
  6. Get help. Treatment is complex. People with eating disorders need to see a qualified professional. The therapist can help you decide if the person will need medical monitoring and dietary counseling in addition to therapy.
  7. Don’t oversimplify. Eating disorders cannot be solved or “cured” through religious practices alone. Oversimplifying increases the guilt and shame the addict already feels about not being able to recover on their own.
  8. Be patient. Provide HOPE. Recovery is possible.



Janna Dean LCSW is a practicing therapist specializing in treating eating disorders and other addictions. She is the mother of two four-year-olds, loves camping and making cookies for her neighbors. Her neighbors really appreciate it. Cause they are good cookies.