September

Good bye September.

It's a curious thing to have a body on the same fertility cycle as Mother Earth.When I see the heavy apples on the tree in the backyard, hanging on for one more month of perfect ripeness, I feel my position. When I see my face in this photograph I also see the roundness, the readiness of a harvest of a different kind.
September, we're glowing.
Until we meet again.



photo Jed Wells.
thanks to Steph for the hat.


*It's also time for General Conference, a time to hear from the prophet and church leaders. Here's a link for info on how to join in. I love this weekend, we lounge out, listen in and take it easy. Can't wait.


One week! One week! One week away . . .

Some Thoughts On Now

These past few days have come with an intensity. While my schedule is clear, my mind is not. I keep thinking and thinking. And sleep is slippery, it comes in waves but never sustainable. I can't eat enough either, there is a short interval of time after a meal when I feel satisfied.

Life is changing around here.

Chup and I are working on some big decisions for our family. My regular mode of operation would call for some heavy praying on my part, followed up by rash and risky decisions. But this time I've decided to pull back and let my husband get the heavenly go ahead.

For my part, I'll keep growing this baby.


The red spots on the top of the mountain are starting to fall closer and closer to the foothills. It won't be long until they surround our home and cloak us with fall. The sunlight is giving up sooner in the day with longer shadows projected by the northwestern sky. My brother promises the lazy grasses we planted in the front this summer will shoot up next summer. Even bigger.

And my children, they keep pushing the limits of how much my heart can possible love them. How are they so intensely endearing? How can I just sit here and watch them grow under my feet? It makes me cry, which makes my son say, "Stop crying okay Mom?" which makes me cry all the more.

Because how is he even old enough to recognize my emotions?


The bishop stopped by for a visit last week, he reminded me, "You don't need closure, it's not some right we're entitled to" which couldn't have come at a better time in my life. All the many loose ends I feel with projects, ideas and people I can let go. Let go. Let go.

Just when I feel the enormous mouth of the unknown starting to swallow me whole, there's a little thought in my head which calls for meditation,

"Wait on the Lord."

And so, I am waiting.


photos from Instagram (cjanekendrick)




MENTION:

Last year I mentioned a little program called myjobchart.com on my blog, about helping your children learn the value of work using the ideas of saving, sharing and spending. After our mention here the site went on to help over 100,000 children in this program.

In case you didn't see this the first time click here to read more.

If there is one thing I hope to teach my children, ONE THING, it's hard work.

After that? Brotherly kindness and magic!






Oh how we're all going to need this concert:

Sure Beats Watching Caillou

It's true I didn't blog for a week because I was watching Star Wars.

My son, The Chief, he likes the Star Wars and me, being the ignorant pop culture recluse that I am, do not speak Star Wars. I think I saw it once, but I can't really remember.

So look, I said to myself, if my child is going to have an obsession with this . . . this . . . phenom, I best better watch it myself. All six movies, back to back.

On Monday I started episode one (Episode I?) and on Tuesday I started episode two (Episode II?) and you get the idea.

Naturally I couldn't blog because I was watching Star Wars. Not only did I have to watch it while pausing to feed my children and change their clothes (stuff like that) but I also had to text Chup every so often asking for clarifications and "I don't understand Yoda's dialogue" complaints. Then, after every movie was over I had to compare it to my religious philosophy and so the day would get away from me and I couldn't blog. Naturally.

My kids loved it. You should've seen the house at the end of the week. Looked like the garbage compactor in the Death Star (do you get that joke? Because I wouldn't have gotten it before last week.)

I thought a lot about blogging though. Don't get me wrong. Like when Obi-Wan (who they call Ben sometimes? I had to text Chup about that one) tells Darth Vader that if he were to die he'd only become more powerful (not a direct quote, mind you) and then he smiles and lets Darth kill him I texted Chup as fast as my fingers would allow,

"WHY DID BEN GIVE UP LIKE THAT?"

and then I thought about how I had given up on blogging and my only resolve was that maybe . . . maybe . . . the point was to become MORE POWERFUL!

But this post pretty much proved that not to be true.

(Sorry.)

I don't think Darth Vader is as scary at all. On the inside he's just a squishy Sith.

(The best kind!)

Anyway, I liked this video before I watched Star Wars, but this week made me love it on an entirely new level. Ladies (and a few Gentlemen) I HAVE ARRIVED.





I am starting to smell how good this is going to be . . .

To Mom & Dad in St. Louis: Gems

  

Do you see what we see? On the mountain tops from the backyard?

Closer?

I have decided this about September: it's the loveliest month of all. The dahlias, sunflowers, the coral sunsets and the dots of autumnal evidence on the tips of the mountains. But it's also a month of transition, our bodies are moving into a different season, preparing for the winter months ahead. The children aren't sleeping through the night, they have runny noses and we feel a bit sluggish around here. I think Heavenly Father knew it would be a complicated month on our spirits so He made sure the world was as beautiful as possible to encourage us on our way.

Stephanie's children came to stay for awhile. I took them to the Fall Festival for the fourth year in a row. Can you believe it? How she is out of town on the exact date of the shcool carnival is beyond me. (But I am starting to be suspicious!) Four years I've braved the crowds, waited in lines for sticky prizes and praised their hair accessories, be it spray paint or feathers.

Despite the horrifics of the BYU vs. Utah game, it was a cool weekend. The Chief and Ever loved all the attention and dress ups and light saber fights in the Green Room. And Donut Saturday, of course.

Awesome.

Love,

Courtney Jane

With the fall covered mountains in the background, 

this concert couldn't get more gorgeous.

Best Blogging Week Ever: Boudoir

I sit down with the Blue Lilies and we talk about what everyone is talking about: Boudoir Shots.

See: orchard shots.







Almost as hot as a boudoir shot? THIS:
 

Coverage

Late last night I was chatting with Wendy (of Blue Lily Fame) about photography. It was really interesting because she travels all over the world taking pictures of families and no matter where she goes she sees a theme.

"People like to have family photos where for one little second their family looks perfect."

And I don't know why, but this was really eye-opening. My family didn't grow up taking big family photos like some do yearly. When I look back at my family's photos there are leaps in the story, we go from a family of seven to a family of nine to seventeen (grandchildren!). And you sorta have to put the pieces together, and answer questions like, how many babies were born in the time it took to do this family photo and the next family photo? (Answer usually, three to four). Who can blame my mother?

In my little family here, only once have we put on our pretties and had our proper family pictures taken, and it was great. But mostly we go au naturale, and yes, sometimes that means naked . . . the children of course! (You didn't think...?)

I mean, when Wendy comes to our house we take photos of my babies eating off the kitchen floor, marital discord, and Chup and I buried in a living room littered with toys.

What I mean is . . . when I see photos like these that Chup took during last evening's rainstorm I think, the crumb-face, wrinkled-bottomed, loungy look of the every day moment is perfection:




By-the-way, The Chief tried an umbrella and a pair of goggles to tread out into the rainfall, but as far as coverage is concerned, he found this the most helpful:

Pass it along.

Scrambled Toast

A couple days ago my sister Page came down and we started talking about complicated things because heaven forbid we couldn't just have a conversation about burritos. Actually, today my brother Matt and I had a texting conversation about burritos wherein we decided to agree to disagree (Cafe Rio vs. Mountain West Burrito--let's get ready to rumble!). Anyway, if Page and I were to start discussing burritos it would end up in an analysis of how an unactualized person can "wrap" themselves around a dishonest lifestyle in an attempt to "smother" themselves in a alternate reality only to arrive at some point in adulthood as a disillusioned, manipulated, manipulative, non-functioning human "bean."

Wake up! I am NOT DONE WITH THIS POST.

I'll make this snappy. So Page and I came to some wonderful conclusion, I guess, because she texted me a little later and asked me what word we had decided on to nail the conclusion in its decided coffin. And I couldn't even remember the conversation. Could not recall it at all. Blank slate, gray matter.

This means I am pregnant.

This morning I woke up and stared into the loving eyes of my closet looking at all the colors and patterns. It was during this hazy gaze an unseen angel injected my spirit with NESTING! In a split second's time I was up and sorting through my closet like I was doing the doggie paddle in the neighbors pool. My hands were deciphering which clothes would accommodate a nursing lifestyle. See, nobody told me it is a NURSING LIFESTYLE you live when you decide to breast feed your suckling. (Don't tell me to not type the word suckling.) I was once a VEGAN and being a vegan takes as much dedication as being a NURSING MOTHER. You can't wear certain clothes, you can't eat certain foods, you can't go certain places (to the theater for one) because you have dedicated your life to nursing. Or being vegan. If you don't believe me ask Bill Clinton. I think he's done both.

And one more thing, I lost a lot of weight being vegan but with nursing I gain it. So you know where I am going with this don't you? Both require NEW WARDROBES!

"Chup!" I said, "Wake up! I'm nesting."

I don't know why he had to wake up for this declaration, but he rubbed his eyes and turned over in my direction.

"I won't be able to wear muu-muus while I am nursing," I said flopping muu-muu after muu-muu onto the bed. (This is because there is no easy access to the chest with a *proper muu-muu).

"Darn," he grumbled back. Chup likes sarcasm with his scrambled eggs and toast breakfast.

But you know what? A couple hours later I took Ever for a walk in the September sunshine and her nose started to run so you know what I did? I took the hem of my muu-muu and wiped her nose. Which was not a big deal because yards and yards of fabric make up a *proper muu-muu and a little snot makes no difference in the sea of cottony floral. Then, when we came back home I threw that muu-muu down the laundry chute and put on a new one.

You can't do that with a sweater, suckling.

Suckling! Was that the word Page was looking for?

S'cuse, I've got to make a phone call.


*a proper muu-muu (& its desired effect!)

How would you like to meet the band? 
Stay tuned...

A Tale of Two Friends

Sarah:

I woke up Saturday morning feeling boring.

I thought about all the possibilities I could chase that morning.

Go for a hike?

Bake banana bread?

Read some poetry?

I am kidding about the poetry. And also about the hike. Considering I am eight months pregnant I don't want to do either. Ok, also I don't want to bake bread or be hot inside my kitchen. So really, I was out of ideas before I even lifted my precious feet out of my plush bed and onto the ground.

Today will be boring, I gloomed. A perfect day to me is filled with tasks to be accomplished or people to laugh with. I don't like boring. I know some people do. I could mention a couple names here but they probably wouldn't like being outed in such a fashion. For the sake of this post, just know my days have to be about hard work, or about people I love, but boring is devastation.

About half way through the boring day I recieved a text from Sarah:

We are at the park come join us.

The park is another place I like as long as I am not eight months pregnant, but it was an option and as it turns out Sarah is one of those few people I like. So we went.

Not long into our venture the sky turned dark, Sarah's daughter June started warning us,

"It's going to rain on us!"

But Sarah and I chose to ignore it until the thunder preceded the first sprinkles. We conceded and headed back to my house but not until the sky opened up and poured on us on the way home. Ever was like a wet doggie in the front seat of the stroller. But cuter and a little less smelly.

Once we got inside we were trapped into an inside play date until the sky settled down. We all had drinks and a few snacks and while the kids played Sarah and I talked on the couch.

I like Sarah because she is smarter than me. Sure, there are more reasons than that, but first I like her because she can out-debate me, out-logic me, out-source me. She always allows me my processes, she lets me form my arguments and follows up. If she agrees with me she does so passionately and I always feel placated. If she disagrees she gives me a barrel of mental considerations which I always take to heart and explore.

And she's like me in that we're task-oriented, though when I am around Sarah I get to be the lazy one, the one who likes to sit around and say inane things and be self-absorbed. Sometimes she says to me when I am super looney, "Oh my goodness this is getting stupid."The other night we came to the conclusion that our relationship works so well because she lets me talk about myself. While I could do that in other relationships, the difference is that I feel comfortably doing so in her presence. With other relationships self-talk makes me feel plainly narcisstic.

At one point Sarah considered going brave and biking home in the rain. But that was when Brooke showed up at the front door. Brooke's husband Aaron knew Sarah from an earlier life in Pasadena and this connection has been fun for me as Sarah and Brooke are some of my favorite people.

I like Brooke because she is more fun than me. Sure there are more reasons than that, but first I like her because she can out-celebrate me, out-funny me, out-bake really good baked goods me. She doesn't laugh with me as much as at me and it took me awhile to realize how fresh it felt to be on that side of things. Outside of my five brothers Brooke can tease me to truth. Considering how easily I can take my own self too seriously, she is like medication to my pious-leaning ways.

And she's like me in that we like to be lazy and sit around and laugh, though when I am around Brooke I get to be tasky one, the one who likes to make plans and be serious. She brings out the side of me that I'd like to believe is intelligence (perhaps what other people might call "attempts to think.") Our relationship works because I allow her party-girl leanings (whenever I visit she begs, "Just sleep over, ok?") and she brings out the stoic in me. I love a fresh take of Brooke and if we go for a couple months without a gathering I get lonesome for her.

I am not sure how long the three of us visited in our Green Room as our children (nine all together!) romped around and flirted. I just know it was sunny by the time Brooke made a notion to go. By the time she had packed her children back into the car, Sarah had secured her children on their bikes and both of them said good bye in succession. I was sad to wave them both on.

But it had turned out to be a not-so-boring day after all, it was a day of duality, two friends celebrating what I like most about them and in turn, me too.

Brooke:

Hey guess what? 
This is happening soon, and it's going to come with some surprises:

Repost: Fruition

I've been thinking so much about this post lately, probably because it's September. I wrote this two years ago but I wanted to repost it today. And now I want some more Kristian Regale, best bubbly in the world.

Today was the last drip of summer.

Tomorrow is officially autumn.

We toasted the season adieu with goblets of Kristian Regal peach sparkler before dinner. (I don't think I've ever tasted a better drink in my life.)

Feeling the change in the air, I spent some time in my neighbor's wondrous garden this weekend. The Chief rolled on his stomach like a snake, scarfing up all the dark raspberries dangling from the vine. We moved through peach and apple trees, past reaching grapevines and around colorful pepper plants. Food was everywhere. It was a God-given, man-harvested, earth-meets-heaven natural factory. For the first time, I understood how dreadful it was to be cast out of the Garden of Eden. How I want to go back.

"It is beautiful." I told my neighbor.

"Now it's getting close to the end," she said, looking towards a line of stubs where tall corn once grew.

I could see what she meant. Everything was heavy. The apple trees were being pulled down by the weight of their creation. Giant peaches sagged their way to gravity off tired limbs. Squash begged to be picked from the ground below. Abundance ending.

Page and I like to talk about the seasons as they pertain to a woman's life--as a human being, a mother, a wife, a divine entity. Spring is about youth and planting seeds--the seeds of character and knowledge. Summer is for working, weeding and cultivating those seeds--while fighting the heat and the sweat. Fall is for enjoyment in the harvest. Picking the best of the heavy fruit and tasting the flavor. When winter comes it brings with it quiet redemption, a peace of self. Best of all, after the fight of change, winter promises purity.

This summer we cultivated our tastes. We saw art in London together. We took The Chief on a food-rampage in the desert of Arizona (our tastebuds will never be the same again). We weeded together in the front flowerbeds while Dad mowed the lawn. We worked on our kitchen floor (with the help of my gracious in-laws). And we took a trip to the Pacific Coast which was slightly peppered with my pregnancy sickness. At the beginning of the season we asked for it to be fruitful. It was.

But now here is fall. And my hope is that we will sit a little more still--our heads full of fine summer memories. Stay out in the backyard longer to appreciate Chup's hard-fought lawncare--most of which was done in the dead heat--before it becomes frosted. Marinate in the sun while we can, until it offers only shorter days. In the newly floored kitchen, we will eat the pears, peppers and cherry tomatoes my neighbor bagged for me from her ample cropping. Cook meals inspired by the food we ate in Arizona. Soak in hot water tubs (rembering the ocean) with a promise of warm pajamas after drying off. Ask for less, be grateful for more.

God has given us an incredible planet. One that moves through space and creates movement in our surroundings, making us beings of transition. Even so, I always find myself fighting the changing intervals. It is not until I feel safe inside the adjustment (light patterns, weather, landscape) I can finally tranquilize. Tonight, with a peach sparkler in hand, I accepted the incoming season.

A toast to summer, and a welcome to autumn!

Best Vlogging Week Ever: Nether Regions

I am sorry I pronounce nether regions as "neither regions" but that's all I am sorry about, because this blog is informative and there's nothing to apologize about there.



Hey Friends,

The Lower Lights are coming the Rooftop on Oct. 7th, but if you can't wait that long to see them in concert you can check them out this weekend in Salt Lake City. See here for details.

Breaking in Studio

My children and I were honored to be the first photo shoot in Justin Hackworth's huge new studio. I told him it was dangerous to give me a reason to brag (BECAUSE I LOVE A GOOD BRAG) but look at him, he chose us anyway.

These are some maternity shots. Because I woke up with pregnancy face not long ago, I thought the timing was impeccable.
(Plus, we surprised Chup with some velvety prints for his birthday!)



And the offspring who share this womb . . .

Ever so Soft:



Mr. Hot & Cold:


Ensemble cast:



*Justin shot maternity pictures when I was pregnant with Ever. It was supposed to have been just a headshot, but I looked way too pregnant for that business, so they ended up being more maternity photos.

Sample:


Oh pregnancy face. Welcome back! Get comfy. We've got three more months of us.


Thanks Justin Hackworth (wedding photographer) and congratulations on the new studio!


BECAUSE PEOPLE ASK HOW WE'RE SO IMPECCABLY DRESSED:
my dress- deseret industries, idaho
my undershirt- halftee
my sparkly gold flip flops-old navy

the chief's shirt- accidentally stolen from ollie
the chief's awesome sweat shorts-target
the chief's really worn out converse-nordstrom

ever's saltwater sandals-nordstrom
ever's recently stained onesie-target
ever's sporadic hair-ME (as evidenced in these shots, you're welcome daughter and good luck!)